Deep is the Heart

by A. V. Zeppa

  “It was magic,” David whispered back, barely able to get the words out. He smiled as the tears fell one by one. “You’re the first guy I’ve ever kissed. I’ve wanted this to happen since seventh grade.”

  Tyler suddenly felt dizzy. The years of fear, like ghosts under the bed, had entered his thoughts once again. He tried to push that fear away because he was in love with David.

  “You’re the first guy I’ve ever kissed too, so we’re even.” He tried keeping his feelings in neutral, but his heart wouldn’t let him. Tyler asked, “Will you be my date tonight?”

  David kissed him on the cheek. “I would be honored.”

  All of a sudden Tyler’s phone chimed. It was a text from Melissa asking him to do her a favor. His hand was shaking slightly as he read it. “Melissa wants us to get the pizzas. I g-guess we better get going.”

  “Yeah, I guess. We don’t want the pizzas to get cold.”

  CHAPTER 4

  David

  David was trying to process what had just happened as they drove to the pizzeria. He couldn’t believe that he had finally kissed Tyler. It was a dream come true. He loved how normal it made him feel. How their bodies fit together perfectly. How those sexy arms held him so close he cried. How kissing Tyler’s brooding lips sent shockwaves through his entire body. He wanted to tell him so many things, but kept silent because he could see fear written all over Tyler’s face.

  Then the guilt came. Kissing Tyler was the happiest moment in his life, but he felt like he had played a giant trick on his best friend, plotting and scheming for years just to get to those lips.

  Little did he know, but Tyler was thinking the exact same thing. He couldn’t bear to look at David because he felt like he wasn’t being honest. He looked straight ahead as he drove, silent, lost, feeling ashamed. Tyler hated feeling that way because deep down he knew there was nothing to be ashamed of. There was nothing wrong with being in love with David. He knew that. But he also knew his parents and the rest of his family would never understand that in a million years. They would never accept that he was gay, and in love with another guy.

  David sensed that Tyler was having second thoughts, so he decided to let him off the hook.

  “Tyler, we should talk about what happened, but I’ll understand if you don’t want to right now. I just don’t want you to feel obligated in any way, ok?”

  Tyler didn’t answer. After a long thirty seconds, David tried again. “Look, I like you a lot, and

  I know what happened is a scary thing. So you get to choose. We can see where this thing between us might go, or we can pretend that it never happened and just stay friends. I’ll accept whatever you decide.”

  David watched Tyler let out a sigh. It sounded desperate and sad. “Thank you for understanding. I am confused, but I don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen. I liked that it happened. Please believe me. I don’t ever wanna hurt you, so I hope you’ll be patient while I’m trying to figure this out.”

  “I understand. Take all the time you need. Just know that I’m here for you, ok?”

  “Thanks.”

  David was finally able to relax and even crack a smile. All in all it had been the most perfect day he had ever had. He received a letter from Columbia University. He had his very first kiss from the guy he was in love with. He glanced at Tyler and noticed how the light from the dashboard gave his face an angelic glow.

  Melissa lived on Little Traverse Bay in a sleek sprawling ranch that emulated the early twentieth-century designs of Frank Lloyd Wright. Her father was a wealthy corporate lawyer who commuted between Chicago and Harbor Springs. He was a huge fan of Wright and felt his philosophy of blending architecture and nature was the perfect way to live. That’s why he chose Harbor Springs to build his one of a kind home.

  Melissa started living in Harbor Springs year round the summer she started eighth grade. She was tired of the pretentious preppy scene in Chicago and wanted out. She became friends with David the very first day of school. They met in English class. She sat next to him and introduced herself because she thought he was cute. She knew he was definitely boyfriend material even though he looked a lot younger than her. David introduced her to Tyler later that day. The idea of David becoming her boyfriend evaporated when he came out at school a couple of weeks later. With the exception of Tyler and Melissa, every single one of his friends shunned him.

