“If they let you in, there’s a lot of trees there, tie her to a tree. If we don’t hear from you in say ten hours, we’ll fetch her. I hope if you make it in there you’ll remember us.”
“No problem.” Robbie reached down his hand. “If I don’t, I’ll be back.”
Moses shook Robbie’s hand and with a firm whack, smacked the horse on its backside to send it running off.
Robbie was on his way. With all the skills he had acquired in his life, and the instincts he had developed on his search for his family, he knew finding Beginnings would not be a problem. He had given his body time to heal and hopefully, Beginnings time to cool down. He knew the first person he would see would be Frank, so on his journey, in his mind, he searched for the right words to say.
But what could Robbie say? He had made a huge mistake. One he regretted and he wished he hadn’t done. One he would have to talk his way out of. Robbie was certain that he could talk to Frank. Frank was his brother, his flesh and blood.
Robbie held high hopes that he wouldn’t be let down. Things can always be forgiven. He just needed the chance. The entire way back to Beginnings, he kept that in his mind.
***
The horrendous dream Ellen was having about Robbie made her abruptly awake. But the sudden sitting up in bed caused the overwhelming feeling of nausea. Her stomach churned and her mouth salivated. Ellen jumped from bed and bolted to the bathroom, shut the door, slid to the floor, hugged the commode, and threw up.
Dean looked up to the ceiling when he heard the familiar routine. The same thing he had heard every single morning. Just as the coffee was finishing, and Dean was going up to wake Ellen, it happened. The running footsteps, the slamming of the bathroom door, the clank of the toilet seat, and the not-so-subtle sound of Ellen up-heaving. He knew what was causing it. The suppressed emotional after effects of her trauma were spewing their way out somehow. And in a way she bodily couldn’t control. Too much time had passed and Dean knew how wrong it would be for him to let it go on any longer without saying anything. He placed down her coffee mug and walked upstairs. “El?” He knocked on the bathroom door, calling softly to her. “El, are you O.K.?”
“Fine.” Ellen’s voice echoed in the toilet bowl.
“El you are not fine, you’re sick. Maybe you should see Andrea today.” He leaned against the bathroom door.
“Dean!” Ellen held tighter to the rim, her eyes watered as she fought desperately the dry heaves that happened upon her. “Please leave me alone. I’m fine.”
“I’m not so sure.”
Ellen rolled her eyes and she struggled with that knot that formed as her stomach fought to empty contents that were not there. Finally, it subsided. Ellen stood up slowly, flushed the toilet, washed her face, rinsed her mouth with water and brushed her teeth. When she opened the bathroom door, Dean was still standing there. “Dean, go away.”
“No. Look at you. You look terrible.”
“Gee thanks. I knew I could count on you to give a good compliment.” She moved to the bedroom.
“El, I didn’t mean it like that.” Dean followed her. “I’m concerned. O.K., how’s this . . . you look . . . you look really bad.” Dean nodded. “Better?”
Ellen grunted, walked past him to her bedroom and shut the door.
***
Frank found himself trying to remember the names of all of his high school teachers. It was a way to wake up his mind because the coffee wasn’t doing the trick. Not often did he carry his coffee with him when he walked rounds checking on the perimeters. But he did on that morning, mug in hand, clipboard in the other. He was tired and his body moved like it. Not getting much sleep the night before was the reason. A pseudo problem at containment got Ellen out of her home in the middle of the night and Frank the chance to be with her. It was the same thing they had done for so many years and the thing Frank vowed he wanted to stop. But they were at it again, back to sneaking around. But this time they just talked all night.
Taking slow steps, hoping the caffeine from his two cups of coffee would kick in, Frank checked the back gate.
“Frank,” a voice whispered out to him.
Frank heard it. He was surprised. Who was calling his name at six-thirty in the morning?
“Frank.”
It happened again. Frank looked around, he didn’t see anyone. Now he’s had it. Not only was Ellen driving him nuts, she was making him hear voices too.
“Hello, Frank.”
