“How am I going to make it through a day, when I can’t even make it to the bathroom?”
“Like now.” Ellen leaned into him. “I’ll help you. Do you have to go?”
“What? You’re gonna help me do that too?”
“Sure. Why not? You need help getting there and hitting the target, so-to-speak, don’t you?”
“Right now I do. I’m clueless.”
Ellen took hold of his arm. “Then I’ll help you. Stand up.”
“Something just isn’t right about this.” Dean let her guide him out of the bedroom. His hand felt outward as they moved, trying to feel where he was at.
“What’s not right about it?”
“Until I get the hang of it, you’re gonna have to ...”
“Take control?” Ellen opened the bathroom door. “Be your guide? I can do that.”
“You won’t feel funny about it?”
“Who me? Please, Dean.” Ellen helped him into the bathroom. “Now it’s not like it’s never been in my hand before, right?”
“Not in this capacity.”
“No, you’re right. But there’s a first time for everything. Hell, I’m always up for new experiences. You know me. I’m Ellen.”
“And I’m really, really glad you’re here right now.” Dean tried to feel where she was.
Ellen grabbed his hand and laid it on her face. She slid it from her cheek to her mouth kissing the back of his fingers. “I’m glad you want me. And ... let’s do this.”
Dean slowly shook his head. “You sound almost too excited about this.”
“I am.”
“Swell.” He heard her giggle, felt her turn his body some and felt her head rest against his arm for a moment. Though Ellen looked forward to helping him out, Dean did not look forward to being helped. Something so simple, something so instinctive, was now another obstacle Dean had to face in the long road ahead. It was one of many minor tasks that he could never take for granted again.
<><><><>
Joe watched Henry fidget in the chair during the whole entire meeting. Shift to his left, then right. Run his fingers through his hair, fuss some more. Joe tried to play it off, thinking it typical Henry antics, wanting to be somewhere else, and having to sit in a meeting. “Continuing.” A shift of Joe’s eyes to Henry then to Cole. “The metal run will definitely be moved up as I told you, Cole. You and your crew will leave tomorrow morning, puts you at the first site by noon. That’ll give you eight good daylight hours to scrap there at Winnet, move to Mosley, then bunk at Jordan for the night, and scrap there in the morning before heading home. And of course ...” Joe’s voice dropped to a mumble, “Get those tuxedos.” He ran his hand down his face. “Any questions?”
Cole nodded. “Why are we moving it up so fast?”
“To be on the safe side,” Joe answered. “The reconnaissance flights are showing a clear area. You’ll only be an hour away and we can easily get to you if there is trouble. But right now there is nothing in the area so we feel you’re safe. Which in times like these, I’m glad we scrapped out farther from home first.” Joe picked up his pen. “Can I have you and your team meet with me tonight to go over the specific types of metals we have to locate for Armory?”
Cole nodded. “Tonight? Eight?” He saw an agreement from Joe. “Good. All right, I have to head back now.” He looked at his watch. “I have to pass the buck, so-to-speak, to the man in charge tomorrow.”
“Who is that?” Joe asked.
“Haven’t a clue yet.” Cole stood up. “See ya later, Joe.” As he turned to the door, it opened and Frank walked in. “Hi, Frank.”
“Hey, Cole.”
“Bye, Frank.” Cole walked out.
Shrugging, Frank shut the door. “I guess I missed the meeting. Sorry I was late.” He walked to his father’s desk. “I was rushing around to get everything done so I could pick up the kids.” Frank plopped in a chair and caught his breath. “Why am I picking up the kids instead of Dean?”
“The same reason I’m working in Containment,” Joe said.
“Oh.” Frank nodded.
“Which by the way ...” Joe faced Henry. “Have you spoken to Ellen lately?”
Henry lowered his mug of tea from his lips. “About twenty minutes ago, Joe. She was at the mobile getting things together.”
Joe glanced at his watch. “Which means she’ll be here soon. I’ll let her know I want to stop by and check on Dean.”
Henry stopped again in his attempt to take a drink. “Oh no, Joe. You can’t do that. He’s sick.”
