by A. V. Zeppa
“I’d like that. I keep forgetting you’re only sixteen.”
“It’s good to hear because this age thing really sucks.” David smiled. “I wouldn’t worry about it. You scare them and they need to deal with it, not you.”
David looked at Miguel timidly, hoping he wouldn’t ask about his story. Miguel gave him a sympathetic look. “You don’t have to share if you don’t feel like it. I’ll understand.”
He tried to gather his courage. “No, I don’t mind.” He hesitated for a few seconds.
“I came out to my parents a month before I started eighth grade. Then I came out to my friends three weeks after school started. Tyler and Melissa were my only friends from that moment on. All of the others hated me for being gay. I was constantly being bullied. Tyler and Melissa protected me as best they could. Then one day four of my former friends jumped me at school. They ducked taped my wrists and ankles and then took turns punching and kicking me. They knocked me out pretty quick and left me laying in a darkened classroom with my blood splattered all over the place. The doctors didn’t think I was going to live and tried to prepare my parents for the inevitable…” David stopped again and gave Miguel a pleading look. “Please don’t think I’m crazy for what I’m about to say, ok?”
“I would never think that. I’m sorry I made you talk about it.”
“It’s ok, really.” He took a deep breath. “I left my body and saw myself hooked up to all these machines beeping away, trying to keep my body alive. I wasn’t afraid at all because it made sense somehow. I stood there looking at my swollen face and all those stitches wondering why their hatred was so deep. So satisfying. Why they felt it was their duty to kill me just because I’m gay. That’s when I decided to give them their victory. Just as I started to let go of this life, Tyler walked in and sat next to me. I felt so bad for him. He put his hand in mine and kissed me on the forehead. That’s when I knew I couldn’t leave him. I tried to get back inside my body, but couldn’t. I screamed as I began to fade away. The monitor flat lined at that point and set off a Code Blue. Tyler pleaded and begged, ‘David, please don’t leave me. I need you. I love you. Please come back to me. Don’t leave me here all alone.’ As soon as he said that, I slipped back into my body and squeezed his hand. The monitor started beeping again. He squeezed my hand back and got right next to my face and whispered, ‘I love you David Emerson.’ I responded by moving my fingers in his hand just enough to let him know that I could hear him. I don’t remember anything after that. I woke up two days later, and like you, I could only see a tiny bit out of one eye. I couldn’t talk, so I moved my arm to let them know I was conscious. My mom, my sister, and Melissa were crying. My dad kissed me on the cheek and told me how much he loved me, and that I was a fighter. A few seconds later Tyler sat next to my bed and put his hand on mine to let me know that he was there. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. Anyway, you probably think I’m crazy, but I really did leave my body.”
“I totally believe you. You guys must really love each other to have a connection like that.”
“Yeah, we do. He is the one person I can talk to about anything.”
“I can’t wait to meet him so I can thank him for bringing you back.”
David felt embarrassed. “I never told him what happened. I never told anyone what happened.
You’re the first to know.”
“I’m honored that you shared something so private. Personally though, I think you need to tell him. For some reason, I think he needs to know.
“You’re right. I’ve wanted to tell him so many times, but things became complicated between us and I could never find the right moment. I promise I’ll tell him during Christmas Break.
“Cool.” Miguel then asked a favor. “Please promise me that you will never lose the special bond you guys have, ok?”
“I promise.”
They sat there in quiet reflection trying to lock those brutal ghosts away for the final time.
A few minutes later they walked up the steps to upper campus, gave each other a hug, and then headed their separate ways.
Even though David was in a somber mood, he was looking forward to this particular evening with his research team. Professor Godard and Professor Logan were adding another area of research; Black Hole Thermodynamics and Gravity. David had studied the laws of black hole mechanics and the Hawking Effect on his own in tenth grade, so he understood the math and the physics involved. Watching the equations come to life on the whiteboards made him smile because it validated several of his own theories he was quietly working on.
It was just after 8pm when David received a text from Marco. He was working on Fermionic Variables with Professor Logan and Lee at the time. He excused himself and walked over to the window to read it. “I’m not going to be able to see you tonight. I’m not feeling well. I think I have the flu or something. I have the chills. I’m going to get some sleep now. I’ll text you in the morning. I love you :)” David was disappointed, but understood. He texted back. “My poor boy. Get under your comforter and keep warm. I love you too :)
“Is everything ok?” Professor Logan asked when David returned.
“My boyfriend isn’t feeling well. He thinks he might have the flu.”
“Lee and I can finish this up if you want to go check on him.”
“Thanks for offering, but he was going straight to bed, so I don’t want to disturb him. I’ll check on him in the morning.”
Marco sat alone at Starbucks drinking a Caramel Macchiato, feeling like shit. Lying to David about having the flu was the coward’s way out. An easy task. A new reality for him. It was guilt and lust permeating through his veins that he didn’t want David to see. It was meeting with Jordan and how it drained him on every emotional level possible. It was not knowing if he would keep his word. That situation was stabbing his heart harder and harder.
