Had she been trying to do anything else but sleep with him, she would have told him he was a blind moron not to see what was right in front of him. But given the subject matter, she wasn’t feeling that brave. So when he pulled her close and hugged her, she wasn’t expecting anything more than a quick squeeze from a friend.
Only Jack didn’t let go. Not for the longest time and when he did, his expression was both intense and almost angry.
“Larissa,” he said, then stopped.
She stared into his dark eyes and tried to figure out what was wrong. Was it his shoulder? His knees? Did he want to talk to her about—
“Ah, hell,” he growled right before he grabbed her upper arms and kissed her.
Nothing about the contact was gentle or sweet or tentative. He pressed his mouth against her hungrily, as if he needed everything she had. The pressure aroused her quickly and left her straining toward him. Except at the same time his lips claimed hers, his arms held her away from his body.
She thought about struggling; only before she could figure out a way to break his grip on her, he touched her lower lip with his tongue and nothing else mattered. She parted for him. When he swept inside, she felt the tingles from the top of her head down to her toes. It was erotic electric shock therapy, with the result of full-body quivering and mind-emptying pleasure.
She met him stroke for stroke and lost herself in the feel of his deep kiss. Once again she struggled to get closer, but he held her firmly away from him. As if he wanted to make sure there was no other contact. Which made no sense. Not that she was going to think about it now, she thought.
Her body began to melt. Need pulsed and grew until she thought she might have to whimper. If he hadn’t been holding her, she probably would have fallen right there.
He released her and she instinctively leaned against him. Their bodies touched everywhere. Chest to breast, thigh to thigh, erection to—
Erection?
The physical proof of his desire made her wrap her arms around him and start to laugh. Finally! They were going to do this. She would have glorious nights in Jack’s bed, pleasing him and being pleased. She could lose herself in him.
In the back of her mind, a voice whispered there was supposed to be a plan. A reason that making love with him was a good idea, beyond how it would make her feel. But the voice was small and easily ignored.
Jack stared at her. “You’re laughing.”
“I know.”
“This isn’t going to happen, Larissa.”
“Why not? We both want it to.”
He shook his head and untangled her arms. “There are a thousand reasons and you know every one of them.”
And with that cryptic statement, he was gone.
* * *
JACK HAD SPENT a lot of bad nights in his life. There had been all the times he’d worried about Lucas surviving to see another day. The emptiness after his twin had died. The confusion and hurt when his parents had left.
In college he’d gone through nights of physical pain from the game, the occasional tossing and turning because of how a relationship had gone and when Taryn had lost the baby, he’d spent hundreds of hours wondering how things would have been different if she hadn’t.
But he couldn’t remember the last time he’d stared at the ceiling because of a damn hard-on for a woman he couldn’t have.
Time had passed too slowly and he’d been up and in the shower by five. There wasn’t a basketball game that morning, which put him in his suit and subsequently his office long before six.
He had to get this under control, he thought grimly as he waited for coffee to flow into his mug. There had to be a solution. Kenny had been right. Getting involved with Larissa would mess up everything. He liked her and he didn’t want to lose that.
Last night had been a disaster. Worse, it wasn’t her fault. It was seeing her in the robe, he thought grimly. Imagining her naked. Wanting to touch her. That was a slick road to hell. So what now? How did he make things better?
He lost himself in work and waited for the caffeine to do its thing. Sometime around seven-thirty other people began to arrive. At eight, Taryn strolled into his office.
“You look like crap,” she announced.
“Thanks.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I didn’t sleep.”
Taryn’s violet-blue eyes always saw too much. “Larissa?” she asked.
“She told you?”
Taryn shook her head and muttered something under her breath. “Told me what?”
Now it was his turn to not get it. “You haven’t talked to her?”
“I talk to her every day. I need context. Did she do something? Did you do something?”
The questions had easy answers, but he had a feeling they were talking in circles. “What do you know?” he asked.
“Nothing I’m telling you. You want answers, go see Larissa.”
There were answers?
Jack was out of his chair and through the door. He walked to the end of the hall and entered Larissa’s tiny office. She was already sitting at her computer.
“Hi,” she said cheerily when he entered. “What’s up? Oh, wow. You look tired. Didn’t you sleep?”
He closed the door and leaned against it. “Talk.”
“About?”
He raised one shoulder. “Whatever it is that has Taryn checking on me and asking what it is you’ve done. I’ll stay for as long as it takes. I have a clear morning.”
Larissa’s smile drooped. “Taryn asked that?”
Jack crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her. On his side was the fact that she’d never been much of a liar and she couldn’t handle pressure. He would give her two maybe three minutes before she cracked. Because if there was something going on, he wanted to know what.
“You won’t like it,” she said, staring at her desk. Her long, slim fingers twisted together.
“I’ll deal. Now tell me, what’s going on?”
