“My mom? No, I didn’t tell her. I didn’t think it was my place to share. It’s not her business. When you’re ready… when we’re ready. No pressure.”
“So, about Elvis. I think I like that plan.” The idea put a smile on my face.
“We don’t have to hurry with that, either. When we’re both ready, we can set a date and make a plan.”
“I’m a lucky girl.” I reached up and kissed him. The warmth of his lips intensified my gratitude of having him in my life. “Thank you for being so patient… and kind… and, well, awesome.”
“I’m the lucky one, Val. You’re one of a kind, and I’m never letting you go.”
“I really like the sound of waking up with you every morning. Do you think we should test drive this marriage thing? You know, make sure you’re really sure?”
“Hmmm… you mean live in sin?” A boyish laugh escaped from his mouth.
“What do you think we’re doing? I mean unless you want to stop…”
“Oh, no… no, I like living a life of sin.” He cleared his throat to mask the remaining laughter. “I think that’s a great idea. Are you thinking of me moving in here? Or you coming to live with me?”
“What if we find a new place? New to both of us?”
“That’s not a bad idea. Maybe we can find a house to rent. I’m so sick of hearing my neighbors live in their own life of sin. How much sex can one horny college guy have?”
“I don’t know, you tell me… you’ve been a horny college boy, I haven’t. It can’t be that bad, it’s got to be like free entertainment.”
“You’re a perv. I can’t believe you’d think that about me.” Tim placed his hand on his chest and batted his eyes.
“Oh, geez, I’m sorry. I love that you’re so pure and innocent.”
“That’s more like it.” His smile took some of my apprehension away. “Do you want to stay in Lawrenceville or look around?”
“I don’t know, I kind of like it here. I never thought about leaving before. Where do you want to live?”
“Well, I do like my job, so I guess I’d like to stay in the area, but my heart isn’t in Lawrenceville. If we find something outside of town, I’d be open.”
We sat together on the couch and scrolled through our phones, looking on Craigslist at available houses for rent. For the past sixteen years, I had lived alone, with only Gabriel as my companion for the last twelve years. As much as I love Tim, I wasn’t sure I was ready for this step. There are days where I just want to sit in the dark and not interact with anyone. What if he doesn’t let me have the space I need, or what if he decides he doesn’t love me? What if I’m too much for him? He has never seen the days I don’t want to get out of bed, or the nights I stay awake thinking about everything that has ever gone wrong.
Looking around my apartment, years’ worth of stuff began to suffocate me. What is worth keeping? Will I have to give up everything, again? My heart shot into my throat as the thoughts overtook me. I tried to imagine holding my baby, the one Tim spoke of, but I couldn’t see past the little boy I was forced to give away.
“I want to find Gabriel.” My voice broke as I spoke.
Without looking away from his phone, Tim pointed to the kitchen. “He’s in there, on the table.”
I brushed the tears off my cheeks with the sleeve of my sweater. “No, not him… my son. I want to find him.”
“Oh, Val. I’m sorry… I just… I was so excited to find our new place, I wasn’t really listening.” He took my hand. “I’ll find him.”
“How can you be certain? What if we can’t find him? I’m not sure I’ll be able to have another baby until I do.”
“Now that I have your permission, I won’t give up until I find him. There’s so much technology these days, I’m sure we’ll find him.”
“You think so?” I wiped my nose on my sleeve before realizing what I was doing. “Oh, gross. See, this is what you want to live with?” Laughter helped change the mood.
“Yes, I’m sure.” He smiled. “To both questions.”
Having Gabriel in my life was not something I thought possible. Since the day I found out I was pregnant, he never left my mind. Every year on his birthday, I would imagine him blowing out the candles on his cake and opening his presents surrounded by people who love him. The pain only intensified with every passing year as it was that much more time without him in my life. I would think about everything I missed out on. I knew I would never be able to give my love to another child until I knew Gabriel was safe and loved. Excitement replaced the years of hollowness. I knew Tim would grant me this wish. That was one of the reasons why I loved him.