He sipped his coffee and watched people around him having fun without a care in the world. He wanted that feeling in the worst way. He even tried to summon the warm feeling he got whenever David was with him, but just couldn’t do it. That night of pure sex with Jordan a year prior kept flooding his mind instead. His amorous grin said it all.
And then came the guilt. He made it to the restroom just in time to puke his guts out. When there was nothing more to puke up, he opened the stall door and walked to the sink and put some water on his face. When he finally had the courage to look in the mirror, the truth was staring back in full force.
CHAPTER 33
Ghost of a Chance, one of David’s favorites songs by Rush, filled his dorm room as he got ready for another day of classes. His mind was now in constant overdrive, just the way he liked it. He was only a few days into his Honor’s Math class and was already a third of the way through the syllabus. He sent Professor Godard an email that morning explaining the situation. He requested additional homework.
Once the email was sent, he texted Marco to see how he was feeling. Marco responded five minutes later. “I still feel terrible. I’m going to stay in bed and try to sleep it off.”
“I feel so bad for you. I’ll stop by after my last class and take care of you.”
“That is so sweet of you. Thanks.”
Ten minutes later someone knocked on David’s door. He opened it and there stood Marco with a devilish smirk. “Someone told me an extremely cute guy lives here, and they were right. You’re hot.” David giggled. “I thought you were deathly ill.”
“I lied.” Marco pulled David out of the room and into his arms. He kissed David like he hadn’t seen him in years. A minute later other students began leaving for class and became spectators. They waited patiently for the lovebirds to come up for air so they could get by.
David heard some whispering, so he opened his eyes and saw a bunch of his hall mates smiling. He pulled Marco out of the way. “Sorry,” he said, with a dreamy grin.
Debra, a pre-med student who lived three rooms down, told them they were adorable. As soon as the
hallway emptied out Marco pinned David against the wall and kissed him with a lot more force. David’s head actually banged against the wall, making him flinch in pain. Then Marco pressed his body hard against David’s, not realizing that he was hurt. A panicky feeling came over David at that point. He tried to push Marco away because he couldn’t breathe. He pleaded, “Marco, please stop. You’re hurting me.”
He came to his senses and eased up. “I’m sorry, but you get me so worked up, and I missed you last night.” David rubbed his head and studied Marco’s face. It looked different. It looked possessed. “I missed you too. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
“Me too. I’m sorry I lied about still being sick this morning. I just wanted to surprise you.”
“You totally surprised me. Let me get my laptop and backpack, and then we can go.”
Marco followed David into the room, his eyes riveted on his perfect little ass. He wanted to fuck that ass. He wanted to have sex with that ass instead of making love to David. He had been jacking off to that fantasy for the last month, wanting it to become reality. Marco’s fantasy consisted of treating David like a one night stand, like a slut who craved sex as much as he did. The idea of using David turned Marco on like nothing else ever had. It was driving him crazy. He decided to seduce him into having sex.
He walked over and started caressing David’s back, and then his ass as he kissed the back of his neck. “I was just thinking, why don’t we blow off our classes this morning and head back to my room? We can, you know, make love instead.”
“I’d love to, but you know we can’t do that.” David turned and kissed Marco’s pouting lips. “Can you wait until tonight?”
Marco wasn’t listening. “I want you now.” He moaned and nibbled on David’s lower lip. “Please? I’m begging.”
“I think someone is extremely turned on this morning.” David leaned in and kissed Marco.
A few seconds later Marco grabbed his hand and placed it on his raging hard-on and moaned,
“I want you so bad.”
“I love you,” David whispered back as he moved his hand up and down. A few seconds later David pulled away. “I wish we could make love right now, but we need to get to class.”
Marco gave him a seductive look and then started to unzip his jeans. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Then let me fuck you right now. I want to fuck you so bad.” The way Marco said those words, and the look in his eyes, frightened David. He tried to stay calm. “We need to go before we’re late.”
“Please David, it won’t take long,” Marco said, still trying to convince him.
“Believe me, I want to make love to you too, but I can’t miss any of my classes, and neither can you.” Marco looked totally dejected. He didn’t say anything as he zipped his jeans back up.
David still couldn’t believe that Marco said he wanted to fuck him. He didn’t like hearing those words because they felt cold. He felt bad about turning Marco down, and wanted to make it up to him. “I’ll be done with research by eight tonight, so I’ll come right over so we can make love, ok?” He kissed Marco on the cheek.
“No…Yes…Fuck…I need…” Marco’s voice disappeared into silence. “I’m sorry for getting carried away. It was stupid.”
“It’s ok. Don’t worry about it. I’m glad I’m able to turn you on like that. It makes me feel special.” It was the first time he had lied to Marco. Then he told him the truth. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Can I sleep over tonight?” David asked, as he hugged Marco.
“I’d like that very much.”
Marco hated having to wait all day, but knew it would be worth it.
Neither one said much as they walked across campus. David had a weird feeling. Marco was on fire. His mind raced and his body tingled at the thought of using David for sex. Making him feel dirty. Making him feel like an object. Like he was nothing. Making him feel exactly the way he did whenever he had random sex. That fantasy was nirvana, and he couldn’t wait to get there.
