by R. Linda
“Lucy?” he asked. His dark eyes flashed with caution.
“Go with it,” I whispered and pulled his shirt over his head before pulling back the blanket on the bed and climbing in. I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing, or that one kiss would have been enough. I just wanted more, for a little while longer. I wanted to forget what Ray had demanded from us and I wanted the comfort that came from Hendrix’s kisses, his arms, his warmth. Him.
Hendrix watched me with hesitation in his eyes, so I smiled reassuringly at him and held out my hand. He grasped it in his and lifted one knee on the bed before leaning over and capturing my mouth again. I pulled him into the bed with me, knowing that he wouldn’t take the initiative out of fear of scaring me. But he was the last person I was afraid of.
He was the only one I trusted.
Hendrix
THE WEEKS FOLLOWING Ray’s bombshell that he expected a baby from Lucy and I were tense. When the furniture delivery arrived, Ray made sure I kept the girls locked in the basement so they wouldn’t try anything to alert anyone to their presence.
Once we were allowed back up to the top, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I thought it was going to be a cradle and a wardrobe for clothes, but no. Ray had bought everything I imagined a person could need for a baby. Clothes, toys, furniture, pictures for the walls, bedding. He’d even purchased a pram to go on walks. We never left the house, so what was the point of a pram? We dragged everything down the stairs to the basement and into Lucy’s old room. He expected us to raise a baby in the goddamn basement like savages.
But, when Kat had finished setting the room up, it looked amazing. It was as I would imagine loving parents would do for their child.
Lucy cried herself to sleep that first night that the baby’s room was set up. I didn’t blame her. I tried to comfort her and make her feel better, but it was hard when I was struggling to get my head around it as well. No matter how much I tried to reassure Lucy that I wouldn’t let Ray get his way, she wouldn’t believe me. She seemed to have given in to the idea that she was expected to have a baby. But as much as she was giving up, I was fighting. It wasn’t going to happen.
Ray forcefully suggested Lucy and I have ‘private time’ together to increase the chances of him getting a grandchild sooner. It was sick.
He was sick and fucked up.
We didn’t utilise the allocated ‘private time’ the way he hoped we did. We spent the time talking and getting to know more about each other. I was curious about Lucy, about her life before I destroyed it, and she wanted to know how I’d managed to survive Ray for so long without turning into a psychopath myself. I wondered about that a lot too. Looking at my shitty life and awful upbringing, it was a miracle I had a conscience at all—unlike Ray.
And when Ray pulled us up on it, I thought he was going to snap. I had to think fast and come up with a reason why Lucy and I weren’t making him a baby.
“I don’t want to marry a whore,” I said.
“What?” He towered over me, grabbing my shirt and pushing me against the wall. I braced for the blow but it didn’t come. “Explain.”
“Sex before marriage is a sin. I want to wait until we’re married so we don’t have a child out of wedlock.”
“Hmmm… you want to make an honest woman of her.”
I nodded.
“Fucking little prick. Good thinking. Ain’t no grandchild of mine going to have a slut for a mother.”
He released me, and I sagged against the wall, taking a deep breath in relief, glad to have dodged that bullet. One thing my father hated more than someone disrespecting him was whores. According to him, it was hard to find a decent woman, which was why every one he had brought home had failed. They were whores who didn’t know how to keep a man happy.
Fucked up.
Still, as awkward and tense as things were, Lucy was getting more comfortable and relaxed around me, which was helping to convince Ray that we were ‘happy’. If Ray was convinced of our happiness, he was happy. I had never seen him like this before. He was almost normal except for the controlling and demanding.
“Tell me something?” I asked Lucy as she folded the washing in the basement. I tried to help but she wouldn’t let me. Fear of Ray catching me doing the women’s work.
“Mmm, what?”
“Anything. Tell me something about you.” We were going to be married before too long and even though it wasn’t real, it still felt weird that we didn’t know much about each other. I wanted to know everything about her. It was probably a bad idea, but I was curious nonetheless.
“I hate peas.” She laughed. And it was a beautiful sound. There wasn’t much to laugh about in this place.
“Something serious.”
“I hate my family.”
“Why?”
“They’re arseholes.” She shrugged as she finished folding the clean washing. She didn’t swear a lot, so it was a little weird to hear. Her parents must have been pretty bad to get that response.
“Why?”
“Dad’s a senator, Mum’s his perfect trophy wife. They didn’t care about me growing up. I was raised by a live-in nanny, lucky to see them once a week at a dinner I was only invited to for appearances. I had everything a kid could want growing up, except for the love of my parents. I was a prop. Only used to further their reputation.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“Not your fault. Anyway, I left the moment I graduated. Couldn’t get out of the house fast enough. Dad wanted me to follow in his footsteps, but I didn’t want to be anything like him—”
I barked out a laugh at that. How could I not? She was in the same predicament as me, only mine was much worse. She escaped her fate; something I wished I could do but had long given up hope on. Fathers like hers and Ray, they weren’t to be argued with. What they said went. If you disobeyed, all hell broke loose. I tried over the years to rebel against Ray, to show him I was my own person and that I had no intention of following his orders. But it always ended in a death and one of my bones broken. Every. Single. Time.
