by Ciara Knight
“It’s a term used to describe people with exceptionalities. They might be able to do math in their head, compose music on a whim, and perform other genius actions, but they have trouble with eye contact, social skills, and communication. In many cases, they don’t like to be touched.”
I shot back two steps, my pulse thundering with hope. After all these years, could I be normal? Was there really other people out there like me? “Is there a cure? Can I take a pill or something?”
Drake took my face in his hands. “Why would you ever want to change who you are? You’re perfect. I’m just sorry you were around people who didn’t see it. Why do you think Margo is so jealous of you?”
“Jealous of me?”
He kissed my cheek. “Because you’re beautiful.” His lips moved to my chin. “Smart.” Then to my lips. “And exceptional. Everything she’s not.”
“But what if you can never sleep with me? What if every time you touch me I flinch? It’ll get to you after a while. I know it will. Even now, while my insides are all gushy, my arms and legs are stiff.”
“I can’t know what will happen between us, but I can tell you that I’ll never disrespect you or cause you harm. We’ll take it one day at a time and both do our best.” He looked directly into my eyes and I fought the urge to look away. “I will make one promise to you, though. While we’re figuring this out, I won’t be with anyone else, and I’ll do what I can to make you happy.”
That longing twist in my stomach returned. “I think I want to kiss you again. Is now okay?”
“Now is perfect.”
I captured his lips and lost myself in the swirling of his tongue, the gentle sweeps of his lips. Passionate hunger emerged from us both, and we deepened our kiss. My body warmed and curved so I could press into him. There was something new, not just the deep heat between my legs screaming for release, but a longing to be…touched?
I took his hand and rested his palm on my breast. He held it there for a moment. The mind-numbing wait caused me to move closer until he lowered onto the oversize chair. I straddled him, my knees resting to either side of his thighs. I moved slow, but deliberate. My hands gripped his neck and I kissed him with more passion than I’d ever felt in my life.
His hand massaged and kneaded my breast, sending want through my body. I moved closer to him. Breaking the kiss, I leaned back and toyed with the seam of his T-shirt, then let my hand drift underneath and found hard muscle and warm skin. I didn’t flinch when my palm found his sweat. Instead, I followed the small trail of hair up to his belly button.
He inhaled a sharp breath and captured my wrists. “I think we better stop there for now. I’m willing to wait, but I’m not a saint.” With one hand on my ass and the other around my waist, he stood. Kissing me once more, he turned and lowered me back to the vinyl chair.
Releasing me, he turned to the doorway and adjusted himself. “Okay, time for that cold shower.”
Banging sounded from below. I shrunk back, waiting for another battle of the blonde. Drake clicked on the TV in the corner. The screen twirled until it settled, revealing a delivery guy holding our pizza.
“Do you mind?” Drake pulled some cash from his wallet and handed it to me. “I think I’ll take that cold shower first.”
I trotted down the stairs, whistling some tune that popped into my head. After I paid the pizza guy and made sure the place was locked up, I grabbed some paper plates and a couple of sodas from behind the bar and went to the bedroom.
Drake joined me on the bed, wearing a T-shirt and gym shorts. “Smells great. I’m starved.”
I opened the box and the aroma of cheese and baked bread made my stomach growl.
Drake nudged my shoulder with his. “Sounds like you are, too.”
I bit into the cheesy goodness then took a sip from my drink. My knee touched his, and after a few minutes, I managed to settle with both the smells and taste of the pizza, the touch of his knee, and the sound of something clanking in the vent.
I devoured two pieces before I realized that we’d probably go to bed once we were done eating. It was what he wanted. I could give that to him…maybe. With small nibbles, I stalled, trying to think of how to prepare myself for his arms around me, how to relax enough to sleep like that.
“Stop thinking so much. Your entire body is getting tense.” He downed his remaining drink, then set the can on the nightstand. “Let’s just crawl under the covers and cuddle for a bit sitting up. No pressure. If you’re not comfortable, I’ll sleep on the couch over there.”
