“Yes.”
“Oh, you’re ridiculous.” Ellen spun and walked away.
“El. Wait.” Frank trotted to catch her, and after getting ahead of her, walked backwards. “Wait.”
“What.” Ellen stopped.
“Can we not fight in the middle of the street?”
“We aren’t fighting. I’m just pissed at you.”
“Fine. Can you be pissed at me inside? Let’s go to your house.”
“No,” Ellen tried to get by him.
“El,” Frank blocked her then softened his voice. “Come on. It’s been so long since you and I have been alone.” He leaned closer to her. “So long.” His words whispered as his lips hovered over hers. “Don’t you miss it? Don’t you miss me?”
“Aw, Frank,” Ellen whined.
“El,” He laid his hands on her face. “Be with me. I need you.”
The door to Ellen’s house was barely shut before Frank and Ellen were embraced in a kiss that was intense and passionate. The weight of his body moved her against the wall, edging her to the open area of the living room. Lifting Ellen as he held her tightly, Frank lowered her to the floor. His kisses pounded, one after another, pulling, hard, intense, while his body nestled in between her legs.
“Frank,” Ellen breathed out. “Not on the floor.”
Frank pulled at her clothes. “Why?”
“Not here.”
“Where?” he asked, and then kissed her again.
“Let’s go upstairs.”
His arm scooped under her, ready to hoist her with him as he stood, but he paused. “Do you have … you know? He kissed her.
“What?”
“El.” He tied to convey facially his request.
“What?” Ellen kissed him softly.
“You know …” Almost painfully, and embarrassed, he said, “Condoms.”
Ellen snickered. “Frank, don’t worry about it.” She grabbed him and kissed again.
After lovemaking, it was mid kiss that Frank caught the glow of the wind-up alarm clock. “Shit.” He whispered and reached for it. “I have to go.” He set it down and kissed Ellen quickly.
“Frank, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Frank began to slip from bed. “Can it wait until tomorrow?”
“It could. But I’d rather not. Right now is best.” Ellen sat up, keeping herself covered.
“What’s wrong?” Frank asked. He reached down to the floor and tossed Ellen her shirt. He then grabbed his clothes.
“Nothing, really, I … I want to talk to you about maybe … having a baby.”
Frank laughed as he put on his pants.
“Frank.”
He faced Ellen. “You’re serious.”
“Yes.”
“Well...” Sitting down, Frank reached for his socks and shoes, and began to pull them on. “Having a baby. In a few years that might not be a bad idea.” He finished and stood, looking for his shirt. “I mean, let’s get things settled and start everything up again.”
“I’m not talking about a few years down the road. I’m talking soon. Very soon. Like trying immediately.”
The shirt slipped over his head, exposing his shocked and slightly angered expression. “Now?”
“Yes.”
“Unbelievable,” He shook his head in disbelief. “Was that what tonight was about?”
“What?” Taken aback, Ellen rose from the bed. “What are you talking about?”
“Tonight. Telling me not to worry about the condoms?”
“No, Frank.”
Frank continued, “The urgency that you made love with.”
Ellen laughed sarcastically. “Me? Urgent? Um, no. You. You, Frank.”
“You wanted to get pregnant.”
“And you just wanted to fuck.”
With his jaw tense and clenched, Frank glared at her. “I’m going home. Next time you wanna pull your little tricks …”
“Tricks!” Ellen leaped his way. “How can you trick someone you’ve been with for fourteen years? I thought you loved me.”
“I do!” Frank shouted. “I thought you loved me! Discuss it first with me, El. I don’t want a baby. Not now.”
“Why are you so angry about this?”
“Because I feel like you just betrayed our kids. Our kids. They died, El. They all just died. And you wanna replace them so quick?”
Huffing Ellen stepped back. “You know what? Go home. You’re so fucked.”
“No, El, you are.” Frank flung open the bedroom door. “For even thinking this.” He stormed out.
In the aftermath of emotions left in the room, Ellen just plopped to the bed.
Sunday, June 14th
Ashtonville, Connecticut
The pencil rattled as it fell to the clinic counter. Ellen picked it up and dropped it again. Once it lay still, she repeated the pattern. Pick up, drop. Pick up, drop. Until Dean had enough. His hand came down stopping the pencil.
“I told you waiting on results could get boring,” he said to Ellen.
“I know.”
“Did you want to find something else to do?” he asked.
“No, I’m working on my notebook.”
“You’re fussing.”
She shook her head. “No, really, I’m thinking.”
“I see. So … any chance during your thinking phase I can steal that notebook and look at that poem?”
“No.”
“Why? You said the other day that I could.”
“That was before Frank said it sucked.”
“And how much poetry does Frank read?”
“You have a point.” Ellen inhaled. “Ok, here.” She opened the notebook. “Read.”
“Thanks.”
“And please don’t tell me it sucks.”
“I wouldn’t ever do that.”
“Be honest.”
“Let me read.”
“Ok,” Ellen stood up “Is it hot in here?”
“Yes.” Dean started to read.
