Torn: I Dont Need You, But I Want You

by Latoya Chandler

  Now that everything is set up and pretty much in place, all I have to do is light the candles when I hear her pull up. In the meantime, I’ll take a shower and put on my Yacht Man cologne; Latavia loves the smell of that shit. She says the smell turns her on, and I need her to be turned on high tonight. Sleep isn’t in our near-future tonight. When she walks in the door, I will have on a bow tie and silk boxers with the leftover roses in my hand to give to her.

  I know I told Latavia I wouldn’t be home until the morning because I wanted to surprise her, but she hasn’t texted or called me, and it’s going on eight p.m. right now. Guess I’ll have to call over to Nae’s place and ask her to send my wife home without letting her know I’m back. When I call, Nae answers on the second ring.

  “Nae, this is Darnell,” I state before she cuts me off.

  “I know who this is.”

  “Well, is my wife with you?”

  “Ummm . . . yeah, she is, D. We’re at the movies right now; what’s up?” she questions a little hesitantly.

  I give her a rundown of how I want to make this work and she says she will send Latavia straight home after the show. I have to pull the phone from my face and look at it. I don’t have her cell phone number and I called her house phone being that it is programmed in our home phone. I’m going to assume she has her calls forwarded to her cell and not stress it.

  “Good looking out,” I reply before ending the call.

  Well, two-and-a-half-muthafuckin hours later, the food is cold, those little, bullshit candles done burned out, and my wife has yet to call me or walk through this damn door!

  Chapter Twelve ~ Is Tae Stuck?

  Being stuck in the past is like walking forward with you back facing the front. You’ll always miss out on what’s in front of you.

  — Author Unknown

  

  I know I have no business whatsoever going to meet BK for coffee or anything else, but he is a friend in need, so I really don’t have a choice. What if it were me and I needed someone to talk to? I am a firm believer that you reap what you sow, so I try my best to sow good seeds in every situation to reap the benefits. When I agreed to meet with BK, I asked him to meet me at the Dunkin Donuts across town near Elite Glamour Events Too so I can go check on the property to see how things are coming along afterward. Since I will be over that way, I can kill two birds with one stone. Darnell isn’t scheduled to be back until tomorrow around noon, so I have enough time to talk to BK, check on our new store, and get back home to get things situated for the romantic evening I have planned for my baby.

  The moment I pull up to Dunkin Donuts, I become consumed with so many emotions before I can even step out the car. I don’t know what to feel or what not to feel, but I know one thing is for sure: I am suddenly abnormally hornier than I have ever been in my entire life. I have no idea what it is, but the thought of BK alone sends my hot pocket into distress, like a broken pipe in need of a plumbing job. But I know I am not here for that. I have a man who loves me, and I am not about to ruin what I have for anyone.

  As soon as I step out the car, my cell phone goes off. I immediately think it is Darnell, but it is Nae. I’m sure she’s just checking on me so I send her to voicemail. I will give her a call to catch up with her later when I am done here. BK is sitting at a booth in the back, and I spot him as soon as I walk in with his sexy caramel, chiseled cheekbones, mesmerizing warm-brown eyes, and bright-white teeth, smiling, fine ass. Damn, I am a sucker for a man with colorful eyes and white, shiny teeth. Then those broad, masculine shoulders just exude masculinity like he could pick you up, throw you up against the wall, and put his entire back into it. I love his well-manicured nails along with those soft, enticing, well-shaped, kissable, pudding-eating lips.

  ‘Damn! What is going on with me? I am bugging out! I have a husband at home. Why do I have to keep convincing myself of that, as if I don’t know this already?’

  The shit just got real! I can smell BK from the door, and I have no idea what the hell kind of cologne he has on, but it has to be named, Come Suck This Dick and Let Me Beat That Twat Up, because that’s what rushes through my mind before I can even get comfortable. I have to regain my composure.

  “Hello,” I say, throwing myself in the seat to sit my hot tail down.