“That’s why I’m stopping by.”
Frank raised his hand in a wave to get attention. “What’s wrong with Dean?”
Joe looked at him so annoyed. “Weren’t you paying attention? He’s sick. He called off of work.”
“You’re kidding?” Frank was surprised. “He must be sick. I don’t think I ever remember him calling off of work. Is it his uh ...” Frank closed one eye and twitched his head several times. “Nervous condition?”
“What is wrong with you?” Joe asked perturbed. “No, it’s not his nervous condition. It’s a headache. By what I gathered from Ellen, a bad one too. I spoke to Jason and he thinks it probably is a repercussion of the tension from the hypnosis. A migraine. You know how bad them migraines can get Frank. Sometimes so bad you can’t even see.” Joe turned his head quickly to Henry who had started choking. “Having trouble drinking that tea. Henry?” Joe looked at Frank again. “So that’s what’s wrong with him. He’s so bad, Ellen is staying with him to monitor him.”
“Fuck.” So shocked Frank acted. “Hey, Dad, you don’t think he’s gonna have a stroke do you?”
“What?”
“A stroke. You know, when a blood clot hits the brain and you can’t walk, or talk.” Frank explained, as if Joe were clueless.
“I know what a stroke is. Why in the world would you say that?”
“A severe headache and all ...”
“Frank.”
“Always a warning to a stroke.”
“Frank.”
“A man his age ...”
“Frank!” Joe shouted his name. “No! And what’s this shit … a man his age? He’s not that much older than you.”
“Yeah, but I’m not the one with the headache.” Frank tapped his fingers on the chair a few times. “What about a brain tumor.” He heard his father grunt. “Maybe his brain is bleeding.”
“Frank, Christ,” Joe snapped. “What is this, wishful thinking?”
“Concern.”
“Sounds it to me.” Joe shook his head. “Let me think if there is anything I need ...” His head lifted to the knock on the door. “Come in.”
Ellen poked her head in. “Hi, Joe.” She saw Frank turn around in the chair. “Hi, Frank. Joe, can I speak to Henry for a second?”
“Sure,” Joe told her. “How’s Dean? I was thinking of stopping by if he’s that bad. Give a hand with the kids.”
Ellen shook her head. “No, I’m hoping the medication I’m putting him on today will kick its butt. It’s strong so that’s why I have to be around him.”
“Ellen.” Joe’s voice took on concern, “Are you sure everything is all right with him?”
“Yeah, Joe, positive. I just need a favor from Henry.”
Henry stood up. “Do you need me to come outside?”
“No.” Ellen waved her hand and walked in. She wasn’t her normal self, so down she seemed. “Henry, I just need you to stop at the mobile lab on your way home, and make sure Johnny shuts everything down. And make sure the small, dim light is left on for the rabbits in the special lab. Last time Johnny forgot to leave that warming light on and two of them died.” Ellen shrugged. “Can you?”
“Sure, El.” Henry stepped closer to her. “How’s Dean?”
Ellen’s eyes shifted to Joe then Frank. She didn’t answer as she raised her eyebrows.
“I’ll be by later.” Henry laid his hands on her. “I’ll help out.”
Frank stood slowly from h
is chair. “Are you feeling all right, El?”
“Yeah sure, Frank. Why?” She ran her fingers through her hair.
“You look tired.”
“I’m not.”
“Are you sure?” He pointed. “You have those dark circles under ...”
“Frank!” Ellen swiped his hand away. “God! I can always count of you to make me feel good!” snapping out her words, she turned around and stormed off.
Frank tossed his hands in the air. “What? What did I do?”
Not paying any attention to Frank, Henry moved to the door. “Excuse me, Frank, Joe.” He ran out and spotted Ellen. “El.”
Ellen turned around and stopped walking, waiting for Henry to catch up. “Sorry about that.”
“No, that’s all right.”
“I’m just upset.”
“I understand. How are things going with Dean?”
Ellen blew out slowly. “He’s so down, Henry.”
