Chapter 7
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Denver
TAKING A PULL FROM THE BEER in my hand, I stare at the dark water at the edge of my boat. Bre’s words from earlier tonight keep whispering through my mind, reminding me what I am for her.
“Fuck,” I hiss into the night, pissed at myself for being in love with a woman who is still in love with another man. Jealousy isn’t something I like feeling, but that emotion has been living inside me for so long that I’ve become used to it.
Walking to the wheelhouse, I take a seat in my chair and sigh. I don’t have anywhere to be; I lied to Bre about that. I just needed to get away from her before I said something I might regret. I need a few days to think about what I should do. Not that it will really fucking matter. I’m starting to see she’s never going to be mine, that she will always be his, and as much as I love her, I know I can’t live with only having a part of her. I’m selfish. I want it all. I want all her love, all her heart, all her mind, body, and soul.
“Maybe it’s time to move the fuck on.” I rub my hand down my face then close my eyes when her scent that has seeped into my skin fills my nostrils. I shouldn’t feel smug that he was never able to give her what I did on her couch, but fuck if I do. And since I don’t have much else, I’m taking it.
Hearing a knock behind me, I turn in my chair toward the door then frown when I don’t see anyone through the small round window that’s about five and a half feet off the ground. I stand and swing the door open then look down. It takes a moment for me to realize what I’m seeing—who I’m seeing. Bre with her hair down, eyes and face red from crying, wearing her hoodie and a pair of jeans. And it’s then I notice a small black duffle bag over her shoulder.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m coming with you.” At her quietly spoken statement, my chest tightens. “I… well… I have a couple days off work, and Shel and my dad are going to look after Ly for me.”
I stare at her, and she stares back. Then she looks away, biting her bottom lip.
“Maybe this was stupi—”
I reach out, wrap my arm around her waist, and pull her against my chest. Hauling her up my body, I drop my mouth to hers, cutting off whatever it was she was going to say. I kiss her hard, my hand holding my beer behind her head to keep her in place.
I listen to her bag hit the ground then feel her hands slide up my chest to wrap around my neck. I don’t know how long we stand under the stars with our mouths fused together. It might be minutes or hours; all I know is, just like every time I’m kissing or touching her, I lose track of everything but the feel of her in my arms.
I tug my mouth from hers when she gasps for breath and tuck her face against my bent neck as I pull in a lungful of oxygen. “I’m sorry, so sorry,” she tells me, and my eyes close and my arms tighten around her. “I—” she starts, but her words end on a sob as her body bucks hard.
I walk backward into the wheelhouse, taking her with me. I set down my beer then sit, pulling her onto my lap. Holding her, I rub my hand down her back as she cries, the sound of her tears killing me. “Baby, you gotta calm down,” I say against her ear.
She shakes her head then pulls back, looking me in the eye. “I hurt you. I did it on purpose. It was mean. I was mean,” she cries loudly before dropping her face against my chest, which has seized up.
“Bre,” I start, having no clue what the fuck I’m going to say, just knowing I need to say something, something that will most likely put an end to this. To us. Not that there’s really been an us to put an end to. The more I think about it, the more I know I can’t be with her—not when she’s still in love with her dead husband.
“I’ve been in love with you since I was a teenager.” At her confession, my arms spasm around her before locking tight. “I…. You were right. I wanted to date Mike, because he doesn’t scare me, doesn’t make me feel anything. I was with Gabe, because things with him were always…” She shakes her head. “They were always easy. He was my best friend. I never…”
“Baby,” I whisper, closing my eyes.
“I don’t regret my time with him. I just…”
“Bre, please stop,” I beg, cutting her off. “Please stop.” I thought I wanted this, but I don’t. I can’t stand seeing her in pain even if that pain is caused by her admitting to me how she feels.
“You were right. I’ve never felt anything like what I feel when I’m with you, and…” I listen to her swallow. “I feel so guilty about it, but it’s the truth.”
