by S. L. Siwik
“I think this would be perfect.” I glanced up to find Brian holding a white silk bustier with white lace overlay, clips hanging to secure the thigh highs.
“Yeah, that’s a gorgeous outfit…for her fucking wedding night,” Ben commented, “Again you’re going to make his cock soft.”
“I thought you were going outside. Couldn’t stand to be in here anymore,” I commented to Brian.
“I’m good now. I got over that,” he said. Ben smirked as though he was in on some private joke.
By now I realized that I was just going to have to buy everything they suggested.
“It looks very pretty.” I added the outfit to my arm collection.
“How about this?” George came back.
He held up a black see-through bra and panty set with pink intricately-stitched flowers across the material.
“This is nice.” I glanced in to see if he had the right sizes. “How did you know my size…the right number and cup size?” I asked in astonishment.
“It’s a gift.” He winked at me, and while shaking my head, I added the outfit to my growing pile.
“They’re all not good enough,” Ben said, “I’ll find the outfit.” He walked off as we stood there.
“I’ll find something better than him,” Brian said walking off.
George smirked. “Gotta love a good cockfight.”
My eyebrows questioned him, not understanding the purpose of his comment. “What are you talking about? Are you making up nonsense again?”
George laughed loudly, and Max tried to eat his smile. “You say the funniest shit sometimes. I’d love to live in your world for just a day.” I was pretty sure that was an insult. “Before I could even press the matter George asked, “So, you’re single now. Any thoughts on who you want to date next?”
I shrugged. “Too hell bent on revenge to think about moving on yet. I don’t know if I can do it again. Walking in on Ryan with that girl, the image still haunts me. I’d give anything to have gone with Brian out somewhere that Friday, or gone to Pyro’s when Ben called instead of going home. Ignorance is bliss.”
George looked pained for a moment before his eyes turned thoughtful, his hands inside his designer jean pockets before he said, “It hurts this much because it’s your first broken heart. Everything feels the most intense. The pain will lessen with time when you realize that the world will continue on anyway with or without you. When loneliness gets ya at night, and you find yourself sick to death of staring at an empty bed, you’ll start dating someone else.”
I sighed. “You’re probably right.”
“Listen, I know Ben doesn’t always get it right, but he always gets it right when it matters. Don’t write him off, Annie. There’s a reason that he’s my best friend.” George shifted his foot, putting it forward as he flexed his back. “Sometimes the person that you think you need the least is actually the person that you need the most.”
I shook my head. “I am not ruining my friendship with any of you. You’re my closest friends. I’m not chancing it.”
“You may not have a choice, Annie. Ben and Brian may make you choose,” He sighed, long and drawn out. “It’s been a long time coming.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Max rub his forehead, frowning. Suddenly, I understood. It hit me like a ton of bricks, a hard smack in the face. The taste was bitter in my mouth realizing that Ryan was right. It seemed some of my friends weren’t really my friends. Or at least, that’s not all they wanted to be.
“I refuse,” I whispered furiously. “I refuse to date either.”
“Why not?” he asked casually. “They know practically everything about you, your hang ups, your thoughts on almost everything. They know where you come from and where you want to go. Both know that you’re absolutely bat-shit crazy, and they still want to be with you.”
“You know why I can’t be with Brian,” I whispered.
George leaned over towards me. “Because of that first date screw up, or because of the other thing?”
“The other thing,” I whispered back.
“Then if you can’t ever get past that…” I opened my mouth to speak. “Which I don’t blame you for. But, if that’s the case, let him know.”
“But, I might lose his friendship. He’s my best friend.”
He shrugged. “If you’re honest with him, he’ll respect that. You might only lose him for a few months while he gets over you. Then he can come back once he’s moved on. But, if you don’t say anything, it will eventually blow up in your face, and you may lose him forever.”
I stood there with my mouth agape, horrified.
“George is absolutely right,” Max whispered.
My worst fears were coming true.
“What about Ben?” George asked.
I openly glared at him. “Are you kidding me? That’s a disaster waiting to happen.” My eyes blinked rapidly as my brain tried to catch up with my mouth. “What on earth could I offer him? I just got out of a relationship where I didn’t feel like an equal. Why would I go into another one like that? He doesn’t want me per se, he just doesn’t like being denied anything. He doesn’t like that I’ve said no. Once I gave in, he’d be interested for a while in his shiny new toy, but eventually the novelty would wear off, and his eyes would drift elsewhere. No thanks.”
