He went directly upstairs. The bedroom. Their room. A place he could think. His jaw started to clench. He bit down hard trying to block out the conversation he just heard. But he couldn’t. It played over and over in his mind like a repeated song. No! She didn’t do this to me, not Ellen. The more he thought about it, the more the lump grew in his throat. There was no mistaking what he heard--none. With building outrage, Frank turned to her dresser. Staring at him, amongst the knickknacks, was a picture of him and Ellen. Frank picked the frame up, bringing it close to his eyes. He stared at it for a moment, then in a rage, clenched his fist and drove it into the glass of the frame, shattering it. He threw the frame across the room, smashing it into the wall. Huffing and unable to catch his breath, he cried out an angry emotional grunt. With one sweep of his arm, he swung his arm across her dresser, clearing it of everything. Sending all of Ellen’s personal things searing across the room.
Wanting to destroy everything, wanting to just scream, Frank spun around in total confusion, and sought out the bed. He sat down abruptly, and covered his face deeply with his hands as he leaned forward onto his knees, rocking back and forth. Feeling like the bottom had just dropped out. Feeling like he just lost his world.
CHAPTER SIX
It was odd, as Ellen reached for the front door and tried to turn the handle. The door was locked. “Weird.” She tried it again, this time the door opened, and all she saw was Frank’s back as he walked away from it. “Hi Hon. What’s going on? You’re home early.”
Frank stopped walking. He didn’t want to face her.
“Frank?”
Frank spun to her and as soon as his eyes lay upon her, he felt it in his stomach. That twitch, that gnaw.
“What’s wrong? Are you sick?” She saw the redness of his eyes, but received no answer. “Anyway.” She walked up to him, kissing him on the cheek. “We’re by ourselves.” Starting to move past him she noticed two empty boxes on the floor. Next to them, a duffle bag. “What’s this?”
“It’s for you.” Frank finally spoke. His worlds soft, yet they graveled.
“For me?” Ellen smiled. “What, are we going away?” She joked.
“You are.” Frank glared at her.
“I am?” Ellen picked them up. “Frank, where in the world am I going?”
Frank closed his eyes, still speaking calmly. “I don’t give a shit.” His eyebrows raised, he grabbed her arm pulling her to in front of him. “I want you out. It’s over. You no longer live here. Pack up Ellen. Pack up and leave.” He released her arm and stepped back.
“Frank . . .” Ellen started to breath heavy. “You’re joking. This is a joke. If you’re . . .”
“This is not a joke!” Frank’s voice bellowed through her heart and soul. “Get out of my house Ellen. Get out before I kill you.”
“No, talk to me. What did I do?”
“Oh, you would ask. It figures. You don’t know?” He raged to her. “Did you think I’d never find out that you’ve been having an affair with Dean?”
She felt it. Her heart as it hit her stomach. “Oh my God . . . you know.”
Frank gave an emotional quick laugh. “Unbelievable.” He shook his head. “That’s the reaction I get?”
“No, Frank.” Ellen followed as he backed away from her. “Please let me explain . . .”
“Explain what? That you slept with him? There is no explaining that. You’re my wife. You were with him. You are not my wife anymore. Get out!” He grabbed the duffle bag and handed it to her harshly. “Now!” Frank moved her out of his way, trying to control his rage.
“No!” Ellen threw down the bag. “Listen to me, Frank. Listen to me. I was wrong. It was a mistake. It won’t happen again. Please, Frank,” Ellen pleaded. “Please, talk to me.”
“No!” He faced her. “How could you do this? I love you with everything I am. I’d die for you, Ellen. Die for you!” His words were emotional, almost tearful. “I would never think of hurting you like this. Never! I would never do this to you.” He walked away again. “Get out. It’s over.”
“No.” Ellen followed him and jumped to in front of him. “Frank, look at me.” She reached up to his face, he pushed her hand away. “Don’t do this. Please don’t do this. I’m sorry with everything I am. I’m begging you, Frank. Begging you.” Ellen pleaded with her every emotion. “Don’t throw away twenty years.”
