Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I kick at a crumpled soda bottle on the ground. Fucking pigs are going to get us kicked out of here if they don’t learn to pick up after themselves. As it is, the cops are dying for a reason to give us a hard time. They always have been, but the fact that our group takes care of any issues before it gets deep enough that the cops would get involved has kept us out of hot water for years.
“Nah, CB is just a friend.” Just a fucking friend. The words are like acid on my tongue. Yeah she was pissed, the same way she gets riled up every weekend when she sees me flirting. Call me a dick, but I’m hoping that she’ll give up and move on if I keep up this act long enough. In just over a year, she’ll have a degree and be on her way to a good life. She doesn’t need a flake like me holding her back.
“You sure she knows that?” This bitch is starting to annoy me. I’ve seen her around, but I have no clue who she is or which pack she normally runs with. Don’t care either, if I’m being honest. When she moves to slide her bony arms around me, I back away, no longer interested in whatever it is she’s offering. And given the fact that her clothes barely cover areas that no one but her partner should see, I can imagine she’s offering quite a bit. “Aww, c’mon Colby! I didn’t mean to upset you,” she whines, stumbling as I jerk away from her.
I should have known better than to come over here when Cricket called. The girl is relentless and thinks she knows everything about everyone. She was fun for a while, but she’s the type of girl who ruins everything the moment she opens her mouth.
I have to get out of here. It’s too soon for me to head to Lippy’s without making it look like I’m following Lea around like a little puppy, but maybe a long drive out in the country is just what I need right now. After excusing myself and telling the blonde I’ll catch up with her at the party, I jog up the hill, ignoring Dave hollering at me to come over and look at something on his truck. Granted, it’s a nice truck, but I really don’t care to see what he got his dad to pay for this time. The guy is almost twenty-three, it’s time to grow up and stop expecting mommy and daddy to funnel money his direction. I might not have much to my name, but at least I’ve busted my ass for every little thing I do have.
My 1985 Olds Cutlass might not be sexy, but she’s my pride and joy. I bought the car for three-hundred dollars on my sixteenth birthday and spent the entire winter in the garage with my dad fixing it up. Once it was running like a champ, he called some of his friends and had them teach me how to do all of the body work. I probably know more than half the grease monkeys out there, but I can’t bring myself to turn wrenches for a living like my dad did.
The crowd gathered on the hill parts to either side of the street as I pull away from the curb, waving as I ease my way to the stop sign. The engine rumbles, easily shifting through every gear as I sail down the straight country road. Out here, it’s just me and Ivy and the open road. She doesn’t judge me for being too much of a chicken to go after the one girl who truly means something to me. There’s no criticism that I’m pissing my life away. My car is my true companion.
As I round a curve, my cellphone buzzes in my pocket. I pull the phone out, tossing it on the passenger’s seat when I see it’s Robby. He and I have been friends since the fifth grade, when we got into a fist fight on the playground over Rachel Jenkins. As it turned out, we got lucky that she hated both of us because she grew up to be a world-class bitch with a serious princess complex, but that altercation made us fast friends. He was pulling up the hill as I was leaving, so I can imagine he’s calling to find out what bug I have up my ass tonight because most of the time I would turn around and hang with him.
**
Ivy and I ride to the county line before turning around. I’m being a moody little bitch tonight, and it’s time to get out of this funk. By the time I arrive at Lippy’s place, there are cars lining both sides of the street, and I have to park around the corner. It’s a good thing she lives in a laid-back area filled with starving artists and hippies because her house has become party central this summer.
“Cowboy! Wait up!” I turn around and see Amanda jogging up from behind me. My first instinct is to ask why she’s just getting here and where Lea’s at, but I know better. If Amanda knows how I feel about Lea, she’ll rat me out and play matchmaker. It wouldn’t be the first time. She hated me for some of the shit that I said and did, but I managed to get her to stop trying to push me to ask Lea on a date.
“Hey, Snuggles. Where did you get lost? I thought you were headed this way over an hour ago.” She holds up a brown paper bag in answer.