The unmistakable voice. Frank was looking in the wrong direction. He was looking within the perimeter, not outside of it. As he turned to the voice a burning sensation went through him. He could feel his body temperature rise. Robbie was approaching the fence. Frank swallowed once. A shock took over him, he could not move. He couldn’t believe that Robbie was actually standing there. “How did you find your way back?” he asked coldly.
“It wasn’t too difficult.” Robbie neared the fence, but not too near, he knew what would happen if he touched it.
“I suggest you back off and return to where you came from.”
“I can’t. I came here to talk to you, to talk to Dad. I want to explain.”
“Explain what?” Frank grew angrier. “Explain how you beat up and almost raped Ellen? Got news for you Robbie. There is none.”
“Frank, I swear . . .” Robbie stepped closer, when he saw Frank reach for his gun he put his hands up. “It wasn’t what you think. Just please talk to me.”
“No. Leave.”
“Frank, if you won’t listen get Dad. I know he will.”
“If you think for one second anyone is gonna listen to you, you’re crazier than I thought. You’re gone, Robbie. Gone. And you’re not getting back in. I’ll see you dead before I let that happen.”
“Just listen to me.”
“There’s nothing to listen to.” Frank turned and began to walk.
“It wasn’t what you think, Frank.” Robbie talked fast, trying to get all his words in. “It wasn’t supposed to get like that. I admit it got out of hand . . .”
“Got out of hand? Is that what you call it? Walk away now, Robbie. You’re my brother, I let you live once, I promise you, I won’t let you live again.” Frank meant the words he spoke. He was not giving any idle warning. He slowly walked away.
“Frank!” Robbie called out. The further Frank walked, the angrier Robbie grew. His temper took over. “Frank!”
Frank ignored him.
Robbie wanted to slam the fence in frustration, he couldn’t. His rage spewed forth through words. “Frank do you think that was the first time I was with her? I fucked her before. Why do you think she wanted me to stay in containment?”
Frank stopped cold in his tracks. He felt as if every ounce of blood in his body rushed suddenly to his face. It burned in anger. In one movement Frank sprang his revolver from his shoulder harness and rushed the fence. “Back away from the fuckin’ fence! Now!” Frank’s words were strong as he shouted them.
“I’m sorry, Frank!” Robbie held his hands up.
“I will give you three seconds to get your ass out of here. If you are not moving in three seconds, I will blow you away!” Frank steadily held the gun. “One!” He pointed the gun. “Two!” He clicked back the hammer, and took a deep breath. “Three.” As Frank’s finger began to depress the trigger, Robbie took off into the woods. With the sound of a horses ‘nay’ and subsequent trotting, Frank relaxed his arm, and put the revolver back. Regaining his composure, but heart still racing, Frank left to seek out his father.
***
Ellen carried an armful of hospital gowns into the examining room. She smiled at Andrea who leaned against the counter writing in a chart. “Enjoy your break while you can. Five more just showed up.” She turned to leave again. “Happy annual physical week.”
“Ellen.” Andrea called softly as she worked. “Please have a seat.”
“Sure.”
“Shut the door.”
“Why?” Ellen questioned then sa
w Andrea look up with a smile. “Oh! You need my help as community counselor. No problem.” Ellen shut the door, and walked over to Andrea.
“How are you feeling?” Andrea asked.
“Huh? Oh, fine.” Ellen nodded. “What seems to be on your mind?” Ellen was impressed with how professional she sounded.
“I don’t want to talk about me.” Andrea closed the chart and faced Ellen. “I want to talk about you. Dean says you’ve been throwing up a lot lately.”
“Oh he’s nuts I have not. Today I did, that’s because Henry made these really gross ginger flavored rice cakes. They didn’t agree with me.” Ellen smiled. “Is that all?”
“So, your holding in the trauma hasn’t anything to do with.”
“Absolutely not.” Ellen said assuredly. “How can it. I’m healing. I no longer look like Quasimodo. I’m energetic and I don’t think about it. So . . .” She tossed her hands up. “No worrying.”