“I’m gonna go outside for a bit.”
“Go on.”
Ellen moved to the door.
“Oh, Ellen.” Dean called her. “This is very good.”
Ellen smiled. “Thank you. Thanks so much.” She walked out.
After he was sure she was gone, Dean exhaled. “Whew.” He shook his head and put down the notebook. “That was bad.”
Ellen had not been outside the clinic more than a minute when she saw Frank approaching. She tried to hurry back in, but he called her name.
“El, wait.”
She didn’t want to, but Ellen stopped. She wanted to visually convey to Frank that she didn’t want to speak to him, so she turned away from him. “What?”
He walked to her. “Last night didn’t end so good.”
“You think?”
“Stop this. Just … stop. Ok?”
“Frank, you and I have nothing to say to each other. I have air sample results to get back to.” Ellen turned for the door, and walked in.
“El.” Frank followed her.
“Now is not the time and this is not the place.” Ellen told him.
“You think I give a shit?” Frank asked harshly.
“No, not really, that's your whole problem.”
“No, see, El, that’s your problem. You don’t care.”
Ellen chuckled in disbelief. “What are you talking about?”
“If you even cared about me, you would have discussed this decision with me before you took steps to make it happen.”
“For your information, Frank,” Ellen said, “last night I had no hidden agenda.”
Frank looked away.
“You don’t believe me.”
“Would you?”
“I’m done.” Ellen threw her arms out.
“What? What do you mean, ‘done’?” Frank asked. “Us?”
“There is no us, Frank.”
“Why do you say that? Ever since I got back, you have said that.”
&nb
sp; “It’s true.” Ellen said.
“Is it because I want us to take it slow in front of Johnny?”
“No,” Ellen shook her head. “It’s because we’re not a couple.”
“Then what do you call us?”
“Not a couple.”
Frank huffed out. “How can you make that statement after fourteen years?”
“And you have to ask?” Ellen said. “Got news for you, Frank. I was married to someone else. So were you. We weren’t a couple. We were friends who slept together. Period.”
“We’re more. I love you.”
“Not the way a man should love a woman.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Frank, I really don’t want to talk about this.”
“Too late, El. We are. And I think you’re saying this shit because you’re pissed.”
“Damn right I’m pissed.” Ellen argued back.
“Why? Because I didn’t like a decision you made out of your grief?”
“See? I think your decision is based on your grief.”
“I hate when we do this back and forth shit.” Frank said.
“Then let’s not.” Ellen folded her arms.
Frank shook his head. “This isn’t going anywhere. I came to talk to you to work things out. What do I get? I get that we aren’t ‘an us’.”
“How can we be ‘an us’, Frank; we haven’t a clue how to even do that correctly.”
“Then let’s try.” Frank said. “Let’s just see what happens.”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’m not so convinced that the only thing you want out of me is…”
“Don’t.” Frank held up his and. “Don’t even go there. Don’t even suggest that all I want is sex out of you. I could say the same thing.”
Ellen fluttered her lips. “That’s giving yourself a lot of credit, don’t you think.”
“I’m out of here.” Frank moved away. “Maybe once you calm down and change your mind about this baby thing, we can talk rationally.”
“I have changed my mind about the baby thing.”
Frank stopped at the door and turned around. “You did?”
“Oh, yeah. My original decision was to have a baby with you. Don’t get me wrong, Frank, I still want that baby. But if you won’t help me, then I’ll find someone who will.”
Frank bit his bottom lip and glared. “Then I suggest you find yourself a sperm donor.” He slammed his hands into the door and stormed out.
Ellen was holding her breath. She slowly let it out and jumped when she heard the clearing of a throat. She spun around. Dean stood there.
“Without crossing a line …” Dean tilted his head. “That … that was harsh, what you said.”
“I know. Frank brings out the worst in me.”
“Sometimes people …”
“Are the air samples done yet?” Ellen asked, obviously changing the subject.
“You don’t want to talk about this.”
Ellen shook her head.
“Then in that case, some of the samples are done.”
“And?”
Dean twitched his head toward the back. “I’ll show you.”
Ellen started to follow Dean; she took one more glance back to the door, and then she looked back no more.
Dickinson, ND
Joe leaned back on his elbows and stared across the huge field where they had stopped for a rest. He looked behind him as John and George conversed over an open map and then straight ahead to where Henry vomited. The sight of Henry upchucking—though demented—made Joe chuckle, especially after Henry had carried on about his disastrous sixth grade dance.
In a pretty relaxed state, Joe had no desire but to lay there and enjoy the peace and quiet. The trip had been uneventful; they’d not seen a single person.
Though not far from him, as George discussed finding the Garfield Project, Joe just listened. They talked about how it would be hard to find. How the small road was hidden off the main one. Joe wasn’t wagering on there being a hidden survival place, and he wasn’t wagering on there not being one.
One day at a time.
He was pretty relaxed about the whole thing. Though Henry and Miguel stated their apprehensions about Garfield, and how it could have been a government urban legend, Joe didn’t.