  David and Tyler walked in the side entrance that led to the kitchen. Melissa’s mother greeted them as she fussed about getting everything prepared. “Hi boys. Thank you for getting the dinner.” She went to get her purse. “Tyler, let me give you some gas money.”

  “No thank you Mrs. Nolan. Just eating all this good stuff is payment enough.”

  David stood next to Tyler with an infectious grin. “Hi Mrs. Nolan. Thank you for buying dinner. It’s so nice of you to feed us all the time.”

  “David, how have you been? I haven’t seen you in quite some time.”

  “I know. I’ve been really busy with school and college applications.”

  “You need to come around more often. We miss seeing that beautiful smile of yours.”

  David blushed. “I will, I promise.”

  Melissa came into the kitchen a minute later and gave them hugs. “I thought for sure you weren’t going to come tonight,” she told David. “You can’t keep your eyes in the stars all the time. It isn’t healthy.” He giggled. “Watching spooky movies is healthy?” They went to the great room to talk in private before everyone else showed up. “I just miss hanging around with you. I barely see you in school anymore.” She kissed David on the cheek and gave him a miss you hug.

  “I’m sorry. Thanks for sending Tyler to get me.” David looked his way to see his reaction. Tyler’s somber stare gave his facial features contorted linear depth, making them look broodingly animated.

  “Hey, are you ok?” Melissa asked Tyler, playfully slapping his arm.

  “Yeah, I’m good.” Then he looked at David and said it again. “I’m definitely good.”

  He smiled. “David got a letter from Columbia University today.”

  A panicked look fell across Melissa’s face even though she was trying to hide it. “You got in? That’s fantastic.”

  “No. I didn’t get in yet.” Then he looked at Tyler. “I didn’t want anyone to know yet.”

  “I’m sorry, but I’m excited for you, that’s all. Melissa is family.”

  David grinned. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  Tyler gazed into those deep blue eyes. “I’m really proud of you.”

  All of the excitement had returned to David’s voice as he explained. “I did get a letter, but it’s only for an interview. It’s the next level of the Early Decision process, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed.”

  “I can’t believe it. That is so cool.” Melissa meant it this time and gave him another hug. And that’s when Brad walked in and started spouting off like an idiot. “Back off star man, she’s mine. Oh yeah, I forgot, her kind of equipment don’t register in your gay brain. Sorry dude, she’s all yours.” Melissa turned and gave Brad a look that could kill. “You’re a fucking asshole, you know that. Maybe you should just leave now.”

  David didn’t want to dignify his comment with a response, but Tyler did. “David is my date tonight and you’ve insulted both of us.” Brad looked like a deer caught in headlights. So did Melissa. “All right, all right. I’m sorry for being an asshole. I didn’t mean anything by it.” David watched with satisfaction when Brad tried to kiss Melissa and she dubbed him. Then she asked,

  “Are you guys really on a date?” Tyler took David’s hand in his. “Yeah. It’s a bromance date.” Her smile grew wide. “Very cool. You guys make a very cute couple.” Brad looked like he was going to throw up.

  Within a few minutes everyone started showing up and the night got under way. It turned out to be a couples night even though it wasn’t planned. Brad couldn’t help himself and started gay bashing again. “Hey guys,
David is Tyler’s date tonight. They’re having a bromance,” he said, thinking everyone would laugh. It was just the opposite. The girls thought it was cool.

  Tyler put his arm around David’s waist to let everyone know that he was serious. He hoped the panic lying just under his skin wouldn’t begin to leak out and make him run away. David couldn’t believe that Tyler was being affectionate in front of everyone. An odd silence fell while everyone processed what was happening. Lucas finally spoke up. “I think everyone here knows your friendship is really special. I think bromances are cool. Why don’t you sit next to me and Kathy during the movie.”

  “We’d like that. Thanks,” Tyler said. David gave him a sympathetic look and then apologized in front of everyone. “I’m sorry I got you into this mess. We don’t have to do this. I’ll understand.” He wanted to give Tyler an out, but Tyler wasn’t having any of it.