“Good.”
“See ya.” Ellen moved to the door.
“Are you pregnant?” Andrea watched Ellen’s hesitation in her exit. “Ellen?” Andrea was taken aback when she saw Ellen turn around with a horrified look on her face. “You are.” She gasped out. “Ellen, why didn’t you tell me? We have to monitor it.”
Ellen swallowed and stepped closer. “I was going to. But I thought I was going to lose the baby after the Robbie thing. I didn’t.”
“So you’ve known for a little while. How long?”
Ellen peered up to the ceiling then back to Andrea. “Well, when I missed my first period, I thought it was stress. Then when the second didn’t come I got suspicious. But as soon as I neared the third I knew I . . .”
“Three missed periods? Sweet Jesus, Ellen, you know what this means. This baby cannot possibly be Dean’s.”
Ellen cringed. “I know. Why else do you think I haven’t said anything?”
“Well you better say something soon. It won’t be long before you can’t. And . . .” Andrea waved a motherly finger. “Don’t even try to pull one over on Dean. Even if that boy lost count and thinks this baby is early, he’s gonna know the second that baby is born weighing ten pounds and covered in black fur.”
Ellen’s eyes closed and she let out an airy chuckle. “Andrea I’m going to tell them both. Soon. O.K.? Just don’t say anything until I do.”
“Oh, no I won’t.” Andrea folded her arms with an ornery smile. “We don’t have much entertainment in Beginnings. And don’t think I’m not gonna enjoy, like a good book or movie, sitting back and watching this one unfold.”
Ellen nodded her head to Andrea in a sarcastic ‘thank you’. She knew she could count on Andrea’s motherly support.
***
“Son of a bitch!” Joe wiped the just splashed coffee from his white shirt as he and George walked to the door of his office. “I can’t make it a single morning without doing this.”
“That’s what you get, for walking and drinking.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Joe reached for his doorknob. “You’d think I’d learn by now.”
“Hey Joe, is that Frank coming this way?”
Joe turned around to look as the door flung open. “Sure is. What’s he doing over here at this time of the morning?” Joe walked into his office.
“Don’t you want to know what he wants?” George followed him.
“He can come in here and tell me. I hope it’s not about the dead squirrels again. It really burns my ass that he bitches about them.” Joe sat down at his desk. “Besides, we have a ton of things to sort out and get to.”
“Dad!” Frank threw open the office door.
“Frank.” Joe looked up at him. “If it’s about the squirrels again. I’m not in the mood.”
“No it’s not. I need you to get Henry over here. I have to talk to all three of you.”
Joe shook his head. “Can’t do that. Henry’s over at school, the air conditioning is out. We don’t want to burn up the kids.” He then noticed the look on his son’s face. “What’s wrong, Frank? I can get him here in a couple hours.”
“Please. Just let me know when.” Frank, frustrated, began to leave the office.
“Why, what’s wrong?”
Frank stopped. “I’ll get more into it later, but we may have a problem. Robbie just came back.”
***
From the stack of routine blood work requisitions, Dean lifted his head to the soft shuffling that began in the lab. Slowly he turned his stool around and chuckled when he saw Ellen standing there. “Why are you sneaking? I’m not that busy.” He turned back to the requisitions.
“I have to take care of something. I’ll be back.”
“Nothing’s wrong right?”
Ellen moved closer. “Nothing. No. Then I’ll help you get through these. I promise.” She laid her hand on the stack.
Dean caught glimpse of her left hand, still wearing the ring. He lifted her fingers. “I was thinking. If you want to, we can cut this off.”
“What? No. No.” Ellen shook her head and pulled her hand back. “I just . . . the answer hinges on a lot. There’s a problem that has to be dealt with.”
“I know.” Dean nodded. “That’s why I haven’t said anything about wanting an answer. But El?” He stood up. “Can I just say something? You know I love you. But I just need for you to know I’m not expecting you to say yes because you have this great love for me. I know how you are. You give emotionally all that you can. And to me . . . that says a lot. I want you to say yes because you want to settle. Build a foundation. Have security again. We have a family. We have a friendship so . . . we have a lot.”
