by Amelia Judd
“Pax, that’s great news.” Sage placed her hand on his cheek and turned his head toward her. She saw reluctance and embarrassment in his expression. “He’s proud of you. I’m thrilled he’s finally found a way to let you know that.”
“He didn’t actually say the word proud any time during the talk.”
“People don’t usually tell you exactly how they feel. And sometimes it’s harder to actually say a word than it is to show it.” Sage aimed her most persuasive smile in his direction. “Now how about a piggyback ride back to my villa? You know, for old times’ sake.”
“Old times’ sake, my ass.” Pax gave her a devilish grin of his own. “You’re afraid of stepping on a snake in the dark.”
“Hey, I’ve already had one run-in with a serpent of death today. I’m not sure I would survive another.”
“Fine.” Pax scooped her up, swung her around to his back, and started down the path to her villa. “Just try not to strangle me this time.”
“Yes, sir.” Sage wrapped her arms around him and clung tightly to his shoulders. Holy buckets, he felt good. Breasts pressed to his back, she wiggled to get even closer. And he smelled amazing. She buried her face in the back of his neck and inhaled the warm, masculine scent of soap and sun-browned, salty skin. Desire burned through her.
“Did you just purr?” he asked in a strained voice.
“Uh-huh.” She took another deep breath. “Can’t help it.”
She licked his neck.
“Are you trying to torture me?”
“Actually, the things I’m thinking about doing to you should feel good... really, really good.” She licked up his neck to the lobe of his ear where she decided to use the tip of her tongue.
Pax moaned deep in his throat and nearly flew up the stairs with her and into her villa. He slammed the door shut behind them and swung her around. He caught her mouth with his own in a demanding kiss and pressed her against the door.
She clung to him, her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. Her sundress rode up to the top of her thighs, leaving only a lacy pair of panties between her and the rough denim of his jeans. She pulled him closer and pushed against him with her hips, trying to find relief from the exquisite torture.
“We have to stop,” Pax said, tearing his mouth from hers.
Fear tightened her chest. She needed to be with him, if not forever, then at least for tonight. “I don’t want to stop.”
“I’m trying to do the right thing.” His voice sounded thick, almost desperate.
“Tonight, us being together is the right thing.”
“And tomorrow?”
“I don’t know.” Sage shook her head. “All I know is that I’m tired of worrying about the future. For once in my life, I just want to live in the moment.”
Pax remained motionless, his gaze locked on hers for a tension-filled moment. Finally, she felt a shudder run through him, and he gave up the fight. Slowly, tenderly he claimed her mouth.
Desire flooded her. She squirmed in his arms and deepened the kiss. “Please, Pax. I need you. Now.”
“Soon. Not yet,” he said, his voice rough. “I’ve waited too long to rush this.”
He carried her to the bedroom, laid her gently on the bed, and stretched out alongside her. She threaded her fingers through his dark hair, holding him to her as he spent countless minutes feathering kisses along her neck and shoulders. After he’d kissed every bare inch of her skin, he slid the slim straps from her shoulders and lowered her dress, leaving her naked to the waist. When he rolled one pebbled nipple between his thumb and index finger, she moaned.
“God, you’re beautiful.” He lowered his head and pulled her nipple into his mouth.
Jolts of electricity shot through her, scorched her nerve endings, and set off an ache low in her belly. She squirmed as he leisurely sucked, nipped, kissed, and teased her with his lips.
“Pax,” she moaned, reaching for him, unable to stand the torment any longer.
“Hmm?” he murmured, then caught her nipple between his teeth.
“Too many clothes.” She pulled frantically at his shirt, needing him naked.
He slipped from her reach, trailing kisses down her body and sliding the rest of her clothes to the floor.
She propped herself on her elbows and narrowed her eyes. “I meant that you had too many clothes on.”
He stood and stripped off his shirt and jeans. “You’re not very patient.” He grinned down at her.
“Not very patient?” Her belly tightened as her eyes roamed over his hard, lean muscles. “I’ve wanted this for six years.”
Pax’s grin widened. “That’s good to know.”
He rejoined her on the bed and pulled her close as her skin hummed with excitement and anticipation. He trailed kisses from the curve of her neck to the sensitive spot behind her ear, while his hands moved lower, exploring. She gasped when he finally pushed two fingers into her wetness.
“I’ve wanted you a lot longer than six years,” he murmured, kissing her neck and working his fingers in and out.
She cried out, arching her back and rolling her hips against his hand. “I need you. In me. Now.” She panted, clutching his shoulders and thrashing beneath him, desperate for more.
“You first,” Pax murmured.
“Not without you.” She reached down and wrapped her fingers around him.
He sucked in a breath and then moaned as she moved her hand along his length. “You win,” he said, his features tight as he fought for control.
In a blissful haze, Sage watched him slide on a condom and position himself between her thighs. He leaned forward to take her mouth in another tender kiss and slowly, steadily pushed inside of her.
Buried to her core, he stilled, gripping her hip to keep her from moving. “You feel so damn good.” He pulled out and pushed in again. “Too good to be real.”