“What are you saying?” I question, pulling back to look at her beautiful, tearstained face. Her eyes search mine before they slowly start to close. “What are you saying?” I repeat, needing to know. I don’t want to get my hopes up, don’t want to start thinking she wants what I do, only to have her push me away again.
“I’m terrified of losing you Denver.”
“Bre—”
“Please.” Her hand cups my jaw. “Please let me talk.” I nod. “I know you’re going to say it won’t happen, but I know nothing is impossible.”
“Baby.” That one word is spoken so roughly it comes out jagged.
“I’m willing to try. I’m willing to take a shot on us if you’re still willing to give me a chance.”
“Bre—” I try once again, but she cuts me off.
“I won’t say I will never freak and do stupid crap that will likely piss you off, but I’ll try to do my part, try to fight for this too.”
“You sure?”
“Yes,” she says quietly, nodding.
“You got a couple days off work?” I ask, and she nods once more.
“Yeah, I…. But if you don’t want me with you, I get it.”
“I don’t actually gotta work, but I’ve got fuel and a stocked fridge. How do you feel about spending a couple days out on the water with me?”
“You lied?”
“You killed me, baby.” I cup her face, and her eyes fill with remorse. “I know you were his, but that doesn’t mean I wanna be reminded he got something that should’ve been mine all along.”
“What?” she breathes, her fingers twisting in the front of my shirt.
“I should have been your first, Bre. It should have been me you shared all your first with.” Watching her expression change, something I don’t understand fills her eyes, and I ask, “What?”
“The… the night you invited me to that party, I saw you with Pamela.”
“Who?”
“Pamela,” she reiterates, and I frown. “She was in your class. A model. She moved to New York after graduation.” I stare into her eyes, knowing by the look she’s giving me that I should know who she’s talking about, but I don’t. “You were kissing her. I saw you kissing her through the window at Lincoln’s house when I was on the back deck with Gabe.”
“The night you got with Gabe?” I ask quietly, as memories from years and years ago start to fill my mind. The night I planned on asking her out. My friends drunk-yelling for me to join them for shots. Pam, the annoying chick in my class, wrapping her arms around my neck, trying to kiss me. Me shoving her away, going to look for Bre, and finding out she left holding hands with Gabe, who the next day was all too fucking happy to spread the news that she was his. “Fuck me.”
“You remember her?”
“I never fucking kissed her,” I growl.
“I saw you,” she whispers, scanning my face.
“No, you saw her trying to kiss me. You obviously missed me shoving her away.”
“What?”
“Fuck me. What the fuck?”
“I… I saw you.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“But—”
“Gabe asked you out that night.”
“I—”
“You saw that shit, thought whatever the fuck you were thinking, and then Gabe asked you out.” I squeeze my eyes closed and jerk my fingers through my hair. “What the actual fuck?”
“Denver.”
&nbs
p; “Fuck… I was planning on making you mine that night. I planned—”
“Please stop,” she whimpers, cutting me off, wrapping her arms around me, and resting her head against my chest. “Please.”
“You were supposed to be mine.” I bury my face in her neck, overwhelmed with the emotions coursing through me. “You were supposed to be mine.”
“I’m so sorry. I—”
“Don’t,” I growl, interrupting her and pulling back to look into her eyes. “Without him and your past, there wouldn’t be a Lyra, and I don’t want to think about that.” Tears fill her eyes and start to fall. “No more tears.” I hold her face and kiss her cheeks then each of her eyelids. Only when her tears die down do I pull back. “I’m gonna get us ready to head out. You wanna sit up here, or you wanna head downstairs?”
“Where are we going?”
“No idea.” I smile. “We’ll figure it out when we get there.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” I kiss her again, because I can, and then order, “Hop off, baby. I’ll take your bag down then get us out of here.”
She nods then slides off my lap. I watch her take a seat in my chair, and then I go get us ready to leave port. I go back to the wheelhouse once I have us ready to go and keep her in my lap as I drive the boat into the secluded inlet I have been to a few times fishing.