I cleared the pizza box and paper plates from the bed and Drake rolled the covers down. I steadied myself, trying to keep the roiling motion in my gut under control. Drake fluffed the pillows up and leaned back, but he didn’t look at me. Instead, he fidgeted with his cell phone.
Once I calmed my apocalyptic pulse to a dull storm, I pulled my jeans off and placed one knee on the bed, then the other. Still, Drake kept his attention on his phone. He flipped through different screens but didn’t appear to be engaged in anything important.
A knot took hold in my low back and I realized how tense I was. Taking a breath, I leaned back and rubbed the tightness away. I inched a little closer to the middle of the bed and crawled under the covers. The sheets smelled fresh, not what I expected from a self-proclaimed stud. The fabric slid across my legs like satin, with none of those icky pulls or knots in them that scratched at my skin.
He placed the phone down on the nightstand. “You okay so far?”
The stitching in the top of the sheet drew my attention and I ran my finger along the bumps, managing to find the word as if it were hidden somewhere in the thread. “Yes.”
“You sure? Right now, you look like you’re going to take my sheets apart one stitch at a time.”
I pressed my lips together and released the cover to below my waist. “I’m okay.”
He didn’t close the space between us. Instead, he remained still. “How did your mother cuddle with you?”
“At first, I’d roll into a ball, and she’d wrap her arms around me, careful not to touch my sensitive points. I’ve managed to work through some of those. The back of my neck is the worst still, sometimes my wrist, especially my left one.” I traced the X on my right wrist. “Maybe the tattoo experience deadened the nerves on this one.”
“I noticed the girl at the coffee shop had a similar tattoo. Why exactly do you mark yourselves with an X?” Drake asked.
I flashed back to the day I received mine. Ton had taken me to a local place. His words sounded again in my head and I recited them for Drake. “To symbolize our choice. Being Straight Edge isn’t a decision to be taken lightly. It’s serious. No one should choose this life if they don’t know they can handle it.”
Drake scooted a smidgen toward me and the bed dipped, causing me to lean into him. Our shoulders rested against each other. “You mean the commitment to be straight. No drugs, alcohol, and promiscuous sex.”
“Yes. It’s somehow deeper than that for most of us, though. We all have our reasons for making this choice. For me, I was clean when my friend, Ton, took me for my ink. I’d found a community that accepted me, even if they didn’t understand me. It was the first place I’d ever belonged. I thought for months about the decision before I told Ton that I wanted to commit. Something inside me knew just saying I’d stop self-medicating wasn’t going to be enough. All the sounds, smells, and other stuff in the world is sometimes torture. It’s so easy to smoke or pop a pill to numb myself, but it never got me anywhere. And as far as sex goes, well, I think it kind of had the same effect on me. When I get really stressed out, it all builds up inside and I need to let it out. Sex does that for me.”
“I can understand that. This Ton, is he a good guy?” Drake lifted his arm and rested it atop the pillow behind my head. His movement distracted me, but after a second, I remembered he’d asked me about Ton.
“Yes, a really good guy. Overprotective, judgmental, and cross, but a good guy.”
/> “Did you two ever…?” Drake fidgeted with the sheet this time.
“What?”
“Have sex?”
I laughed. “Oh, no. Not that I didn’t try once or twice. But his commitment to Straight Edge is epic. He wasn’t about to have sex with me. I think he cares about me. For a while, I thought maybe he wanted more from me, but now I know he cares for me like a baby sister.”
Drake rubbed my fingers between his as if studying every line. “If he was so great, and the Community accepted you, why’d you come to Atlanta?”
I took a long moment to think about it. “I’m not positive. I’ve been asking myself that for a while, but I think it’s because I wanted to prove to myself I could make it on my own. Anytime I even thought about slipping, Ton was by my side. Actually, Ton was always by my side. I’d reached as far as I could with his constant watchful big-brother routine. I knew that I’d stay straight with him by my side, but I wasn’t sure I’d remain straight outside the Community and away from Ton.” I shrugged. “It sounds crazy.”
