by Styles, Toy
"What?" he says as he squints his eyes and tilts his head. "I'm talkin' to you like that because I think you're tryin' to play me."
For real, all this shit Jay's doing is bullshit. He is the 162
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one telling me not to fall in love with him. Now here he is in Daffany's apartment, fussing at me like I'm his girlfriend or somethin'. Before Cannon came in my life, I would've been excited about this, but right now, I'm not.
"Jay, I'm not your girlfriend and I've been meaning to talk to you about what we're doing anyway."
"What's up?"
"What we have together, whatever it is, is gonna have to stop. I think Sky's suspecting something and I'm not cool with it no more. She's like my best friend."
"Are you kiddin' me, bitch? You get in my pockets for over eight hundred dollars in the past few weeks and now you wanna cut me off? Fuck that shit."
"I'm sorry, Jay," I say with my hands in front of me in case he acts stupid. "Look, I start a job next week.
I'll pay back everything I got from you, I promise. It's just that I love Sky and I don't want to sneak around wit' you no more. I want you two to work on your relationship."
"What you talkin' 'bout, Parade? We been fuckin'
for over six months and now all of sudden you got a conscience?"
"I've been conscious about what we're doin'. Do you know she asked to use my phone one day from here to call you? Do you know that if I had let her use it, she would've seen your name pop up as Secret Lover? I'm tired of doing this shit, Jay. That was way too close for me. And lately, she hasn't returned any of my calls. It wasn't until Daffany got hurt that I even T. Styles
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seen her," I explain as he walks all the way into the apartment and begins to look around.
"Yeah, Sky called me and told me what happened and that's some fucked-up shit," he continues as he stands in front of me. "I told Sky if she knew who did that shit, I'd deal wit' that nigga for her. His ass woulda made the list along with the mothafucka who raped my niece. But Sky said Daffany ain't know who it was."
"Yeah. Even if she does know, she won't tell us," I respond and back away from him. "She don't like nobody knowing her business."
"Look," he says, walking up to me again and placing one of his arms around my waist. "I ain't tryin' to stop what we got right now. I think I'm checkin' for you and that pussy curves to my dick." He smiles as if that will turn me on. "So we ain't cuttin' shit off till the fuck I say so."
"Oh, so what, you think me and Sky is supposed to be available to you whenever you want us to?" I pause, waiting for his response. "Well, I'm not fucking around wit' you no more. I want a man and family of my own someday, and not one who doesn't belong to me."
"Why you lunchin'?" he asks as he walks away from me toward Daffany's window. I guess he's checking on his car or somethin'. "Listen, kill that noise man
'cuz you've been takin' my money so as far as I'm concerned, you belong to me. Unless you want me to tell her what we've been doin'."
"Why would you do that? She'll be mad at you, too, 164
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Jay."
"Man, I don't give a fuck. I cut her ass off the other day, anyway. I ain't even hear from her until she called about Daf."
"So you don't fuck with her no more? 'Cuz Miss Wayne told me he saw her get in your car last night."
"That's only 'cuz she pressin' me. I ain't fuckin' wit'
that girl, for real."
"Oh! So, now that you through with her, you'll ruin my friendship?"
"Like I said, it ain't over till I say it's over." I can't believe that calling it quits with Jay is harder on him than it is on me. He doesn't even care if Sky finds out about us, but she wouldn't waste any time cutting me off. I wish I had never gotten involved with him.
"Just so you know, you can't make me fuck wit' you if I don't want to," I state as I look at him. "So even if you tell her, that doesn't mean I'll be bothered with you."
"What I'm sayin' is this," he speaks real slowly.
"This will end when the fuck I want it to end. Don't start changin' on me just 'cuz you got your hair done and shit. It's my money that made it possible." He pauses and snatches my arm. "I ain't neva had a black bitch cut me off before and I ain't startin' now. You feel me, Parade?" He grabs my arm tighter.
"Yes," I reply and nod.
Now what? I don't know what he has planned for me. His phone rings. I know it's Sky by his response.
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Thank God. Who knows what he was about to do? All I want is for this to be over and for him to move on.
This is a mistake I'll never make again. Maybe I should just tell Sky the truth and get it over with myself.
"Look, I gotta go," he says, breaking my train of thought, "but this conversation ain't over. If you fuckin' wit' some other cat, get rid of his ass if you can't handle us both. I'm out." He drops several hundred dollars and leaves.
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25
Sky
LOOKING AT JAY'S CAR IN front of Daffany's apartment building hurts like seeing another female rockin'
the same exclusive outfit. Why do he have to do this shit to me? We just got back together, and I thought things were working out. I do everything he wants me to do except get rid of my friends, including the bitch who is trying to steal my man. And to think I actually felt bad for dissin' her lately. That was my whole reason for going over her house but when her mother told me she was at Miss Wayne's, I went there.
He was the one who told me she's cleaning Daffany's apartment for her, again. I think they are doin' an awful lot for somebody who got beat up because she's a whore. Everything she got is partially her fault.
