by Patti Larsen
It was easy enough to cut ties to every soul in the room, thin most of them, just peripheral. Quaid’s was already gone. Femke’s was harder, but not by much. She gasped when I released her, one hand pressed to her chest.
I felt for Mom, so far away in Harvard, and made sure she heard every word.
“And this,” I said, “is why you can’t be trusted.” I turned, looked up at Max. “I’m sorry they’re such assholes.”
He didn’t comment, diamond eyes full of tears.
“You have to get him back.” Who was that who spoke? Who cared? Not me. I barked a laugh.
“I do, do I? Maybe I will. On my own time. But for now, well.” I tossed my hands in the air, dead inside when it came to them. Just dead. “You’ll just have to figure out a way to deal with your own crap, won’t you?”
Max opened the veil, his people sadly exiting, though I let him go without following. Femke staggered toward me, Quaid catching her, supporting her.
“Please, Syd.” Her mind tried to catch mine. “Please, forgive me.”
There was a time I might have. When such a plea could have gotten through to me. But she was too late, far too late. I’d been through everything I was willing to endure and I’d had enough.
Enough.
I entered the veil, felt Max reach for me. So tired, all of a sudden. Just weary to the bone and ready to rest. But not yet.
I have things to do, I sent. I’ll see you at the Stronghold.
Syd, he whispered in my mind. I know what you’re planning. I hate I’ve had a part in that decision.
You can’t talk me out of it, I sent.
I know that as well. He paused, his magic supporting me, offering. I rejected it. I’m sorry it’s come to this. But I’ve been expecting it.
You could have warned me. But he did, didn’t he? In his own way, as best he could.
He sighed. I’ll be waiting. And let me go.
There were so many people tied to me still. Heart threads I couldn’t bear to lose, but just didn’t have the strength to keep anymore. Not if I was going to do what I had to do.
Uncle Frank and Sunny. Apollo and Owen. Galleytrot. Even Ameline deep under the vampire mansion. Gram. Demetrius. Mom and Dad.
I almost crumpled, almost failed. Charlotte and Sage and dear, dear Sassafras.
There were only two souls I would allow to stay. And only two souls I would force myself to see one last time.
Until this was over. If it was ever over. I just hoped, one day, my kids would learn to forgive me.
They were asleep when I slipped through the veil, fully blocked from the magic around me, into Quaid’s quarters. Gabriel lay on the sofa with his sister in his lap, both lost to weariness, the still, sleeping forms of the drach souls draped over them. I whispered deeper rest to all of them, to the giant black hound at their feet. Stood over them, staring down at the precious children I’d brought into this world.
Sobbed softly into my hands a moment before I hardened my heart.
This was necessary. I was doing it for them, for all the hurtful, hateful people on this plane, on every plane. And it wasn’t fair and I hated it so much. Hated myself for what I’d become, that I could contemplate this at all, let alone go through with it.
Gabriel stirred, whispered, “Mom,” in his sleep.
I gulped a breath and fled. But not before turning, seeing into Quaid’s bedroom. Where he held Payten in his arms and kissed her while she leaned into him. And everything solidified for me.
Time. It was time.
Time to go home.
***
Chapter Thirty Seven
The basement engulfed me in its quiet, the family still and silent. Or, maybe it was just the fact I’d blocked them out they felt so absent. Not that it mattered.
They’d be even more so shortly.
My first job was the severing. I reached inside, deep inside, felt for every thread I could find. Found them all, some stronger than others, but all there, waiting for me. Quivering in fear, knowing what was coming, my magic, understanding what I was about to do.
Are you certain? My vampire’s regret wasn’t helping anything.
You three can go if you choose. I stood rooted on the spot. You don’t have to do this with me.
We have nowhere to go, my demon growled. Besides, we promised you that you’d never be alone.
She had to say that, didn’t she? At this exact moment?
It’s not too late to stop, Syd. But even Shaylee didn’t feel like she believed her own words.
I cut the ties, all of them at once, took in the recoil of my severed magic. Shook from the impact as all the love I’d ever felt for every person I’d connected to came back to me, including the pair of souls I’d given birth to, the hardest of all to lose. The power recoiled, and not in a good way. It hit so hard it shattered the last of my humanity as the magic within me rose to fill the void.
Something thudded upstairs, a voice calling. But I was lost inside, feeling the last two ties remaining. One, to the family magic. The second to the maji.
I had no idea, I sent.
“Syd!” Distant, muffled. Pounding down the second floor stairs, coming toward the kitchen. I blocked the door to the basement with an absent wave.
Do it, my vampire sent. We have another heritage to embrace.
She was right. I felt it then, the cool, gentle pulse of Mabel’s blood. Of the call of the drach.
The maji power left me with a sigh, but this time it didn’t hurt, not at all. To the contrary. Rainbow magic warmed me immediately as the drach power—the magic of the first race—rose up and held me tight.
Yes, my demon sent, in awe.
This, Shaylee whispered.
And the last, my vampire sent as the basement door thudded under the pressure of demon power. But I’d warded it against entry. No one would stop me from what I had to do. Not even him.
