by A. V. Zeppa
Marco had just finished up when Zander tapped him on the shoulder. “Who are you texting? The hot piece of ass you fucked yesterday?” Marco gave him an exasperated look.
“Come on. I don’t fuck everyone I meet. I’m not that shallow. If you really want to know, I was texting a guy I met at Columbia University on Saturday.”
“What were you doing there? Did you hook up with that guy from Retro’s again? I thought your mantra was one night stands only.”
“Fuck you.” Marco got his Macchiato and walked outside. Zander followed. “I’m just playing with you. I’m sorry.” Marco calmed down and let him in on his big secret.
“I was at Columbia because I’m being considered as an Early Decision candidate. And while I was there I met a guy from Michigan who is being considered too. We got to know each other a little, so I wanted to know if he got home ok. There’s more to my life than just having sex. Give me a little credit.”
“I didn’t know you applied to Columbia. You could have told me.”
“I didn’t want to say anything in case nothing came of it.”
“Well, I think it’s cool. I hope you get in.”
“Do me a favor, don’t say anything to anyone, ok?”
“Yeah, no problem. So, tell me about this guy.”
Marco took a sip of coffee wondering if he should say anything. He decided that he needed to tell someone how he felt. “This is between me and you, ok?”
“Yeah, of course. What’s his name?”
“David. David Emerson. And I really like him. I might even be in love with him. It was so fucking weird, I felt like I got hit by lightning when we met.”
“Wow. You’ve never used the ‘L’ word as long as I’ve known you. Is he gay?”
“I don’t know. I hope so. But even if he isn’t, I still want to get to know him. I just hope we both get in so I can find out.” Zander was about to say something witty, but Marco’s phone buzzed. It was David. “Hey Marco, it’s really nice hearing from you. I’m home safe and I did have a great time in New York. I’d love to skype tonight. How does nine sound?”
He responded with a thumbs up, and then in his excitement, let Zander read it. He looked at Marco and shook his head. “You’ve really been bitten. I can’t believe it. You need to slow down my friend. Shit, you don’t even know if he’s gay or not. What does he even look like? Is he hot? Remember, you have a rep to protect.”
“He’s one of the cutest guys I’ve ever seen. He has blond hair, kind of long and emo styled. He has Gorgeous blue eyes, long eye lashes, and a smile that made me want to get all over him. Shit, I almost did.”
“He sounds hot, but you need to take your time before using the ‘L’ word. You’re scaring me.”
“I trust my instincts, and they tell me he’s the real thing, and what I’m feeling is the real thing.” Marco took another sip and smiled. “Well, I guess I’m happy for you. But what are you going to do with him living so far away? Where in the hell is Michigan anyway? Is it even part of the United States?” Marco gave him another fuck you look. “He only lives six hundred miles away.” Zander was trying to help him see reality. “You need to keep your options open. There are lots of pretty boys right here, and you’ve only just begun to tap them.”
Marco didn’t respond. They walked the rest of the way to school in silence.
It was 12 noon when Marco, Zander, and Claire got their phones from the office and headed to a Sushi restaurant for lunch. As they walked, Marco checked his messages. The first one he saw was David’s. It was a friend request from Facebook. Marco immediately accepted and started scanning his page. When he got to David’s profile, it revealed what he had hoped.
“He’s gay. David is gay.”
“Who’s David?” Claire asked.
“You don’t even want to know,” Zander said, shaking his head.
Marco texted David explaining why he hadn’t friended him sooner. Then he told him that he was gay too. He received a reply back a minute later. “Hey Marco, It’s good to hear from you. I’m happy to know you’re gay too. I can’t wait to skype tonight. I’m glad we met the way we did.”
Marco must have read that text a half dozen times. He looked up at the clear blue sky and thanked whoever, or whatever was looking down on him. He sent his reply. “Same here, see you tonight.”
They ended up skyping until three in the morning. Marco had a hard time falling asleep because his emotions were all over the place. His body was on fire fantasizing about having sex with David. As that was happening, his mind tapped into that one emotion he avoided like the plaque. He knew having a boyfriend meant caring for someone other than himself. He honestly didn’t know if he could do it.
They skyped whenever they could over the next month and a half. Marco couldn’t write coherently until he saw David’s face on his screen. And David sacrificed many nights of stargazing so he could gaze into Marco’s dark brown eyes. They wanted to tell each other how they really felt, but decided not to cross that line until they got to know each other better. This required a certain level of honesty, something that was difficult for Marco. Within the first week of skyping they became comfortable sharing personal details.
“When did you figure out you were gay?” Marco asked.
“I knew for sure when I was ten. At least that’s when I knew what it meant. I came out to my parents the summer between 7th and 8th grade. Then I told my friends when school started.”
“How did everyone take the news?”
“My parents and sister were shocked at first, but eventually adjusted. After I came out at school, some of my friends became former friends.”
“That’s too bad, but I’m sure you expected some negative reaction, right?”
“Yeah. It got pretty bad for a while. So, when did you come out?”
