Now that he had nothing left to distract him, his mind went immediately back to Lucy. With the thought of her came a wave of self-disgust so powerful, he wanted to break something with his bare hands. He’d severely fucked up tonight. Going to Bryant Park to check up on her, his intention had been to keep a safe distance, just to make sure no one bothered her. At least, that’s what he’d told himself. If he was honest for two seconds, he would admit he’d been starving for the very sight of her. Then she’d been so close, lying in the grass, nighttime falling around her. She’d looked so damn beautiful in her dress, a content smile on her lips, he’d had no choice but to get closer. As if he’d been magnetized.
She hadn’t been smiling for long, though. In typical Matt fashion, he’d found a way to ruin her night and break the trust she’d given him so freely. What he’d done to her in the park had been a form of torture, especially for a responsive, uninhibited girl like Lucy.
One look at her had rattled the chains he’d wrapped around his needs, tempting his inner demons to the surface. Demons that belonged in the past, but refused to stay there. He hadn’t been able to get a handle on them or consider the consequences before he’d twisted her dishonesty into permission to punish her. By withholding her pleasure, he’d made her feel ashamed, or worse, ridiculed. Completely inexcusable. Lucy had nothing to do with his past or what it had done to him.
What she didn’t realize is, demons or not, he wouldn’t have been able to hold out much longer. He’d been desperate to feel her climax around his fingers.
Matt rubbed the back of his neck impatiently. The rational part of him insisted her outraged reaction was a good thing. In one fell swoop, he’d guaranteed she wouldn’t come on to him ever again. She’d stop examining his body with those sea-glass eyes, as if she wanted to tear his clothes off at the first opportunity. Stop begging him with her body language for a repeat performance of their afternoon in the motel room. Hopefully, she’d decide she’d had enough fun dabbling in his world and move on.
Right?
Fuck no. Those were all mistruths he told himself in an attempt to make them stick. To appease the conscience that told him over and over again, you are not right for her. Or anyone. He’d proven that tonight, hadn’t he? Yet despite all that, what he really wanted, so badly his hands shook, was to go back in time and give her that orgasm. The kind that made her thighs clench and her words slur. The fact that he’d let her walk away unsatisfied made him feel like a caged animal. It might be fucked up, it might be completely off base, but he’d somehow taken mental responsibility for Lucy. Her pleasure. Mine. I didn’t satisfy what is mine.
It was dangerous to think of her in those terms, because it could never happen. Look at how his control deserted him in her presence. He’d been down that road, watched people he’d known so well turn on him, look at him like a stranger. His messed-up past could never touch her. She saw him as one of her adventures and nothing else. While there was still time, he should walk away. Stop making excuses to see her. Touch her.
Instead, he found his ESU truck making the turn toward the Upper West Side, rather than downtown where he lived. The second he made the unconscious decision, he felt relief rush through him, which quickly became a low, steady simmering of heat underneath his skin. One more time. Just one more time so he could correct the error in judgment he’d made earlier. He wouldn’t be able to sleep or eat or concentrate until he gave Lucy what he’d unwisely deprived her of underneath that blanket. His mind rebelled against any other outcome.
She needs me.
That thought overrode every warning in his head. She’s too clean. Too bright. You’ll taint her. She’s Brent’s sister and you’re seriously overstepping your bounds. Leave her alone.
She needs me.
Fuck it, I need her, too.
Matt parked his vehicle outside the town house and took the steps two at a time. He paused briefly at the door, giving himself a moment to accept what going to her like this meant. It meant he wanted her despite the lie. It meant he would no longer have the right to hold it against her. It meant a giant fuck you to doing the right thing.
Already he was battling his body’s demands and he couldn’t think past them. For several long, anxious seconds, he didn’t think she was going to answer the door, until he saw a shadow pass in front of the peephole. Then silence. She didn’t want to open the door. His throat went tight over the realization.
“Let me in, Lucy.” Jesus, he barely recognized his own voice. It sounded like he’d swallowed razor blades.
