Deep is the Heart

by A. V. Zeppa

  “Thanks for the compliment. That Marco guy should be here in a little while. He’s almost as hot as I am,” he said, continuing to pretend.

  David giggled. Marco grinned as he pulled him into the room and then into his arms.

  “I missed you,” David whispered, feeling a sense of contentment.

  “I missed you too. You’re all I’ve thought about all day.” Marco loved the way David’s warm breath felt on his chest. “I want you so bad,” Marco whispered. He kissed David’s lips soft and slow, just the way he liked. His hands found their way to the arch of David’s back before continuing down to his perfect little ass.

  David let out gentle moans while Marco’s hands explored his body. He was about to make his move when David pulled away slightly so he could admire Marco’s face. “You are so beautiful.” He traced Marco’s jawline with his fingers as he stared into those deep brown eyes. A moment later he whispered, “Make love to me like you did at the lake. I need to know how much you love me.”

  Marco pretended to want the same thing. He kissed David gently, just the way he liked, then started to lose control. He pulled away for a second, giving David a desperate look, and then went for it. “I want to have sex with you instead of making love to you. I want to strip you naked and lick every part of your hot twink body, and then I wanna fuck you all night long.”

  “Marco, I don’t under….”

  “Shhh, don’t say anything. Just let it happen,” Marco whispered, putting his finger to David’s lips. He kissed David on the forehead and then grabbed his arms and pushed him onto the bed. “David didn’t say a word or even resist as he tried to process Marco’s words.

  “You’re so fucking hot,” Marco murmured over and over as he ripped David’s clothes off, exposing his slender pale body, and his innocence. Marco needed to take his innocence so they would be equal. He stood in front of David playing with himself as he slowly slipped off his bikini briefs. “Do you like what you see? It’s just for you. Tell me you want it deep inside you. I want you to fucking beg for it.”

  “I love you,” David told him.

  Marco straddled David’s body and began his sexual ascent by licking his bellybutton. He slowly worked his way up to David’s nipples, and then to his neck. “Does it feel good?”

  “Yes. I love you. Do you love me?” David asked.

  Marco didn’t answer. Instead, he raised his body and pinned David’s arms with his legs. Then he looked down at him with a possessed stare as his raging hard-on hovered just above David’s face. “Suck me. Suck me good,” he commanded in a cool detached voice. With David’s voice quivering and panic setting in, he pleaded, “Marco, you’re hurting me. Please let me up. What’s wrong with you?”

  “Nothing is wrong. I’m just trying to, you know….” Marco moved his legs off of David’s arms and quickly changed strategies. He leaned down and kissed David’s chest just the way he liked. He hoped by giving David a little of what he wanted, it would lead to what he wanted. Sure enough, David began to relax and enjoy Marco’s tender foreplay. Within minutes he had worked David into a frenzy just the way he always did. Then he went for it again. “I want to fuck you. I want to fuck you hard. I want to give you the best sex you’ve ever had.”

  “Make love to me,” David whispered back.

  “Not tonight. I want to try something different. I want to make our bodies come alive through sex, not love. Trust me, please. I know you’ll love it if you give it a chance.”

  “I don’t think I’m ready for….”

  “Please let me have sex with you. Do you love me?”

  “Yes.”

  “I love you too. Having sex together through fantasy play is another way to express our love. Let yourself go and you’ll see how hot sex can be.”

  “I’ll try, if it’ll make you happy.”

  “Marco smiled, then started licking David’s soft full lips. He moaned as his naked body slithered all over David’s. He began to nibble those lips, gently at first, and then harder. David tensed up and pulled back slightly because it hurt. Marco stopped and went back to licking them before thrusting his tongue deep inside his mouth while forcefully pressing his body against David’s.