  “I asked you to be my date tonight and you accepted. This isn’t a pity date if that’s what you think.” Then he did what he thought he’d never do. He kissed David in front of everyone. And it wasn’t just a friendly little peck. It was as real and emotional as it gets. Everyone stood there in shock because no one had ever seen two guys kiss in real life. Tyler slowly pulled away after a minute or so and looked at David without saying a word.

  Brad couldn’t take it any longer and asked Tyler in a condescending voice, “So, you’re gay too? I can’t fucking believe it. I thought you were kidding. Fuck me, everyone is turning fucking gay.”

  David started to go after Brad, but Tyler grabbed him just in time. “David, don’t lower yourself to his level. He doesn’t understand anything.” He looked at Brad. “What I am is none of your fucking business, so get over it.”

  Melissa was seething and told Brad to leave. David didn’t want to ruin the night so he tried to calm everyone down and reason with Brad. “You need to let this gay bashing thing go. You’re not hurting Tyler or me in the least. Let’s just enjoy hanging out together.”

  That wasn’t close to being good enough for Melissa. She took Brad outside to talk. He looked totally defeated when they came back in a few minutes later.

  Things finally got back to normal when everyone gathered in the kitchen. The conversation started off with the usual school and work gossip, and then eventually made its way to the colleges everyone applied to. Melissa lamented how this was the last year everyone would be together. That observation made David feel sad because it was the beginning of the end of everything he had ever known. It felt tragic. It felt final.

  David decided to put those feelings in his pocket so he could enjoy the excitement of everyone talking about their dream colleges. He decided not to say anything about the Columbia letter because he didn’t want to upstage anyone. He even gave Tyler and Melissa a pleading look at one point. They understood.

  Kevin, Lucas, and Kathy were applying to Michigan State. Mike, Brad, Emma, and Aubree were applying to Central Michigan. And Tyler and Melissa were applying to the University of Michigan. David was being heavily recruited by U of M, MIT - Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and a dozen other world renown universities. He kept that to himself. His parents were the only ones who knew. He knew moments like this one were coming to a close, so he decided to etch the night into his memory banks forever.

  Twenty minutes later everyone headed to the great room. Pillows and blankets were set up in everyone’s favorite spots on the floor. After everyone got cozy, Melissa turned the lights off and the movie started.

  David was a nervous wreck sitting next to Tyler. He wanted to hold his hand but was afraid to, so he decided to just enjoy being next to him. A couple of minutes into the movie Tyler leaned close and whispered, “Remember, I’ll protect you.” He took David’s hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze, and then their fingers intertwined.

  CHAPTER 5

  Marco

  SATURDAY MORNING

  It was twelve-thirty in the morning when Marco and Zander cabbed down to 17th Street and 5th Avenue. They got out at the corner, took some Molly, and walked a half block to Retro’s. Marco was excited to finally be going to his first gay club. He lied to his parents, but it was worth it. He told them he was sleeping at Zander’s, and Zander told his parents he was sleeping at Marco’s. This scheme always worked because their parents were preoccupied with their own social lives.

  The plan for this particular night was to dance with and entice as many college guys as possible before choosing one to have sex with. They would each go their separate ways after the club closed and head to their guy’s dorm or apartment. This fantasy had been floating around in Marco’s head for weeks and now it was finally happening.

  They saw all these extremely hot guys standing in a line when they walked up. Having so many gay boys in one place made Marco’s skin tingle. He couldn’t wait to have sex with someone older. A burly guy with a half dozen piercings and twice as many tattoos was checking IDs at the entrance. Marco was nervous because he wanted to get in there so bad. Being seventeen sucked as far as he was concerned.

  Every guy standing in line checked Marco out. He knew it and played it. He posed and teased as he chatted with Zander. He let a couple of guys know he was interested with a wanting look. He had played this game a million times and loved how easily it worked.