Nothing. She didn’t respond and he heard no movement. He racked his brain, trying to remember some stray drop of knowledge he’d learned from Daniel’s and Brent’s headlong dives into couple-hood. Anything that could help him here. Then it came to him. Sorry. Men were always forgetting to just apologize. Hadn’t he been the one to tell Brent that?
“I’m so damn sorry, baby.” He sighed against the hard wood. “Open the door for me. I have to see you.”
A lock turned and very slowly the door opened. Lucy stood before him in a white nightshirt that barely reached her thighs. Her eyes were puffy. From sleep or crying? His heart seized at the idea it could be the latter. Barefoot, hair tumbling around her cheeks, she looked so achingly fragile, he wanted to fall on his knees and bury his face against her skin. Absorb her warmth and give her his own in return.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, the wary note in her voice hitting him square in the stomach.
Matt didn’t have the words. He rarely did. Everything had stayed locked up inside his head so long, he didn’t know how to say the right thing anymore. So he braced his arm on the doorjamb and leaned in close, thanking God when her lips parted in awareness. He hadn’t managed to obliterate her attraction to him, at least. “I’m sorry, Lucy.” He took a chance and let his mouth graze hers gently. “I’m so sorry.”
Her breath hitched as she swayed closer. “For what?”
“Not making you feel good when you needed it.” He traced her lower lip with his tongue. “Let me in so I can fix it.”
“Matt,” she started, shaking her head. He was losing her, so he took it a step further. Couldn’t afford to let her say no. He hooked one finger in the front of her low-rider panties and tugged her closer, satisfied when her eyelids drooped. “You probably shouldn’t come in.”
“No?” His hand coasted over her belly, then lower so his knuckle could run just under the edge of her underwear. “If you don’t let me in, how am I going to find out if you’re sweet all over?”
Seeing that he’d distracted her with that question, he backed her into the town house and kicked the door shut behind him.
“How do you intend to find that out?”
She knew. Matt could tell by the way her eyes challenged him from underneath her lashes. She just wanted to hear him say it. Christ, this girl made him hot. Somehow innocent, tempting, and challenging all at the same time. The wariness was still there, too, instilling a renewed urgency in him to replace the trepidation in her eyes with passion.
Her breasts were outlined by her thin T-shirt, alerting him to the fact that she didn’t wear a bra. They rose and fell with her quickening breaths as she watched his face. A desire to get her out of that T-shirt so he could suck and lick his way over every inch of her gorgeous body burned everything else out of his universe. He realized his thoughts must be showing on his face because her own expression shifted, clouded with need.
Without wasting another moment, Matt brought his mouth down on hers. Goddamn. A groan ripped from his throat. He hadn’t kissed her earlier and the feel of her lips brought on a fresh wave of heat. He’d forgotten what it felt like to slide his tongue along hers, feel her plump lips fall open to accommodate him. Kissing Lucy felt like breathing. He didn’t have to think about it. They simply moved together, instinct taking over.
Reluctantly, he broke away to let her catch her breath. Already, his cock felt like it was being strangled in his pants. As she s
ucked in oxygen, he spoke against her lips.
“You going to give me a nice little taste, Lucy?”
Instead of answering, she threaded her fingers through his hair and tugged him down for another searing kiss. Matt cupped her bottom in his hands and boosted her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. Immediately, she squeezed him and began a hot little writhing motion that had him stopping to press her up against the nearest wall, to give her three quick pumps of his hips.
“Hottest fuck of my life,” he growled into her neck. “Can’t think of a goddamn thing but getting back inside you. What did you do to me?”
No, he couldn’t get lost in her like this. Tonight was about giving her what he’d deprived her of in the park. He couldn’t wait to give it to her. With a growl, he yanked her off the wall and walked her into the living room. He broke their kiss to lay her on the nearest surface, an oversize ottoman in the opulent living room. God bless the girl, she tore her own shirt over her head, jostling her curls so they fell over one eye, making her look like a Playboy pinup instead of an accordion-playing grad student. She looked up at him, all swollen lips, upturned breasts, and excited green eyes, and his heart tripped all over itself.