Seeing my boyfriend's car makes me hate everything and everybody. I'm gettin' ready to fuck him up.
"You want me to go with you?" Jewel asks.
"No. Wait in the car."
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I don't want Jewel hearing or seeing whatever is getting ready to happen. The only reason she's with me is because she popped over my house when I was looking for Parade. But now as I see my boyfriend's white Yukon sitting outside Daffany's apartment, I can no longer hide the tears even if I want to.
So I tell Jewel almost everything, like how he's probably been fucking with her for the past five months right under my fucking nose. Even though I wish I had never invited her along, she makes me feel better by saying if he wants to fuck with a hood rat then he doesn't deserve me anyway. She's right, but it doesn't change the fact that for once in life, it will look like Parade got the best of me.
I get out the car and walk up to the building. I want to catch him in Daffany's apartment but he's coming down the steps in the hallway.
"What you doing here, Jay?! Why you ain't answer your phone?"
His eyes grow wide, and I know I've caught his no-good ass red-handed. He probably came out looking for my car 'cuz I called him, but I parked on the side of the building so he wouldn't see me.
"There you go," he says all loud. "I been lookin' for you."
"You been lookin' for me? No the fuck you ain't been lookin' for me either. The only thing you been lookin' for was Parade's black ass."
"Why you gotta be all loud and shit in the hallway?" he responds, trying to intimidate me.
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It doesn't work. All I can think about is that he's embarrassed me, and now Jewel will know that my man chose a dusty bitch over me. Plus, I can't talk low if I want to. He's carried me.
"Why I gotta be loud? Why the fuck I gotta be loud? I gotta be loud 'cuz you cheatin' on me with Parade, Ja
y! I'da never pegged you for a dirty nigga.
Do you realize how many dudes want to be with me that I passed up fuckin' wit' you, Jay?" He's quiet, but the look he gives me doesn't look like guilt. He looks like he has something else on his mind that I don't know anything about.
"You gonna feel real stupid after this shit, Sky. Real fuckin' stupid."
"What you talking about, Jay? How the fuck I'm gonna feel stupid when you the one sleeping with my best friend?"
"You gonna feel real stupid because you got shit all wrong, that's why."
"All wrong? What you talking about, Jay? Have you or have you not been sneaking behind my back seeing Parade for the past few months?"
"Yes," he says but his answer catches me off guard, and I hold on to the rail for support.
"Yes?" I ask him, trying to give him a chance to explain. "What do you mean yes, Jay? You don't even feel bad about this?"
"No, I don't. I'm tired of you not trustin' me, Sky.
And I'm tired of you throwin' niggas in my face. You think just 'cuz I like light-skinned chicks that you can T. Styles
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treat me like I'm a pussy-ass nigga. Yeah, I fucks with the red broads but you ain't the only light-skin chick in the world, Sky. You just the one I chose." I'm crying so hard that I can barely see him."You bitch. You fucking bitch. I can't believe I wasted all my time on you!" I scream as I repeatedly beat his chest with my fists. "How could you do this to me?"
"I could do this to you 'cuz I love you."
"What?" I say. "'Cuz you love me? Jay, what in the fuck are you talking about?"
"I'm sayin' I've been keepin' time with Parade, but it's not for the reasons you think it is. It's 'cuz you told me she was your friend even though I ain't want you fuckin' wit' her, and I needed somebody to help me pick out the right ring for the woman I want to marry.
I figured only your best friend could really know what you want. And she was gonna help me with the proposal."
"What?" I question, instantly feeling happiness in place of sadness. "What did you say?"
"I said that Parade has been helpin' me plan how I was gonna propose to you."
"Oh, Jay," I whisper as I jump up and hug him.
"Baby, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." I kiss him all over his face. "I didn't mess things up, did I? Do you realize how happy this makes me? I knew you couldn't be attracted to Parade over me. I knew it but I needed to hear it from you."
"Come on, man. Why would I fuck with Parade?
You know how I feel about dark chicks." 170
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"I know, baby, but she was acting weird and I smelled the perfume I gave her on your clothes ... and I'm so sorry," I explain, talking in circles. "This explains everything."
I'm relieved. I'm so fucking relieved that Jay ain't ready to leave me to be with Parade.
"Now how you feel?" he asks as he smiles at me and pulls me to him. "You actin' all jealous and shit and now you fucked up everything. I'da never thought you would think Parade is any competition for you. Damn, ma."
I'm embarrassed. I made a fool out of myself, and he'll always think that I thought Parade was in my league. I have to think of something. I can't live with him thinking that. I don't care how she looks now, she will never have nothin' on me.
"Boy, neva did I think she's any competition. You must've lost your mind." I laugh. "It's just that Parade ain't the person you think she is and lately my mind has been messed up. That's all."
"What you mean?" he asks.
"I mean, Parade did something to somebody real fucked up and ever since it happened, it's messed my head up about her. She's not the person I thought she was."
