“Just know that I wasn’t in the best place when I wrote the stuff in there,” I said.
“I don’t care,” he said. “I’ll still read it. I wasn’t in the best place either, so we’re even.”
“Do you still want in the lifestyle?” he asked after a few moments as we kept on driving.
“The BDSM?” I clarified.
“Yes,” he answered.
“Yeah, I think so,” I said after thinking it over. I needed it. It made me feel like I had control over something in my life. What I had experienced before I left was exciting and something I quickly learned I wanted.
“Good,” he said as though he was afraid that I didn’t want that. “We’ll have to go slow, just like before. But I think everything that was laid out can stay the same, if you agree.”
“I think so,” I said. “We will just go at whatever we both feel.”
Why was there a need to have things laid out for us? We both knew what we wanted and needed. Just having each other was more than enough. The rest could be figured out later.
By the time we got home, it was well after dark and we were both tired. Unloading everything would wait until the morning. Although it wouldn’t have mattered much since Joshua wasn’t a huge sleeper and didn’t seem to be becoming one any time soon.
Zachariah beat me to getting Joshua out of the back seat as I got out of the front. He really was surprising me at every corner, and I wasn’t going to complain.
It all made me love him more.
It also made me feel slightly sad that I didn’t let him experience everything next to my side as I went through my pregnancy. I hoped I did the right thing, though.
“This will probably be the only time we have to ourselves here for a while,” Zach said, taking my hand as he led me to the front of the house.
“Did anyone know we were coming back today?” I asked. Technically, it was night already, but did it really matter?
“Nope,” he said, unlocking and unalarming the door so we could enter. “I wanted us to have at least one night. I’m sure they will know come morning, but for tonight we will not be bothered.”
“You sure about that?” I joked. His phone liked to ring constantly day and night it seemed. Not that he answered it every time.
“No,” he laughed. “But I want one night with just the three of us. Everyone else can wait until tomorrow.”
Once in the house, Zachariah left me to unbuckle Joshua as he went to make a bottle. The diaper bag sat beside the carrier on the couch. I knew come morning, everyone would show up and we wouldn’t have a moment to ourselves. But otherwise, it really was good to be home. I missed this. All of this.
I smiled at Zachariah as he handed over the bottle to me.
“I’m going to go change, then I’ll be back. After you feed him, there’s something I want to show you,” he said before kissing the top of my head.
I nodded, letting my eyes close at the contact.
How could he always make me feel so loved with a simple touch?
Chapter 33
Zachariah
I took a quick shower and slipped on cotton pants before returning back to my wife and child. I had other motives for coming up before Avidya, which she would quickly find out.
I didn’t lie to her. None of my family knew we came back yet, as they thought we would be getting a hotel a few hours away to stay in before making our way home. I wanted one night without being bothered by them. I wanted just one night with my wife and son before things got all crazy again.
On the way home, I told her what had happened to the club. She was surprised, but not too much at who had sat the fire. One stupid fucker that was upset I wasn’t setting up a new brothel in the city limits. I didn’t need that to get money. Instead, I set up a women’s shelter downtown that would help the women that wanted a better life.
The new club would be a bit closer to home and in a nicer part of town. The same rules would apply, but there would be a few changes here and there. I planned to have it up and running in six months or so as long as everything went according to plan. A few more rooms had been added for both subs and Doms to take part in whatever they fancied, almost anything, anyhow. I would never allow some things that men thought were appropriate.
Once I was done changing, I found Avidya in the living room as she finished feeding our son. I was happy she didn’t decide to breastfeed, because I wanted to help as much as I possibly could. Avidya had said that the NICU stay made it too hard for her milk supply to work, so the bottle was what ended up working.
I knew that once everyone knew we were back home, someone would constantly be here for one thing or another to see the new baby. I’d also have to get back to work and oversee a few things that I had left unfinished when I went after my wife.
“Where do you plan to have him sleep tonight?” she asked when she saw me.
“Come with me and I’ll show you,” I said, holding my hand out to her.
She took my hand as she put Joshua to her chest. I led her upstairs and stopped at the doorway of the room that had once had been intended for her.
She gasped as I turned on the light.
Inside, the queen-sized bed had been removed and stored away to make room for a crib and dresser, along with a shelf for stuffed animals and a few books that had already been bought. The dark oak crib was low to the ground. The ends were rounded at the top like a sleigh bed.
In front of the crib was a light cream soft rug that matched the soft green painted walls. A rocking chair sat in front of the closet, waiting to be used.
“Wow,” Avidya sighed, wide eyed.
“When Violet and Mom heard that you would be coming back, they wanted to set up this room for you. You never hinted about really setting anything up, so they asked if it was okay to do so. I thought it would be nice to not have to worry about setting any of this up,” he explained as though I’d be upset about it already being done for me.
“It’s amazing,” she sighed, entering all the way in. “I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s more, but it’s in our room,” I said, stuffing my hands in the pockets of my sleep pants.