  BK stands up and says, “A brother hasn’t seen you in forever. The least you can do is give me a hug.”

  ‘Really? This dude is pushing his luck. Talking and hugging are two different damn things!’ I think.

  “Speak your mind; I have a few errands to run!” I snap.

  That slaps the smile clean off his face. I am proud of myself. I am doing well and feel good about it, until this ninja decides to apologize for breaking my heart because I wouldn’t give him my virginity.

  “I was wrong and wish I would have put my pride in my pocket and sat on that shit. I married the wrong woman and missed out on you—my true love,” he confesses.

  Yes, I died instantly and have yet to come back. Why would he do this to me? He knows I am married! I hate him for this; he is playing dirty. I refuse to allow him to see me sweat.

  “An apology is unnecessary, although I appreciate it, but that was twenty-three years ago. We have all grown up and moved on from there. Everything happens for a reason.”

  Just when I thought I’d made it through the storm and the rain, BK gets out of his seat and sits on my side of the booth next to me.

  ‘Why? Why Lord? Why?’

  As he sits down, he stares me in my eyes and says, “You are still as beautiful as you were in the ninth grade.”

  Oh God, I have just died again. He must have known it because he decides to take it upon himself to give me mouth-to-mouth. Well . . . I sort of . . . kind of . . . initiated it. I fall right into his trap. I begin to slob him all the way down and right back up with so much passion. Out of nowhere, my hand decides to cop a feel on his manhood, but I snatch it back real fast, hoping he doesn’t realize what I’ve done. I was wrong, of course; when I pull my hand back, he stops kissing me and starts laughing. I am now confused and would love to know what the hell is so funny, so I catch an attitude real quick and BK picks up on it.

  “You still look cute when you get mad,” he taunts.

  I shake my head; he is getting on my nerves, thinking he knows me.

  “Please inform me as to what’s so funny?”

  He tauntingly replies, “You are! You are still scared of this dick!”

  “Oh word!” I say to myself.

  “Please know, sweetheart, I am no longer that little girl from the ninth grade. I am a grown-ass woman.”

  “That’s what your mouth says,” he replies.

  I lose all my home training at this point and scribble the address to Elite, which is two blocks away, get up, and kindly say, “I can show you better than I can tell you,” and leave with him right behind me.

  Chapter Thirteen ~ Tae vs. Temptation

  The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it . . .

  I can resist everything but temptation.

  — Oscar Wilde

  

  I don’t know what I can possibly be thinking; I can’t do this. I’m going to tell BK I’ve changed my mind as soon as we get to Elite. The drive is only five minutes away from Dunkin Donuts, but it seems more like five hours. I think I’ve just developed a newfound hate for Dunkin Donuts. Starbucks it is from here on out.

  ‘Why did I let him kiss me? What is happening to me? Never in a million years would I have imagined I would be struggling with something like this. Darnell is an amazing man, and even more astonishing to me, he caters to every inch of my body. So why in the world am I feeling up the next man?’

  When I pull up to Elite, I notice a light on in one of the upstairs offices, but there aren’t any cars parked in the lot, so I’m assuming Nae or one of the contractors left the light on. Or I am turning into Darnell? The thought of him has my stomach in knots, and I
’m beginning to feel sick. This alone is a clear indication I can’t do this. As I slowly and nervously exit the car, BK pulls up and parks behind me.

  Damn, this man is fine as hell, and looking at him, I know right then and there I am making the right decision. I have to show him I’m not that scared little girl anymore. Why is he grinning from ear to ear? He’s making me blush. He has on a brown, Yankee fitted T-shirt with blue-denim Levi jeans, a green-and-brown Levi hoodie with some beef and broccoli Timberland’s; and let’s not forget the ‘Come Suck This Dick and Let Me Beat That Twat Up’ cologne. That completes him and all of his sexiness. If I had a penis, it would be rock hard, and I would bang the dog poop out of him.