"What you talkin bout, shawty? If you gonna tell me, tell me the whole story."
"I can't go into detail right now. Let's just say she has a lot to do with what happened at the party the night that girl was killed and leave it at that." T. Styles
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He backs up, looks at me then laughs. It pisses me off that he doesn't believe me.
"Yeah, a'ight. Whateva you say. If you feel like she's competition, you feel like she's competition. It's okay.
I'm a handsome dude and you got a little jealous, that's all," he adds as he playfully punches my face. "But if you care anything about shawty, you really shouldn't go around making shit like that up. Parade can get fucked up because that bitch was a major balla's wife."
"I ain't makin' shit up. So what, you don't believe me?" I ask while feeling more embarrassed that I told him anything.
"No, I don't."
"Well, why should I believe anything you just told me then? I mean, you just told me you came out of the apartment because she was helping you propose to me, right? So why don't I ask her just to make sure, since we're not believing each other around here," I say as I take one step closer to Daffany's door.
The sly smile he had on his face a few seconds ago is wiped off. Yeah, mothafucka, I got you.
"Why you actin' stupid? Let's go," he says as he pulls my arm.
"No," I say as I snatch it back. "I ain't goin'
nowhere. I'm gonna ask her right fuckin' now if what you telling me is true."
"You know what, if you gonna act like that, it's ova," he responds as he walks out the building door.
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and shit, but I want him to be as embarrassed and fucked up as he just made me feel. And I want to make sure what he's saying is true.
The moment I knock on the door, Jay comes back in and runs up behind me.
"Don't do this shit, Sky. Why you fuckin' wit' that girl?" he yells.
I don't say anything, just knock. Parade finally opens and I hate how cute she looks. Her hair is still new and she has on a cute Baby Phat one-piece cat suit. Even her makeup looks nice, but I can tell it isn't MAC.
It seems like the more days that go by, the better she appears. Any other time when we didn't talk for a while she'd fall off, but lately that ain't the case. That makes me hate her even more.
"Hey, Sky," she says, excited to see me. "What you doin' here?"
"I need to know something right now."
"You wanna come in? I'm just cleaning Daffany's apartment since she's still having trouble moving around. Me and Miss Wayne ordered her a new living room set and it'll be coming later."
"Well that's good for Daffany," I reply, unenthused about what they're doing for her.
The three of them do more stuff for one another than they do for me, but it's to be expected because they have always been jealous of me. I bet Parade paid the same thing for that cat suit that she paid for the purse Miss Wayne gave her. Nothing.
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"So, what's up?" she asks as the smile is removed from her face. "What you got to talk to me about?" She looks at Jay and back at me.
"What was Jay doing over here just now?"
"I told you -" Jay interrupts.
"Shut the fuck up, Jay. I'm talking to Parade," I snap as I throw my hand up so the back of it is in his face.
"Man, fuck this shit!" he yells and walks out the building. "I'm outta here."
Everything he just did proves his guilt even more.
"I don't think I should tell you, Sky."
"Why not, bitch? Why don't you think you should fucking tell me?"
She instantly looks like she is on the verge of crying.
She never could take it when I call her out her name and I smile inside because I know I can still control her feelings no matter what. Maybe now that smile can be wiped off her face with the cheap makeup she's wearing.
"I can't tell you," she states in a low voice while looking do
wn, "'cuz it'll ruin Jay's marriage proposal to you." She gently closes the door.
As I stand in the hallway facing Daffany's door, an immediate feeling of embarrassment and loss takes over me. I'm sure that after today I have lost Jay for good. All I want to do is run and hide but I know that the moment I get in the car, Jewel will be waiting to hear the details.
Damn.
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26
Markee
"MARKEE, YOU GONNA HAVE TO chill the fuck out, man.
You don't have to shoot every mothafucka you have a run-in wit'. You being trigger happy is fuckin' makin'
shit hot for the rest of us." Markee listens to his older brother, Silver. But for real, he isn't feeling him. He's tired of people treating him like he is a kid and feels he has to step up his game to prove himself more. He can't count the number of times a nigga on the block laughed in his face when he was about to stick them up - that is, until he pulled the trigger.
"Sil, that nigga tried to play me. He gonna holla
'bout he wasn't givin' me shit and to do what I have to do. So, what the fuck? I pulled the trigger, eight fuckin'
times," Markee shoots back.
"First off, little nigga," Silver says with irritation in his voice, "I didn't give you the order to hit Kwame's block. You don't do a mothafuckin' thing without runnin' it past me first."
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"I did run it past you. And what you tell me? Chill the fuck out until shit cools off from the other spots I stuck up. But shit was nice and cool when I got there so I took that nigga out." Silver's reminding Markee of his age gets to him.
Markee wonders how many mothafuckas he has to kill until Silver respects him. He's tired of standing by and waiting on orders when shit needs to be done, but until he earns the respect of his other brother and cousins, he has to rely on niggas from his original home, Baltimore, to hold shit down with him.