“When I was fourteen. The whole thing was anti-climactic though. My parents and Rosa, our housekeeper, had known for a while and were just waiting for me to figure it out.”
“Wow! Were you shocked by that?”
“No. It made me laugh. I was really trying to hide it, but they could see right through me. They even knew my friend Zander was gay too.”
“That is very interesting. I wonder if my parents knew too and just didn’t say anything.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised. Mothers seem to know these things.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right. My mom took it a lot better than my dad.”
“So tell me all about your boyfriends,” Marco said, knowing he was being nosy. David looked away from the camera embarrassed. “I’ve never had a boyfriend.”
“No way. I don’t believe that for a second.”
“It’s the truth. Remember, I live in a small town in the middle of the woods. I’m the only person who has ever come out at my high school.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No, it’s ok.” David didn’t say anything for a few seconds wondering if he should tell him about Tyler. He knew he needed to be honest. “I’ve only been kissed twice, and that was by a friend a couple of months ago.” Marco felt every jealous bone in his body wake up with that revelation.
“Was it a he or a she?”
“A he. His name is Tyler.”
“Is he gay? Does he like you? Do you like him?” Marco was almost hyperventilating as he asked.
“I have to be honest. I’ve had a crush on him since 8th grade. As far as him being gay, I think he is at least bi.”
“So have you and Tyler, like, you know, experimented or anything?” Marco was now totally jealous and totally turned on. He hated what he was thinking but couldn’t help himself. David’s face turned ten shades of red. “No, no, nothing like that. But we did go on a date.”
“How did it go?”
“The date was perfect, but Tyler kind of panicked over the next few days, so we decided to stay friends.”
“Have you guys talk about it since? I mean, does he know if he’s gay or straight yet?”<
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“No and no. I don’t want to put any pressure on him. I’m waiting for him to figure it out, and then hopefully he’ll talk to me. He was there for me when I came out, and I want to be there for him.”
“I’m impressed. You guys must be really close.”
“He’s my best friend.” David gave Marco a look that said he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “So, how many boyfriends have you had?” David asked, turning the tables on him.
“I’ve had a few over the years,” Marco said, trying to stay as vague as possible.
“How many is a few?” he asked, getting jealous himself.
“I’ve had six boyfriends.” Marco said, deciding not to count the twenty-plus guys he had sex with, because he didn’t consider them boyfriends. This was his way of telling the truth.
“Wow! That’s a lot of boyfriends,” David said, even though he wasn’t surprised.
“I guess, but only one of them really meant anything to me.”
“What was his name?”
“Dylan. We were boyfriends in 7th grade. We kept it a secret because we weren’t out. I really liked him, but we broke up a couple of months after he moved to Japan. The long distant thing never works out.”
“It must have been hard.”
“Yeah, it was.” As soon as Marco said that they gave each other panic stricken looks.
They were both wondering if they were doomed by the distance thing too.
As the weeks went on, Marco and David shared their feelings about friends, family, school, and what they wanted to do in life. They were both strategically dancing around the idea of becoming more than friends, but neither one had the courage to make the first move.
CHAPTER 12
David
DECEMBER
Time changes destiny into incalculable emotions that play out on both the literal and metaphorical landscape. It is like two suns that are being pulled into each other’s gravitational fields and then collide to form an entirely new realm of possibility. It is where two hearts can easily feel each other’s vibrations and emotions with just a single touch. It is a physicist’s dream to experience this phenomenon. It is a writer’s dream to extract the meaning of what those suns are going through. In the end, there isn’t a thing that can be done except to hold on for dear life.
David’s life had always been a process of diverse layers set within his love of math, science, family, and friends. They were the most important things in his life. Nothing could ever change that. But his personal aspirations were making it hard to come to terms with the impending separation from those he loved. He didn’t know what solar system he would eventually end up in, but he knew it would be life altering. He just wished he could figure out a way to have both.
David’s trip to New York had changed everything. The first thing that changed was his relationship with Tyler. They had become a lot closer. Tyler started hanging out with David and his science friends after school, and David spent more afternoons at Tyler’s house playing video games and talking. Sometimes when everything was quiet and they were alone, Tyler would put his arm around David and hold him close. Sadly, all of this was happening at the same time he and Marco were becoming closer. David was being pulled in two directions, something he hadn’t planned on. He loved Tyler and would do anything to become his boyfriend. They had talked about it several times, but Tyler was still struggling with his sexual identity. The last thing David wanted to do was ruin their friendship, so he backed off.
One night while they were stargazing, David told Tyler about skyping with Marco. He said that they had a lot in common even though they came from different worlds. Tyler was jealous but tried not to show it. “So what do you guys talk about?”
“Just about anything really. That’s the cool thing about it. Marco is easy to talk to. I hope you can meet him someday, then you’ll know what I’m talking about.”
“Yeah, that’d be nice. So, you like him then?”
“Yeah. We’ve become skyping friends.”