“He’s gonna be, especially today, El. This is the first day without his sight. It doesn’t matter how prepared he thought he was for it. The reality has hit him.”
“I know. I thought I was ready for it too. But when I saw him, when I looked into his eyes that seemed to have lost his soul, it killed me. He’s afraid, Henry. He’s so afraid. He couldn’t walk across the room without panicking today. He called me three times and I’ve only been gone a half hour. I have never felt so needed, yet so helpless to do anything. I’m trying, I have been with him for the past seven hours and I’m trying to be upbeat and optimistic for him but my heart is broken. This is my friend, Henry, and there is nothing I can do for him.”
Henry had no words to say to Ellen. He wished he did. The only thing he could do at that moment was take her in his arms, try to give her some of the strength he had, and hope that the day that was seemingly so bad for her, would somehow get better.
<><><><>
George looked as amused as a child with an Easter basket when he received the news. Cole and his crew were moving out three days earlier? How easily George had Joe pegged to do that. Did Joe honestly believe that if he moved his crew out ahead of schedule, all would go well because his reconnaissance flights were showing an all clear? Joe wanted to take advantage of that clear situation. But didn’t he learn that just because his pilot didn’t see anything, it didn’t mean nothing was there. Beginnings' recent invasion proved even the best Beginnings pilots are fallible.
Now there was something more out there for them. George had twelve CMEs posted not far from where Cole and his crew were headed. It was a plan in motion George had ready since Robbie exhibited signs of getting well. Twelve men waiting, close but far enough out of reconnaissance flight surveillance. Cole and his men would hit their sites, the first two, problem free. They’d halt for the night thinking all was well. Then Communications would get a signal in the morning close to where Cole was. Minor situation Cole could take care of. Knowing the way Beginnings thought, they would send, as a safe guard, Robbie. It is his job. He’ll get there and get cocky when he discovered it only was two CMEs. Get comfortable then ... Robbie would get hit with the ten remaining men. Of course Robbie would emerge unscathed. But to Beginnings ... he would be missing when it was all said and done.
<><><><>
The sound of Robbie and his band practicing acoustically in Joe’s backyard that evening seemed to carry all through Beginnings. Ellen listened to them as she did the dishes, keeping the window open, trying to bury herself into what they played instead of what had been happening all day and evening at Dean’s. Henry was there now. He was a big help with the kids. And Robbie, though a few houses up, he made her smile. He’d play the song from that spoof of a spy movie where the rock-and-roll star went to Moscow. Robbie played it, sounding so much like the actor, claiming the song, “How Silly Can You Get” was actually his theme song. It was a stupid song, but it made Ellen smile. The same song that Robbie had played numerous times before and made her cringe, had become on that evening, a song she longed to hear over and over. It seemed to be the only song they played that somewhere in the song there wasn’t something that reminded her of Dean’s troubles. Like the jilted lover listening to soft rock radio, everything Robbie and they played had something in there that struck a chord within Ellen.
The kids were being kids in the living room, loud and having fun. Ellen was glad Dean’s headache had finally left. He still was down, but at least he wasn’t ill. As she rinsed the last of the dinner’s dishes, Ellen wondered whether she took a long time because there were so many, or because she had escaped the situation for a little while and wasn’t ready to go back. But now she had to. She had no choice.
Drying her hands, she shut off the kitchen light as she walked into the living room. Henry had Joey and Billy in some sort of card game. Alexandra, as usual, drew pictures. Dean, he tried so hard to appear to his children as if nothing was wrong. So much in his usual every evening fashion, he sat on the couch, Brian on his lap, and papers spread out all around him like he was working.
Why this vision bothered Ellen, she didn’t know. Kids were bright and sometimes they saw things adults didn’t see. They also accepted things a lot better. Of all people on the earth, during this troubled moment in his life, Dean’s children were the ones who would be the least judgmental of him.
Ellen reached her hands to Brian, catching herself in the expectance of Dean handing him to her. “Dean.” She made her announcement before him. “I can take Brian.”
“I can hold him.” Dean buried his lips to Brian’s head.
