Henry smiled brightly. “That was really funny, El. Really funny.”
Dean was lost. “I’m blind, not dense. What? I don’t get it.”
Ellen gasped. “I can’t believe you don’t get it, Dean. She’ll snort, but won’t eat the fishermen. Get it?”
“No.” Dean shook his head. “Ellen, there is absolutely nothing funny about that joke. Henry, are you insane, why are you laughing?”
“It’s funny.”
“No it’s not.”
“See, Dean, that’s because you weren’t listening.” Henry took a breath and stood up. “You have to decipher Ellen’s punch line. What she meant to say was that the wife whale would blow, but she refused to swallow the seamen.”
Ellen quickly looked at Henry. “That’s what I meant to say.” She laughed. “Wasn’t that funny? Dean, wasn’t it funny?”
“Yeah. Ha, ha, ha.” Dean shook his head. “And where in the world are you hearing jokes from anyhow?”
“Oh.” Ellen slid in a stool next to Dean. “Danny. He told me. He has a million. He’s so funny.”
Dean wished with everything he had that he could see the expression on Henry’s face, but Dean really didn’t need to. He heard the breath that Henry tried to hide and just sensed the immediate tension. “Henry,” he called out in a warn.
“El.” Henry moved to her. “When did Danny tell you this joke?”
“This morning. I stopped over to get some papers.”
“El,” Henry spoke her name so strongly. “Did nothing we talked about ...” Henry’s head jolted when he heard the loud slam coming from where Dean stood. He looked to see Dean picking up a clipboard.
“Sorry.” Dean set the clipboard down. “Clumsy. So, Henry, uh ... gosh, Ellen came in and interrupted us. What were we talking about right before she came in? I can’t remember, can you? Do you remember? It’s only been a few minutes.”
“I don’t know, Dean,” Henry snapped off so annoyed. “Right now I’m too ... too ... cars. We were talking about cars. Wow, great conversation.”
“Wasn’t it though,” Dean said.
Ellen looked at them oddly. “Excuse me, Dean.” She stepped in between them. “Henry, you were going to yell at me. I would appreciate if you finish so you don’t stew about it all day.”
“I was going to yell at you? When?” Henry played dumb.
“Just now. About Danny. Yell.”
“I wasn’t going to yell at you, El.”
“Oh.” Ellen smiled. “Good.”
Henry looked down at his watch. “I’ll be back. I want to see what’s taking Frank so long.”
Waiting until he knew Henry was gone, Dean slammed his hand on the counter and held back his lab coat with one hand while leaning forward. “God!” Dean exclaimed loudly. “You really irritate me when you do that, El.”
“Do what?”
“Get scared of him. Why?”
“Oh, please, it isn’t scared, I just don’t want to hear him whine. He’s jealous about Danny.” Ellen walked up to him. “I’m going to touch you.” She grabbed him harshly by the collar of his lab coat, leaned her back against the counter, and pulled him into her. “I’m scared of you ...”
With a sarcastic laugh, Dean nodded. “Right, El. What a ...” His eyelids flickered when he felt her hand move up his chest and her lips hit his neck.
“Enough!” Frank’s loud mouth blasted in the room. “Knock the shit off! What did I tell you last night about your hormones, Dean?” He laid his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Henry just said to me outside that he is really close to nailing your blind ass for touching her so much. Now, see, I have couth. Henry, he could care less. He’ll nail you, and I haven’t even taught you yet how to fight without sight.” Frank chuckled and snapped his finger. “Hey that was pretty good huh? Fight without sight.”
“Frank!” Dean yelled out as he moved farther from Ellen. “Stop the stupid shit. I know Henry isn’t planning on hitting me.”
“Was too,” Frank argued.
“He was not.”
“Dean.”
“Frank!” Dean reached up running his hand across his forehead. “God, you annoy me.”
“Trust me when I tell you you’re not my fuckin Prince Charming either, but let’s go lover boy.” Frank grabbed hold of his arm. “Say goodbye to, El.” Being helpful, Frank waved Dean’s hand for him and spoke female-sounding and high. “Bye, El. Bye.”
