by Clare Chase
Later on I was about to ask Elsie to go and collect some budgets I’d been promised from Monica’s office when I changed my mind and decided to go myself.
I saw her glance up as I approached her glass cubicle and then instantly duck her head down again and busy herself with her calculator.
I took no notice and went on in. ‘I came for the budgets for the next two exhibitions,’ I said.
‘I’ve signed this one off, but I’m afraid I’ve had to make considerable alterations to this second one.’ She didn’t sound afraid, she sounded pleased. ‘I felt you were being rather extravagant.’
‘Really? Perhaps you could explain.’
She seemed to relish this idea giving her, as it did, the opportunity to rub my nose in my failings some more. From my point of view, I was just intrigued by what she’d said earlier. I wondered what sort of malicious gossip she’d been peddling and whether I could goad her into spreading any of it in front of me. I would be delighted to go and tell on her.
‘Here,’ Monica said, pointing to an area she’d marked in highlighter pen. ‘The people we usually use could do that for you at half the price.’
‘Oh, that’s interesting. Elsie said they were your preferred suppliers.’
She let out a snort. ‘Elsie! Well, no more need be said. It’s best to ask Radley about something like that.’
‘I will in future.’
‘I’d certainly say she’s the one to stay friends with at the moment.’ Monica gave me a meaningful look.
I tried not to rise to the bait, but was overpowered by temptation. ‘How do you mean?’
‘I’ve noticed she’s seen a lot of Sir Anthony lately,’ Monica said. ‘And he’s been telling me how helpful she’s been. Apparently she takes rather more care over what he wants than Mr Rice ever has.’
‘She’s clearly got time on her hands.’
Monica leant forward. ‘All I can say is, Mr Rice had better watch out if he’s going to rock the boat with Radley. The power base may be shifting.’
I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of probing any further, so I made to get up from my seat.
‘You’re getting on all right with her, are you?’ she said, stopping me in my tracks. There was a speculative look in her eyes.
I sat back down again. ‘With Radley? Yes, she’s been very kind, very helpful.’
She raised an eyebrow. ‘I wondered how it would be when you got here.’
‘Why?’
‘Mr Rice has his favourites and he’s given to changing his mind about who is …’ She paused for emphasis. ‘… flavour of the month. When that happens it can make for a bad atmosphere.’ She still wasn’t being explicit, but her tone meant there was no mistaking her meaning.
‘I’m sure if Radley’s “flavour of the month”, as you put it, she’s got nothing to fear from me,’ I said tartly. ‘Seb and I are old friends, but we’re more like family; cousins, say.’
‘In my position you get to hear a lot of things, and that’s not quite the impression I got.’
‘You listen to all the tittle-tattle that’s going, do you?’ I stood and picked up the budgets. I wondered who on earth she’d been talking to.
‘I tend to know what’s true and what’s not,’ she said. ‘After all, I’ve known Mr Rice for a long time, so I know what he’s like. The stories about him often involve women, so I usually find new ones of the same sort quite credible.’
‘He was loyal to Mel for years,’ I said. ‘It’s only natural if he has relationships now he’s free.’
‘Loyal? To Melanie?’ Her tone was incredulous. ‘That relationship started to go wrong before they’d even signed the lease on the gallery. You can take it from me.’
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Later that afternoon, when I saw that Seb was alone, I went to knock on his door. I was planning to tell him about the photo. I’d decided Terry had a point: whatever it was that was going on, he had a right to know.
‘Everything okay?’ he said.
I nodded. ‘I just needed to talk to you.’
He pulled out a chair for me. ‘And I wanted to talk to you too, as a matter of fact. I just had a call from David – you remember? The second of the two gallery buyers? Well he’s confirmed they’re going ahead with a purchase and what’s more, you know you highlighted Corpse as being highly acclaimed?’
I nodded.