“What more could there possibly be?” she asked.
“I’ll show you,” I said, nodding towards our room.
With wide eyes, she passed me and went into our room, stopping once more as she spotted my own little surprise that I left her.
“How?” she asked.
Beside our bed, on her side, stood a bassinet that looked to be antique. White frilly bedding surrounded the inside. The entire thing was made out of metal, but looked like it was created to be up to date.
“I had it handmade,” I said, almost afraid she wouldn’t like it. “That’s what I was on the phone about so much that one day. Sturdy enough to hold him up to a year, although he’d probably fall out when he can stand. The bedding was also handmade, and there’s another set in the closet for it.”
“I love it,” she said in awe. “It’s perfect. Thank you, Zach.”
“You’re welcome,” I said, happy that she did like it. “It also rocks.”
“Thank you,” she said, tears filling her eyes. A moment later, she gave me a light, but tight one-armed hug as Josh was still in her arms.
“I’d do anything for you,” I said, wrapping my arms around both of them. “I want you to be happy.”
“I will be,” she said against my chest. “You make me happy.”
“I’ll keep trying to make sure it stays that way,” I said.
She had to see that my happiness would be with her being happy. I would never stop making her happy. I would show her more with this second chance that I got.
She pulled back, teary eyed still, and turned around. After placing Joshua down in the bassinet, she took a seat on the edge of the bed. “How long do you think they will hold off in the morning?”
“Not long,” I grimaced. “I’ll try to hold them off as long as possible though.”
&nb
sp; “Just make me breakfast,” she joked.
“That I can do,” I smiled. “Get ready for bed. I’ll take first waking.”
“You sure?” she asked after yawning.
“Positive,” I replied. There were still a few things I needed to do before I could go to sleep for the night. I knew that they could certainly wait, but I wanted to get it done while I had the chance and before tomorrow got busy once more.
“Okay,” she said. “Thank you again.”
“Of course, Vidie,” I said with a smile. “I love you more than you can ever imagine.”
“I love you to,” she said sincerely.
Chapter 34
Avidya
I had no idea what time Zachariah finally came to bed, but what I did know was that I didn’t wake up once after I fell asleep. I woke up in a panic, thinking something had happened to Josh. I found his bed empty, so I gathered that Zach had taken care of him all night long. At least that was what I was hoping. I didn’t think Zachariah would do anything.
Although I didn’t want to get up, I knew I needed to. I desperately needed a shower and to get dressed before anyone showed up to the house. The bed was far too comfortable to move from, and I ended up dozing back off for a while after laying my head back on my pillow.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had slept through the night. It had to have been over a year now. It really was amazing how things changed over time.
I finally woke up when Zachariah came to shake me awake after I had dozed back off, telling me that his parents were here and would like to see me.
“What time is it?” I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I turned onto my back.
“Almost eleven,” he said softly. “I let you sleep for a while.”
“I didn’t mean to sleep so late,” I stretched my body out. This bed was like a vacuum, pulling me into its depths.
“You needed it,” he said, moving some of my hair off of my face. The pads of his fingers barely made contact with my skin. “Just figured you’d like to be dressed and awake before Toby got here. Apparently, he’s a bit excited to see you.”
“I think someone else is too,” I said, letting my eyes trail down his body.
“Well he can wait,” he grunted out. “I’ll leave you to shower and dress.”
I could hear the unsaid words about him being happy to join me if I needed help. Now really wasn’t the time. Although it did seem like an appealing idea.
“I’ll be down soon,” I said, pushing myself up.
It didn’t take me long to shower and throw on some clothes on that were here from before I left. I braided my hair off to the side so it wasn’t in my face all day long. My hair was now down to my waist and I refused to cut it. I liked my long hair even though I had no idea what to do with it half the time.
Walking down the stairs, I heard the voices of Julia and Carlos. Rounding the corner, I couldn’t help but smile as both of them gushed over my son.
When Zachariah spotted me, he instantly came to my side and pulled me against him. “I think we lost our son.”
“I could just love on him all day long,” Julia said, giving me a smile. “You look well.”
“A good night sleep helped,” I shrugged.
“Zach explained a bit of it to us,” Julia said. “I could have stayed longer if you weren’t up to me leaving yet. I wouldn’t have minded.”
“You have helped,” I said, giving them a smile. “And it was more than enough. I needed to do things on my own, and I did. I still would have been able to handle it.”
“Well, know that we won’t be letting you get away with us not helping now,” Julia said.
Not even five minutes later, it seemed like everyone else showed up. The house was instantly filled with laughter, love, and family.
I didn’t know I had missed this all so much. I never thought that I needed a family until I no longer had it.
The last ones to arrive were Violet and Toby, who seemed to have had a meltdown shortly before coming here.
Excusing myself from Zach’s side as he talked to Travis, I made my way to Toby, who would hardly look at me as he hid behind Violet. His face was red, his eyes even redder as though he had cried not all that long ago.