Angry, Dean pulled from Frank’s hold. “I can do this, Frank.”
“Dean ...”
“No.” Dean started walking from the lab ... “You’re the one who preaches ‘do it yourself’, right? Well ...”
“Dean.”
“I don’t need your help, or for you to ...” WHAP! Dean was close, but not close enough to miss the archway of the lab door.
Ellen cringed, Henry hunched, and Frank laughed loudly and annoyingly.
Dean rubbed his head, shook it off, and like a cat, acted as if he meant to do that. Feeling around first, he walked out of the lab with Frank and Henry trailing closely behind.
<><><><>
“How’s that head, Dean?” Frank asked as he slid in the driver’s side of the awaiting jeep.
Dean grunted and slid down in the front passenger’s seat. “Just drive to wherever you’re taking me, Frank.”
Henry, sitting in the back, reached between the seats and laid his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, Dean. It matches the one on the other side of your head.”
“Swell.” Dean rubbed his head. “I swear to God not only am I gonna be blind for the rest of my life, but if I keep hitting my head, I’m going to be stupid as ...” Dean jumped a foot in the air when Henry’s high pitch scream startled him. “What!”
“No!” Henry yelled. “No, Frank.”
“Shut the fuck up, Henry. I have the jeep pointed in the right direction.”
“I’m getting out,” Henry stated in a panic.
“What?” Dean screamed. “What am I missing?”
“Fr ... Frank.” Henry pointed. “He’s wearing a blindfold, Dean.”
Dean laughed. “Yeah, I’m buying that. You two think you’re real funny.”
“Frank,” Henry pleaded. “Don’t do this.”
“Shut up, Henry.” Frank gripped the wheel. “I have to follow sounds. Don’t tell me where to turn unless I’m gonna hit something. Got that?”
“Oh my God.” Henry covered his eyes. “I’m sitting in the backseat of a jeep that has a blind man riding front passenger and a blindfolded man driving. I’m dead, I know I’m dead.”
Immediately Dean perked up. “You’re not kidding?” He reached for the door when he heard the jeep turnover. “Shit, I’m getting ...” His body jerked back when he felt the jeep move. “Henry? Henry? Henry! How’s he doing Henry? Oh Shit.” Dean held on.
“I don’t know, Dean. I’m not looking.”
Dean shrieked, “Look! Look! You’re the only one who can see. What are you crazy?”
“No, Frank is.”
Frank chuckled, bouncing some in the seat as he drove. “This is fun. How am I doing, Henry?”
“Oh.” Henry moaned then moaned again. “Well ... you just missed Josephine.” Henry turned around in the seat of the jeep, looking back. “She’s fine though, Frank. She’s getting up. You just frightened her.”
“Should I stop?” Frank asked.
“No,” Henry told him, then turned back around. “She’s walking.”
“What the fuck was she doing running around a field anyhow? She’s like what? Ninety?”
“You know she wanders, Frank. She’s senile,” Henry argued. “Joe said let her go as long as she doesn’t ... watch out for Denny, one o’clock.” Henry swerved when the jeep did and, at the same time, Dean grunted loudly. “As long as she doesn’t wander into any perimeters, it’s fine. Hey are we going up to the training area?”
“Yeah. Am I headed in the right direction?”
“Surprisingly ... yes. Are yo
u wanting to be on the road, Frank, because we’re not on the road.”
“Obviously, Henry, if we’re fuckin bouncing all over the place we aren’t on the road. How far am I from it?”
“It’s about uh ... ten yards east of ... bush at eleven o’clock ...” Another hard swerve to the right. “Oh, Frank, a little more and you’re on the road.” Henry smiled. “You’re doing good.”
Frank felt the bounce of the jeep. “Hey we’re on the road.” He felt another bounce. “We’re off the road. Shit.”