Drake traced the X with his thumb. “No, it doesn’t. It makes total sense. I promise I won’t smother you, but I will confess I’m relieved you’re here with me instead of back at that warehouse alone.”
“Me, too. This bed’s much more comfortable.”
Drake squeezed my fingers then released them. “Okay, your shoulder is no longer as high as your ear. I think it’s time for us to try this. Turn over. Roll into a ball, or however you feel most comfortable, and I’ll hold you. I won’t move, or touch you other than holding you, okay?”
I didn’t move. “What if—”
“Don’t think, just do it. If it doesn’t work, we’ll try something else.” Drake removed his arm from behind me and I tugged the pillow down under my head. With my knees pulled into my chest and my arms crossed in front of me, I took three long breaths. My shoulders slowly lowered, but my toes remained curled tight, as did my fingers.
“Okay, I’m ready.”
The vent clanked overhead again, indicating the heat turned on. Although, at this moment I wished we were lying outside in the cold since I was starting to glisten with sweat.
Drake maneuvered down into the bed behind me, not once touching me. “I’m going to get closer now.” His front pressed to my back and one arm went over me, his hands cupping my clenched fists. The familiar rain-scented shampoo mixed with the fresh sheets, and I inhaled it like a sensory shield, concentrating on that instead of his touch. After a few minutes, my mind drifted back to his arm on top of me. It felt nice, comforting. My fists released and his fingers entwined with mine.
“You all right?” he whispered, his warm breath caressing my cheek.
“Yes.” I concentrated on uncurling my toes, but they were more reluctant. Eventually, after he remained perfectly still, my feet relaxed and the warmth of his body made my eyes heavy. It had been so long since I’d been warm at night. Combine that with the exhaustion from beating the crazies inside my head and body away and I quickly drifted into another world. I only heard the sound of his breath and the clanking of the vent. He mumbled something about feeling perfect or a perfect body. I wasn’t sure, but I agreed.
Chapter Nineteen
I woke to a rocking motion. With a big yawn and stretch, I turned over to see Drake standing by the bed. “Where you going?” I shot straight up. “Did I punch or kick you?”
“Relax. Not at all.” He hovered over the bed, his strong arms on either side of me, bracing himself an inch from my body. “That twitching butt of yours, not to mention the small moaning from those perfect lips, have been driving me crazy. I’m going to hit the shower, and then we’ve got work to do.” He kissed me, and I didn’t even tense. Progress, for sure.
“You did it. All night you slept in my arms and you didn’t hurt me. Now you know you can.”
“We did it.” I smiled up at him.
When he turned and smiled back at me, I saw why he had to make a quick exit. Damn, he was…impressive. The sight of the bulge in his gym shorts sent heat radiating straight to my core. It was a shame to waste such an impressive hard-on, but I knew it was what we needed to do for now. He closed the bathroom door and I heard the shower turn on, but when the furnace shot warmth rattling through the vent the door popped open.
I couldn’t help but peek through the opening, so I wiggled down to the end of the bed and knelt forward on my knees. Grabbing the bedpost, I leaned a little farther and it cracked. I let go and fell to the floor outside the bathroom door. The shower curtain blocked most of my view, and I only caught a glimpse of his back and broad shoulders. The rest of him remained a mystery.
“You come any closer and you’ll be in this shower with me, cold water or not. I still won’t be responsible. Now behave, and get out of here.”
Heat radiated from my chest, up my neck and over my cheeks. Busted. I retreated to his large four-poster, dark-wood bed, tugging the covers up to my chin.
A few moments later, he opened the door and stepped out in nothing but a towel. His hair was disheveled and wet; streams of water cascaded down his bare chest, disappearing at the towel line. My imagination continued beneath the towel, but I knew I wanted to see the real thing.
He sauntered over, crossed his arms over his chest and tsked.
I couldn’t help but stare at his stomach. I’d never seen a man with so many ripples and planes. He couldn’t be human. God had to have dropped him on Earth to make women go mad with lust.