  ‘Damn! Am I turning into Nae?’ I guess it is true what they say: Birds of a feather flock together. Whatever it is, BK is driving it up out of me.

  BK walks into Elite like he is part owner or something, turning on the lights, taking my keys and purse, removing my jacket, and throwing them on the floor. That right there turns me on and my nipples get hard. If he was close enough and my blouse was off, I am sure I would have poked his eye out. I love it when a man takes charge, but I have a point to prove. I go to grab at his pants, but he pushes my hands away and starts tongue-kissing my bottom lip, nice and slow, gently sucking on it and using the tip of his tongue to play with it as if it was my clit. It’s driving me completely insane so I go to grab at his pants again. He pushes my hands to my side and holds them there. Now I’m confused and I don’t understand. What is the problem? I take it he wants to run the show, but I was wrong once again.

  BK looks into my eyes and says, “I want to make sure you’re ready for this. I am what they would call blessed, and not every woman can handle me, baby girl.”

  I look at him like he has completely lost his mind and proceed to unbuckle his belt, unbutton his pants, pull his zipper down, and allow his pants to drop-it-like-it’s-hot down to his ankles. He doesn’t have on boxers or briefs, so his penis just drops out, seemingly down to the floor. In complete awe, I fall back, land in a sitting position on the floor, and sit there staring at it, waiting for him to turn into Denzel Washington’s character in the movie Training Day, and start yelling, “King Kong ain’t got nothing on me!” This is the biggest piece of manhood I have ever seen in my entire life. He should be on exhibit somewhere, or in the Guinness Book of World Records; this is unheard of. There’s no way it can be real! I have to touch it, feel it inside me, and most importantly, see if I can fit all of it in my mouth. I honestly can’t find the words to explain what this beautiful masterpiece looks like, but it is fat, probably the width of a baseball bat, and so is the mushroom head. It looks like a mushroom, too—slightly curved to the left and hung down right above his knees. If curiosity doesn’t kill this cat, his dick damn sure will.

  Chapter Fourteen ~ Nosy Nariah

  Take sides! Always take sides! You will sometimes be wrong –

  but the man who refuses to take sides must always be wrong.

  — Robert A. Heinlein, Double Stare

  

  I played hooky from work today and decided to plan a little freak fest with Walter. I asked him to meet me at Elite Too around seven this evening, and to wear a suit and tie. He has no idea what I’m up to, but I want to do some role-playing and play the naughty real estate agent. My desk was delivered today in perfect timing for me to set up my little scene. I love role-playing. I think I will set the camcorder up while I’m at it and record my stellar performance. Lights! Camera! Action!

  Walter is running late as usual, and just when I start to cop an attitude, I hear his car pull up. I parked my car around the corner so I could get into my role, and if Walter plays his part, it will be the perfect ending for the both of us. When I look out the window, I am shocked and disappointed at the same time. It isn’t Walter out there; it’s Tae. What the hell is she doing here? She’s supposed to be home, getting things ready for Darnell when he gets back.

  At the thought of Darnell, my cell rings and it’s Tae’s house phone number, which means Darnell is back and he’s looking for her as usual. I have my home phone calls forwarded to my cell phone because I’m never home and I am also awaiting an urgent call. After lying to Darnell, telling him we’re at the movies, he ends the call. I call Tae’s phone so she won’t come inside and ruin my evening, but she sends me to voicemail.

  ‘Oh my God! Wait a minute! Who the fuck is this guy getting out of the car behind her? That’s BK’s ass! How the hell did he find her? She better not be up to no good. Before I forget, let me text Walter to tell him not to come because Elite is occupied at the present time, and I will make it up to him.’