‘Well they’ve decided to go for that, rather than Blame. I didn’t think they’d stretch to it, but apparently once he’d called one of their sponsors and conveyed the relative impact, they decided to opt for the work with the wow factor.’
I wondered what line of business the sponsor was in. Undertaking perhaps?
Seb put his arm round my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. ‘It’s all down to you,’ he said. ‘I knew the work you’d done would pay off, and I think you’re also someone people trust. You were great. You’ll have no trouble with Henry Feldenstein tomorrow.’
Suddenly he slipped his arm from round my shoulders to round my waist and drew me in a little, looking at me in a way that reminded me of the old days – not in that rush of emotion just after Julia had died, but before that, when life was less complicated.
Now I found I had an entirely different conversation in mind from the one I’d been planning. ‘Seb?’
‘Yes?’ he said. He was smiling at me, looking so young suddenly.
‘I spoke to Monica Smith today …’ I had to say it. ‘… and she hinted very heavily that you’re having an affair with Radley.’
He looked absolutely horrified and stared at me for a moment before saying, ‘Oh my God!’ and quickly withdrawing his hand. ‘I’m sorry, Anna. And you thought I was flirting with you too?’
‘I didn’t think you meant anything by it, but I didn’t want to give Monica ammunition for any further mischief she might make.’
He turned his head, glancing behind him.
‘I haven’t actually seen her peering in at us, but she’s just the sort to be hiding behind one of the office rubber plants, so I’m glad you don’t have any.’
Seb laughed, but then his expression was sober again. ‘Seriously though, Monica Smith is a menace.’
‘It’s certainly not fair of her to comment. You’re your own man and it’s no one’s business who you see, least of all hers.’
‘You’re right of course, but all the same, the Radley thing’s nonsense.’ His eyes were wide. ‘I had no idea Monica was under that impression. I don’t mean there’s anything ridiculous about it,’ he added. ‘Radley’s great, but neither of us is the other one’s type. You know how it is. Either you are or you’re not.’
He looked at me and sighed. ‘I’m sorry if I seemed to be making up to you, Anna. I suppose when we’re together now it takes me back to university days, when everything was simple, before I ever knew Julia and things changed.’ He looked into my eyes. ‘I didn’t see what was under my nose then, or appreciate what we could have had. But I know time’s moved on now. I suppose we’ve both been through too much for us to turn back the clock.’
He got up and walked over to the window where the lights of London were sparkling before us. When he turned back towards me again he said, ‘You don’t look much older now than you did then. I think that’s why I keep thinking I can put all that’s happened behind us and shut it away in a box.’ He looked at his watch. ‘It’s late, isn’t it? I expect you want to get off home. Take it easy on your way up north.’
I nodded. Suddenly I felt exhausted.
It was a relief to get back to Hampstead, but there were downsides. Sally met me, demanding a blow-by-blow account of what had gone on during my evening with Darrick, which didn’t help. I’d been so looking forward to telling her. As I’d texted her the night before, I’d imagined us analysing the date together and how much fun it would be. As it was, I just didn’t want to talk about it.
Under normal circumstances I would have found it hard to sneak off to my room without pr
oviding a proper explanation, but timing was on my side; Sally had more updates on her date with Jasper. He was taking her to the opera, and whilst she filled me in I managed to edge my way stairwards.
‘I hate opera,’ she said standing there in the hall, her eyes sparkling, ‘but I shall live for what comes afterwards.’ Before she let me go, she added, ‘I still want to know all the details of your date you know. Bung all your stuff upstairs and then come and tell me over a glass or two of Chardonnay.’
But, before I’d made it to the first-floor landing, Alicia appeared. ‘You don’t look too good,’ she said. ‘Do you want to pop in for a drink?’
‘I’m not sure,’ I said. ‘I’m not feeling too great.’
‘Bad day at work? Or did the date go awry?’