I drop anchor once I find a good spot and then go downstairs to pull out two of the sleeping bags I keep in the closet. Once I take them with me back up to the deck, I drop them before going to grab Bre. When I open the door to the wheelhouse, her eyes come to me, and as I hold out my hand to her, she takes it.
“What are you doing?” she asks, watching me unzip both bags before zipping them together.
“Just trust me.” I lay the sleeping bag out then pull her hoodie up over her head. “Get in,” I order, and she looks at the bag then me before lying down without a word. I climb in next to her and zip us in, pulling her against me.
She slides her arm over my waist, tucking her head against my shoulder and chest. “Do you know much about the constellations?” she asks.
I dip my head to look down at her and find her eyes on me. “Some.”
“Did I ever tell you how I came up with Lyra’s name?” she questions, dropping her chin to my chest.
“No,” I answer softly, holding her gaze.
“Lyra is basically a harp. Orpheus in Greek mythology played one. Orpheus married Eurydice, and he loved her, really loved her. One day, she was bitten by a poisonous snake and died.” She leans back to look up at the stars. “Orpheus was so distraught by her death that he went into the underworld in an attempt to get her back. When he was there, he charmed the gods with the music he played and they granted him his wish of reuniting with his wife—with one condition. He wasn’t allowed to look at her until they left the underworld.”
“Did he resist looking at her?”
I feel her shake her head, and her voice is softer as she continues. “He wasn’t able to. He turned to check on her, to make sure she was following before they got back to earth. When he did, she descended back to the underworld, and he was forced to leave without her.”
“What’d he do?”
“He killed himself to be with her, and when he died, his Lyra was placed in the stars by Zeus.”
“Fuck,” I hiss, feeling my chest tighten. “You’re still in love with him.”
“What?” she asks, and I look down at her, seeing her brows draw together.
“You’re still in love with him.”
“In love with who?” she asks, sounding confused.
“Gabe.”
Her eyes soften and her face comes closer to mine. “I love him.” She moves her hand up, cupping my jaw. “I will always love him, but I’m not in love with him, Denver. He’s not here. He hasn’t been here for a long time and he’s not coming back.” She looks away for a moment. “I named her Lyra, because I thought the way Orpheus loved Eurydice was beautiful, and because from the moment I found out I was pregnant with her, I knew I would do everything within my power to keep her with me, to keep her safe, and to always protect her.” She rests her head on my shoulder once more. “You know my mom’s and my relationship isn’t good. I never want to be like her, and I never want Ly to feel like I feel to this day.”
“What do you mean?” I prompt. I know all about her mom. I know she’s hurt both of her kids by not being around, but Bre has never spoken to me about her relationship with her mother.
“I don’t know if my mom loves me. She’s never really shown me she does. I mean, I’m sure she does in her own way, but it’s not enough.”
“You’re nothing like your mom, baby.”
“I know, but I don’t want to be like her ever. One thing that worries me….” Her words taper off and her body fills with tension.
“One thing that worries you?” I question softly, looking down at her and seeing her eyes close. “Tell me.”
Her eyes open to meet mine. “One of the reasons I’ve been trying to stay away from you, is because I worry I’ll get so wrapped up in you that I’ll neglect Ly the way my mom has neglected me when she finds a man. And that scares me.”
“That would never happen.” I place my thumb over her lips when she starts to open her mouth. “And before you say I don’t know it won’t, I do. I’ve never seen a mom more devoted to a child than you are to her. Yes, I want all of you, every part of you, but with you comes Lyra. I want us to build on what we already have. I want to be a family. I want the three of us to be a family. Lyra is important to me. I love her like she’s my own. Since the first time I held her in my arms, I’ve wanted to take care of her and protect her. That isn’t going to change for me, and I know that will never change for you either.”
“You want us to be a family,” she whispers, and I pull her closer.