“So, what happened?”
“He cut me off. Left me to fend for myself. I went to school with no more than twenty dollars in my pocket and an overnight bag. I picked a school interstate, so no one really knew who I was and got myself a job at the bar. It paid enough for me to live comfortably.”
“Were you happy?” It was a loaded question. Clearly she’d not been happy at home and that was why she’d left, but she was making her own life when I walked into that bar. Had I ripped her away from something that could have made her happy? I mean, obviously I knew going in, that I’d be ruining someone’s life, but had I really destroyed something that could have been wonderful?
“No. Not really. I don’t think I’ve ever been happy.” She sighed and sat down beside me on the bench in the basement. “Anyway, enough with the heavy. Tell me something.”
“I like peas,” I said. Her laugh echoed around the dark basement and just for a moment, things felt almost normal.
“Something else.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“There’s nothing to tell that won’t make you really sad or run screaming from this room. My life has been hell.”
“Please, Hendrix. I want to know about you.”
“What you see is what you get. Ray is a psycho. I hate living here. I hate him and if I could find a way out, I would.” There wasn’t much to my story that she didn’t already know.
“What about your mother?”
“What about her?” I didn’t mean to snap, but I couldn’t answer that question. I didn’t remember her. She died when I was really young, and Ray lost the plot. It was because of her death that my life became what it is.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“It’s fine. I really don’t have much to tell, except I hate my life and Ray.” It was true. What more could I tell her aside from details about all the deaths over the years. That was definitely some
thing she didn’t need to know.
Lucy
AS THE WEEKS went on, I grew more and more on edge. I was jittery and clumsy and once or twice almost broke a dish in the kitchen. My mind was distracted all the time and I was beginning to have panic attacks that only worsened the closer we got to the big day.
It wasn’t the ‘wedding’ that had me so nervous. That was fine. It wouldn’t be a legal one and it didn’t mean anything. It was what happened after the wedding that had me so freaked out.
We’d managed to avoid the baby topic for weeks. It hung in the air above us like a thick cloud of smoke, sucking the oxygen out and trying to suffocate us, but it was easy to ignore because Ray wasn’t putting any pressure on us. After the wedding, things would change.
Ray would expect a grandchild.
And we were running out of time. We didn’t have a plan or a way to prolong the inevitable. I was going to have a child whether I liked it or not.
It was the night before the wedding and Ray had graciously given me the night off to rest and get my beauty sleep because I “fucking needed it.” But with nothing to do to keep busy, I was starting to freak out even more. I was pacing in front of the door to the baby’s room.
“What are you doing?” Hendrix asked as he came down the stairs.
“Panicking.”
“Cold feet?” He chuckled, and normally I’d enjoy the rare sound of his laughter, but not this time.
“This is no time for jokes, Hendrix.”
“I know, I’m sorry, love.” He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me. I rested my head on his chest, revelling in his comfort.
“We can’t put it off any longer. Tomorrow he’s going to expect…” I choked on the words; I couldn’t even verbalise it.
“I know. Let’s just worry about it tomorrow.”
“We’re going to have a baby, aren’t we?” I turned my head to look at the baby’s room.
“No! Over my dead body.”
“Or mine. I’m terrified, Hendrix. If we don’t do this, or don’t find a way out of it, he will kill me. He won’t have any use for me.”
Hendrix squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed. “I won’t let him.”
“You keep saying that, but can you really stop him?” I asked, stepping out of his arms and walking to our bedroom.
“You underestimate how much I’m willing to sacrifice for you.” He followed and paused in the door frame. His eyes focused on me and sent a chill down my spine, but not out of fear. He was serious. I had no doubt that he’d sacrifice the world for me, it was written right there on his face, it was in the way he comforted me, held me at night, kissed me.
He cared.
“I don’t want you to sacrifice anything, though. The only thing you have left to sacrifice is your life, and I’d never let that happen.”
He crossed the threshold and sat on the bed beside me. Pressing a kiss to the side of my head, he whispered, “It’d be worth it.”
I lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. My stomach was in knots. I didn’t know how Hendrix was so calm.
“Get some sleep. We’ll worry about everything tomorrow,” he said softly before walking to the door.
“Where are you going?” I sat up.
“Bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, Ray is making me sleep upstairs, in Kat’s room.” He gave me a sad smile and shrugged his shoulders.
In Kat’s room? Jealousy bubbled low in my stomach but I pushed it back down. There was no reason to be jealous. But… “Where is Kat sleeping?”
Hendrix cringed. “With Ray.”
Oh…
Hendrix
MY ARM TIGHTENED around Lucy’s waist as I slowly opened my eyes to the loud crashing coming from the kitchen. I had gotten so used to sharing a bed with her that I couldn’t sleep upstairs on my own and had to sneak back down here in the middle of the night.
I heard another crash from the kitchen followed by Kat cursing, because I’d left the doors open, again. I jumped out of bed, startling Lucy awake as I rushed to the door, hoping Kat was okay and Ray wasn’t hurting her. It had been a while since anyone had felt one of Ray’s blows and I wanted to keep it that way. Whatever we had been doing was working, so I didn’t want to upset him again.