Ellen inhaled and reached her hand up to Dean’s cheek. “You’re making this difficult for me.” She stepped back and walked to the door.
“You’re turning me down.”
Ellen paused and turned around shaking her head. “I don’t deserve the way you are to me. And . . . I have things to resolve. If they resolve correctly, and your offer still stands, then my answer will be yes.”
***
“Here you go, Frank.” John Matoose walked into Frank’s office. He dropped a stack of books on his desk. “Manuals for the Darwin Perimeter beams, reflectors and catches. Also, Henry’s homemade manuals for those retractor beams.”
“Thanks.” Frank moved the stack and spread out a map.
John peered at what Frank was doing. “We re-doing the perimeters?”
“I want to have a grasp, refresher on weak areas and such.”
“Always good.” John backed up.
“Oh, hey John. Question.” Frank sat down behind his desk. “I don’t bother much with how mechanical is run. But, uh . . . how much would say the average mechanical division worker know about the beams and perimeters?”
“Average?” John laughed. “There’s only four of us.”
“O.K., well, then say, Scott. How much does he know?”
John shrugged. “He knows as much as he wants to know. It’s all up there. And speaking of which, I have to head back. Return those.” John pointed and turned to walk out the open office door. He nearly bumped into Ellen. “Hey, El.”
“John.” Ellen stepped in the office and closed the door.
“El?” Frank raised his eyes to her. “What’s up?”
“Oh nothing.” Still leaning, she looked innocent.
“El, come on. I love spending time with you, but I’m busy. What is it?”
“You know what? I’ll come back later.” She turned her back.
“You came up here for something, what is it?” He demanded.
“O.K. I did.” She took a deep breath. “We have a problem.”
‘Slam’ Frank’s hand hit hard on the desk. “Jesus Christ! What is it now?! What the fuck else can go wrong today!” Frank’s loud voice blasted Ellen.
“No, no.” Ellen held up her hands. “This is not a good time. I’ll talk to you later.”
“You have me fired up already, tell me now!”
“Frank forget it.”
“El!”
“I’m pregnant.” Ellen cringed as the words slipped from her mouth.
Frank slowly stood up, he walked around his desk. “Can you repeat that please?”
“I said . . . I’m pregnant. About three months.” She cringed again, leaning further to the door. “I know this isn’t what you want. I know you’re pissed, but I needed you to know before I told Dean. I think, no, I know, after his initial shock, he’ll raise the baby. So don’t worry.”She knew Frank’s eyes were on her and focused. She wanted to run with each taunting step he took to her.
“I’m gonna be a father again?” He laid his hands on her face, pressed his lips hard to her, then released her as hard as he kissed her, sending her a foot back. “This is so fuckin’ great.” He shook his head laughing. “Let’s go.” He grabbed her hand.
“Wait. Where?”
“To get your things. You and the kids can live with me. It’ll be a little crowded with Johnny and . . .”
“No.” Ellen pulled her hand away. “You’re not supposed to want this or be happy. You never wanted a baby.”
“I just said that because I thought you stopped being fertile.”
Ellen gasped. “Obviously not. Look . . “ She grew aggravated when Frank tugged her again. “Stop it. All right. Dean doesn’t even know yet.”
“Then you tell him. Then you leave him.”
“For you?”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“El, you’re pregnant to me. You think Dean’s gonna congratulate you and pat you on the back? No. He’s gonna be pissed. You might as well tell him and get it over with.” Frank laughed in a gloating way. “You know what. Let me tell him.”
“No. I will be the one to tell him. But what makes you so sure he’s going to want to dump me. What if he doesn’t? What if he just gets mad and goes after you?”
Frank scoffed. “And do what. Poke me? Ow, Dean stop.”
“This isn’t a joke.”
The Big Ten: The First Ten Books of the Beginnings Series Page 60