“You just missed it, Frank.” Henry tapped him on the shoulder. “Hold the wheel left. Keep going ... keep going ...” The jeep bounced on the road. “Now turn right.” As the jeep jolted, so did Henry. He flopped completely over, and his legs went up in the air. Afraid to look, he sat back up. “You’re good.” He leaned forward between the two seats. “Hey, Dean? Why are you covering your eyes? You can’t see anyhow.”
Dean lowered his hand slowly. “I’m going to kill both of you guys. Both of you. What are you doing to me?”
Henry grinned. “It’s a male bonding thing, Dean. Frank, watch out for your guard.”
“Where?”
“Never mind. He ran.” Henry shrugged. “This is fun.”
“OK.” Frank led the way to the top of the hill at the Security training field. “Part one of today.”
Dean shook his head as he was led by the hand of Henry. “Why are we up here, Frank? I’m not Security. There are other things you could work on with me.”
“No, Dean, there aren’t. Right now, what should be happening is your other five senses should take over. You’re not letting your other five senses take over and they should be your eyes.”
“Four senses, Frank,” Dean corrected.
“Five.”
“Four senses, Frank. Everybody has five senses. If I lost one, I have four left. Basic math. Oh yeah, I forgot. You don’t know that.”
“Ha, ha, ha. Asshole,” Frank snapped. “For your information, little-man, you have five remaining senses, taste, touch, smell, hearing, and instinct, gut instinct. And on that one, you need work. That’s why we’re up on the firing range.”
“Oh my God.” Dean stepped back, but was stopped by Henry. “Just tell me you don’t have your blindfold on.”
“No,” Frank said. “I’ll put it back on though. Don’t worry.” He walked behind Dean. “Excuse me, Henry. All right, Dean.” Frank laid his hands on his shoulder and turned him a few inches to the right. “Now, right now you are facing our ‘Henry range’. I call it that because Henry fixed this place for me. Fifty yards straight ahead and spanning fifty to your right and fifty to your left are our row of snipers. You can’t see them, not because you’re blind, but because they’re snipers. Get it?” Frank laughed. “OK. They work on a timer. There are ten of them. I’m going to set it up for only five to jump up randomly at three seconds apart. If you listen, and listen good, you’ll hear the click. You have about a half a second and then you’ll hear them pop up. Listen, I’ll show you.” Frank trotted over to the jeep and ran back. He held the remote in his hand. A few beeps and then there was a buzzing. “Dean, listen to it. It’s warming up.” The first click went off. “Hear that? First one.” Frank turned Dean to the sound. “Second one.” He turned him again. “Third.” Another turn. “Fourth.” A final spin. “Fifth. Understand.”
Dean nodded. “I think I do. You want me to see if I can locate them by sound?”
“Uh yeah, then shoot them,” Frank told him.
Dean had to laugh. “Shoot them? Right, Frank. Not even you could do that.”
“Bet me.”
“Bet you that you can’t shoot them?”
“Yeah,” Frank said.
“You have to shoot them all, all five.”
“No problem,” Frank stated with certainty.
“Deadly shots.”
“The only kind.”
“You’re on,” Dean spoke cockily. “What’s the bet?”
Frank pulled out his revolver and clicked the chamber. “Name your win.”
“OK. If I win ...” Dean smiled as he raced through his mind what he could make Frank do. He smiled wider. “If I win, for one week, you have to come to the clinic and wash out all my specimen cups and clean my equipment. This gets done nightly.”
“You’re on. But if I win you don’t touch Ellen for a week.” He handed Henry the remote.
“What do you mean don’t touch her?” Dean asked.
“Nothing past the friendly stage. One week, if you welsh, I kill you. I’m allowed under cowboy law.”
“What the hell is cowboy law?” Dean snipped.
“You don’t know cowboy law? Henry tell him what ... oh you wouldn’t know either. You’re not from America.”
Henry gasped, “I am too, Frank, you asshole. I’m American.”
“Sorry, Henry, you just don’t strike me as the ‘Cowboy and Indian’ type of guy.” Frank took an explaining breath. “The cowboy law is you can shoot someone if they break their word. It’s an honor thing. That’s why two men were allowed to shoot each other back then. Law. We on?”