“What’s going on?” Lucy mumbled sleepily.
“Sorry, love, I’ll go check it out. Lock the door.” I still didn’t trust Ray around Lucy, so whenever I left her alone in the room, I made sure she locked the door, just in case. She rolled out of bed and came to the door to lock it after me, shuddering when there was another crash from the kitchen. Her eyes widened and she bit her lip nervously.
“Be careful,” she whispered. I gave her a small nod and tapped the lock on the door to remind her before walking out of the room in search of Kat. I kind of liked how Lucy was beginning to worry about me almost as much as I worried about her.
“Kat!” I called when I entered the kitchen and couldn’t see her.
“Urgh, yes?” Her head popped up from the other side of the counter.
“What are you doing? Are you okay?” I stepped closer to her as she stood up, blowing a stray strand of her blonde hair out of her face before smoothing her hands over it.
“I’m fine. I was just baking and couldn’t find the tray I wanted, and then I dropped all the pans.” She shrugged, indicating to the mess on the floor at her feet.
“Okay. Where’s Ray?” I looked over my shoulder expecting him to come in screaming and throwing punches.
“Passed out drunk.” She cringed. “Won’t hear a thing.”
“Good. Why are you baking at this hour?” I looked at the time on the oven and saw it was only five a.m.
“Big day, needed to get a head start. Go back to bed; it’s early. You don’t need to be up for a while.” She smiled and shooed me away with her hands.
“You sure?”
“Yes, go.” She waved a spatula at me and turned back to the mess on the counter top, ignoring the pans and trays all over the floor. I slowly made my way back down to the bedroom. I had almost forgotten what today was. I had really been hoping this day would never come, but things never went my way. I tapped on the door and whispered Lucy’s name so she would open it.
“Everything okay?” she asked when I shut the door and locked it before pulling her back into the bed. I flopped on my back and groaned. Running my hand over my face, I rolled onto my side to look at her. She was half asleep and fighting to keep her eyes open.
“Hendrix?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. Kat was just baking,” I told her, waiting for her to comprehend.
“Baking now? What is she baking at this time of morning? It is morning, isn’t it?” she asked, looking over to the mock window that was blocked by thick dark curtains.
“Yes, and she’s baking a cake,” I told her. Still no reaction. “Our wedding cake.”
“Oh.” Lucy closed her eyes and didn’t say any more. I watched her for a few minutes until her breathing changed and I knew she was asleep.
That was it. That was her response. He was forcing us to get married today because, “Ain’t no fuckin’ grandchild of mine gonna be born a bastard. No, son, you will do this properly,”. He’d basically repeated my words to me when I tried to postpone the engagement and wedding.
Lucy seemed to have no feelings about it at all. I didn’t know if that was good or bad. She really was beginning to worry me with how easily she was adapting to her life here. I still expected some resistance or fight from her, but she seemed to be taking everything Ray threw at her with a grain of salt. She was doing what she had to do to survive and stay safe. It was working for all of us, but I still didn’t like it.
I must have fallen back asleep because I suddenly jerked awake when Lucy jumped out of bed—well, was dragged out of bed by Kat.
“Come on, Lucy. Lots to do,” Kat chirped. If I didn’t know any better, I would say she was enjoying planning this ‘wedding’. Lucy grumbled something that I cou
ldn’t understand and gave me a small wave as Kat towed her out the door. I rolled back over and pulled the cover over my head; maybe I could sleep a bit longer.
“Get up, Hendrix. You’ve got things to do as well.” Kat came back in and poked me through the blankets. “Please, Ray’s been almost nice lately. Let’s not ruin it. Smile and be happy, it’s your wedding day. Now, get up.” She plastered the most fake happy smile I’d ever seen on her face and waltzed out the door again.
I finally understood why she was so weird this morning. It was all an act to keep Ray happy, and she was right, of course. She always was. If there was a day to act the perfect part, today would be it. I rolled out of bed and had a quick shower before heading into the kitchen for breakfast. Ray was sitting at the table with a coffee and the paper and the biggest grin on his face.
“There’s my boy.” He clapped me on the shoulder and smiled at me like a real proud father. “Today’s the big day, eh? Nervous?”
Hell yeah, I was nervous. Nervous of what he’d do if we screwed it up. This is what he’d always wanted—the perfect family, me married—and he was getting it. If anything went wrong, I didn’t even want to think about what he’d do to us—to Lucy.
“Ah, yeah, a little,” I answered.
“Well, don’t be. Your mother’s worked all night to prepare the food and festivities. It’s going to be a real treat. I need your help, though.” He nodded his head toward the living room. I knew he meant help to move furniture in there and set it up for a wedding. I felt like I was in the twilight zone.
“Sure.” As I began to make my way into the living room, Ray stopped me.
“Later. Eat first. Build your strength,” he said as pushed me roughly into a chair before moving to the coffee machine and pouring a coffee. My jaw dropped as I watched him. He never did anything for himself. Never. And then he handed the coffee to me. “Here, drink. Wake up a little,” he said shoving the cup into my shaking hands. I swallowed hard and nodded my head.