He slid his lips softly across her neck, as his hands moved to her legs. Fingers spread wide, his grip extending as far as it could across the tops of her thighs . . . clenching. The heaviness built in his chest as his heart beat faster. His lips moved more sensual, his head told him to stop. But he couldn’t. And Ellen wasn’t stopping him either. He knew they had crossed the line from a joke into a reality when he felt her finger tips move slowly up his back and to his hair, pulling him closer.
Gliding his hands behind her, he edged her to him, just a little. He felt her legs part as they brushed against his hips. He pulled his mouth from her neck, cupped her face with his hands and brought his lips to hers. Pressing them to hers, he parted them, wider and harder, kissing her deeper, and breathing in the every moment. All he could think of was kissing Ellen, feeling her, his hands roaming more about as did hers. Soon the space between them, the edge of the table, had disappeared as their bodies pressed together.
The point of no return.
Ellen’s hands moved to his jeans, undoing them, loosening them, allowing her hands to slip in the back. He slid her from the table, bringing his lips from her face, to her neck. Grazing them downward, his mouth touched and tasted every inch of her exposed body as he brought himself to his knees, slipping off what she wore to the floor. Bringing himself up, Dean began kissing Ellen as he lifted her, and he entered her with intensity as he backed her down to the table.
Not a single sound was heard from that room. Moving bodies, pressed together so tightly nothing could slip between them. Fingers gripping, intertwined. And then the only noise, were the sounds of breathing. Slow, shallow. Building, deeper, heavier, and finally growing in synch. All leading to that one final moment, the one breath holding moment, when they stopped moving.
Dean’s hand pressed tightly to her back from under her, his fingers dug, as their bodies froze in that single, tense instance.
Releasing the breath he held, but not Ellen, Dean lifted his head and laid his lips to hers. As he kissed her in that just-after time, his mouth hesitated at the same time as hers when the reality of what just happened, hit them.
With a sinking heart he raised his head and looked into her eyes. He saw it there. She felt what he felt. “Oh God, Ellen, what have we done?”
Ellen’s hand trembled as she brought it from his back to her face. She closed her eyes tightly. An unthinkable situation transpired without any thought.
Filled with anxiety, Dean lifted himself from Ellen and hurriedly, and nervously, began to dress. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”
Ellen, slowly, got from the table and picked up her clothes. Shaking her head in disbelief she too began to dress.
“I’m sorry, Ellen.” Dean, whose back had been turned, faced her.
“I was here too, Dean.” She took the belt that still hung from her neck and looped it through the baggy shorts. Ellen’s whole body shook and a knot formed in her stomach. She rubbed her eyes. “Please tell me this didn’t happen. Please tell me I didn’t just cheat on Frank.”
“It did. You did . . . we did.” Dean frantically ran his fingers through his hair laying it down. “This was the last thing I meant to happen. I swore I’d never make this mistake. God!” Dean’s hands moved up and down. “How could I have been so irresponsible?”
“Thanks a lot.” Ellen’s head lowered. She turned to the table, gripping it.
Dean swallowed, the lump in his throat made it difficult. “El.” He walked over and stood behind her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.” His hand rested on her shoulder. “I just, I just always told myself, if you and I ever had the opportunity, I would never . . . while you were with Frank. No matter how I felt about him. I wouldn’t put him through that.”
“Frank.” Ellen’s eyes closed. “This would crush him.”
“We have to tell him.”
“What!?” She spun and faced him. “He’ll kill you. Physically kill you. And I can’t deal with this right now.” She brushed by him and moved to the door.
“Wait.” Dean reached out and grabbed her arm as she opened the door. “We have to talk about this. Where are you going?”
“Home. We’ll talk when I can think straight. I can’t do that right now. All I keep thinking is I haven’t let my husband touch me since before Colorado. I didn’t think I’d ever let a man touch me again. But I let you.” She breathed heavily. “And you know why.”