“You know I hate that name,” she scolds me, falling in step beside me. “Made a quick run before the store closed. Things are just starting to heat up in there, and I don’t want to run out.”
“If you hate that name so much, maybe you should lay off the booze tonight. The only way it’s going to go away is if you quit acting like a clingy monkey, cuddling up to the nearest guy when you get buzzed.” I bump into her shoulder playfully so she’ll know I’m not trying to be a prick. Yeah, I’m calling her out, but she’s so fucking adorable when she’s drunk that I think we’d all miss it if she stayed sober.
“Not happening tonight, Damien showed up.” Fuck. I’ve wanted to pummel that fucker since he pushed Amanda into the dirt when they were together. The only thing that kept me from doing just that was the fact that I was reminded that he would press charges in a heartbeat and no one had bail money for me.
“You stick by me, okay?” I say as I open the door. It might have sounded like a question, but we both know better. Damien doesn’t fuck with me because he knows I’m itching for a reason to go after him. “Where’s he at?”
“When I left, he was out back. Come on, I didn’t tell you to put you in a shitty mood.” She pulls on my arm, keeping a connection between the two of us as we snake our way through the wall of people.
My feet are cemented to the ground the moment I walk into the kitchen. That’s a good thing, because the alternative is me rushing at Bowie, who has his hands all over Lea right now. Sure, I want her to be happy, and I want that with anyone but me but sure as fuck not him. Lea has so much going for her, and Bowie will drag her down. Something slices through me when she turns into him, placing one delicate hand on the center of his chest.
“Be careful, someone might start to think you care,” Amanda whispers loudly. I turn to tell her where to stick it and see her glaring at me, one hand perched on her cocked hip, the paper bag tucked carefully under her other arm. “Don’t even try to deny it, Cowboy. You have it bad for her, no matter what bullshit lie you try to feed me, yourself and the rest of the world.”
“Don’t start with me,” I warn her, grabbing a bottle of beer from someone passing by. He doesn’t say a word as he turns around to get himself another bottle. I shake my head, knowing he would have gotten in anyone else’s face but mine. I’m nothing special, but for whatever fucked up reason, people treat me like I’m royalty up here. Probably because I was close to Paulie, and he was king of the hill until he got stupid and drove drunk one night.
Looking around, I wonder how many of these assholes have forgotten all about him in the past eleven months. For a while, everyone was so diligent about not drinking if they were going to be driving, but I’d lay money that there will be at least three fights over keys tonight. Everyone thinks they’re okay to drive, right up until they realize they aren’t. That’s what happened to Paulie. He swore he was fine and we all believed him. A few hours later, the phone calls started coming in, telling us that he was in a coma until his parents could get there and tell the docs what to do. If it hadn’t been for one of the girls working in the emergency room that night breaking a few rules, I doubt any of us would have gotten there in time to say goodbye.
I shake those thoughts from my head, promising to not let his memory pull me under tonight. That’s not what he would want from any of us. Yeah, he would want to know that we learned from his mistakes, but he’d be
pissed as hell if we let our loss kill an opportunity to have a good time.
“Whatever you say, Cowboy. But if you’re not going to make your move, you have to let her live her life.” Out of all the times Amanda and I have talked about Lea, this is the first time I don’t feel like she’s criticizing me. She sounds almost sad and I wonder if Lea has said something to her. “As the saying goes, it’s time for you to shit or get off the pot.”
Chapter 3
Lea
You see me every day, but will there ever be a day when you truly see me? When you see everything I can’t bring myself to say to you? Maybe it’s for the best this way, with my journal as my confidant…
Bowie takes me by the hand, leading me out to the backyard. He’s not a bad looking guy, maybe a bit short for my tastes, but he’s nice enough to look at with his neatly styled brown hair and deep brown eyes. As Amanda would say, he’s a good starter boyfriend if I’m going to get myself back in the game.
“Want to go over by the fire pit?” Bowie asks as I try to steady myself. The cool night air seems to increase the effects of the two drinks I’ve had so far. I may not drink often, but I’m not that much of a lightweight.