She pressed her lips together and swallowed, then stared up at him. Her cheeks flushed and her eyes were huge.
Jack felt the first slice of fear. It was bad, he thought suddenly. Real bad. Was she sick? Did she have cancer?
Okay, he told himself. He had resources. He would find her the best doctors in the country. Or in the world. They could fly anywhere. Switzerland. India. It didn’t matter. He would make sure she got better.
“My mother was right. I’m in love with you.”
The words were so unexpected, he didn’t understand their meaning at first. Relief came first. Larissa wasn’t sick. That was something. She would be fine.
“What did you say?”
The words burst out of him in a roar. She jumped a little, but didn’t take them back.
“It’s not my fault,” she began. “Look at yourself, Jack. Is it any wonder it happened? I’m amazed I held on as long as I did. You’re pretty irresistible.”
“Lots of women resist. You should have tried harder.” In love with him? He swore. If Kenny had been pissed before, he was going to blow a gasket now. In love with him? Why did that have to happen? Why couldn’t she think of him as a brother?
“...getting over you. It’s the only solution.”
He shook his head as he tuned back in to what she was saying. “You want to get over being in love with me?”
“Of course. It’s the only way things can work out between us. Don’t take this wrong, but as a boyfriend, you’re a disaster.”
He told himself not to take offense at her words. His ability to be a good boyfriend wasn’t the issue on the table.
“You have a plan?” he asked cautiously.
“I did. I was going to sleep with you. I figured that would do it.”
&nb
sp; Jack stared at her. “Excuse me?”
She actually smiled. “I wanted us to have sex.”
“Because it would be so awful that you wouldn’t be in love with me anymore?”
“No. I thought it would be pretty good. But if we were that close, I’d see your flaws more clearly and then I’d get over you.” Her smile was triumphant. “It’s a good plan.”
“What if I’m a god in bed?”
The smile widened. “Jack, I doubt you’re all that. Taryn says nice things, so I’m sure you’re fine. Don’t get defensive. It wasn’t about the sex, by the way. It was about being in a relationship.”
His head hurt. “So last night was on purpose?”
“Yes. I was trying to seduce you. It didn’t go well.”
It had gone just fine, but he wasn’t going to tell her that.
“Stop being in love with me,” he told her.
“I agree, but telling me that isn’t going to work.” She looked up, her expression hopeful. “Are you open to the sex thing at all?”
Jack thought longingly of life on a deserted tropical island. One with a couple of coconut trees he could use for food. Just him and the ocean. It would be a good life. Lonely, but he would survive.
“No,” he said firmly and opened the door to her office.
“Are you sure? Because we could do it right here.”
He slammed the door behind him and started walking.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“YOU HAVE TO fix this,” Jack said.
Taryn looked up from her computer. “No, I don’t. It’s your problem.”
Technically the problem was Larissa’s, he thought, but did that matter? He was stuck with the consequences.
“You created it,” she continued. “You and Larissa are enmeshed in some pseudomarriage, anyway. Neither of you is moving forward. The difference is, she had the sense to recognize it.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Taryn stood and walked out from behind her desk. She’d already kicked off whatever ridiculous shoes she’d worn into the office and was barefoot. She’d painted her toes purple. Who did that?
“Jack, you’re a good guy. A little too good. You don’t have a lot of annoying flaws. But you also don’t get involved.”
“Love is for suckers.”
“You don’t mean that.” She touched his chest. “Love is amazing.”
“I don’t want to hear about Angel.”
“Then I won’t say anything about him. My point is falling in love is part of the human condition. You’re trying to escape the inevitable and that’s not going well.”
“I don’t need to fall in love. I have all the connection I need.”
“No, you don’t. You have friends who love you, but that’s different. Don’t you want one special person who will always be there for you?”
“No.”
“Liar.”
“I like being alone.”
She shook her head. “That would be more believable if you were alone. But you’re not. You have Larissa. She’s the buffer who stands between you and the world. You get to play at things and not be involved on any level where you might get hurt. While that works for you, it’s no longer working for her. She’s in love with you and while she’s in love with you, she can’t find a man interested in forever and fall for him.”
Nothing he wanted to hear. “So her mother was right.”
“So it seems. Now this problem is yours. You’re going to have to figure out a way to solve it.”
* * *
BEING IN LOVE with Jack was less fun than Larissa had hoped. For one thing, now that he knew about her feelings, she rarely saw him. His ducking into offices and turning around and going the other way when he spotted her in the hall would have been funny—except it hurt too much for her to laugh.
She missed him, missed hanging out with him, talking to him. They hadn’t had dinner together, although Percy had come over with takeout twice. Takeout she was sure Jack had paid for.
Even worse, Jack hadn’t been in for any of his massages, which meant he had to be in pain. If he stood still long enough to listen, she was willing to explain that whatever her personal feelings, her work as his masseuse was separate from that. He needed help with his body.