George contemplated my words for a moment. “If this was a year ago, I would agree with you completely. But, now…” He shook his head. “You just don’t see what I see.”
This was the shopping trip from hell.
Ben strolled over. “This is the one! He’ll lose his fuckin’ mind when he sees this!”
I couldn’t look him in the eyes. “Looks awesome,” I said, taking the hanger from him and adding it to the pile before glancing down at the ground.
“Nope this is the one.” Brian stood there with his choice.
“Awesome,” I repeated, taking it. “I’m going to go pay for these.” I turned, walking numbly towards the cash register. How much could I lose in one month?
After paying, and not able to find another reason for linger, I finally trudged back towards the guys. Brian looked uneasy, George had a quiet acceptance in his eyes, Max looked like he was fighting a headache, but Ben’s head was tilted sideways his eyes slightly squinting. I hated that look, especially when it was being used on me. Whenever he pulled that look, he always figured what was wrong with someone- how exactly he did it, I’ll probably never know- and then called them out on it. I didn’t want that now, because there was no solution to this problem, apparently only friends to be lost. What a shitty weekend.
But, Ben’s eyes finally widened and he remained quiet, and though I felt relieved, I still felt sad, feeling l like this would be one of our last hangouts together. I felt that impending sense of inevitability during the last summer days of my senior year in Ohio, knowing that I would be leaving for New York soon, knowing my friends and I would likely drift apart. I had the same feeling now. I knew what was likely to happen, but saw no way to stop it.
“So, thanks for everything guys. You were the best. ” My voice sounded hollow even in my own ears. I tried to offer a fake smile.
“So, are we going out to dinner now?” Brian asked.
“Um…”I bit my lower lip, scratching my head, staring at my feet.
“What’s the problem? Your best friend can’t take you out to dinner?” he asked, smirking at me.
I thought I was going to hurl. I just couldn’t lose him.
“We’d go to dinner as friends. Just like friends do, right?” I realized my voice sounded panicky.
I saw Ben’s eyes grow sad, while Brian looked confused. “Right, like friends do. Just like we always do.”
I bit my lower lip. If this was going to be the end, I wanted the memories desperately. I fought back tears.
“Sounds good.”
“Well, have fun you two,” Ben said, and he covered whatever he felt well. “This has kicked ass. Annie, you better take him dow
n.” He looked at me seriously for a moment. “And don’t forget to have fun while you’re doing it.”
He turned, walking out of the store, and as George’s and my eyes met, I pleaded with him: Don’t tell me that I’m losing you, too. His smile reassured me that my fear was unfounded in that respect, and he winked and followed Ben out. Max gave me a sympathetic smile before turning and leaving.
As we walked out of the store, Brian’s phone rang. I watched him leaning against the guardrail talking, his mom on the other end again. Apparently, Brian’s second cousin was also coming with her two children to the Fourth of July celebration. We needed to pick up toys for the kids. Since we’re already at the mall, he wanted to pick the stuff up today. I told him it wasn’t a problem.
On the way there, I couldn’t help but wrap my arm around him and lean into him. I just wanted to burst out crying.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
I nodded. “Sorry, just feeling a little…” I didn’t know how to finish my sentence.
He turned towards me in his graceful, lithe motion, stopping me in my tracks. “Hey, what’s up?”
I held back the tears. “I’m sorry. I just really needed a hug.”
He smiled, a little surprised by my words. “Why didn’t you just say so?” He wrapped his arms tightly around my body, squeezing me tightly. I hugged him just as fiercely back.
***
“The blue ones, not the purple ones. Yeah, mom, I understand. We got everything you asked for,” Brian said into the cell phone while I slurped on a fountain soda, lingerie bag hanging from my arm, the other hand playing with a paddle ball. I was up to fifty-nine consecutive hits.
“He did get everything, Mrs. A, I’m right next to him,” I yelled into the receiver.
I couldn’t hear his mother’s reply, but I could hear Brian say, “Yeah, mom, she’s right next to me playing paddleball.”
We waited on the register line of the toy store, two kids next to me playing with lightsabers.