If I’m not careful, she’s going to rip me wide open.
When her fingers started working his belt buckle, he came back to himself. He took his shirt by the hem and discarded it on the floor. On hands and knees he prowled over her until she was forced onto her back, hands knocked loose from his belt. “No, no. I know you’d suck me so good. But my mouth will be giving the pleasure tonight.”
He gave a long lick of her pert nipple and she moaned. “Twist my arm, why don’t you?”
Matt trailed his tongue between her breasts, taking the other nipple between his lips and sucking, humming in his throat to send vibrations through her body. When her back arched, fingernails cutting into his shoulders, he trailed his touch up the inside of her thighs. They fell open for him, a show of submission that made him pulse with heat. With pride.
When he began to massage Lucy through her already-damp panties, she nearly came off the ottoman. “Matt. Oh my God.”
“Did you touch yourself here when you got home, baby girl? Maybe watch a little porn to pick up where my fingers left off?”
She blushed, but shook her head frantically on the soft surface. “No.”
Thank God. He’d wanted to be the one. “Tell me why.”
“I don’t know, I…” Her eyes squeezed shut. “I didn’t want to give in to it. Didn’t want to admit you got to me.”
Would this girl ever stop surprising him? He shoved the material of her underwear aside and traced her seam with his middle finger. Damp. Beautiful. “But I do get to you. Don’t I?”
“Yes,” she whispered, slaying him. “I get to you, too.”
He felt transparent in that moment, as though she could see right past his defenses. It alarmed him, forced him into motion again before she could say something else and strip him completely. Taking one final suck of her delicious breast, he began dragging his tongue down her belly. It shuddered underneath his treatment, her navel dipping in time with hot little gasps. Without taking his lips from her warming skin, he slid her panties down her legs, finally baring her completely.
“Look at you, spreading your legs for a kiss.” He pushed two fingers into her heat, swearing under his breath at the slickness of her arousal. She threw her head back, hips lifting and falling, just as uninhibited as he remembered. “The first time I tongue you into coming, it’s going to be an apology. The second time will be a reward for waiting.” He fell to his knees and took his first intoxicating taste of Lucy. A growl worked its way free of his chest. “The third time is going to be because I fucking love to hear you scream.”
“Matt. Now. Please!”
He wanted to take his time, but he couldn’t stop once he got started. The way she whimpered his name as his tongue circled her clit made him feel like a god. In an effort to get close as humanly possible, he threw her legs over his shoulders and focused on turning her world upside down. When her thighs began to clench and shake around his ears, he drew his middle finger in and out of her entrance, sucking with increasing pressure on that bundle of nerves that would get her off. His cock was pressed against the ottoman, hips pumping rhythmically as he imagined fucking her, being surrounded by all that tight heat.
After a few too-brief moments, she dug her nails into his hair and tugged, her flesh spasming against his mouth. “Oh my God. It’s so good. So good.”
He continued his ministrations, but kept his eyes on her bucking body as she came. Lucy getting off was the most unbelievable sight he could remember. He’d feared her becoming an addiction, and he saw now that his concern had been more than warranted. His own condition was rapidly deteriorating, sending him into madness. Hunger pumped madly in his veins. He wouldn’t give in to the impulse to climb on top of her body and ride her until he got tired of hearing his name screamed at the ceiling. As in, never. He wouldn’t. This was for her. Only her.
When she settled down, Matt reached up with one hand and trailed his fingertips over her breast. “You are sweet all over, aren’t you? Your mouth. Your nipples.” Gently, he bit the inside of her thigh before licking away the sting. “Your pussy.” His tongue found her center again, flicking her sensitive clitoris gently. “I like hearing you beg, baby. Do it again.”
She moaned, taking her own hair in restless fists. “That was…I mean, holy—”
“Lucy.” Matt pushed and dragged his painful erection against the side of the ottoman. “Again.”