Chapter Five
Inside the lobby of the hospital, a man lingered, pacing the hall. From a distance, his build looked familiar. It wasn’t until I walked past him that I knew. Unsure if I should be seen talking with him or not, I kept walking. “Are you here to see me?”
“Who the fuck else would I be here to see?”
I stopped a few feet away from him and looked back only long enough to respond. “Meet me outside by the oak tree in a couple minutes.” Not giving him time to respond, I continued to my office and put my tote bag and coffee mug on my desk. Locking the door behind me, I made my way back out to the parking lot. The list of reasons he might be here played out in my head. I hadn’t seen him since the afternoon I purchased the pills from him.
Seth had his hands in the front pockets of his navy blue sweatshirt. His jeans looked stiff from the dirt they were covered in. As I got closer to him, I noticed the bags under his bloodshot eyes. Any thought he had stayed clean went out the window.
“What can I do for you?”
“That’s all you’ve got to say? I know what you did. I know you killed Jane. You’re fucken sick… to kill her with her own pills.”
“Excuse me?” The heat from my face spread to my neck.
“Don’t act dumb. I know why you needed those pills. You killed Jane… and I really didn’t care… I mean, you got the bitch outta my hair.”
“Then, why are you here?” I pulled my cardigan tight against me and crossed my arms.
“So, you admit it. I didn’t think it’d be this easy.” Seth pulled his cell phone out of the pocket of his sweatshirt.
“I didn’t admit anything. I simply asked you why you are here.”
“You didn’t deny it. You know damn well you bought those pills and you gave them to Jane.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Is that still recording?” I pointed to his phone.
“Yeah, why?”
“I just wanted to make sure there was a record of me asking you about Lexi. You do know her, don’t you? She’s sixteen… I think there’s plenty of trouble with your name on it.”
“I don’t know who the fuck you’re talking about. I just need you to tell me you did it.” He held his phone in front of my face. “Here, just say it into this.”
I pushed his arm away from my face. “Get away from me, or I’ll call security.”
“Go ahead. I can tell them you’re a murderer.”
“What do you want from me, Seth?”
“You sent that cra—” He caught himself as he looked down at his phone. “Ginger, to my place. She was up in my shit about her daughter… I told her to get the fuck out. But, you know what she said before she left? She told me if I helped her figure out what happened to Jane, she’d give me $5,000.”
“Oh, so you’re bribing me to confess so you can make a few bucks? Do you know how much trouble you can get in for supplying drugs used in a murder? If what you are alluding to is true, that would make you an accessory. You’d be just as guilty.”
He took a step back. “The fuck it would. You’re the only murderer here. My hands are clean.”
“Yeah.” I laughed. “But you’re not. You’re high as a kite. You start with these threats, and I’ll turn you in myself. One look at you, and there is no way they’d believe a word you’re saying.”
&nbs
p; He shook his phone in the air. “You seem to be forgetting about this.”
“That? Take a look, it stopped recording the first time you held it up to my face, you dumbass.”
“Fuck.” His fingers swiped up the screen to turn it back on. “Hang on.”
“You know what else? Supplying drugs to children is a pretty big offense, too. I have a bottle you sold to Lexi… I’m sure your prints are all over it.”
“I don’t know who the fuck you’re talking about. I’m not a drug dealer.”
“Oh, really?”
“I don’t know what you’re fucking talking about. Just confess. I need that fucken money.”
“Seth, you’re delusional. I’m not admitting to anything, and think about what you’re saying. You’re going to get yourself in trouble.”
He took a step toward me and I took one back. “Fuck you, you stupid whore.”
I put my hands up. “Whoa. Calm down.”
“You have a fucken choice. You confess, or you give me the money.”
“What money?”
“The fucken reward money. You have one week, or I’m going to the police.”
“That’s not a smart plan, Seth.”