“Do you like him more than just as a friend?” Tyler’s voice quivered when he asked. David didn’t know how to answer at first, but decided to tell him the truth. “I very easily could, but I’m not ready to go there right now.”
“Why? I mean, if you like him, then you should go for it.” David adjusted the lens trying his hardest not to cry. He was thankful it was dark because he knew Tyler was looking at him. David wanted to shake him and yell, “Please figure it out soon! I love you,” but said nothing.
Tyler was obviously jealous, but still too scared to face the truth. He looked up at those stars and wondered why everything had become so fucking complicated.
An hour later they started packing things up. “I hope this didn’t bore you,” David said, while placing the telescope in its case. “It was great tonight. I couldn’t believe all the meteors we saw.”
“Yeah, that was pretty cool. I made tons of wishes.”
“Me too,” Tyler said, hoping the most important one might come true one day.
Just before they were ready to leave, David turned to Tyler and asked, “Can I hug you?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.” They stood on top of David’s hill in each other’s arms as the stars fell from the sky.
It was a little after four when David, Tyler, and Melissa headed home from school. It had been a long stressful day. David had taken two major exams, Tyler gave an in depth presentation about the benefits of capitalism, and Melissa had a test in AP French.
It was cold and windy as they ran through the parking lot and jumped into Tyler’s truck.
So, what do you guys wanna do? I don’t feel like going home yet,” Tyler said.
David smiled and made a suggestion. “Do you guys want to hang out at my house? I could give you a lecture on black holes and singularity, then you could take a quiz.”
“I could give you a black eye with a single punch,” Melissa said, and then started tickling him. “Cut it out, I was only kidding.”
“Yeah, let’s hang at your place,” Tyler said, reaching over Melissa to get in on the fun.
As soon as they got out of the parking lot, David connected his iPod to the stereo and played My Body, by Young the Giant. Melissa cranked it up and started singing at the top of her lungs. David and Tyler quickly joined in.
Ten minutes later they were singing along to Cough Syrup when Tyler finally turned into the driveway. As they got closer to the house, David stopped singing. He saw his dad’s car parked at a haphazard rushed angle. He knew something was wrong because his dad never got home before six. Tyler and Melisa were still singing as they got out of the truck, but David was dead silent as he quickly walked towards the house. His mom opened the door as he was making his way up the porch steps. His dad and sister were standing next to her.
“Dad, why are you home so early? Is something wrong?” he asked, bracing himself for the worst.
“Everything is fine. My boss gave me the afternoon off because I worked late on Sunday.”
“Oh. That was nice of him.” David calmed down.
Tyler and Melissa said hi and followed David into the house.
“Why don’t you guys go fix yourselves a snack,” his mom suggested.
“Thanks Mrs. Emerson, I’m starving,” Tyler said. He did a quick maneuver around David and Melissa and disappeared into the kitchen. David asked his mom what was for dinner, but she cut him off. “Eat a snack first and then I’ll tell you.” He gave her weird look and said, “Ok.”
When he walked into the kitchen he saw Tyler looking at something on the counter. “What are you looking at?”
“See for yourself.” Tyler moved to the side. David stopped in his tracks when he saw an overstuffed 9 x 12 envelope laying there. A million thoughts flooded his mind as he read the words, Columbia University Office of Admissions. His mom, dad, and sister walked in to see his reaction.
David walked to the counter, picked it up and held it to his chest. “Wow,” was all he could
say. “Well dufus, are you going to open it up or hug it to death?” Tyler said, bumping David with his arm. He knew what that packet meant, and so did everyone else watching.
David could barely breathe as he opened it. He took the admissions letter out and started reading in silence for a few seconds, then read it aloud.
Dear Mr. Emerson,
I am delighted to inform you that the Early Decision Committee on Admissions has voted to offer you admittance to Columbia University. As is tradition, a Certificate of Admission is enclosed. The committee is convinced that you will make important contributions during your undergraduate and graduate years with us. Please accept my personal congratulations for your outstanding achievements.
We are also happy to inform you that you have been chosen to receive the Gates Millennium Scholarship, which will pay your tuition, room and board, and book Fees through graduate school.
In anticipation of the questions you may have, we have assembled the information in the packet for your careful review. Once again, congratulations on your acceptance to Columbia University.
Sincerely,
Stacy M. Bergen
Admissions Officer
Columbia University
Tears were falling by the time he finished reading. David looked up and tried to smile. His mom and dad went over and hugged him. Tyler and Melissa stood to the side waiting for their turn. Conflicted emotions filled the room as everyone began putting his achievement into their own rationale. It hit David hard when Tyler hugged him and said, “I’m going to miss you.”
As they continued celebrating, David’s thoughts turned to Marco. He wondered if the same envelope had found its way to his house. He wanted to text him, but decided not to just in case it hadn’t come yet. What if Marco didn’t get in? Would he be ok? Would he still want to be friends? He knew it was a stupid thing to think, but it did cross his mind. He decided not to say anything unless Marco brought it up the next time they skyped.