“Sorry,” she whispered low enough we were the only ones that could hear. “He’s a bit upset today. Long night of not much sleep. Most nights are a touch and go as it is.”
“You don’t have to explain to me,” I said. “He’s able to have a bad day. He’s been through a lot more than any of us here have.”
“Yes, he has,” Violet agreed, pulling me into a hug. In my ear she whispered, “He doesn’t know about the baby yet. He was so excited to see you last night he couldn’t sleep. And then this morning he didn’t want to take a shower before coming over here. I don’t know how he’ll react to the baby today after everything. His emotions are getting the better of him today.”
I could hear the concern in her voice. She had no idea how Toby would react to the baby, and neither did I.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, returning the hug. “I’ll make sure he understands the situation.”
Pulling back, she gave me a smile before laying a hand on Toby’s shoulder.
“Hey there,” I smiled at him. He had grown quite a bit over the months, and was now almost to my shoulders. His dark hair was cut and still slightly damp. “How are you doing today?”
He shrugged in answer, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
“Having a bad day?” I asked.
“Most days are,” Melio said, pulling me into yet another side hug. “But we’re getting there. Just glad to have you back.”
“I’m happy to be back,” I said with a smile. I let my body lean into Melio’s, not that he gave me much choice as he held me tightly. “I’ve missed you all.”
“Well, you wouldn’t have had to miss us if you’d just have stayed here,” Melio declared.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I had to go find myself.”
“That you certainly did,” Melio said before letting me go.
“Do you want to go outside with me, Toby?” I asked him, letting my eyes stay on him even though he didn’t look my way.
He shrugged both shoulders.
“How about this,” I hedged. “I’m going outside to take a small walk to get a break from all these people. If you would like to join, you can.”
“What about Joshua?” Melio asked.
“Zach will watch over him,” I said with a smile. “He’s getting pretty good at that.”
“Huh,” Melio said in thought. “Never thought I’d see that.”
“He’s doing pretty well, surprisingly,” I replied.
With one last look at Toby, I made my way out the front door. Everyone here really only wanted to see Joshua, so I knew that I wouldn’t be missed. Zachariah would be the first that noticed I wasn’t in the house, but I figured someone would let him know where I went if he didn’t come looking for me first.
I had a feeling that Toby wasn’t a huge fan of all the people either, least of all with people he wasn’t too thrilled about as it was.
I took my time to go down each step once I was outside. I had no idea if Toby would follow me, but I felt it should be in his hands to take the step if he wanted to talk to me. I knew he wasn’t happy with me, but if Zach could forgive me for running, then I was sure that Toby would be able to in time.
The sun was out and already warming up the air as the minutes passed. It was slightly chilly, but not too bad. The grass was starting to turn a nice green color, and I spotted a few guards that were hanging around.
Of course, Zachariah still had guards around. He was a man of power, and anyone wouldn’t have thought twice about taking any one of us out. Just because Aaron was taken care of didn’t mean that there were no other threats out there.
I was about ten feet from the house when I heard rushed, but quiet, footsteps coming up behind me. I didn’t turn around
or stop as I already was walking at a pretty slow pace. I had guessed that Toby would have taken longer to follow me, if he did at all.
Once he was right beside me, head down, I started to talk to him. It was what had worked before, so I hoped it would do the trick again.
“I really am sorry I left. I had to keep someone safe, and by leaving I could do that. There was no other way to protect someone that I loved very much.” I paused, thinking of how to say what needed to be said. Was there a way to say everything that needed to be said? I wasn’t so sure.
“I won’t be leaving again now that I know everyone I care about is safe,” I went on.
“Why did he want to hurt you?” he asked so quietly I almost didn’t catch it.
“Who?” I asked, not sure what person he meant. There were a number of people that wanted to hurt me. Some were deader than a doornail, and other would find out that if they did mess with me, they would wish for death.
“Your…Zachariah?” he asked, still not looking at me.
“He didn’t want to hurt me. It wasn’t actions, but words that really hurt, though. Zach didn’t want me to have something, and said some hurtful things,” I explained. “I didn’t agree with the way he said such things, and I had to leave to keep something I wanted very much.”
“And that’s what made you leave, right?” he asked.
“Mostly, yes,” I answered. “He didn’t want me to have any kids. He said he’d never allow me to have one.”
“Then why come back?” he asked tearfully.
“Because he came and found me. He apologized to me,” I answered. “I didn’t come back just for him. I came back for everyone. Including you. I missed everyone.”
“Violet said you had a kid,” he said, kicking a small rock out of his way.
“I did,” I said, not hiding that fact. “And he’s here, too.”
“Won’t Zach take him away?” he asked. “That’s what happened to me. My dad didn’t want me and took me away from my mom after killing her.”
“No, Zach won’t ever take him away,” I said. “If he tried, I’d kill him first.”
His to Know (His to Own Book 3) Page 15