Dean released her and turned his back to her. He knew, he didn’t want to verbalize it.
“You were there. I started to depend on you to make me feel normal. But I should have listened to you. After the rape, I should have just gone to Frank.”
The heart dropping effect hit both Ellen and Dean when Frank’s voice, deep and saddened seeped into the room. “Yeah, you should have.”
Ellen spun around, all of her air escaped her when Frank was standing in the doorway. White as a ghost she looked to a shocked Dean, then Ellen, saying nothing, blasted past Frank, out of the examining room and she raced down the corridor never stopping.
Frank, after a brief glance at Dean, chased her.
Dean raced to the door to follow, but he stopped. Holding back his hair he turned into the room and it all came in clear, the vision, and all the sensations and feelings that transpired. Breathing slowly through his nose, he ran his hand harshly down his face. The locked door, the innocent joke that took them by surprise. The table. He closed his eyes and swallowed. “What have I done?”
^^^^
The shower’s warm water didn't wash it away. It hit against Ellen’s chest beating everything from her to the surface. Standing there, just standing there, she leaned into the tiled wall. Forearm resting above her. Her head resting on the arm. Her other palm flush against the light brown squares, helping to hold her up. The water went unnoticed as it hit against her, her mind deep in thought. It was her body cleansing. Her soul cleansing would come when she stepped from the shower to face Frank.
He was there in the bedroom waiting when she walked in. Sitting on the edge of the bed, hands folded. Ellen’s heart ricocheted through her body, beating loudly in her ears, taking away her breath.
“Frank.” It was the only thing she could say.
“I’m sorry.” He looked up. “I am really sorry.”
“What?” Shocked laced her one word. “Not you. Me. Why would you apologize to me? I was so wrong. So wrong . . .”
“And I knew. It hurt me to know what they did to you. I knew when I saw the bruises on your thighs. I could have told you. But I didn’t. I was afraid to hear it. If I heard it, it would make it true. And a part of me just couldn’t handle that. And by the time I could handle it enough to help you, it was too late.”
Ellen blinked several times, waiting for him to say more. Frank didn’t, she had to. “Frank, whether you knew or not isn’t the issue. I betrayed you. I went to Dean. That is why . . .”
“You’re smiling and getting better.” Frank nodded. “He helped you. I owe him my gratitude.”
“Gratitude?” Ellen questioned. “You feel you owe him that? Is that why you didn’t say anything or hit him when you overheard?”
“Hit him?” Frank chuckled emotionally. “What did the man do wrong? He helped my wife when I didn’t. No.” Frank held up his hand. “He helped her when I couldn’t. I just hope you aren’t mad at me for not being there. I’m not mad that you went to him.”
“No. I’m not mad.” Ellen whispered out. “Never.” She stared at him and realized Frank had no idea what had transpired in that examining room. And she stood there with a choice. Tell him the whole truth or say nothing. Debating only briefly, right or wrong, Ellen chose to say nothing.
CHAPTER FORTY
September 16
It was a semi-day off as Frank called it. Finish the stocking for the trip and then spend the rest of the day with his family. Even though it wasn’t even eight in the morning, it was Frank’s last stop. The cryo-lab, to see Dean. Frank needed it to be
the final place he went.
He looked inside the open lab door held open with a brick. The sounds of explosions and gunfire rang out, as Dean sat before the computer playing a game. Frank knocked once on the archway before walking in. “So this is what you call hard work?”
“Breaks the monotony.” Dean engrossed, paused his game and turned around. “Frank.” If the coffee didn’t work as a jump start, seeing Frank did. “What’s up?”
“A couple things. I need the rest of those grenades. You didn’t give them to me.”
“Uh . . They’re right . . . I’ll get them.” Dean trying to stay calm, breathed slow to hide his nervousness. He hurried over, grabbed the sack and handed it to Frank. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” Frank threw it over his shoulder. “Be at the garage five a.m. sharp tomorrow.”