“Shut the fuck up.” He put his hand into his pocket and pointed something at me. “Do what I fucken say, or you’ll end up like Jane.”
My hand went to my necklace. As I rubbed the metal under my fingers, I thought about dying before getting the chance to meet Gabriel or getting married or having a family. My body stiffened with tension. “Where should I bring the money?”
“Bring cash, all large bills, to my apartment.” His hand still pointing at me through his sweatshirt. “One week… or you’re dead.”
Still standing under the oak tree, I unclenched my jaw as I watched him walk away. My legs trembled as I walked back to my office. I made sure to lock the door behind me and sat at my desk. A migraine crept in as the room began to spin. This was the reason for things like confidentiality. If I hadn’t broken it, Ginger would never have found him. And, why did I ever tell Seth who I really was? I kicked myself in the ass for being so careless.
I picked up my phone and started writing a text to Tim. When I looked down, I deleted all the words I wrote. This was not something he could help me with. This was a mess I had made myself.
I logged onto my bank account and checked my balance. There was plenty of money in my account. It wasn’t about money, not for me. There was no proof of what happened to Jane. The only person who thinks they know what happened is a junkie. There would be no way anyone would believe him over me. Jane’s death couldn’t be linked to me. I was careful.
Jane’s last day replayed in front of me. There was surveillance footage at the hospital, and probably the pizza place that would show us together. How long do they keep those things for? Would they still have it? Jane met with the staff on med-surge before we left. Did she tell them she was having lunch with me? No one had mentioned anything before. But, what if this triggered their memory?
I had to pay him. It was the only way to ensure he didn’t talk. But, what if it didn’t? What if it didn’t keep him quiet? What if he took my money and still went to the cops? To Tim. Would Tim believe me? My obsession with Jane was a little… strange… and even he noticed I stopped talking about her as soon as she died.
I rubbed the bridge of my nose to try to knock out the migraine, but it wouldn’t budge. I hadn’t thought this through, not entirely. Nausea swept over me, leaving my skin clammy. Reaching for the garbage can, lightheadedness caused the room to spin. I tilted my head back, resting against my chair as I tried to refocus. I’d have to get rid of Seth; that was the only way out of this.
If the pills Lexi had were from Seth, I wasn’t doing this just for myself, but for her, too. I couldn’t take his life to protect mine, but she is a child. Certainly, taking his life to make sure she is safe was a good enough reason. As I talked through the scenarios, I knew it had to happen. He was a dangerous man. My first impression of him was right. Always trust your gut, a lesson I often forget. When a person shows their true character, it’s only our fault when we don’t listen. Well, I’m all ears.
On a scratch piece of paper, I wrote down methods to kill someone from some of the past Snapped episodes Tim and I had watched. Stabbing- can’t do that, don’t like blood. Shooting- can’t do that, don’t own a gun. Poisoning- would he even eat or drink anything from me? Murder for hire- can’t do that, don’t want anyone else involved. My mind was blank. How would I kill him? What if he tried to kill me first?
I pulled out my phone to search “ways to get away with murder,” and erased it as quickly as I wrote it. How do murderers come up with their ideas? From all of the shows I’ve watched, I knew I couldn’t leave a trail of clues behind. This was not worth going to prison for. It wasn’t worth dying for, either. I was in over my head, but there was no way out, only in deeper.
Pushing aside all of these thoughts, I listened to my voicemail. A message from Jeanine asking me to come see her as soon as I got in. Looking at my clock, I realized how much time I had wasted. Two hours. I picked up the phone and called Jeanine, there was no way I wanted to see her or anyone.
“Nice of you to arrive.” Jeanine’s voice beamed through the receiver.
“I’ve been here all morning, just hadn’t gotten around to my messages. What do you need?”
“I asked you to come up, so we could talk.”
“I know… I’m just not feeling very well. What can I do for you?”
“You haven’t been feeling well a lot lately. Is everything okay?”