“You already have!” He pointed at her. “You destroyed everything we had. You hurt me Ellen, in the worst possible way you could. You cheated on me. I trusted you. I trusted you with my soul. That was the biggest mistake I ever made. Trusting you.”
“No, Frank . . .”
“I should have known. I should have known you’d do this.” Frank’s tone deepened. “How long have you been doing this? Huh? To Pete. To Dean. To me? I should have never fallen in love with you because the whole time I loved you, you were nothing, nothing but a fuckin whore.”
“Hey!” Joe walked in. Walked in just in time to hear what Frank had said. “What the hell is that about?!”
Frank’s grip snatched Ellen by her wrist to halt the slap that she instinctively began to deliver. He stared at her open hand. “Don’t.” Frank growled his words. “Don’t even think about it.”
“Frank!” Joe stormed to him. “You better let go of your wife! Get your hands off of her, Frank. Now!”
Frank let go off Ellen forcefully, almost sending her over with the release of her hand. “Get her out my house.”
Joe followed him. “Frank! What the hell is going on? You don’t call . . .”
With everything he had, his heart and soul, Frank turned from the door and screamed to his father, “Get her out of my house now!” He flung open the door and raged out.
“Ellen?” Confused, Joe turned to face her. “What happened?”
“Oh, God Joe.” Her whole entire body shook. Her face was pale. “He knows.”
Joe closed his eyes and took Ellen into his arms. He tilted his head back to look at the open door. Joe knew where Frank was off to. And all Joe kept thinking was, God help Dean.
^^^^
Dean held up the beaker before him, concentrating on the substance inside. He swished it around and around. “Nice shade of blue. But will you work as a cough suppressant?” he spoke to his tincture. He set the beaker down and placed in his little finger, tasting it. Dean cringed as the horrible substance was so sour it nearly burned his tongue. Making the worst face, Dean turned to the sink, still carrying the beaker with him. He spit, trying to rid his mouth of the flavor. He turned on the sink and brought a handful of water to his mouth, then spit again. As he turned off the water he heard the door shut. Wondering who it could be, Dean turned back to his counter. “Hey, Frank.”
Frank just walked in.
“Something wrong?” Dean lifted the beaker looking at it, admiring the shade.
Frank swallowed. “I just wanted to let you know. I’m tired of this fighting over Ellen shit. She’s yours now.”
Dean chuckled. “Thank you very much for the gift, but no thanks, Frank. You can keep her.” He swished his liquid.
“I’m serious, Dean. If you have enough nerve to sleep with my wife, take her. I don’t want her.”
The beaker in Dean’s hand crashed to the counter, shattering glass everywhere. Blue liquid seeped about. Dean was speechless, and Frank was just standing there. Dean didn’t know what to say. In fact, Dean was waiting, waiting for it to come. The physical part. “Frank.” Dean cleared his throat. “Look, I know you want to hit me, I know . . .”
“I’d like to pound the fuck out of you right now. But I’m not. This is what you wanted, Dean. She should be out of my house by now. I just wanted to let you know that.” Frank turned to walk away.
“Frank!” Dean moved from behind the counter. “You think you can just hand her over to me? I’ll be honest with you, I’d love to have her, but the truth is . . . she loves you. Things happened, Frank. We can’t take it back. I am sorry for that. I really
am.”
“Are you?”
“Yes!” Dean answered loudly. “But it was one time. It shouldn’t have happened. It won’t happen again. Let it go. Just let it go.”
“What?” Frank stormed up to him. “You act like it was nothing.”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.” Dean tried to remain rational. “I’m saying that you stand giving up a woman that you have loved most of your life. I know you’re angry . . .”
“You don’t know!” Frank’s abrupt words cut him off.
“I don’t know? What? Are you joking? Is your memory that short?”
“This is totally different, Dean. We’re married.”