He opened the top drawer and pulled out a pair of boxer briefs. With one hand, he untwisted his towel and it fell to the floor, revealing the two strong mounds of perfect muscle that made up his ass. His legs were like a marble statue that I could gaze at for hours.
He bent over and I swear I caught a glimpse of his man parts before he slid his boxers on. If he continued the show, I’d faint from too much sexual energy trapped inside my body.
He snatched my T-shirt and jeans off the couch and tossed them at me. Leaning against the bed rail, he drew his lips up into a wicked smile. “My turn.”
I swallowed louder than I’d intended. “For what?”
“I get to see you change. It’s only fair after you just gawked at me. I mean, I feel so used.” His eyebrows rose and he put a hand to his chest. “Go ahead. I promised not to touch you, but I never said I didn’t want to see you.”
I stood with my head held high. Usually, anyone looking at me made me cringe, but he was daring me, and I couldn’t back down. If he wanted a private show. I’d give him one.
Crossing my arms, I clutched the bottom of the T-shirt I’d worn to bed and pulled it over my head then tossed it to the couch. I stood, naked. I knew my breasts weren’t as big as Barbie’s, but they were firm and a definite handful.
I watched his gaze travel over my skin, as if his hand touched my body, and without a shred of my obnoxious discomfort distracting me, I reveled in the attention. My nipples hardened as I saw his mouth hang ajar. His chest rose and fell with labored breaths. When his eyes reached my thin lace panties, I noticed his erection returning.
The vent squealed as if to let me know I was standing there naked in front of this man I’d only met a few weeks ago, but I didn’t care. I liked watching his eyes on my body. It made me feel special and appreciated, instead of used. After a few moments, I picked up my bra and slid my arms through, hooking it in front to accentuate my cleavage.
A small lump in his throat moved up then down and his mouth closed. He turned on his heel without a word and walked around the bed.
“Where are you going?”
“Back to my cold shower.”
What were we doing to ourselves? I’d never wanted to jump someone so bad in my life. I considered marching into the shower and throwing him against the wall. The way he lifted me off the chair the night before, I knew he could hold me up while he took me right then and there.
I glanced at the X on my arm and willed it away, but it remained a constant reminder of the promise
I’d made to myself. Knowing if I remained in his bedroom even another second I wouldn’t be able to control myself, I slipped my jeans, T-shirt, and socks on before heading downstairs. I needed release. Somehow, some way, my body craved a break from all these hormones and carnal lust. Eyeing the guitar set up on stage, I decided to try strumming it a little and singing, taking my own version of a cold shower.
After a few cords, I found the beat and began to hum. My voice took on a tone somewhere between Marilyn Monroe and Alanis Morissette.
What’s this inside me. It’s new and warm.
Your touch provokes this feeling and I want to know more.
Please don’t stop trying, even when I shove you away.
For my body’s on fire and I need you to stoke the flame.
My fingers strummed the strings, finding the cords as if on their own, and my heart pumped in bursts of energy. I lost myself in the feeling and rhythm, holding the notes out until I had to gasp for more breath.
This yearning inside screams for you to return.
I want to feel you beside me, holding me all night.
In the early hours, I know it’ll be all right.
I see you in my dreams hovering above.
The promise that you’ll have me and make me feel I’m yours.
If only I could function like a normal girl,
We could be great in the real world.
To have me, hold me, and love me once more.
My thumb caught the last string and the stress fled my body in a wondrous exodus, until I stood and found Drake standing behind me.
I lowered the guitar to the stand. The fresh scent of soap and his shampoo drew me closer. He opened his arms and I fell into them. Warmth wrapped around my body. The sounds of cars honking outside and the creaking of the old building faded until the only thing that mattered in this world was Drake.
I pressed my lips to his chest and my fingers fluttered along his belt to the front of his pants.
He grasped my wrists. “No. Don’t,” he panted, heaving for a moment. “I’ve never been so fucking turned on in my entire life. You touch me in a way I’ve never known, but I refuse to ruin this.”