David was five minutes late for class. Fortunately Professor Godard was running late as well. He disliked being late for anything because it was impolite, and it made him feel rushed for the rest of the day.
The lecture hall was completely filled when he walked in. He looked around hoping to find an empty seat, and that’s when he saw Jordan waving his arms, trying to get his attention. David smiled when he saw him and headed down the aisle to his row. Jordan stood up and waited as David slid past seven or eight pairs of legs. “I was getting worried that you weren’t going to show up. Is everything ok?” Jordan asked.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. Thanks for saving me a seat. I was running late because Marco and I were doing some last minute homework.” David hated to lie, but his private life was private.
“You must have been having fun,” Jordan said, with a mischievous grin.
“We always have fun doing homework together. Hey Marna, how are you?” David said, changing the subject.
“Hi David, I’m fine. Jordan, can you guys switch seats so David can sit between us?”
“Yeah, no problem.” Jordan slid his body past David’s making sure their crotches touched slightly while the maneuver took place. Jordan also put his hand on David’s waist, pretending to keep himself from falling off balance. That touch sent shockwaves through his body.
David sat down and was finally able to relax and focus.
Jordan continued to pry. “So, how is Marco doing these days?”
“Good. He loves his classes. He wasn’t feeling well last night though.”
“That’s too bad. I hope he feels better soon. I hate being sick.”
“He felt much better this morning. I think it was just nerves. Adjusting to college life is difficult, and I think everyone deals with it differently.”
“You’re probably right. Tell him I said hi.”
“I will. It is so cool that you two know each other. We definitely have to hang out sometime.”
“Yeah, for sure. Marco is a great guy. We had a blast at that college conference last year. I am formally inviting you and him to the next party I have.”
“Thanks. I’ll let Marco know. I’m sure he’d love to go.
“Do you guys live on campus?” Jordan asked, pumping David for more information.
“Yeah. I live at Hartley and Marco lives at John Jay. Do you live on campus?”
“I used to, but I have an apartment now. It’s on 112th Street, between Broadway and Amsterdam. We are practically neighbors.”
“It must be nice living in an apartment. Do you have roommates?”
“At one time I did, but it became a hassle. I enjoy my privacy.”
“It must be expensive to live alone.”
“It’s free, actually. My parents bought it for me at the beginning of my sophomore year. I want to live in the city after I graduate, so it’s an early graduation present.”
“Wow. Having your own apartment in New York must be a dream come true.”
“It really is. I’m one lucky guy.”
“Marco’s parents wanted to buy him an apartment too, but he turned them down so he could experience dorm life. But he did let his mother and her interior decorator remodel his dorm room.”
“I’m sure it is awesome. Do you guys have roommates?”
“I do, but Marco doesn’t. I’m a little jealous because his room is massive compared to mine. He has all the space a guy would ever want.”
“Nice. I’m sure you spend a lot of time there.”
“Not as much as I’d like. We’ve both been pretty busy adjusting to our crazy schedules.”
“That will change once things settle down.”
David was about to tell him he hoped so, but Professor Godard walked in, apologized for being late, and immediately began the day’s lecture.
CHAPTER 34
Marco was sitting on his bed in nothing but blue bikini briefs vehe
mently typing away. Throughout the evening ideas for new stories popped into his head like raindrops falling from the sky. He had entered a creative zone where words textured in dissonance and melody magically appeared from some other realm, coming alive on his computer screen. Those words were searching, crying, realizing. They were cutting him deep. And although he disliked the bloody mess, he continued to write because it was his destiny.
Conflicted emotions started taking their toll. An epic battle raged between what Marco desired and what he loved. He wanted both. He needed both. Those words became glimpses into love, pain, integrity, deceit, lust, sex, humiliation. His recognizable truths.
In-between creative outbursts Marco watched some of his favorite gay porn: Orgies, boyfriend swapping, three on ones, and domination. Everything he fantasized about, and needed. He couldn’t wait for David to get there so he could introduce him to his sexual world. A place where he could dominate David by making him his bitch instead of his sweet innocent boyfriend. He was in love with the idea of David being the recipient of his sex fantasies, just like he had been for so many hot guys.
It was just after 8:15 when Marco heard a hesitant knock on the door. He knew it was David just by the gentleness of it. His heart began to race as he placed his laptop on the bed. He knew sex with David was only moments away. He adjusted himself for maximum effect and then walked to the door. In an amorous voice he asked, “Who is it?”
“My name is David. I’m looking for Marco Valerio, a gifted writer.”
“He’s not here right now. Would you like to come in and wait for him?”
“Sure, if it’s not too much of a bother,” David said with a slight giggle.
Marco opened the door, smiled, and then posed. “What do you think of my outfit?”
David’s eyes grew wide at the sight of his boyfriend’s perfect body and massive woody that was threatening to rip through his sexy Calvin Klein’s. “I-I am very impressed,” he stammered, feeling a little self-conscious. “Y-you are so beautiful. I really missed you today.” David still couldn’t believe someone so smart and good looking actually loved him.