She sat in her tiny office and tried to figure out how things had fallen apart so quickly. While she wanted to blame her mother, the other woman had only been speaking the truth. She’d seen what no one else had seen.
Which was great information but didn’t solve the problem.
Taryn walked into her office. Her friend looked nervous and wary—two emotions Larissa didn’t associate with her.
“What?” Larissa demanded. “Is someone hurt?”
“No,” Taryn said slowly. “Look, don’t shoot the messenger, okay? I’m telling you but I had no part in it. If he’d asked, I would have told him it was a disastrous idea.”
Larissa blinked at her. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You will. Come on.”
Larissa followed her friend down the long hallway. They made a turn and ended up at the massage room. Larissa was about to ask what they were doing there, when she heard noises from inside. Noises that sounded suspiciously like music and conversation.
“Which of you is playing around in my personal space?” she asked as she opened the door. Because what she expected to find was Sam or Kenny doing something ridiculous. What she saw instead was Jack on her massage table while another woman worked on his shoulder.
The sharp pain of betrayal cut through to her heart. It wasn’t just that he’d gone to someone else, she thought frantically. It was that he’d violated what was theirs. He’d brought a stranger into a place that was supposed to be only for family.
The masseuse moved to cover Jack with the sheet. “Excuse me, we’re in the middle of a treatment. Could you please leave?”
Larissa didn’t recognize the woman. She must have come in from Sacramento. A long way to drive, she thought, still trying to process the ache filling her. Her whole body hurt and she had the strangest need to cry. Stupid tears, she told herself. Stupid man.
Larissa moved into the room. “You’re using the wrong music,” she said, her voice sounding like someone else was speaking. She wasn’t moving right, either. It was as if she were physically disconnected from her body.
“That’s Kenny’s mix. And the oil is wrong, too. Jack’s blend has anti-inflammatory properties.”
Jack sat up. “Larissa, I’m sorry.”
She couldn’t look at him. “I can’t believe you did this. You brought in someone else. How could you? If you didn’t want me to give you a massage, at least go to someone else. You’re in my room.” She shook her head. “How am I supposed to let this go? You violated my trust, Jack.”
He pulled the sheet across his body and stood. “Larissa, it wasn’t like that.”
She stared at the ground. “It was. You brought her here? How could you?”
Taryn stepped closer and put her hand on Larissa’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.
The masseuse looked between them. “What’s going on here? Are you two married or something? I’m just here to do a job.”
“Yes, you were,” Taryn said soothingly. “Go ahead and get your things. When you’re ready, come by my office and I’ll have a check waiting.”
* * *
JACK HAD SEEN Larissa cry before, but always because of someone she’d met through their charity work. Either a transplant was delayed or didn’t take or a desperate family couldn’t find someone to take care of their other children who would be staying back at home.
Those tears he could handle. Most of the problems were solved by him writing a check. When the
re wasn’t an organ for transplant, he made phone calls or did a PSA. When he got visible, people checked the box on their driver’s licenses. When he appeared on late-night TV to promote the cause, there was press. Whatever it took to stop her tears.
He’d never once been the cause. Now, watching her blue eyes fill and her struggling not to let him see, he felt lower than slime.
The masseuse he’d hired through an agency gathered her things and left. Taryn shot him a glance that promised they would be discussing this later, and then he was alone with Larissa.
She walked over to the docking station and pushed a couple of buttons. The music changed to a contemporary mix that he always found so relaxing. She took away the oil the other woman had been using and pulled out another bottle. Then she washed her hands and moved next to the table.
“Lie back down,” she said, her voice thick with tears.
“Larissa, no.”
She sniffed. “You’re in pain. You’re my friend and my responsibility. I’m the reason you called in someone else. Because of the sex thing.”
“I...” He honest to God didn’t know what to say. Yes, that was the reason, but it still wasn’t her fault. “I should have said something. I should have let you know that I was uncomfortable.” He looked at the table. “We don’t have to do this.”
“We do. It’s the only way to make things right between us.”
He nodded once and stretched out facedown. She rearranged the sheet so he was covered from the waist down, then opened the bottle of oil. The familiar scent drifted to him and he closed his eyes.
Nothing made sense. Not her declaration of love nor her attempts to seduce him. He didn’t want her to love him—that way lay disaster. Lovers were easy, but people he trusted, people he counted on, those were much harder to find.
She touched his back, lightly stroking at first, then reaching for the deeper muscles. His tension began to fade. She moved up toward his bad shoulder and began the familiar ritual of finding every inch of scar tissue and loosening it. She dug in deep, hurting him in the best way possible.
“I’m sorry,” he said again.
“Shh. Don’t talk.”
“I have to talk. I’m sorry I hurt you, Larissa. I’m sorry I didn’t come to you directly.”
Until We Touch Page 17