“Thanks for your concern… yeah, I’m fine… maybe all the mold down here.”
A long sigh escaped. “I need you to go visit someone for me. She came in last night.”
My sigh echoed hers. “Really? Jesus. Can’t more people die so I can do my own job?”
“Wow, Val, sounds like you need a vacation.” She waited for my sarcastic response and continued when there wasn’t one. “Room 207, she came in last night after her husband beat her. He broke a couple of her ribs, her nose and gave her a black eye.”
“Why are you sending me to her room?”
“I was hoping she could go to your support group. If she met you before she left, she’d probably be more likely to show up, don’t you think?”
“You’re right. I’ll go see her before I leave.”
“Thanks, Val. I’m serious though, maybe think about some time off.”
She was right. I hadn’t taken any time off in a while. There was never a reason to, I usually just cashed the hours in at the end of the year to pad my savings account. At this point, a break was worth way more than the money.
Chapter Six
When I reached room 207, I wasn’t sure what to expect. A woman, alone in her room, was asleep in her bed. Her brunette bob framed her face which was bandaged, but I could see the bruises that were not covered. Her arms matched the color of her face with blotches of red and purple. In the dark, I sat in the chair in the corner of the room. My problems drifted away as I watched her sleep.
When her eyes opened, I noticed her body flinch when she saw me. “Hi there, I’m Valerie, from social services.” My voice was just louder than a whisper.
“Hi.” She lifted her arm to wave, only getting it a few inches off the bed before gritting her teeth.
“I just wanted to introduce myself and see if you needed anything.”
A tear rolled out of her eye. “Could you… call my mom? I don’t think she knows I’m here.”
“Sure, I’ll look in your file for her number.”
“Thanks. Could you tell her I’m fine? I don’t want her to know how bad it was.”
“Does she live close by?”
“No, she’s in Florida. I just don’t want to worry her when she tries to call the house and I’m not there.”
“Do you want to call her? So you two can talk?”
“No… I don’t want her to hear me cry.
Will you tell her Lily says she loves her and will call as soon as she can?”
“Okay… who’s Lily?”
“That’s what she calls me... what my friends call me.”
“Sure, I’ll pass the message along. Do you have any friends or family close by, that you want me to call?”
“No. I really don’t want anyone to see me like this.”
“Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“Can I have the TV remote?”
I found the remote on the bedside table and handed it to her. “I know you’re probably not up to this yet, but there’s a support group here at the hospital on Tuesdays, and I’d love it if you joined us.”
Lily’s eyes met mine and she nodded her head. “You know, he’s never hurt me like this before. It’s never been this bad before.”
I pushed up a half smile. “It’s okay, Lily. You don’t have to explain anything to me. It’s a small group, just four of us. We’ve all been through our own stuff. No judgment. You don’t even have to talk if you’re not ready.”
Lily blinked her eyes to push away the tears. “Thanks.”
“I’ll stop by tomorrow, too, if that’s alright with you.”
“Yeah, that’d be nice.” She held the remote in her hand. “Do you know when they’re going to let me go home?”
“No, I’m not sure. Your doctor will let you know when you’re ready. Do you want me to see if I can find out for you?”
“Nah, I’ll ask him tomorrow when he comes in. He probably thinks I’m stupid.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Look at me. I let this happen… I…”
“You stop right there. You did not do this. What happened to you is not your fault. No one is blaming you for what happened.” I put my hand down on hers, above the IV. “I’m just glad you’re here.”
Lily closed her eyes. “Thanks.”
When I left Lily’s room, I went back to my office and pulled up her file. I found her mother’s phone number and read the nurse's notes. According to their documentation, Lily’s husband was arrested after she was brought in. It was noted the police wanted to talk with her, but she hasn’t been up to meeting with them. It didn’t make sense that she wouldn’t want to talk to them to make sure he wasn’t released. I also knew there was always a reason behind a person’s actions and it wasn’t my place to question her.
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