  Within minutes Marco was giving David commands, telling him to moan, telling him to let go of his inhibitions. Each time David moaned Marco became more aggressive, his body moving in an almost violent sexual rhythm. Marco licked his way down to David’s chest and then took turns biting each nipple. They were tender bites at first, almost playful, but the biting got progressively harder and painful. Every guy Marco had ever been with loved it and always begged for more. David winced in pain but didn’t stop Marco because he wanted to please him. So he pretended to like it by moaning for more. Marco had gone over the edge knowing David enjoyed pain. It made his body come alive on an entirely new level.

  It was time to initiate another of his kinky turn-ons. Marco cooed seductively in David’s ear.

  “I want to talk dirty to you while we have sex. And I want you to talk dirty to me. It’ll be so fucking hot, believe me. Ok?”

  David felt like crying. He knew he should have said no, but decided to experience everything Marco wanted to do, hoping he would understand why it turned him on.

  “Ok.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure. Talk dirty to me,” he whispered, and then braced himself.

  Marco started exploring David’s body aggressively while humiliating him with dirty talk. “I want to fuck your little bitch ass hard. Are you my little bitch? Tell me you’re my little slutty bitch.”

  The tears came as David did as he was told. “Yes, I’m your little slutty bitch.”

  Marco looked at him with a sick smile. “Beg me to fuck your ass. Beg like I know you can bitch.”

  “I want you to fuck me. Fuck me hard. Please fuck me hard.”

  That was all Marco needed to hear. He flipped David over, almost violently, onto his stomach and gave the next command. “Get on your fucking knees and arch your back. You are so fucking hot.” David did as he was told, and for the next two hours Marco had his way with him in every conceivable position possible while calling him every filthy name he could think of.

  Marco couldn’t believe how much he loved using David. His multiple orgasms were so intense, almost God-like as he made the guy he loved feel dirty and worthless.

  David hated it. He hated the way Marco found pleasure in emotionless sex. Most of all, he hated himself. He was caught in a nightmare of his own making and didn’t know what to do about it.

  When it was all over, they lay next to each other in the dim light and the smell of empty sex. Marco’s thin muscular body glistened with sweat and satisfaction. David’s slender body was covered in sweat and humiliation. He kept his eyes closed, hoping that it was finally over. Neither one said anything for a long while. The silence felt wounded, satisfied, powerful, sad.

  And then, just as David remembered, Marco’s voice became gentle once again. “I love you more than anything. You made me feel so good.” David kept his eyes closed because he couldn’t bear to see his satisfaction. “It makes me happy to make you happy,” he whispered, hating himself for lying.

  Marco gave David little kisses all over his face while gently stroking his hair. Within minutes he had fallen fast asleep. David lay there, tears falling, body shivering, as he tried to figure out what to do. Should he endure Marco’s sex fetish, hoping he would eventually outgrow it? Or should he break up with him and move on? He would make a decision soon.

  Twenty minutes later David needed to leave. A long shower and the comfort of his own bed were needed to help him forget. He quietly slipped out of bed and put his clothes on. Then he took the comforter that had been thrown on the floor and covered Marco. He stood there looking at the guy he loved wondering why he enjoyed humiliating him so much. He realized a couple of things as he walked back to his building in the chilly evening air. He was alone once again, and love was just a cruel extr
eme.

  CHAPTER 35

  David barely listened to the physics lecture as he stared blankly at his laptop. His mind was still trying to process what had happened a few hours earlier. All those things Marco did to his body. Hearing immense pleasure in Marco’s voice whenever he called him his bitch, his little slut, his skinny ass twink. He felt so dirty. He felt so ashamed. But what he hated most was allowing it to happen in the first place. Playing along with Marco’s domination fetish should never have happened.

  And then the tears came when he realized how much Marco loved treating him like a one night stand. Knowing how much he enjoyed physically hurting him with sex. Inflicting additional pain by pulling his hair and straining his neck while Marco sexually ravaged him from behind. Tears began to fall on his hands and keyboard.

  “David, what’s wrong?” Miguel asked.