“You’re right Frank.” Dean held up his hands. “It is different, but not because she’s your wife. Different, because when you would sneak with her you never cared if I got hurt. I made one mistake and I felt so guilty over it.”
“And you should have.” Frank pointed. “Back then, you and I never got along. I thought we became friends. How could you look me in the eye, knowing you slept with my wife?” Frank slammed his hand on the counter and turned back around.
“Don’t Frank!” Dean shouted back at him. “Don’t you dare pass judgment on me! I was with her. I lived with her. I was building a life with her. You!” Dean pointed. “You took her from my home, our children. You took her from me. And you didn’t care! You have a chance right now with her to put this behind you. Do it! I didn’t have that chance. You never gave me that chance. Maybe, if you wouldn’t have married her when I couldn’t do anything about it, she and I would have resolved what we felt and what happened would never have occurred.”
“Don’t put this on me, Dean!” Frank’s words shot so harshly his face grew red. “I didn’t tell her to sleep with you!”
“I’m not putting the blame on you. I’m just trying to make you see.” He saw Frank was getting angrier, but Dean didn’t care. “She loves you. Don’t do it. Don’t walk away from twenty years for one mistake that she’d give her life to take back.”
“Too late.” Frank’s voice graveled as he once again turned away. “She blew it.”
“You’re being an asshole.” Dean saw Frank snap back around and angrily charge toward him, but at that moment, Dean didn’t care. “You want to put this all on her, but she wasn’t the only one. I betrayed you too. If you want to blame anyone, you blame me. She was going through a bad time when it happened. I saw it coming. I knew it was coming. I let it happen because I wanted it to happen!” With his final words to Frank, Dean saw the room go out of focus, he felt the sharp pain, and he heard the loud ‘crack’. Before he knew it, he had been spun backwards, face forward to the counter behind him. He watched the droplets of his red blood fall to the green surface as he heard the door behind him violently slam. Dean closed his eyes, breathing heavy. He brought the back of his hand to the corner of his mouth, and wiped. He looked at the blood smear. He didn’t notice the pain so much. It was a pain he felt was long overdue. Using his hands, he lifted himself to stand firm on his feet. He shook the dizziness from his head. And then it hit him. He turned to the door. Ellen.
^^^^
Ellen’s heart beat faster when she heard him coming up the steps. She carried with her to the duffle bag, the last of her clothes. She set them inside the bag slowly and looked at her hand, the hand that bled when she cut it on the glass she was picking up from the floor. Glass from the frame, the picture of her and Frank. The picture, though torn, lay packed in her bag.
“What are you still doing here?” Frank walked in the bedroom. “You’re stalling.”
“You’re right.” Ellen zipped up the bag, and turned to him. “I want to talk to you.”
“I really don’t think you’re getting this. You’ve done something I can’t forgive. I won’t forgive. I won’t forget.”
“Just listen to me.” She kept stepping ahead of him, stopping him from leaving. “I made a mistake. A huge mistake. If I could take it back, I swear to God I would. There’s nothing I can say to justify it. I hurt you. For that I am so sorry. I’m just asking you, please, please, think about what’s happening now.”
“I have.” Frank moved her bag from the bed, dropping it to the floor. “Go.”
“I know you’re angry. I expect that.” She saw him scoff at her. “Maybe if we give it some time, then we can sit down and talk about us.”
“There is no more us, Ellen!” Frank yelled and picked up her bag. “It’s over. Now leave. Get out of this house. You no longer live here. This is no longer your home.”
“Fine.” Ellen swallowed. “I’ll go. I just have to finish getting Brian’s things . . .”
“Whoa.” Frank stopped her as she walked to the door. “You go. And you go alone.”
“Frank, Brian is my son . . .”
“He’s my son too, El. And he stays with me. You haven’t earned the right to be called his mother. You don’t hold him all the time. You don’t feed him. You don’t care. You forgot how to be a mother Ellen and my son will stay with me.”
His words could have been a knife through her, they hurt so badly. Ellen closed her eyes briefly, clutching her bag. “I’m going to forget you said that because I know when you’re angry you say things.”