  I ease my way downstairs and hide in the far office space with the lights off to be nosy. I feel as if I am being sucker-punched in the stomach when I see BK kissing Tae and she kisses him back. Why would she do this to Darnell? Why would she do this to me? Doesn’t she know I got rid of my baby so she could be happy? Doesn’t she know that, because I terminated my pregnancy when I was thirteen weeks pregnant, it caused me to have complications? Now I am now unable to have children. I might say I’m not ready for children, but had Tae not met Darnell and got with him, I would have kept my child and raised him by myself. You’d best believe I am going to get into Tae’s ass when this little rendezvous of hers is over. I can’t believe her; honestly, I never thought she even had it in her timid ass.

  When BK stops Tae from grabbing his cock and she does it again, regardless of her being immediately blinded by that elephant trunk he calls a dick, I just know right then and there she is going to run for cover, but she does the complete opposite. She handles that shit like a real bitch, and that shit turns me-the-fuck-on. Since I am already nude under my trench coat, I do myself the honors, get in on the action, and please myself as I watch these two fuck their brains out. I am mad as hell, but the sight of BK’s tool and the way Tae takes him in her mouth with tears coming out her eyes and all, makes my pussy wet instantly. She deep-throats that thang! Shit, I can’t even deep-throat his ass, and I’m supposed to be a professional!

  I wait for BK to leave so as not to make my presence known. While Tae is in the bathroom freshening up, I go and hide in her car. When she gets her happy, cheating ass in this car, she will be in for a rude awakening; my ass will be sitting right here waiting.

  Tae gets in the car and pulls off. When I feel the car stop, I know we are at the traffic light, so I sit up and say, “What the fuck is wrong with you, Tae?”

  She screams at the top of her lungs, holding her chest. I guess I scared the shit out of her. When she calms down a little, she asks me, “What in God’s name are you doing in my car and how the hell did you get here?”

  I respond, “No! The million-dollar question is what the fuck were you doing with BK?”

  She proceeds to pull the car over as a tear falls from her eye. I have zero remorse for her; she knew what the fuck she was doing. I tell her to save the crocodile tears for someone else. Tae tries to explain that I don’t understand, and I kindly inform her she is wrong. BK is just using her and all he wants is for a bitch to suck his dick. That’s when the shit hits the fan.

  “How the fuck do you know what he wants, Nae? I talked to him. He explained to me and apologized. He feels he was wrong and he never should have let me go; he’s never stopped loving me. You know good-and-goddamn-well I am not the one to be with random men like that. I have only been with three men in my life, and that includes BK. That isn’t how I roll; that’s what you do. You’re the one who will fuck any and everybody!”

  “Is that right?” I ask. “Let me bring you back down to size, sweetheart. I do what the fuck I want to do. I am a grown-ass woman, and since you must know, the reason I know for a fact that’s all BK wants is because last year he had me do the same thing you just finished doing to him. That’s right, slobbing his knob—”

  Before I could finish my sentence, Tae punches me in the face.

  “You stupid
bitch!” I yell.

  “I got your stupid bitch, you tramp!” she yells.

  Then she grabs me by my hair, pulls me out the car, and starts whaling on me with punch after punch. I’m able to get my hands around her braids, pull them with my left hand, and punch her with my right until she stops hitting me. We end up letting each other loose at the same time.

  That’s when Tae gets all dramatic, talking about, “I can’t believe you; you’re supposed to be my sister.”

  I say, “Yeah, the sister you just called a slut!”

  “Well, the truth hurts,” she replies in her defense.

  “I got your tramp, bitch, and for truth’s sake and the record, you have been with four men not three, you cunt! Did you forget about fucking your father for all those years?”

  Chapter Fifteen ~ Tae’s Monster

  Of all the things you choose in life, you don’t get to choose

  what your nightmares are. You don’t pick them; they pick you.

  — John Irving

  

  When I open my eyes, I look around the room in fear because I don’t know where I am until I realize I am lying in a hospital bed, and my mother is standing over me, praying and crying. The last thing I remember is my father—the man who’s supposed to be the first man I ever loved, who’s supposed to love and protect me, who’s supposed be the rock I depend on when everything else confuses or scares me—hitting me until I couldn’t breathe until everything went dark.