“I’ll be there.” Dean was antsy, it was starting to show.
“And the other thing, I want to talk to you about you and my wife.”
“What . . . uh, what about us?” Dean reached for a stool and sat down.
“Ellen and I talked last night.” Frank too pulled up a seat. “A lot came out. I know what happened.”
Dean’s heart pounded. He was facing the firing squad. “Frank, please let me explain.”
“No. There’s no need to explain.” Frank held his hand out. “I’ve accepted the fact. And the fact is, I denied it. I couldn’t handle her being . . . see I can’t even say it. You could. You faced it with her.”
Dean let out a long breath. “We should have let you know. You had the right to know.”
“It doesn’t matter. I want to tell you I appreciate you helping her, I do.”
“Don’t thank me, Frank.” Dean stood up and moved away. “Don’t. I don’t deserve that. We went behind your back with this. We were wrong. In fact, I owe you an apology. A big apology for everything. The whole situation. I took that opportunity away from you.”
“I would have liked to have been the one to help her. But I wasn’t, you were. And even though you don’t want to hear it . . . thank you.” He stood. “One more thing.” Frank paused before leaving. “I gave it a lot of thought. We’ve bridged a riff between us. And with all you did, not now, but in a little while, if you still want that baby, I won’t stand in the way of Ellen carrying it for you.”
Dean’s eyes closed painfully. He turned to tell Frank he couldn’t accept that, but no words emerged from his mouth. He could only lift his hand in a wave goodbye when Frank walked out. He felt lower than he ever thought he could. It would have been easier if Frank would have nailed him. Flattening him would have bothered him less than treating him with the respect Dean knew he didn’t deserve.
^^^^
As a friend and confidant, Andrea felt it her duty to investigate. She knew exactly where to find Joe. Right where the last person saw him three hours earlier. She went to the near vacant warehouse and walked inside without announcement. The rumors were true. Something was wrong with Joe. He sat on the hard floor amongst a pile of cloths, books, posters and other personal belongings. “Joseph Slagel.”
“Andrea.” Joe calmly said her name taking the cigarette from his mouth. “What are you doing here?”
“I would like to ask you the same thing. I thought it was a rumor.” she stepped closer. “People, people have been saying since five this morning you were running around this community collecting all of the Chester items back.”
“I did.”
“Why?” she asked with worry.
“Because I missed something. Maybe. I don’t know.”
“What did you miss?”
“I don’t know.”
“Can I ask what you think you missed something on?”
“Yeah you can ask.” Joe stated examining the items. “I don’t know. But I know I did. I think.”
“You sound like Frank.”
“I feel like Frank.” Joe shook his head. “But I’m right.”
“In missing something you know you missed, but don’t know what it is?” Andrea nodded when Joe did. “Are you stressed, Joe?”
“Very.”
“Is this helping?”
“I think.”
Nodding once more, Andrea stepped back. She would leave Joe alone with his items. His own personal therapy, no matter how much sense it didn’t make.
^^^^
How many times did Dean have to tap his fingers on the counter loudly to let Ellen know he was antsy. He listened to her ramble about blood work, pap smears, urine samples, and finishing up requisitions so she could head home early. She acted as if it was a normal day at the clinic. That nothing out of the ordinary had even transpired between them.
“And I’m out of here.” Ellen said chipper. “See ya.”
Snapping out of his daze, Dean jumped from his stool, bolted in front of Ellen and bodily closed the lab door. “You aren’t going anywhere.”
“Why are you trapping me in the lab?”
“Because we have to talk about what happened last night.”
“What uh, happened last night.”
Dean grunted and stepped away from the door. “Oh, don’t play dumb. You know exactly what happened. And you and I have to talk about this. Right now.”
“What is there to talk about. It happened.”
“Ellen.” Dean gasped out her name. “We crossed a line you and I. I’m emotionally a mess here. Frank’s being nice. He’s allowing you to carry that baby. I can’t face him. I can’t. We have to tell him.”