I thought for a moment. The whole thing had been an emotional rollercoaster from start to finish, but there was a limit to what I wanted to share with Alicia. ‘Neither was as straightforward as I’d anticipated,’ I settled for saying.
In the end I went to have a glass of wine in her sitting room. After all the hours I’d spent at work, wanting to be alone, I now found I was actually putting off the time when I would have to go upstairs and face my thoughts. And, for once, it was better ensconcing myself with Alicia than with Sally; she was more likely to badger me with questions about work than about Darrick. After all, she was dying to prove my decision to take up the post had been flawed.
‘So what’s up at the gallery?’ she asked.
I shrugged. ‘Just the usual politics really, I suppose. There’s a rather poisonous woman there called Monica Smith.’
‘Now that name rings a bell.’ Alicia rubbed her brow as though it might make the memory materialise, like a genie.
‘She used to work for the gallery owner apparently, Sir Anthony Peake.’
‘Oh yes!’ Alicia said. ‘I do remember. Mel said she was hard to deal with. On the one hand she always seemed to be on her side, when she and Sebastian disagreed, but on the other she said you could never relax with her. She was always stirring up trouble. I got the impression that half the time there wouldn’t have been a side to take if Monica Smith hadn’t been meddling in the first place.’
‘That sounds like her all right,’ I said. ‘She basically implied Seb was having an affair with Radley.’
‘Hmm.’ Alicia took a sip of her wine. ‘That’s certainly what Mel thinks.’
‘Really?’
Alicia nodded. ‘I was on the phone to her today as a matter of fact. We’re going out for a meal together at the weekend. So what about Sebastian then? Did he deny the affair, or didn’t you ask him?’
‘He denied it. He seemed totally knocked sideways by the idea as a matter of fact.’
‘Mel did say he could have had a second career as an actor.’
‘If you’d seen him, Alicia, I think you’d have been convinced too. He was just matter of fact about the whole thing. Said he thought Radley was great, but she wasn’t his type, any more than he was hers.’
‘Hmm.’ She got up and walked over to the fireplace. ‘And did Sebastian make any move towards you today by any chance?’
‘Oh no,’ I said. ‘I must admit I thought for a second he was going to, but the moment I told him the rumour I’d heard about him and Radley he pulled right back. He realised I’d thought he was going to get fresh and apologised.’
Alicia gave me a knowing glance over her shoulder as she put another log on the fire.
‘It was nothing. He was always quite affectionate when we were at university. Demonstrative. He’s like that with everyone.’
‘Even Monica Smith?’
‘Oh play fair! Okay, he’s not like that with her, but with most people.’
‘Especially you and Radley.’ She smiled. ‘Another glass of wine?’
I didn’t stay for a second drink with Alicia. We were clearly going to come to blows if we maintained a presence in the same room for longer than five minutes or so. Instead I went up to the attic bathroom for a shower and stood there with the water running down my face, thinking. I remembered Darrick’s touch, his mouth on mine, how certain I had been about belonging in his arms.
As I was drying myself, my mobile went. It was his number. When he’d said he was going away I had thought that might give me some space to work out what to do. Now clearly he was making the effort to get in touch, for whatever reason.
I paused, undecided. Should I pick up and confront him? And if I did, what would he tell me? Had he really only seduced me because I had access to some kind of information he needed? And how did it all involve Seb? My feelings for Darrick aside, I didn’t know whether I should be trying to find out more, or stepping back and cutting myself off.
Maybe the only way forward was to talk to him. Then again, that was the approach I’d taken so far, and each time it had consistently led me deeper into whatever he’d been doing, without really providing me with the truth.
At last I made a grab for the phone, ready to press the green button, but it went dead. My indecision had made the choice for me.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I was feeling churned up about Darrick and wound up about the journey the following day too. It made me queasy and so I wasn’t in any hurry to go to the kitchen and make supper. I knew I’d have to get down there soon though, and I couldn’t hold out on Sally forever either. She’d probably come up and bang on my door if I didn’t go and feed her gossip before the hour was out. Still, I delayed my visit, faffing around with overnight stuff for Glasgow.