There’s a good fire burning in the corner of the yard, but no one is over there. Bowie’s a nice guy, but I’m not ready to be alone with him just yet. “Nah, I’m in a mood to hang out for a while. Is that okay with you?”
“Sure.” Bowie shrugs, but I can tell he’s not happy with my hesitation.
There’s a picnic table set up just off the back deck, surrounded by a group of guys playing Quarters. In the spirit of celebrating the end of my obsession with Colby Davis, I straddle one end of the bench, pulling a quarter out of my pocket. A few heads turn my direction, but no one says anything. Up until now, I’ve been the good girl around here. I’m the one they think doesn’t do anything wrong. They’re right, but that’s because I’ve been so worried about making an ass of myself that I stay sober most nights. Tonight is most definitely not most nights.
“Look out boys, CB’s actually going to play tonight,” Bowie calls out as he sits behind me. I lean back against his firm chest, wishing there was even a tiny spark between us. “Keep an eye on Eric, he’s really good and will probably see you as an easy mark,” he whispers in my ear. I nod, narrowing my eyes to size up the competition in the low light.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got this,” I assure him, turning my head to give him an innocent smile. Little do these guys know that the countless nights I’ve spent out here sober have allowed me to study how different people play the game.
When it’s my turn, I bounce my quarter off the table and it lands in the half-full pint glass. Although I’m tempted to make Eric drink, I’m no fool. Bowie’s right, Eric is ruthless at this game. I am, by far, the smallest player and the person who drinks the least. I’m an easy target. I order a girl named Dina to down the beer and await my next turn. I miss and the glass gets pushed down the line.
Everything’s going well, until the opposite side of the table is in control. They’re masters at this game and all have their eyes on getting me as drunk as possible. After the third beer, I wish I had never sat down at this stupid table, but I wasn’t ready to wander off to a dark corner with Bowie. As I fight the need to puke, I look up and see Colby leaning against the railing of the deck. He looks pissed off as he glares at me. When I offer him a simple shrug, he mutters something before storming off.
“Hey, don’t let him ruin your night,” Bowie says quietly, wrapping his arms around my waist. I lean my head back, wishing it were so simple to forget about how Colby makes me feel. I’m such a bitch. I have an attractive guy holding me, gently trailing his fingers along my stomach, but my mind is somewhere inside with the surly man of my dreams. “Let’s take a walk.”
When Bowie stands, I realize how much alcohol I’ve had tonight. If not for his quick hands, I would be flat on my ass, likely with a knot on my head that would only amplify the hangover I’m sure to have in the morning. “Look, Bowie,” I slur, my body swaying from side to side. “As much as I want to go with you, I don’t think I’m up for a walk tonight.”
Leaning into him, I deeply inhale his woodsy cologne. It’s all wrong. He’s all wrong. I thought that drinking would help me forget about Colby, but it turns out that the only thing it did was make me want him even more. And thanks to the short-circuited brain cells, feeling Bowie’s body pressed to mine and his scent flooding my nostrils only serves to make me want to tell Colby everything I’ve kept from him.
“I get it,” Bowie says, agitated but not making a scene. It looks like I’m on my way from being a prude to being the cocktease of the county, if the looks of everyone watching us are any indication. “Come on, let me get you inside so you can eat something.”
Sinking into his side, I allow Bowie to lead me into the house. Tonight is a disaster. Until he mentioned it, I hadn’t thought about the fact that I skipped dinner, planning on grabbing something with Colby later.
“Thanks Bowie, I’ve got it from here,” Colby says, pulling me away from the man who is only trying to help me. I look up at Colby, momentarily grateful for the fact that he’s getting me out of this situation. But when I look into his smoldering eyes and see the anger welling, I want to cry. I’ve seen him look at other people that way, but never me. “CB, did you eat before we left home?”
Colby mutters something under his breath as I shake my head. He’s probably pissed off that he’s playing babysitter to me while he could be getting into the blonde bimbo’s pants.