  Five minutes later they were through the door. They had entered an alternate universe where the real games were played. A sexy papi in a black speedo pointed to a stairway leading to the lower level. “The coat check is that way guys.” Marco started following Zander downstairs when someone grabbed his ass. He turned around and was face to face with black speedo papi. He told Marco, “You’re fucking hot. I’d love to tap what you got.” The idea of an older guy fucking him made his body come alive. “I just might let you before the night is over.” Marco’s hand brushed his package as he turned around and headed down the stairs. He caught up with Zander at the coat check. Another hot papi in a red speedo took their jackets. The guy gave Marco his ticket and also slipped him his number. “Give me a call when you get a chance.”

  “I definitely need to give you a call,” Marco said, his eyes on the bulging prize that awaited.

  On their way upstairs Zander became fatherly. “He’s way too old for you. He must be a least thirty.”

  “Yeah, I know, but did you see that package? I wanted him to take me in the back and fuck my brains out.”

  “Come on, let me save you from yourself.”

  The dance floor was packed with at least two hundred of the hottest college guys Marco had ever seen. He loved the atmosphere and the intensity of the music. Everywhere he looked there were go-go boys in speedos dancing. They made sure their junk was eye level so guys could stuff dollar bills in. Zander yelled to Marco, “You should do this. You’d make thousands a night with that body of yours.”

  “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind doing it for the adrenaline rush.”

  Someone caught his eye. He walked over to a blond go-go dancer, his perfect shiny body slithering, seductively simulating perfect sex. Marco’s eyes were riveted, hypnotized by his beauty, hypnotized by the Molly. The guy moved his hips back and forth, making his abs and v-lines come alive. He moved within inches of Marco’s face and proceeded to give him a private show. Marco stuffed a fifty into his speedo, making sure it was in good and deep. The guy leaned down, “I’d fuck you in a second if I were gay.” Marco smiled at the thought of doing a straight guy. He put it on his mental list.

  Marco moved through the crowd checking guys out and eventually found Zander. They were at the bar ready to buy some drinks when four guys came up and pulled them onto the dance floor. The uninhibited fun had now begun. He closed his eyes and felt the music course through his excited body. He breathed in the sweat and hormones and unemotional lust, his body screaming for it all. He was surrounded by sexy intellectual college boys who wanted the same thing he wanted. He had finally made it to heaven.

  Guy after guy hit on him as the early morning unfolded. They r
ubbed against him. They kissed him sexy wild. Even violently at times. They caressed his cute little ass and enticing package, begging to fuck him. It was a game he loved to play before choosing the lucky one.

  It was two thirty when Marco found Zander making out with a blond haired cutie named Darren. He was a student at New York University. Marco thought about stealing him away, until a gorgeous guy tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to dance. Marco smiled his smile and followed him to the dance floor, then moved in close and started making out with him. Marco knew he was the one. They Danced for the next twenty minutes, refusing to let anyone join in. The way they danced expressed what they both wanted, so Marco made his move and took that guy by the hand and walked off the dance floor in search of Zander. He spotted him and his guy standing by the DJ booth. Marco needed to fill Zander in on his plan. “Go for it if he asks you to go home with him. Text me at some point and let me know where you’re at, ok?”

  “Yeah, ok. You do the same.”

  They had their guys, so all they had to do was get invited to their place to fuck the night away. Marco and his guy went to the lower level so they could talk.

  “What’s your name?”

  “Jordan.”

  “I’m Marco.”

  “You’re really cute,” Jordan said.

  “So are you.” They started kissing like it was their last day on earth. The bartender interrupted them when their drinks were ready. They found an empty table.

  “Is this your first time here?” Marco asked.

  “No, I’ve been here a few times.”

  “Did anyone ever tell you that you look just like Usher when he was a teenager?”

  “Yeah, I’ve heard that before. I can assure you it wasn’t me who was on Moesha back in the 90s,” Jordan laughed. “Marco, you are just about the cutest guy I have ever seen. I mean it. What nationality are you?”