I was busy deciding what to wear for my dinner with Feldenstein when Darrick’s text came in. It read: ‘Didn’t get much sleep when you were with me. Will get even less without you. (Sleep that is. Won’t get any of the other.) Back Thurs eve. D xxx’.
It took me straight back to how I’d felt when we’d lain next to each other: that longing and a connection stronger than anything I’d ever known. Was it possible to feel like that and yet to be mistaken?
Suddenly I did want to go down to talk to Sally. Of course, I wasn’t going to show her his message, but now I had to decide whether to reply or not. The need to share the gist of last night and get a second opinion had gone from being daunting to being essential.
I poured out the whole story of our date to her almost as fast as she poured out the wine. She made appreciative noises in all the right places, whilst I ploughed on, knowing the bombshell I had in store.
‘Bloody hell,’ was all she said when I got to the bit about the photograph. It was the first time I’d known her stuck for words.
‘That just about sums it up,’ I said.
At last Sally added, ‘Just what is he playing at?’
‘I wish I knew.’ I took another slice of the pizza we’d ordered. It was becoming a habit, but at least we were both enjoying it in a relatively sober and decorous way this time. My hunger hadn’t really come back, but I was aware of my journey the following day. It would be good to line my stomach, and not have a hangover.
‘And what will you say to him when he gets back in touch?’
‘He’s already been trying,’ I said, and explained about the call and the text.
‘So the text was friendly?’ Sally reached over to turn on her fan heater.
‘It was intimate. He used just the same tone he did when we were last together.’
‘So what are you going to do?’
I shrugged my shoulders. ‘The thing is, Sally, the more I think about it, the more I’m inclined to take the same approach as before.’
She looked across at me. ‘How d’you mean?’
‘See him again, face him with it and ask for an honest answer.’
She opened her mouth to say something, but I got in there first. ‘The fact is, when I found the photo, my initial reaction was that he must be using me.’
‘Which does seem like a reasonable conclusion,’ Sally said.
I nodded. I could hear the heat in her voice. ‘I know. After all, I don’t under
stand what he’s up to, but if it’s got nothing to do with me personally, then why not just tell me all about it in the first place?’
‘Exactly.’ She gave me a meaningful look.
‘But now, I feel as though perhaps his interest in me is more genuine than I thought. I mean, he still seems keen and I can’t see what else he hopes to gain from me … other than the things a man normally gains from a woman in a relationship.’
Sally sighed and I went on, ‘Okay, so maybe he and Julia were lovers. Maybe he happened to be in London and because he knew about Seb he thought he’d find out more about him, out of some sort of morbid curiosity. Does that have to mean that he and I can’t make a go of it?’
Sally got up, walked over to a corner cupboard and fetched a second bottle of wine. Once she’d topped us both up she sat down and I could tell instantly that she was about to take on the role of big sister, even though she was so much younger than I was. ‘I’m sorry, Anna,’ she said, ‘but it seems to me that you’ve already given him a lot of second chances.’
I stared down into my glass and wished I hadn’t come looking for encouragement.
‘From the moment you met him he’s been spinning you a line, one way or another,’ Sally said. ‘You’ve gradually found out bits and pieces of the truth, but only because you’ve dug and pushed.
‘Do you really think he would even have told you his name wasn’t Max if you hadn’t made it clear you’d found him out?’
It was unpleasant to think back to our first meeting at The Old Faithful and realise that perhaps she was right.
‘It’s true that you could keep forgiving him and going back for more, but who’s to say what you’d find out next, and what else he’d be prepared to keep from you if you carried on seeing him.’ There was a seriousness and sympathy in her eyes that I hadn’t seen before.
I tried to help her out, even though I was squirming inside. ‘It’s nice of you to be honest.’