“If she wanted to be with you, she would be, Davis.” I look from one man to the other, feeling the testosterone rolling off their bodies in waves. “But she doesn’t. She’s with me tonight.”
Before these two men turn me into a human tug-of-war rope, Amanda steps in. “Bowie, back off! Cowboy’s just trying to get her to eat something before she winds up puking all over the place.”
“What the fuck ever. CB, when you’re ready for a real man, come and find me.” He puffs out his chest at Colby before storming off in the other direction. If I didn’t feel all fuzzy, I’d kiss Amanda for handling that so well.
“Amanda, take her to the living room and I’ll fix her a plate.” He hands me off to my friend before turning away from us. She leads me to the front room of the house, cursing at anyone who won’t get out of her way. By the time we get through the dining room turned dance floor, I can feel every eye assessing me. Judging me. Mocking me.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Amanda scolds after kicking someone off the couch so I can sit down. Tossing my arm over my eyes, I groan, wishing I could go back in time a few hours. Being the fun-loving girl is highly overrated. “You’re playing with fire, flirting with other guys when you knew Colby was going to be here.”
Across the room, I see the blonde from earlier shooting daggers in my direction. Even through my beer goggles, I can see that she is here with a single goal in mind: to find someone to throw her down on a horizontal surface and screw her brains out. That won’t take long, seeing as she’s dumber than a box of rocks. Fueled by more beer than I’ve consumed in any given week before tonight, I lift my hand, wiggling my fingers in her direction. If Colby’s going to be pissed off at me, I might as well give him a reason.
“Fuck him,” I say defiantly. “I’ve been in love with him for four flipping years, and he’s never once made a move on me. I’ve tried dropping hints, but he’s so busy looking at the bimbos throwing themselves at him that he doesn’t even know I exist. I’m nothing more than one of the guys to him!”
It’s not until Amanda stiffens next to me that I realize how loud my slurred words are as they fall out of my mouth. My head lolls to the side to see Colby looming over me, his jaw clenched tight. Damn it. That’s it, this is officially the last time I drink!
Chapter 4
Colby
Handing the plate to Amanda, I turn on my heel to get out of the house. It’s suddenly way too warm in
here. I hear Cricket calling out behind me, but I don’t turn around to look at her. Hearing the pain in Lea’s voice when she talked about my flirting doused any desire for any woman here. If I can’t have Lea, I would rather go home alone than hurt her again.
“Dude, where the fuck did you disappear to?” Robby yells as I walk through the dining room, trying to avoid anyone bumping or grinding into me. I push my way through the crowd, hopping up on one of the barstools along the wall.
“Just had to get away for a while, sorry.” I grab Robby’s beer, hoping to refresh the buzz I had going on before I saw Lea cuddled up to Bowie.
“You about ready to man up and talk to her?” Robby asks, swiping the bottle away from me, nodding toward Lea. He’s the only person I’ve been honest with about my feelings. Whether or not he agrees with my reasons for keeping her at a distance, he’s usually pretty good at keeping quiet about it. “Look, I get that you don’t want to fuck up your friendship, but wouldn’t it be better to hook up with someone who gives a shit than these whores who want a night or two before another shiny cock comes along?”
Leave it to Robby to call it exactly like it is. His crude comments cause me to spit beer all over a couple who look like they’re about ready to start fucking right in front of us. Taking a moment to actually see what’s going on around me, I’m starting to understand what Lea has been saying about growing up. This life doesn’t fit anymore. I don’t want to hold onto my youth, partying every weekend. It’s time to start busting my ass if I have any hope of making my dreams come true.
“I can’t. She’s in school, and we both know that I’m going to have to let go and move away if I’m going to take the next step. Am I supposed to ask her to run off to Tennessee with me?” Not even Robby knows that I’m ready to go, as soon as I can come to terms with everything I’m leaving behind. I’ve been saving up for this trip since the first summer I worked for my dad. And last year, while Robby and Lea were both in school, I was working with a homeschool co-op, giving music lessons to kids who weren’t in conventional schools.
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