  He didn’t answer right away. He kept his head down and wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

  “Nothing, I’m ok. It’s just…”

  Miguel gently rubbed David’s arm trying to comfort him. He looked at Miguel, and then the humiliation came. He put his laptop into his backpack, got up and walked out of the lecture hall. Miguel grabbed his things and followed.

  “David, please wait,” Miguel yelled, as soon as he was in the hallway. David was just about to head upstairs when he finally stopped. Miguel ran to him. “What’s going on? Are you ok?” He gave Miguel a wounded look and then hugged him with all his might. “Everything is just so wrong right now,” he said, no longer fighting back the tears.

  “It’s ok. Everything is going to be ok. I’m here for you. Let’s go outside and get some air.” They walked outside and found a bench away from the main walkway so they could have some privacy. David sat there with his eyes closed, trying to hide from the world. Trying to hide his shame. Wondering what was happening between him and Marco.

  “I thought I had an idea of what love was supposed to be, but now I’m not so sure.”

  “That makes two of us. It is the most complex emotion we will ever experience. Just when you think you understand it, it changes in an instant.”

  David sighed. “I know what you mean. Especially after last night.”

  Miguel tried to give him some sound advice. “Sometimes what we think is love is a total miscalculation on our part. We miscalculate because we fail to look close enough, or we are held spellbound by beauty and charm. Or just wanting to be loved by anyone because we’re lonely. David, I have a feeling that you know what real love is. You have experienced it, right?” David didn’t say anything for a few seconds as he thought back to the night Tyler and him kissed. “Yes. And it felt perfect. But it wasn’t meant to be.”

  “Remember, circumstances change. People change over the course of time, especially when they are searching for the truth.”

  “Sometimes they can, sometimes not.”

  “Did you and Marco have a fight?”

  “No, but something else happened. I can’t talk about it right now.”

  “I understand.” They sat there in silence for a while, which allowed David to rationally gather his thoughts. Miguel finally spoke. “It might not be any of my business, and you don’t have to answer the question, but, do you still love Marco?”

  “Yes.”

  “Does he still love you?” David hesitated. “I think he does. It’s just…” David’s voice trailed off into silence once again.

  “Did he hurt you in any way? David, please tell me the truth. Because you can’t allow anyone to hurt you physically or mentally. That kind of situation becomes extremely dangerous if you aren’t careful. I know this first hand.”

  David turned and looked at Miguel, knowing those intense brown eyes could see the truth. Embarrassed, he looked away for a few seconds before speaking. “Our relationship became a bit more complicated last night, and I realize that I need to sort some things out. I’m not in any danger or anything, so please don’t worry about that. Marco loves me and would never do anything to hurt me.”

  “Well, I’m happy to hear that.”

  “Yeah,” David said, hoping it was true.

  “You and I are good friends, right?” Miguel asked.

  “Of course we are. Actually, you remind me so much of Tyler it’s scary.”

  “Well, I take that as the ultimate compliment. Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  They sat there for a few more minutes until David suggested they go back and catch the last part of class. He gave Miguel a nice long hug. “Thanks for being here for me.”

  “Anytime. I want to give you some advice that I think Tyler would give if he were here. Don’t ever let anyone talk you into doing something that you aren’t comfortable doing, ok?”

  “I won’t, I promise.” They headed back to class.

  CHAPTER 36

  LATE OCTOBER

  Everything had settled in somewhat nicely over the course of the next six weeks. David had taken Miguel’s advice and was honest with Marco, telling him how uncomfortable he was participating in his sex fantasies. How it made him feel used and unloved. Marco apologized and promised it would never happen again. It never did.

  They also made time from their busy schedules so they could be together more. Going on dates became an important part of their relationship. Marco surprised David with front row seats for Rush in early October. He spared no expense, making sure his blond haired angel had the time of his life. His father’s limo picked them up at the front gates of campus and took them to King’s Carriage House, one of the finest restaurants on the Upper East Side. Marco had reserved one of the more intimate dining areas just for them. A table was placed near the fireplace with Rush music playing in the background. Marco felt terrible when they were taken to their table and David started to cry. “David, what’s wrong?” he asked, all panicky.

