by K. A. Linde
“Sutton…”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
Then, she shut the door in my face, leaving me standing on her porch, feeling like a total idiot. If she didn’t already have some fear about us, then Maverick’s parents couldn’t have gotten into her head. I thought it was reasonable to be afraid. I didn’t think this would be easy or perfect overnight, but I’d been willing to try.
Now, she was going to throw it all away, and there was nothing I could do to change her mind.
Because she was right; Jason did come first.
And, if she felt it was better for me to not be near him, then by all means, I respected her decision.
But I didn’t have to like it.
Fifteen
David
It had been a long time since I felt like this.
No matter what I did or said, I wasn’t going to change Sutton’s mind.
I didn’t try to get her to answer the door again. That would be torture for her. She’d said her piece, and that was that. But it felt hollow.
And the thought that she didn’t trust me with him was equally heartbreaking. He wasn’t my kid, but I adored him. I wanted Sutton to trust me with him. I never expected that to happen overnight, but it’d been a year of me helping out with him. I hadn’t realized that would change when we started dating.
My mind was a firestorm.
It burned through me relentlessly.
But there was nothing I could do. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I worked. I lost myself in paperwork and emails and contracts. It was the easiest way not to have to process what had happened.
I was always the first person in the office anyway, but I got in before the doors were even unlocked on Monday morning. It sucked because mysterious wet stuff we never saw in Texas was falling from the sky in a torrential downpour, and someone had forgotten a fucking umbrella. I fumbled with my keys until I got inside, turned off the security system, and went up to my office, soaked through. Really…just fucking great. When it rained, it poured.
I slopped my suit jacket onto a chair to dry, untucked my white button-up, and then pulled it off as well. When I was nearly undressed in my office was the moment Morgan stuck her head inside.
“David, you’re in extra early…” Then, she stopped. “Well, isn’t this awkward?”
“Hey, Mor. What? What’s awkward?”
“I’m pretty sure Julia would file this under sexual harassment. So, I should probably tell you to put your clothes back on and get to work.” Morgan snickered.
“Forgot the umbrella.”
“Maybe keep an spare suit in the office next time.”
“Roger that.”
“Or air-dry them in the restroom?”
“Drying an Armani shirt with a hand dryer in the restroom is about the state of my life right now.”
Morgan tried to rein in her laughter. “You look like a sad, wet dog. What happened to you?”
“Sutton,” I told her.
Her laughter died out. “I thought things were going well.”
“They were going well. Until she decided they weren’t.”
“I see.” She sighed heavily. “I mean, I’m not going to say I’m surprised. I’m not surprised. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel for you. Why don’t we cut out early and get a beer? You can cry on my shoulder.”
“Early?” I asked in disbelief.
“You know…like five.”
I shook my head. Morgan was such a workaholic. Five really was getting out of work early for her. She was lucky to have found Patrick because most people wouldn’t have been able to keep up with her.
“Yeah. That’d be good. Thanks.”
She turned to leave but then glanced back over her shoulder. “You could have called, you know?”
“Yeah. Except I’m a dude.”
She rolled her eyes. “Whatever, bruh.”
I knew she was sincere. She would have talked it out with me or brought over a bottle of whiskey. But, for some reason, I hadn’t even thought to call anyone. No one could fix what had happened. And Morgan was Sutton’s sister. It didn’t feel fair to dump that on her. But I guessed that was what friends were for.
After work, Morgan drove us over to the local bar Flips. It was a real townie kind of place with hardwood flooring, fluorescent lighting, and pool tables in the back. We plopped down on stools in front of a bar that had seen better days, but there was plenty of alcohol, so that was what mattered.
“Wright,” the bartender, Peter, said to Morgan when she sat down. “What can I get you?”
“Stella. Make it two.”
He popped the bottle caps off the tops and then passed them over to us. Morgan handed him a credit card and asked him to keep it open. For me apparently. Not her because she was driving.
“So…Sutton. Fill me in.”
“You can probably imagine what happened.”
“My sister is a rare breed. I never know exactly what’s going to happen with her.”
I shrugged and then filled her in. How we’d had our second date, and things had gotten heated, and then the next day, poof. Just like that, back to square one. Or maybe worse. Maybe I’d been moved off the board. Because, at least before, I’d had a chance, standing on the sidelines. Now, she had no interest in even being friends with me.
“Okay. Well, she probably needs time,” Morgan said logically.
“I know.”
“Like, a lot of time. Her husband died.”
“I’m not unaware of any of this. I think it’s perfectly reasonable for her to question what’s happening along the way. I get where she’s coming from on Jason. If she doesn’t want us to be together when he’s around, I can respect that, too.”
“But she still broke up with you.”
“Yeah, she did.”
“Maybe she’s really not ready.”
“Maybe.”
“You don’t think that’s it?”
“No, I believe what she says. I don’t know; something she said rubs me wrong, and I can’t figure it out.”
“Everything she said rubs you wrong,” she said, bringing the bottle to her lips.