He set a slow, torturous pace. Thrusting and withdrawing almost completely before thrusting back into her. With each plunge, she clung tighter and moaned with pleasure as his length stroked deep inside of her.
His eyes burned into her as he slid his hand from her hip, pressed his thumb firmly onto the hard nub at her center, and circled twice. Just as she almost sailed over the edge, he pulled his hand away.
“Don’t stop!” she begged, writhing under him. “Please!”
“Sage!” Her name ripped from his lips, and his restraint disappeared. He slammed wildly into her while his thumb pushed and circled her sensitive flesh.
She exploded in wave after wave of pleasure. She panted and pulsed around him. He tensed and then slammed into her one final time.
“Sage!” He came with a raw, gruff sound of pure masculine satisfaction.
She smiled. She was exactly where she wanted to be.
•••
Sage woke in the night to the sound of the gently whirling ceiling fan and the distant calls of jungle animals. She recognized the comfort of her bed, but the unfamiliar pressure on her chest took a moment to identify. Pax had thrown a muscular arm across her while they slept. She snuggled closer against his chest, loving the heavy weight of his arm and his rhythmic breathing against her cheek.
Being next to him made her feel cherished and cared for and not alone for the first time in memory. Her mom had been so addicted to the high of attracting a new man that she’d too often focused her efforts on the opposite sex rather than the needs of the household she shared with her daughter. Sage had started picking up the slack at an early age.
Somewhere along the way, the burden of responsibility had caused her to trade living a full life for living a safe one. But not anymore. She couldn’t go back to the lonely, secure, independent life she’d accepted in the past. Pax had taught her the beauty of following a dream, and he’d inspired her to fight for hers.
She rolled to her side to face the man she loved.
No fear.
“Pax,” she whispered. “Hey. You awake?”
“Mmm
,” he murmured, tightening his hold around her, pulling her even closer. “I can be if you need me again.” Though his eyes remained closed, a wicked smile spread across his face.
Sage’s belly tightened in response. How could a smile be sleepy and sinful at the same time?
“Funny you mention it,” she said in an unnaturally high voice. She took a breath to calm her jittery nerves and started again. “I do need you. That’s what I’ve finally realized. I need your strength. I need your kindness. I need your dedication, determination, and drive to do the right thing. Most of all, I need your help to be who I want to be, an adventurous person who embraces life rather than avoids it.”
Pax’s eyes snapped open and burned into her with an unrecognizable mixture of emotions. Well, not completely unrecognizable. She could read his shock clearly, and maybe a little panic as well. But there were other, darker flashes in his eyes she couldn’t make out.
She fought against the fear clawing at her gut. She’d decided to reach for her dream and wouldn’t stop now.
“You don’t need me,” he said briskly, breaking eye contact and climbing from the bed. “My life here doesn’t fit into your plans. Yeah, the sex was amazing. But don’t throw your future away because of an orgasm.” He blew out a breath, ran a rough hand through his hair, and then quickly grabbed his pants from the dark floor.
Sage sat up, clutching the sheet to her chest. She watched him step into the jeans and knew she was about to lose him. But she refused to quit.
No fear.
“It’s not about the sex.”
He looked at her, skepticism etched in every detail of his face.
“I love—”
“No,” he interrupted. “Don’t say it.”
She jerked back at his emotionless tone. She clutched the sheets painfully over her heart and swallowed back the sudden lump in her throat.
She loved his courage and his strength to fight for his dream. Now she needed to be strong. She could never forgive herself if she walked away without risking everything.
No fear.
“I love you. I’ve always loved you, Pax.” Her heart squeezed. She tipped her head back and sniffled in a useless attempt to stop the tears from spilling over. When the first drop slid down her cheek, she pulled her shoulders back, drew in a deep breath, and attempted a shaky smile on the exhale. “Always will.”
For a moment, emotion flashed across his face and burned through his eyes. But an instant later it was gone, leaving only a hardened expression. And while he stood motionless staring down on her, she knew her time with him was over. She knew by the tension of his stance and by the cold, hard look in his eyes. Yeah, she knew.
She’d already lost him.
“Go home, Sage. There’s nothing for you here.”
No tremor shook his voice, no remorse faltered his step. He simply turned and walked away from her, disappearing silently into the darkness. Out of her life.
Chapter 17
“You wanted to see me, Will?” Sage stepped into her boss’s sterile corner office near the end of another long day at work.
Outside the expansive windows, a winter storm howled with fury, blowing and whipping snow vertically across the landscape. A lot of her coworkers at Pembrock Bank had left at lunchtime to avoid the worst of the storm. Not wanting to get trapped at home, alone with her thoughts, Sage had decided to risk the weather and stay until closing.
She’d left Costa Rica a week ago. While she missed the warmth of the tropics, she missed Pax even more. She missed his smile and his strength. She missed being with someone who knew her a little better than she knew herself. She still ached at the thought of him. And since she thought about him every other minute, she ached a lot.