  “Nothing is wrong. I’m just a little overwhelmed. This is beautiful and you are so romantic and I feel like I’m in a fairytale. I love you so much.” David wiped his tears and kissed Marco.

  “I love you too. I hope the music is ok,” Marco said, with a sly grin.

  “It’s perfect. How did you know I liked Rush?” David said, as his smile retuned.

  An hour later they were on their way to the Barkley Center in Brooklyn. The anticipation of seeing Rush for the first time overwhelmed David. He sat next to Marco holding his hand in quiet reflection. His hill, the billions of stars that always welcomed him, and songs like Tom Sawyer, Roll the Bones, New World Man, and countless others had kept him sane through the years by making him feel like he belonged in the world. David finally snapped out of his trepidation, squeezed Marco’s hand and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for making this happen.”

  All during the concert Marco enjoyed watching the look on David’s face with each song Rush played. It was three and a half hours of heaven for both of them.

  After the concert was over they took the scenic route through Manhattan before returning to campus, ending their date by making love and falling asleep in each other’s arms.

  Two weeks later David surprised Marco with tickets to see Young The Giant. Both of them loved their music, so he called his father to see if he would lend him the money for tickets, promising to pay him back when he received his next paycheck from the university. His dad was more than happy to help out, and even put an extra $150 dollars on David’s debit card, explaining it was a gift to be used any way he wanted.

  Unfortunately there was one little problem after David surprised Marco with the tickets. The Algarotti Ballroom, the venue where the concert was being held, was for a twenty-one and over crowd. Marco easily solved the problem a day later by surprising David with a fake ID.

  This was the first date David had ever planned and hoped Marco would enjoy himself. They had dinner at an inexpensive Thai restaurant a few blocks from campus. Then they took the subway to midtown. He wanted to take a cab because Marco hated the subway, but couldn’t afford it. Plus, he wanted to make sure he h
ad some money to spend at the concert.

  David was apprehensive about using the fake ID. Marco kept trying to get him to relax while they stood in line waiting to get in. “You are so cute when you’re nervous. Don’t worry, we’ll get in.”

  “I hope so.”

  “We are getting in. Just act like you belong here. Honestly, they don’t care as long as the ID looks real. I would say at least twenty five percent of the people here are under twenty-one. Look around and see for yourself.” David did and knew he was right. A few minutes later they received their wristbands and were through the front doors.

  They walked into the ballroom and were met by hundreds of people partying away. Marco loved the grittiness of the place. David looked around in awe. A few minutes later he shocked Marco when he asked, “Can I buy you a drink?”

  Marco grinned. “Are you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me later?”

  “You are so perceptive.” David said, grinning back.

  “I’ll let you buy me one if I can buy you one.”

  “Ok.”

  “Are you sure about this?”

  “Yes. After all we are twenty one. At least that’s what our IDs say.” They both laughed.

  It turned out to be one of the best concerts they had ever been to. They spent the whole night jumping up and down to songs like My Body, Cough Syrup, Apartment, and Crystallized.

  When the last encore was over they decided to cab back to campus because they were feeling pretty good. Marco insisted on paying for the cab, but David told him that he had enough money to cover it, which he did by saving every extra penny of his living expense money for two weeks. David’s roommate was gone for the weekend so they spent the night there. It was the first time he had the room to himself. And it was also the first time he had made love to Marco as a top.

  CHAPTER 37

  Relationships are like vibrating strings. No two are alike, yet the attraction, the quantum gravitational pull cannot be denied when it comes to love. David and Marco were caught in each other’s gravitational fields trying to maneuver through pulling forces from all directions in their search to find equilibrium. Spending time apart, and hanging out with new friends had become part of this new equation. They talked about it several times. Marco didn’t like it one bit, but finally agreed with David that it would strengthen their relationship, not tear it apart.