“Maverick’s parents had been there. They had Jason. Maybe they’d influenced her.”
“Well, I could definitely see that. I’ve met them before. Good old Ray and Linda,” Morgan said dryly. “They live on a farm in a rural area outside of Lubbock. They’re not exactly…progressive, and they lost their son last year. I’m sure they’d spit all sorts of fear into Sutton.”
I shrugged. I didn’t know them, and I couldn’t judge. “Even if they did, she had to already have those fears, right? They’re not making her feel this way without it also coming from herself.”
“True.”
We lapsed into silence as I ruminated on all of that. I drank my beer and ordered a second. A good buzz might help to loosen me up, but it wasn’t going to make me figure out this mystery any better.
“Maybe I should try to talk to her again.”
“Nope,” Morgan said. “You should give her some space. If it’s just Mav’s parents’ fears clogging her mind, then she’ll come around. If it’s for real, then you’re shit out of luck.”
My eyes caught Morgan’s, and I gave her a steadying look. “I can’t give up on her. For the first time in a year, I saw her really relax and open up. I don’t want to walk away from that.”
“I know, but that’s not always your choice.”
“Do you think we were irresponsible about Jason?”
She held her hands up. “I don’t have kids. I don’t know what that’s like.”
“Theorize.”
“Maybe it was too soon?” she offered. “Only Sutton can answer that.”
“She was the one who invited me over.”
“Second-guessing your choices is the nature of grief. Everyone grieves differently, and Sutton has been doing this almost entirely alone for a year. Being a mom is not just a part of her; it’s who s
he is. If she feels like she’s threatened Jason in any way, she’s going to clam up. You have to be ready and willing to be there if she comes back out of her shell.”
“I am.”
Morgan nodded and tapped my hand. “Good. I thought so. Plus…I could maybe talk to her and see where her head’s at.”
“You don’t have to do that for me.” I finished the second beer, and the bartender handed me a third.
“You’re my friend and my CFO. I need your head in the game. So, I’m going to talk to my sister. That’s about as much as I can do.”
“Thanks, Mor.”
“I’m also going to get you drunk. So, bottoms up.”
She raised her bottle to mine, and I clinked it against hers. She smiled, and I smiled. Then, she made me drink until I was nearly falling over, and she had to walk me into my house. I passed out cold before she even left the house. Such a great friend.
Sixteen
Sutton
“Thank y’all for watching Jason,” I said, smiling down at my son, who was deeply engrossed in the television show I’d put on for him before the girls arrived. “I feel like all I’ve done lately is ask you to watch him.”
“Well, one, that’s my job,” Jenny said.
“And, two, we love the little guy. I love that you’re having more of a life again,” Annie told me. “I don’t mind.”
“Me either.”
“I appreciate it nonetheless.” I flipped my head upside down and yanked it into a tight ponytail. Running after a two-year-old never gave me enough time to get ready. “How do I look?”
“Like you’re going to pick out bachelorette party goodies,” Annie said. “I’m so jealous about this. I am all about the penis.”
Jenny shook her head.
“You know what I mean!”
“Oh, we do,” I assured her.
“What about you?” Annie asked accusingly. “Have you gotten any of the D yet?”
I cringed and turned back to the mirror to swipe some mascara onto my sad lashes. “Nope.”
I watched in the mirror as Annie shot Jenny a knowing look. Great. Here it comes. I had dodged a best-friend talk all week by running out the door as soon as Jenny showed up and feigning being tired as soon as I got home. Annie had been so busy at work that I might or might not have been avoiding her calls. I could fake it in a text but not when we were in person.
Where the hell is Morgan anyway? She was supposed to be here already to pick me up to take me shopping. I hadn’t intended to be here a minute longer than necessary.
Really smart. Now, I was avoiding my friends and not just my in-laws.
“Something happen with David?” Annie asked.
“We’re kind of on a hiatus,” I admitted.
“Why?” Jenny said.
“Because I asked him to be.”
“For how long?” Annie asked.
I turned to face them as I said, “Indefinitely.”
“Oh, boy. What happened?” Jenny said.
“I decided I wasn’t ready. I mean, besides me, this has got to be hard on Jason. He knows David, but this is all so new. I shouldn’t have brought David here in a romantic sense until I was sure that this would last. What happens if it doesn’t work out, and then I bring another guy over? It’s just…irresponsible.”
Jenny raised her eyebrows. “You are the last person I would ever call irresponsible.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Annie said with a laugh. “You did have an oops pregnancy, but you are a hundred percent there for Jason for everything.”
“It’s very obvious he’s your number one priority,” Jenny added.
“You would never have started talking to David if you hadn’t already thought through Jason’s feelings. I can’t think this is what you really want.”
I held up my hand. “Y’all, what I want doesn’t really matter. I don’t want Jason to grow up, confused by who I’m dating. I don’t know when and how that would affect him. I can’t plan for that, except to date on the down-low. And, right now, I’m not prepared to move forward with something like that.”