The family magic whimpered when I caressed it with the power of the drach. It knew before I grasped it firmly in my mind what was coming, squirmed and fought me. We’d been together a very long time, but that time was done.
As I jerked it free by the roots from the core of my soul, I slammed open a channel to the one person I could trust to protect the family until my daughter was old enough to take over.
GRAM. I hit her hard with it, drach magic awakening the fire inside her where once her witch power had lived. After transforming Sass, this was simplicity, though she’d ache from the blow for days. I felt her rock from the impact as the family’s heart and soul latched onto her like a desperate child. TAKE CARE OF THEM.
And let go.
SYD! She tried to follow me back but I cut her off, stood there a moment in the darkness, bereft. But feeling more grounded and powerful than I ever had.
I looked down at my hands, the soft gray tone of my skin as everything in my vision grew brighter, more crisp and clear. And I knew, in that moment, my blue eyes now sparkled like diamonds.
Drach, my vampire sent.
With benefits. Leave it to my demon to make me laugh.
Let’s go. Shaylee’s power embraced me.
I didn’t need it, not to open the veil, my old friend. It felt different this time, the rubbery membrane softer, more pliable. Where once I’d had to tear at it, it parted for me willingly, like the welcoming lips of a lover.
The pounding on the door at the top of the stairs shuddered the wooden frame, burst it inward. But it was too late. He was too late. I turned and entered the opening in the veil to the sound of Sassafras screaming my name.
Cut off as I leaped into the darkness, my body expanding. Neck elongating, vast wings sprouting while I drew a deep breath and belched fire into the black.
Home. At last.
***
Chapter Thirty Eight
My new family welcomed me.
The veil embraced me.
I guess this was how things were meant to be all along.
###
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***
Now Available
Book Five of the Hayle Coven Destinies
Gateway
Will Syd’s new evolution help her fulfill her fate,
or just lead to more heartache and loss?
Chapter One
There is no greater peace, no more amazing, soul-filling and pure joy experience than soaring on drach wings through the quiet of the veil. If I live a thousand lifetimes, I’m certain of that.
Muscles bunched and tightened, smoothed out and elongated as I swept my way against the soft current of the veil. In human form, I had no idea the depth and complexity of airflow in the vast darkness of the membrane between worlds, nor did I see so clearly just how connected the Universe truly was. But embracing my drach heritage changed all that.
What was once dim, though visible to my enhanced eyesight, now appeared crisp with firm lines and absolute clarity. Not so much seeing in the darkness as becoming part of it. The thin yet powerful barriers shimmered with the same rainbow magic as I possessed, pure, distilled energy of all magicks combined. It made me wonder what the veil in the Dark Universe looked like, if it was a mirror to ours.
Not that I’d ever have the chance to find out. But curiosity remained. I had to admit though it was a subtle thing, a soft allure where once perhaps it would have gotten me in trouble. Everything seemed ever so quiet now, gentle, soft. As though becoming drach removed the hard edges from everything but my sight.
I couldn’t help the smile curving my muzzle, the fuzzy thrill I still experienced as I cut my way through the veil and soared into a new plane. The faint odor of ammonia made me sneeze, pale blue air tinted with a hint of green as I allowed the heat over the bubbling lake below to buoy me higher on a steady thermal into the eerie sky of that foreign landscape. A large pack of what looked like cows with three heads and tails shaped like they belonged on reptiles galloped over the surface of the water, huge feet splayed wide to carry them across the boiling surface. I allowed my senses to open wide, to taste the magic of this place. To seek, as I’d been seeking all these months, the familiar touch of Creator.
Nothing, not a trace. This news would have troubled the old me. As I spun on my tail and cut open the veil with a gentle slice, far more kind than the tearing jerks I used to use what seemed like a lifetime ago, my smile remained. The old me. I thought about her less and less as time passed, my drach nature a comfortable, safe and happy place.
The veil welcomed me with a gentle embrace as I slipped through, allowing the cut to seal shut behind me. How had I not felt the agony of the membrane all the time I spent as an arrogant and powerful child, possessing far more power than someone like me should have been allowed? Only when I embraced the drach inside me did I finally understand the sentience of the veil. That it was, in essence, as much Creator as the pieces of statue I sought.
So selfish, so petty and small. There were nights I woke, tears on my cheeks, old dreams of the life I left behind fading into nothing. And moments when my heart ached for those I left behind. But the quiet calm of the drach, the massive understanding I’d achieved and the sweet connection I finally had to the vastness of the Universe was the greatest thing I’d ever felt.
Peace. For the first time in my life, I knew peace. And embraced it with my entire soul.
I soared on, dipping into the next plane on my list. I’d covered a great deal of ground since I’d become drach, spending the majority of my days doing just this—searching out the parts of Creator I knew we had to find to keep our Universe safe. Grid by grid, plane by plane, with the full assistance of Max and the other drach, we slowly and carefully sought the most precious of items.