“Have a seat.” Will motioned to the leather chair in front of his desk. “I wanted an update on Paxton Bennett’s loan.”
Pushing away the pain of hearing his name, Sage sat down and did her best to focus on the man in front of her. “I finished work on it today. His parents’ backing guaranteed the loan’s approval. I sent an email to let him know.”
“Excellent. I’m glad it worked out so smoothly. I know the Bennetts said they didn’t expect us to approve the loan as a favor, but I still feared they’d be disappointed if we denied it.” Will sat back in his chair. “I’m also glad to hear he will remain in Costa Rica. We don’t need that type of... distraction here.”
Ha! Pax didn’t need to be close to be a distraction. The tight knot in her chest told her it didn’t matter how much distance or time she put between them. He would always be in her thoughts and, worse, he would be permanently entrenched in her stupid, idiotic heart.
“Now that you’re away from there, I was hoping you’ve thought about my offer with the sensible perspective that distance brings.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “You mean treating marriage like a business venture? I can’t do that. Marriage should be a venture of the heart.”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Will said with a condescending expression. “I can give you what you’ve always wanted. A good life and a solid marriage.”
“But not love?”
“Love fades.”
“Not if you’re doing it right,” Sage said on a sigh.
He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t take you for a romantic.”
“You’re right. What you’re offering is what I always wanted for my future.” Sage closed her eyes for a beat. “But not anymore. I want more out of life. I’m sorry, Will, but my answer is no. Oh, and I quit.” She stood to leave, the gratifying conviction that she’d made the right—the brave—decision lifting her heart for the first time in a week.
She wouldn’t spend her life in a crappy marriage and an unfulfilling job just because the guy she loved didn’t love her back. She would move to Silver Bay and find a job that fulfilled her. Sure, without Pax her life would never be perfect. But she would damn well make it better than it was right now.
“Quit? You’re willing to throw everything away, even your future?” Will asked in disbelief.
“I haven’t lost my future. I finally intend to find it.”
•••
Pax sat tense, miserable, and motionless in his office at La Vida. He’d almost grown used to the darkness engulfing him since pushing Sage from his life a week earlier, but a fresh wave of pain had kicked his ass when he received an email from her earlier in the day. He’d been scrutinizing the message for hours, desperate to read something between the lines. Problem was, she’d only written one damn line.
La Vida’s loan has been approved. -Sage
He scowled at the screen. He should be thrilled by the news. Two weeks ago, he would have been. Two weeks ago, securing money for La Vida’s future had been the only thing he’d wanted in life. How in the hell had everything gone to shit in two weeks?
“I’d be pissed at you if you weren’t so damn pathetic.” Kat leaned against his office doorway, her expression and tone matching her black attire. “I just called Sage. She told me what you said to her. What the hell were you thinking? She tells you that she loves you. And you do what? You frickin’ tell her to go home. You’re an idiot.”
“There’s nothing for her here.”
“Don’t give me that crap. You’re here.” She pointed an accusing finger at him. “And you love her. Everyone knows it. We all saw the sappy sentiment written on your face every time you looked at her.”
His eyes widened in surprise. She had to be exaggerating. He couldn’t have been that obvious. Okay, Kat had figured it out, and possibly Logan. But no way anyone else knew.
“Even Brick saw right through you.” Kat smirked as if reading his mind. “He said you looked at her like she was ‘prettier than a glob of butter melting on a stack of pancakes,’ whatever the hell that means.”
He blew out a resigned breath. “Fine. I love her. And that’s exactly why I told her to go home. I wasn’t lying, Kat. There is nothing for her here. I couldn’t let her throw her future away for me.”
“So you think she’s better off with a guy like Will Pembrock?”
“Shit, no. He doesn’t understand her.”
Kat raised an eyebrow. “And you do?”
“I understand that Sage deserves everything she has always wanted, and that includes finding a compatible guy to marry and put down roots with in Wisconsin. She wants a traditional life with a traditional husband.” Pax spat the words in frustration. “But that’s not who I am, and it’s not who I’m ever going to be. If she gives up everything to be with me, what happens when she wakes up one morning and realizes she made a huge mistake?” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “I don’t want to become her biggest regret.”
“You’re such an idiot. Yeah, she wants stability. But did you ever bother asking her what that means to her?”
He narrowed his eyes and tipped his head to the side, wondering where this was going.
“I didn’t think so.” Kat rolled her eyes. “Sage doesn’t give a damn where she lives or if her husband works at some stuffy office. She simply wants to build a future with a man who loves her. She wants to be part of something special and to be loved by someone special. That’s all.” Kat paused. “You, and the life you’ve built here, can give her that.”
Pax swallowed hard.
“Deep in your gut, you know I’m right. Now stop being a dumbass. Go tell her how you feel and what you really want.”
What if being with him at La Vida could really be enough to make Sage happy in the long run? His heart expanded at the future Kat dangled in front of him. A future that would be much brighter with Sage in it. “Do you know where she is?” he asked quickly.
A cunning smile spread across Kat’s face. “I don’t know where she is right now, but I do know where she’s going.”