Annie stood and put her hands on her hips. “I get where you’re coming from, but you can’t hole up forever and then blame it on Jason.”
“I’m not.”
“You are,” Jenny countered.
“Stop ganging up on me.”
“Stop making us!” Annie said with a laugh. “We care about you and Jason. We want you to be happy.”
“I am happy.”
Both Annie and Jenny gave me sad faces, as if I didn’t even know how miserable I really was. As if they were the only ones who saw it and I was oblivious to it.
No, I knew I was lying. I wasn’t happy. I was coasting. I had Jason, and I’d thought that would be enough. But it wasn’t.
Jenny touched Annie’s arm, and she sat back down. “If you think you’re not ready and it’s better for Jason, okay.”
“But you’re not doing this alone. You have us,” Annie told me.
“Thanks, y’all. You’re really the best.”
A knock on the door made all of us jump. But it was Jason who hopped up from the floor and ran to the front door. I followed Jason and cracked it open, and Morgan stood there, smiling.
“Jason!” Morgan scooped him up into her arms.
“Aunt Mor!”
“Oh, I missed you. Look at how big you are.” She kissed him on both cheeks and then set him on his feet.
“Hey, Morgan,” I said.
“You ready to go?”
“Yep. All set.” I turned back to my friends. “A million thanks for this again. You’re the best.”
“Have fun! Buy me a penis or two,” Annie said with a grin.
Morgan and I wore equally disgruntled looks before disappearing from the house. Her Mercedes was parked in my driveway, and we drove easily across town to the local party store.
“I can’t believe I ended up being in charge of this,” Morgan said in disbelief.
“Didn’t you volunteer?”
“Heidi’s an overlord. As the maid of honor, she doles out commands like a drill sergeant. I thought it would be easier to volunteer than to get stuck with something even more horrendous.”
“I should have thought of that. I had to find the strip club.”
Morgan burst into laughter. “Oh…this should be good.”
“You think Heidi wanted an all-guys’ strip club, right? Because there were some gentlemen’s clubs that looked even more fun. But probably dicks in the face, right?”
Morgan couldn’t keep it together as she parked the car. “Man, they really should have thought this through better. Imagine Emery with male strippers in her face. She’s going to kill Heidi for doing this.”
“She should expect it.” I hopped out of the car, and together, we walked into the store. “It’s Heidi after all. I’m more concerned for Kimber.”
“This isn’t the worst thing she’s ever seen Emery do.”
“God, I can’t wait until next weekend.”
“Same.”
We trudged up and down the aisles until we found a giant stash of bachelorette party paraphernalia. Penis popsicles, penis straws, penis headbands, penis confetti, a blow-up doll with a giant protruding penis, a Bride tiara, Team Bride pins, a Bride-to-Be feather boa, and—my favorite—name tags that read Hello, My Name Is Bitch or Hello, My Name Is Slut.
“We’re getting these,” I said, grabbing the name tags. “I want to be the Virgin.”
“You have a kid.”
“So?”
Morgan rolled her eyes. “Let’s get everything. I’m going to bring a whole suitcase full of dicks on the flight to Vegas. I sure hope TSA checks my bags.”
We cleared out the penis aisle, and I wasn’t even embarrassed about it. I thought it was going to be pretty kickass to do Emery’s bachelorette party in Vegas. All of the bridesmaids—Heidi, Kimber, Julia, Morgan, and me—were flying out for the trip, and Heidi had planned almost everything.
Morgan grabbed a giant lifelike penis water bottle in her hand. “Do we need this?”
I snorted and pulled my camera out. “Hold still. Let me get a good shot.”
Morgan promptly pretended to deep-throat the water bottle. And I was laughing so hard that I almost fell over, which started our laughter up all again.
“Okay, okay. For real,” Morgan said, trying to regain her composure. “Can I talk to you about something?”
“While you’re holding that penis?”
She glanced at it and then back at me. “Yeah.”
“Should I be taking you seriously?”
“I have a really mopey David at work.”
My smile slipped off my face. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. I’m not meaning to be in your business. I get that you’ve had a horrible year, and you’ve changed a lot. You’re not the same person you were before Mav…you know?”
“Yeah.”
“Dating again isn’t going to be easy. I wouldn’t expect it to. I don’t know what I would do if Patrick…” Her throat closed up, and she looked like she’d be sick at the very thought.
I didn’t blame her for that reaction.
I still got like that when I thought about Mav.
Except I’d thought we were invincible. Just like superheroes. But we weren’t. We were regular people. One who had died and one who had died on the inside.
“I know what you’re saying,” I told her.
“Just talk to him, okay?”
“I can’t talk to him.”
Morgan pointed the penis cup at me. “I know you need your space. I’m sure having feelings for him was all new and scary again. Plus, I can totally understand your fear about Jason, but just hear David out.”
“Morgan—”
“Just hear him out,” she repeated. She dropped her arm. “He would never want to hurt you or Jason.”