“I’ll clean up these papers for you.”
“Thanks.”
Gathering up the papers, Ellen heard Alexandra chuckle in amusement to herself. “What is it, Alex?” Ellen asked as she set the papers on the coffee table and sat down next to Dean.
“Look what I drew, Mommy.” Alexandra held up her drawing. “I drew you and Daddy, but I made Daddy’s feet too big.” She snickered and stood up rushing to Dean. “Look, Daddy, at your feet.”
Ellen watched Dean swallow predominantly and lift his head. His eyes didn’t move.
“Daddy? Look.” Alexandra held it higher.
“I ... I see, sweetie,” Dean told her.
Alexandra giggled again. “No, you don’t. You aren’t even looking. Daddy, look.”
Ellen saw the pain on Dean’s face as he desperately tried to find direction looking for where Alexandra’s voice came from. She heard him tell his daughter ‘that’s great’ and upon those words something inside of Ellen just snapped. She jumped from the couch. “I’ll be back.” She looked at Henry as she ran her hand across Dean’s back. “I have to go. I’ll be back.” Running out without anymore words, Ellen stopped on the sidewalk and took a deep breath of the evening air. Robbie’s music was louder out there and the song he played seemed to be the perfect backdrop to her life that seemed so much like a bad ‘Monday Night’ movie.
She ran quickly the four houses up to her own, wanting so much just to get inside and stop the rush of madness she was feeling. When she got inside, Ellen just plopped on the couch, burying her face in her hands. She knew Dean was losing his sight. She’d known for a while too. When she saw him at the crack of dawn, she knew his sight was gone, but she never realized the impact of it until that moment. Was the same thing going through Dean’s mind that was going through Ellen’s? Did he regret all those times he sat on the couch working and he only lifted his head to Alexandra and pretended to see her drawing? How many times had he done that? How many times, as a parent, had Ellen done that? Now, ironically, Dean did the same thing moments earlier only this time his face showed how much he wanted with all of his heart not to be pretending.
A single knock on the door brought into the room the voice of the person she couldn’t face. “El,” Frank called out. “I was going to my Dad’s and I saw you run in here.”
Ellen wiped the tears that seemed to fall from out of her control. She wiped them quickly and folded her arms closer t
o her body.
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah.”
“I mean you were real quiet when I dropped the kids off. And Dean, Dean was fuckin rude. He wouldn’t even acknowledge my presence or look at me. I was only trying to ask him how he was.”
Ellen stood immediately up, keeping her back to him, wanting him to go away. Not because she didn’t want him there, but because she needed him there.
“You’re quiet. Did I do something? I know I did. What was it?”
Ellen shook her head. “Nothing, Frank. Really.”
Frank heard it in her voice. She spoke differently. She spoke sadly. “Talk to me.” He laid his hand on her shoulder and immediately he watched her head go to it. As she brushed her cheek against it, Frank felt the dampness. “El?”
Ellen spun around to him, said nothing, and threw her arms around his neck, grasping so tightly to Frank.
“El. What is it?”
“I’m just having a really bad day. Could you ... could you just hold me, Frank?”
Frank’s response was his answer. His huge arms wrapped around her almost twice as he pulled Ellen up and into him, cradling her with his whole being. He felt, as he held her in his arms, he was giving her the strength she needed. But what Frank didn’t realize was, he was giving Ellen the strength that only he could give.
<><><><>
“I promise you, El,” Henry said as they sat in Dean’s living room that night. “I promise you it will be better tomorrow.”
“Dean still won’t be able to see tomorrow, Henry.”
“No he won’t but it will be another day. With every day that passes, he will get better with it. He’ll adjust. He has to.”
“Will he?”
“Yes.” Henry wanted to give her the answers. “Dean doesn’t adjust well to change, El, you know that. This is a big change, but you and I both know when he does adjust to something, he does it well. He will do this well. He’ll learn to live with this. He just needs time to know he has no choice but to learn. And when he does, you watch him.”
The Big Ten: The First Ten Books of the Beginnings Series Page 282