“I know exactly what I’m saying. I just never had the guts to say it to you before.”
Ellen closed her mouth tightly trying to contain her emotions. “I’m gonna walk away before anything else is said that can’t be taken back.” She turned and faced him again. “Because I know you still love me.”
“Love?” Frank moved closer to her. He placed his hand firmly on her chin. “Right now El, when I look at you, I don’t see love. I see nothing but hate and contempt for you.”
Swiping his hand off of her, Ellen tossed the bag over her shoulder. With her eyes closed, she turned from him and slowly walked away.
^^^^
Where could she have gone? Dean checked everywhere and couldn’t find Ellen. He had to see if she was all right. Not that he thought Frank would actually physically hurt her, but knowing the state Frank was in, anything was possible. Dean had checked every structure in town, including his very own home. Ellen wasn’t there. Heading to the last place he’d thought he would find her, Dean spotted her. Ellen walked from her house, closing the door behind her, a duffle bag flung over her shoulders.
She saw him standing there, twenty feet or so away. Ellen lifted her sad eyes, and went in the opposite direction.
“Ellen.” Dean raced up to her. “Please wait.”
“Dean.” Ellen fought the lump in her throat as she stopped walking. “I, I want to be alone.”
“Are you O.K.?” He stepped in front of her, grabbing her arm.
Ellen saw his mouth, the corner of it bleeding, swollen. “Did Frank hit you?”
“It doesn’t matter.” Dean looked into her eyes. “I need to know. Are you all right?”
“It’s bad, Dean.” Ellen started walking again. “It’s really bad.”
“Where are you going?” Dean kept walking backwards. “I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t be. I’ll be fine. Right now, I really just need to be alone.”
“I can respect that. Here . . .” He reached his hand out. “Let me just take your bag. Let me take it home and you won’t have to carry it around with you.” Dean reached for the strap. “It’ll be there when you get there.”
“Dean . . .” Ellen took a deep breath. “I’m not going to your house, if that’s what you think.”
“But you always come there when you and Frank fight.”
Ellen shook her head, speaking so soft, so sad. “It’s different this time. I can’t go to your house. I can’t. Excuse me.” She moved past him walking slowly.
“El . . .” Dean lifted his lowered head to her. “I am sorry. I’m really sorry.”
Ellen closed her mouth tightly, giving a fake smile. “Not half as much as I am.” Adjusting her heavy bag, Ellen kept on walking.
CHAPTER SEVEN
As if the nights weren’t long and cold enough, the reality of what happened hit Ellen every first morning light. She stood in front of Henry’s bathroom mirror, brushing her just showered hair. She reached for the back of her neck, rubbing the kink out of it. She had barely slept the night before, and if Greg hadn’t awakened her from her desk, she would have been much stiffer.
Ellen leaned closer into the mirror, looking at her eyes, so dark and so tired. She returned her brush to the duffel bag on the floor, picked the bag up and took it to the spare bedroom closet, hiding it way in the back so Henry wouldn’t see it.
Taking one more look around Henry’s house--making sure nothing was out of place--Ellen left. She was grateful that Henry left his home so early. She was even more grateful that Greg promised to wake her in the morning when he saw Henry walk down the street. It had been her routine for three days, sleep a few hours in containment each night then hit Henry’s to catch another hour and get cleaned up. With some playing of words, no one questioned where she was staying. She didn’t want to be anywhere else but home. And she had it in her mind, that before long, she would be.
The light was on when she approached her front door. Like she had done every day, she gave it a try and knocked.
Frank opened the door. “What?”
“I came to get Brian.”
“Like I’ve been telling you, I’ll take care of it.” No more was said, Frank slammed the door.
It was earlier than she usually had shown up at Frank’s. She did it on purpose, perhaps allotting more time to try again. But as she lifted her hand to knock, Ellen chickened out and walked away.
^^^^
The Big Ten: The First Ten Books of the Beginnings Series Page 131