“Alright, I’m going now. I’m hanging up….Goodbye!” He pocketed the phone and we moved up in line. “Think she’s going to call back and want us to get more stuff?” I asked, sipping more of the forty-four ounce soda I just purchased on the way to the toy store. Hey, you know what they say: Go big or go home.
“If she does, she’s just going to have to buy it herself.” I had been thinking that from the beginning, but decided not to say anything. “She did tell me something interesting, though.”
Still slurping on my soda, I glanced at him, brow raised. “Your brother is coming. And your mom is upset you haven’t called her yet.”
I rolled my eyes, and groaned inwardly. Just what I needed. “I’ll deal with it later.”
My mom and I have a good relationship, but I was bad at calling her. Namely, because once she was on the phone, I couldn’t get her off. Three hours later, and I still couldn’t get her to hang up. So, I limited my phone calls. In all the chaos of the weekend, I didn’t know how to tell her that Ryan wouldn’t become her son-in-law.
“I can’t believe your brother is coming. This is going to be one heck of a weekend.” I could hear the excitement in his voice. I smiled tight-lipped, unsure if I’d be going to his house for Fourth of July.
The attendant called for the next in line and Brian pushed up the shopping cart, dumping everything out onto the counter. Water guns, super soakers, blow-up pools, slip-n-slides, bocce ball, and volleyball net. I already gave my two cents that bocce ball around two young kids was just a disaster waiting to happen. Mrs. A was adamant about it, so I just hoped no windows break.
I tried taking some of the bags to help out Brian, but he took them from me.
“You’re not carrying them.”
He took all of my bags as well, leaving me with nothing but my drink.
“You can’t carry my bags,” I protested.
“Are you saying that I’m too weak to be able to carry all of these packages?” he asked as he walked around a woman not paying attention, standing in the middle of the walkway. I could tell that he was teasing me.
“No, I’m saying there’s no reason for you to carry my packages. I’m fully capable.”
“Humor me,” he replied as we made our way towards the parking lot.
We loaded everything into the trunk, and he opened the car door for me.
“Look at you, holding doors open for me.”
He smirked. “I have my moments.” Brian closed the door, walking around to the driver’s seat.
“Where are we going now?” I asked, sipping on my soda.
“You’ll see,” he said, turning the key. The car’s engine roared to life.
“You’re not going to tell me?” I pouted.
“A little surprise is good for you.” Brian shifted the car into gear and we pulled out of the parking lot.
**
Ten minutes later, we’re parked in front of a Johnny’s Steak House on Thirteenth Street, the best in town. I stepped out of the car, shaking my head as I planned my counter-attack from the whole spider/tickling debacle. I couldn’t let that transgression slide without payback.
We have eaten at this restaurant many times before, so we have nearly eaten everything on the menu before. We’re a little head of the dinner rush hour, which we needed to be if we even wanted to be able to eat here on a Saturday night. The place normally had a line out the door all night long.
As we browsed the menus, Brian looked over at me. I felt his gaze and met his eyes.
“You better have whatever you’d like now, because on Monday, it’s a whole new game.”
I didn’t like the sound of that, but I decided he was right. I was like a smoker who inhales a pack of cigarettes right before quitting cold turkey. I better eat all the delicious, fattening food this weekend. I would work out with him as long as he let me…for as much time as I had left with him.
It made my decision on what to order much easier.
After the waitress came over, taking our order and ogling Brian, I fought back a smile because my revenge had been planned.
The blonde, thin, twenty-ish, waitress came back with the drinks, and I could tell she was eyeing us trying to figure out if we’re a couple. If I had a dollar for every time I’d witnessed that, I would be a millionaire. I decided to help her out.
“We’re best friends. He’s single.”
She blushed, embarrassed at being caught, and made a quick retreat. Brian turned in my direction after watching the woman run away, looking highly amused.
“Oh, by the way, can I ask a favor?” I asked before taking a sip of my Coke.
“Another one? Geez, Annie, you’re making a real habit out of this.” He sighed theatrically. “I suppose so.” His smile let me know he was joking.
“Can I crash at your place tonight?”
“Sure. Now that we have that settled, what do you think about going to Harvey’s tonight?” he asked as he perused the dessert menu.
“Eh,” I replied, shrugging. Harvey’s was a bar where yuppies liked to go and congregate, flashing around all of their money.
“Too pretentious?” he asked. It had been the last four times I went there. I couldn’t stand people who were in love with themselves.