“And I will.” Ellen’s voice raised a little. “But not yet. In time. But I won’t tell him yet.”
“Waiting will only make it worse.”
“Sorry. That’s the way it has to be.” Ellen tried for the door again.
“You can’t ignore this.” Dean charged for her.
“I’m not!” Ellen yelled.
“You are. You’re ignoring it and trust me, El, we can’t take it back.” Dean pointed.
“I don’t want to take it back!”
“What?” Dean stepped back, his words breathy.
Ellen softened her words slowing them down. “I don’t want to take it back. I feel so bad for cheating. And I feel horrible for lying to a man I have never lied to. But I don’t want to take it back.”
Dean stuttered in his words before he got only one out. “Why?”
“Because I still love you, Dean. More than I realized and last night . . . last night was one more moment with you I so desperately needed.”
In the midst of Dean being barreled over by her words, stunned to the point he couldn’t move, Ellen had left. Her final words etched not only in his head but in his heart.
^^^^
The calm before the storm. The quiet darkness of the September night, along with the brisk coolness of the air brought a serene feeling to Beginnings. The dawn of the next day would bring a lot of worry and hope. A rescue mission thought out well enough, deadly enough, it was without certainty in Beginnings’ mind, going to be a success.
But Joe couldn’t sleep, not only were his men going out into the world, but also his son. Settling on a walk to his office, Joe heard it as he approached the edge of the main part of town. A clinking, it came from the garage. A light shone through to the street, a crease of a light through a partly open door. Joe followed its lead and walked into the garage. “Frank?” His son leaned under the open hood of the truck. “Something wrong with the truck?”
“Hey Dad.” Frank grabbed a cloth and wiped his hands. “Nah, I’m just giving everything a once over.”
“Again?”
“Yep. Almost done.” Frank tossed the cloth. “What’s up, it’s almost midnight.”
“I should be asking you the same thing.” Joe pulled out a cigarette. “I thought you would be home with your family.”
“My family is sleeping.” Frank waved away the smoke and walked to the side of the truck to check the harness on the extra gas tank. “Except for Ellen. She’ll be up for a while. So what’s your answ
er. Why are you here?”
“Couldn’t sleep. My mind is all over the place. I don’t know if I’m just reaching or if it’s my gut speaking to me.”
Frank gave a puzzled smile as he moved from the side of the truck. “Should I ask about what?”
“Nope.” Joe shook his head. “I sound nuts. I’m in a thinking phase.”
“Yeah. Me too.” Frank stated. “I was thinking, you know we aren’t getting them all tomorrow.”
“I know.” Joe said.
“Should we search out that other site mentioned in those Caceres plans.”
“Not right away, no. Wait until you guys do a body count in there, come home and we’ll decide if enough of them are left alive to start trouble.”
“One of them left is enough to start trouble.” Frank closed the side door to the truck. “Just one is all that it would take.” Frank grabbed his cloth again and wiped his hands. He shut the hood to the truck. “Now I will go back home to my wife.”
“Why did you leave in the first place? This couldn’t have waited until morning?” Joe asked.
“I wasn’t taking any chances. No repeat of the helicopter story I’ve been told. If something was going to be wrong, I’d rather know with enough time to do something about it.”
“Why would you say that, Frank? Who in the world would do something to sabotage this mission?”
“If I learned anything, I’ve learned you just don’t know. You never know. Like I said all it takes is one of them. And you never know where that one person is. Or who for that matter.”
All the walking, thinking, reading or searching in the world didn’t give Joe the confirmation Frank did at that moment. Joe knew all along inside of him what he missed, or rather who he missed. He guessed he need justification for his thoughts. Frank gave him that. All that was left was finding the proof to back it up.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
September 17 - The Mission
The Big Ten: The First Ten Books of the Beginnings Series Page 123