“I know it’s going to scare you, but I want it all, Bre. I want one day—not tomorrow or the next day—to make you my wife. I want to give Lyra a brother or sister. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, making you happy.”
“I hate to say this again, but this is all kinda fast.”
I smile at that and smooth my fingers down her cheek. “We have time, but it’s not fast. Think about the last few years. Think about your feelings for me and my feelings for you. I’ve known what I’ve wanted for a long time. I’ve just been waiting for you to be ready for what I want.”
“And you’re sure about this?”
“Baby, I haven’t been with anyone, even attempted to be with anyone, since the night Gabe called me.”
“What? But I thought—”
“No one,” I cut her off. “My parents know. Your family knows. Hell, everyone in town probably knows it’s you and only you for me.”
“I think I’m going to cry.” Tears start to fill her eyes, so I tuck her face against my chest.
“There is nothing to cry about, but like I said, I’ve known it’s you for me. I know you think this is fast, but I’m telling you I don’t think it’s fast enough.” I kiss the top of her head and close my eyes, relishing the feeling of having her in my arms, right where she was meant to be.
Chapter 8
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Aubrey
WITH A SENSE OF DÉJÀ VU I wake up to the smell of the ocean, the sound of waves lapping against the side of the boat, and the feel of the rise and fall of the chest under mine. Unlike the last time I woke up in this exact position, I feel nothing but contentment.
I open my eyes slowly, and the column of Denver’s throat comes into view. The urge to touch my tongue to his neck hits me hard, but I fight against it and look around. I don’t remember coming down to his bed last night. He must have somehow carried me downstairs after I fell asleep while talking to him. I close my eyes and press my nose into his chest, pulling in his scent that is a mixture of salty sea air and some kind of deep woodsy musk. He smells amazing, and being pressed against him while he’s sleeping, with his arm
s tight around me, feels like I’m waking in a dream. The kind of dream I gave up on years and years ago, long before Gabe was ever in my life.
I bite my bottom lip when my stomach starts to fill with unexpected tension. I silently remind myself it’s okay to be happy and that I promised Denver last night that I would fight for us, and I will. When he walked out of my house, leaving me on the couch, I knew he wouldn’t be back again. I knew I had finally succeeded in pushing him away for good. I tried to convince myself for about five seconds that was what I wanted, but the pain I felt weighing down on my chest was worse than the pain I felt when I lost Gabe.
Before I knew what I was doing, I called Shel. When she heard me sob into the phone, not saying anything, she hung up and came right over. As soon as she walked through the front door, I ran right to her and cried in her arms. I told her through my tears what happened—well, most of it anyway. I left out the whole him giving me the best orgasm of my life part, but I did tell her about hurting him on purpose and him leaving. I also told her that I knew he wouldn’t be back again. When I told her that, she told me what I already knew, that I had to go after him, that I had to find a way to make things right.
She shoved me toward my bedroom, telling me to pack a bag while she called Joe to see if Denver had told her where he was heading. Joe didn’t know anything about his plans to leave port, but she did tell Shel that he hadn’t told her he was leaving, and he always told her. Which meant I had a chance to catch him before he was gone.
When Shel hung up the phone with Joe, she called Lulu to tell her I wouldn’t be in to work on Monday. I don’t know what she said to Lulu when she called, but I do know the nosy woman will probably have a million and one questions for me when I come back to work. She will also likely yell “I told you so.” After Shel got off the phone with Lulu and I was packed, she called my dad and told him I needed a ride to the harbor. Surprisingly, my dad didn’t ask any questions as he drove me, but he did tell me that all he ever wanted was for me to be happy, as I hopped out of the cab of his truck.
“What are you thinking about?” Denver’s roughly spoken question pulls me from my thoughts, and I tip my head back to look into his sleepy eyes. I would never think it was possible for him to look hotter than his normal hot, but his warm, sleepy eyes and his hair a rumpled mess proves me wrong.
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