To no avail. I found it oddly amusing I was the only one who didn’t seem to find the search frustrating. Even Max—though his drach name sang in my head more often than not, old habits, and names, died hard—expressed occasional irritation at the prolonged search. But I found it comforting, the daily hunt, the quiet of the veil, the touch of Creator every time I passed through the edge and into another plane.
I couldn’t bring myself to feel disappointment. Not now. Maybe not ever again.
Sydlynn. The word rang in my mind, the drach translation more authentic to me than the human spoken name. I knew Max did his best to maintain my identity through the language of the drach, but I wondered if it was for his benefit or mine.
I sang his true name back to him joyfully, because I could. I’m almost done with my search for the day.
As are we. I felt his companion with him soaring in his periphery. Jiao’s serpentine, crimson shape shimmered with multicolored scales dominantly red and royal blue and vibrant green, long whiskers flickering in the breeze of the plane they flew over, her brightness a counterpoint to the shimmering diamond reflection of Max’s hide. How had I ever thought the drach were gray? How had I missed the glittering undertone of crystalline perfection? Human sight. So lacking.
The mental image refocused to the glitter of his diamond eyes as our minds connected fully. The encompassing presence of the drach race flew with him, surrounding me with the soft song of our people, flooding my heart with such calm and peace I struggled, as always, to prevent tears from rising to the surface.
Yes, I missed my family, my children, the life I left behind. But, if they only knew how amazing this existence could be, the purity of being…
How could I ever go back?
Simple. I never would. Yes, I had a job to do, a task to fulfil. And I intended to do so. Reassembling Creator’s statue, stopping Liander Belaisle from destroying our Universe by opening it to Dark Brother and the Order was my absolute priority. Saving the planes so the inhabitants of those planes could live on, be the masters of their own choices, their own destinies, that was my calling.
How simple things seemed to me now.
I exhaled into the icy air of the plane of my current search, the touch of Creator only in the membrane of the veil as I ducked through and out again, while Max’s mind calmly observed.
You are content, Sydlynn? His question was familiar. Because he asked it every single day. And every day I gave the same response.
This is how things are supposed to be. The old me would have been angry by now, to be questioned so frequently, as though he didn’t believe I could embrace my life. But instead I found myself laughing at him as I always did while showing him the joy in my heart.
Why did that make him sad?
We will meet you at the Stronghold, he sent, before gently releasing me.
I pondered his seeming lack of enthusiasm for my happiness as I checked the final five planes on my list. I flew gracefully and effortlessly over a dead landscape of burned out forest and dying grasslands, through a pink sunset across a patch of soaring mountains topped with orange snow. As my gaze skimmed over a wide river alive with massive, leaping fish with human eyes, I searched not only for Creator’s pieces, but for any trace of regret in my heart.
It should have been there, perhaps. Was that why Max was so sad? Should I be feeling guilt, grief, loss, emptiness? I simply couldn’t comprehend such emotions, not while my wings snapped against the currents of air, my long neck curving when I slipped through the veil, body spinning in absolute joy as I barrel rolled my delight over the leaping fish.
I’d let go of everything and everyone when I left the plane of my birth. Including the maji to whom I belonged, in favor of the bloodline of the drach. And, in doing so, I seemed to have erased all need to return to those I’d once clung to in desperation and longing.
How curious this lack of regret. I sighed into the quiet darkness and winged for home. The Stronghold felt more like a place to call by that name than any house or dorm room I’d once inhabited. As I slipped through the veil and into the once dead plane, dipping over the surface of the endless, stone castle, its walls r
eaching far into the distance, much further than I’d ever imagined as a maji, I realized at last what troubled Max. Not that I had no regrets. But the fact I’d swung so far in the opposite direction.
Once there would have been voices to talk this conundrum over with. Three of them, one quiet, one full of fire, and a third with the delicacy of a princess. Once. Not these days, though. And maybe that should have bothered me, too.
I settled on the wall, transforming into human shape as I touched down. Instead of proceeding inside immediately, I leaned over the stone and looked down at the lush, green grass of the meadow, the happily burbling river. My actions had woken the sleeping plane many years ago, the downfall of Belaisle and the dark prophecy allowing this place to wake at last.
Max’s presence during my contemplation didn’t surprise me. Yes, he lived here, too. But he seemed to follow me around with a hangdog expression at times, as though anticipating some kind of breakdown on my behalf. Which meant his heavy silence was about as familiar as he joined me in looking out over the thriving plane.
You worry I’ve forgotten who I was. He was right. It was easy to forget, the notion I should reach out and find the voices of the girls. The reason for their silence slipped away as quickly as it had risen.
The woman you were, he sent, soft and contemplative, shaped this Universe in ways even I could not have foreseen. And I fear her loss is our loss.
I turned to face him, hurt waking in my quiet heart. You begrudge me this happiness? He, of all people, who’d lived more lifetimes than any other in all creation. Surely he understood.
Never, he sent, diamond eyes more beautiful, more vibrant, color intensity increasing with his emotional state. But with each passing day I fear for our Universe. He looked out again, tall and powerful and so still he appeared like a shining statue. When he spoke out loud, I jumped slightly. “You have earned happiness, Syd. But you must know the Universe isn’t done with you yet.”