Why worry about it; the truth would be evident soon enough. And if worse came to worse and there was no Garfield Project then Joe still got to see the country and had a good idea of what they had to prepare for.
Ashtonville, Connecticut
Even though he appeared busy, it was obvious that William eavesdropped. In his kitchen, cookbook propped up on a stand, two lanterns for illumination, he went from looking at the pages to peering over the rims of his half-square glasses at Ellen and Andrea.
A little of this, a dash of that, cock an ear and listen.
But Ellen and Andrea didn’t seem to notice; in fact, William waited on his chance to intervene, which would come soon enough.
“You don’t have to leave, do you?” Ellen asked.
“No, I was just wondering if I should go check on Jenny and the children.” Andrea said.
“Jenny is fine,” Ellen assured. “She babysat for me numerous times.” Ellen’s thoughts went from assured to sad, but she quickly pulled out of it.
“Well, then I’ll wait until after our meal, which smells …” She inhaled. “Delicious. William, dinner smells divine.”
“Thank you. If my son doesn’t return shortly, we will eat without him.”
“Anyhow …” Andrea retuned to Ellen. “You were saying?”
“I’m not boring you, right?”
“Good heavens, no. Why would you say that?”
William chuckled. “She realizes that she’s been hanging around my son and being boring is contagious.”
Andrea shook her head. “Continue.”
“I was just getting your opinion on what I said to Frank.”
Andrea thought for a moment. “It was a bit insensitive.”
William spoke up, “I disagree.”
Both women faced him.
“Not that I’m eavesdropping or anything; I couldn’t help but hear. But …” William said, “Yes, the words were cutting. However, this is a man you’ve known most of your life, Ellen. He should understand what it is you want. He should be favorable to helping. You, on the other hand, spoke through your frustration.”
“Yes, I did. Andrea, what do you think of my decision?” Ellen asked.
“Which one? The one to have a child or to do it with or without Frank.”
“The child.”
Andrea partially smiled. “Having been a nurse for many years, I’ve seen woman in your position reach the same decision.”
“It’s not like I want to replace them,” Ellen said.
“No,” Andrea shook her head. “You need to be a mother.”
“Exactly. Yes, I have Joe and Frank, and Johnny. But they aren’t really mine.”
“Joe’s like a father,” Andrea said.
Ellen nodded. “But he isn’t mine. My children were mine. I loved them without reason and unconditionally, and they loved me the same. I need that in my life. I need that to go on. Yeah, I’m going on, but not the way I want. If I have that to focus on, I think … no, I know I’ll be better.”
“The there’s nothing wrong with the decision or timing,” Andrea commented. “Have you explained your reasoning to Frank?”
“Ok, well …” Ellen held up her hand. “After I left Doc Breyer’s I ran into Frank again. We were calmer, I told him what I just told you, and things erupted again.”
“He got angry over what you said?” Andrea asked.
“No, I got angry over what he said. He told me I always make decisions without thinking, and this was one of them. When I asked him what he thought I’d do, end up not wanting the child once it was born? He said yes. I’ll not want it a
nd act like it.”
William fluttered his lips. “He’s a boob. Sorry, Ellen. I like the man but … if you want a child, have a child. Plain and simple. Try to conceive; it if happens it is meant to be.”
Andrea whispered an ‘oh’, and swayed her head, humming. “William, you have insight. If the Good Lord wants Ellen to have a child, He’ll deliver.”
William pointed a spoon. “And so will Ellen once she gets pregnant. And, I’m also willing to wager something else. I’m willing to bet that once you get pregnant, more so once this child is born, Frank will want everything to do with it and forget what he said about not wanting another baby now.”
Ellen chuckled. “That would be nice, but … I can’t get pregnant by Frank without Frank’s help.”
“Who said the child had to be Frank’s in order for him to want to raise it?” William asked. “That child will be yours; in return, that is what Frank will want a part of. Your child.” William continued to mix. “Do as he suggested, find a sperm donor. You’ve many around here to choose from. Just …” He set down the bowl, “Don’t choose Henry.”
Andrea gasped. “Is that a racist remark?”
‘No, it’s an annoyance remark.” William replied, “Something tells me Henry’s child will whine as much as he does. Take your pick, Ellen, you needn’t even sleep with the man, my son probably could help out on the medical end. In fact …” William snapped his finger. “What about using my son? Genetically it would be a good move. And I don’t believe he’s ever had sex so supplying without a woman wouldn’t be a problem.”
This made Ellen laugh extremely hard. “William, you’re funny.”
“But in all seriousness, if you truly are willing to move forward without Frank’s help, think of Dean.”
Andrea said, “Are you sure it’s not a trick to get a grandchild?”
‘No,” William answered. “Won’t we all be part of the child’s life? I’m not being biased; Dean is a good choice.”
The back door opened at that second. “What about me?” Dean said.
“Oh, “William answered. “We were just talking about you supplying some of that pent-up sperm for the Ellen baby cause.”
The Big Ten: The First Ten Books of the Beginnings Series Page 29