“Cowboy law.” Dean shook his head with a snicker. “Only you would say something stupid like that.”
“Dean!”
“Yes. We’re on. I won’t touch her for one week but only because I know you can’t do this.”
“Hold this, Henry.” Frank held out his revolver then placed on his blindfold. “I’ll take it back.” Frank gripped the revolver when it was returned to his hand. “Step back.”
Henry pulled Dean back with him and readied the remote. “Whenever you’re ready, Frank.”
Frank ran the back of his hand over his forehead and held up the revolver cupped between his two hands. “Now don’t talk ... Ready.” Frank listened to the machine reset itself and the warm up begin. It was like a metronome. The click of the contraption, the clank as the sniper popped up, and the bang of Frank’s weapon three times, steady as the speed it was set. Click ... clank ... bang-bang-bang, and Frank would turn and repeat it.
A quiet and smell of gunpowder filled the air as the buzzing of the machine stopped. Frank lowered his weapon. “How did I do?” He took off his blindfold.
“Shit,” Henry stated. “You hit them.” He ran up to the targets. “Oh my God, Frank, you hit them all!”
Dean’s shoulders dropped and the word ‘no’ rang through his head. “Deadly shots, Henry?”
Henry checked them out. “I’d say!” he yelled back.
Frank called out to him, “Any head shots?”
“No,” Henry answered, “all chest.”
“Fuck.” Frank reloaded his weapon. “But ... all deadly, Dean. No Ellen for one week. By that time she would have broken the Dean-little-man habit.”
“You’re really funny. You did this before, didn’t you? You shot with a blindfold on before.”
“Oh yeah.” Frank prepared to hand Dean the revolver. “But you didn’t ask that, Dean. I was a sharpshooter, champion shooter in the fuckin Army, asshole. You think there hasn’t been a challenge thrown my way?” Frank fluttered his lips. “I’ve been doing shooting shit since I was eighteen years old. I was the wrong person to make the bet with.” Frank grabbed Dean’s hand. “Your turn.”
“No.” Dean tried to hand back the gun. “Here, Frank. Frank?”
“I’m back here.” Frank was ten feet behind him. “Go on, Dean. You can do this. Move out of the way, Henry. A blind man has my gun.”
Henry, who was making his way to Frank, quickly changed his mind and ran to the jeep—on the other side—to wait out Dean’s turn.
Frank watched Dean just stand there so he ran up to him. “Here.” He grabbed Dean’s hands and put them on the gun then raised his arms. “Now you are at the perfect height. I can’t do any more for you. Feel the force. Feel it.”
Dean mumbled, listening to Frank step back. “He thinks this is Star Wars.”
“You ready?” Frank asked.
Mumb
ling, Dean answered, “Oh yeah. I should turn around and start shooting your way.”
“What was that?”
“Nothing. Go on,” Dean sounded so perturbed. He listened to the foreign sound of the machine warming up. He really listened to the clanking and the clicking, and he tried with everything he had to pull a Frank. The weapon seemed like it weighed fifty pounds when Dean finally lowered it with relief that the drill was over. “How did I do?”
Frank clapped as he returned to Dean. “Good job.”
“Did I hit them?” A twinge of excitement came over him.
“I don’t think, but good job. Henry!” Frank looked out to Henry who checked the target. “Any hits?”
Henry checked out the fake snipers. “Frank! He hit one! In the leg but he hit one!”
“See, Dean.” Frank gave a firm pat to his back. “You did good. You fired ten shots and got one hit.”
“It sucks.”
“No it doesn’t. You’re blind and ... you’ve never done this before. One out of ten is good. Hell, I have men who their first time up here without blindfold didn’t do that.”
“Really?”
“No.” He snickered at Dean’s moan. “But ... you still did good. Ready to try again?”
“You know what?” Dean smiled and raised the gun. “Point me in the right direction again, Frank. I’m ready.”
The Big Ten: The First Ten Books of the Beginnings Series Page 299