“No.” She tried to sit up. “Come up here with me.”
He pushed her thighs open with a growl. “Yes. I’d like another one, please. That’s the correct response.”
For one emotionally charged moment, she only watched him through hooded eyes, as if she might protest again. Until he savored her in a long, hard lick. Her body shuddered, knees falling wide once more. “Y-yes. I’d like another one, pleas— Oh, God.”
Chapter Nine
Lucy woke with a start when her internal studio audience began chanting her name, softly at first, then louder and louder. As if she’d done something to earn their approval. But what? Her eyes flew open, the events of the evening crashing through her memory like a rhinoceros in the jungle. Matt showing up at her door looking anguished. Hungry. Him pleasuring her from his knees her until her vocal cords went raw. He’d basically sent her into an orgasm coma. Should that fact cause her embarrassment or make her feel like a rock star?
Her studio audience immediately ceased chanting her name and started in with rock star, rock star, rock star! She felt her lips tilt up in a satisfied grin. Damn straight, rock star. Call her Mick Jagger because—
Someone shifted behind her in the gigantic guest bed and Lucy stifled a squeak of panic. A heavy arm slipped around her midsection, rugged male stubble scraping her neck, accompanied by a satisfied noise. A clean scent filled her nose, mouthwateringly masculine. It calmed her, even as it made her belly flutter with sudden nerves. Matt had stayed over last night? She didn’t remember him carrying her to bed, nor had she let herself think past their stolen moments together. Not with Matt, who continued to be elusive.
Despite his attempt to punish her in the park, she’d quickly transitioned from anger to a puddle of trembling need. Something that seemed to happen frequently where Matt was concerned. She’d heard the rawness in his voice and had no choice but to open the door. His expression as he’d stood silhouetted by the streetlamp had been her final undoing. Regret had been a living thing written all over his face. Before she’d formed a rational thought, he’d been touching her, kissing her, talking to her in a hushed, overtly sexual manner that gave her goose bumps every time it whispered through her mind. Instead of giving him hell like she’d planned on doing if they ever crossed paths again, she’d spread her thighs quicker than a Pilates instructor.
She didn’t know what it meant that he’d
never, at any point last night, taken his own pleasure. She’d been more than willing to give it to him, remembered telling him so explicitly on more than one occasion, in fact. Yet he’d continued to deny himself, even though he’d been noticeably aroused. As in, wood for days. However, orgasms notwithstanding, they hadn’t actually talked about what seemed to keep happening between them, so in the light of day, last night felt kind of like one of those dreams that leaves you feeling anxious and confused about its meaning.
His hips pushed against her bottom then, thoroughly distracting her. Arousal laced through her when she felt his erection, throbbing and insistent behind her. Since he hadn’t spoken, she didn’t know if he was awake or if his body did all the talking. His muscled arm tightened, drawing her back against his chest, grinding his hips slowly, melting her into a sensual puddle. She felt him shift, then the sound of a foil rapper being ripped open. His hand slipped between their bodies to roll on a condom.
“Going to fuck you now, Lucy,” he growled into her hair.
Her breath caught. “About time.”
His hand traced up her throat to her jaw and squeezed. “Watch the way you speak to me.”
A furious beat began pounding within Lucy. How many sides were there to this man? Cherishing one minute, demanding the next. She couldn’t keep up, yet both sides did incredible things to her. At the movie last night, she’d been upset over his using her lie as a reason to withhold pleasure, but up to that point the delayed gratification had been a huge turn-on. Even after what they’d done so far, she suspected he was still holding back. She wanted more…all of it.
“I’m sorry,” she heard herself say, the sound of her hoarse apology somehow turning her on even more. So did the fact that she hadn’t actually seen his face yet, only heard his voice, felt his body. It felt like an erotic fantasy, except her body’s reactions told her she was most definitely wide-awake.
Staking His Claim (A Line of Duty Novel) (Entangled Brazen) Page 8