by Gray, A L
"No." I snap while gritting my teeth. God he's so annoying!
"Get on the floor on all fours Anile." He orders deadpan.
"What?" I gasp.
"You heard me - or did my clear English fall through your ears?"
"Fuck no! I am not a dog Elijah!"
"Do it or I will make you." He smiles viciously.
Is this a game or is he being serious?
"No!" I say, elongating 'no'. I am now ready for his punishment, I do not care anymore. If we are going to be in a relationship I have to endure his darkness fully.
He unexpectedly grabs my arms with full force. He pushes me back until my legs meet his sofa. We stand still; he's still grasping me. I say nothing; I am so prepared he has no idea. I feel anger beat in rhythm with my heart but I contain myself.
"On all fours or I will spank you Anile." He warns.
He's just inches away from my face. I don't fear him - I'm high off of Darks flu and vodka!
"I tell you what," I smile darkly, "if you let me spank you, you can spank me. I will get on all fours willingly while you spank me, and I'll even count for you."
"What?" He gasps; he's shocked.
"You heard me." I say.
He releases my arms. The longing hits me, right where my heart is - stay focused Anile!
"Have you ever been spanked before Elijah?" I ask.
He frowns and starts blinking rapidly. He thrashes his hand through his locks. He looks nervous. He lowers himself onto the sofa, slowly, questioning himself.
"No."
"Well, we have something in common. How can you spank me if you do not know whether it will hurt me?"
He shakes his head - damn he's so confused. I have got him for sure this time. He rises to his feet, he looks totally pissed!
"Anile, get on all fours now!" He screams with tense arms and while blood shot eyes.
"No!" I scream right back at him. My arms are tight - I'm ready to hit this mother fucker!
He grabs something from behind one of the green cushions. Fuck, what the hell is that? I stare wide-eyed. It looks like a white bat that's made from leather! He hits the fireplace with the bat and a loud slapping sound fills the vast living area. I jump back a few steps but I try desperately to hold my own.
"I am ordering you on your fucking knees!" He tries once more with animalistic eyes.
"No." I say calmly.
He starts shaking like a mad man. I don't know if he's angry with me or himself.
"Elijah, what the hell is wrong with you?" I take one step towards him, my hand held out to him.
"I feel sick. I feel fucking sick. My chest hurts; my tummy hurts; I cannot eat; I cannot sleep - you have made me fucking ill!" He screams with tears in his red eyes.
I start to tremble, my hands involuntarily shake.
"Elijah." I whisper softly. I reach out to him again but he swiftly takes my arm and throws me on the sofa. He climbs atop of me and grasps my face with too much force - he's hurting me but it's nothing compared to the pain I have endured the past week. He just stares at me. His eyes look wild, he looks lost inside himself. My heart is pounding so damn hard that I feel like I'm going to pass out.
"I'm not scared of you." I whisper breathless. I take his hand in mine and just hold it while he grips my face.
"You should be." He says nastily.
He grits his teeth while his nostrils flair. I don't know what the hell has happened to him but I fear I have now broken him altogether.
"You would never hurt me; you told me you wouldn't - I trust you." I feel a lump in my throat. Tears try to break free of my eyes. No, stay cool Anile - you have got this.
He closes his eyes tight. He's defeated. He climbs off of me and sits beside me. I gently pick myself up. I sit beside him, still like stone.
"Anile, why do I feel like this?" He asks. He leans his elbows on his knees. He cups his face.
"Elijah, this is what it feels like to love someone." I say affectionately.
He quickly looks up at me. His eyes are crazy. "If this is what it feels like then I do not want to love you!"
Chapter Sixteen
I GET TO my feet faster than lightning. I am angry, so fucking angry!
"You don't want to love me? Well shall I leave?" I snap. My hands are curled into fists; my teeth are practically growling on their own - this Bastard!
"You are not good for me Anile, you have made me ill." He says low.
"I'm not good enough for you." I say breathless. "Well do you want me to leave you?" I gasp.
He shakes his head while peering up at me. "I don't know. I don't want to feel alone, I don't want my damn chest to hurt Anile!" He says serious. He's grasping his knees with too much force - he's almost as angry as I am.
"Well now you know how it fucking feels!" I scream while pointing a firm finger at him. "You left me for an entire week before - left me in the dark and fucked off with Jezebel! You left me without so much as a courtesy call Elijah. Everything is not on your terms. You may be smart when it comes to games and the art of alluring, but I am smart when it comes to feelings and making things work. I am not just here for your entertainment, I am a fucking person."
"I did not sleep with Jezebel." He says while lowering his head.
"Then why do you look so guilty? Hmmm?"
"Because she has gone missing."
Oh, that's news to me. "Well where the hell is she?"
He stares up at me looking like Zeus. His pink lips are in a grim line. His thick raven eyebrows are in a deep frown. He rises to his feet with tense arms.
"If I knew where she was then she wouldn't be fucking missing!"
"I'm sorry Elijah but that is not my problem, you are!" I say crossing my arms.
"Oh, so I am a problem now?" He says with raised eyebrows. His head is hunched so he can look down at me - he's trying to intimidate me but it isn't working.
"No, not a problem - 'the' problem. What the hell do you want? Do you want to be with me or do you want to fuck? It's a simple question."
"I don't want to feel pain."
"Neither do I, so stop with the games; stop with the dick contests. Trust that everything I do, I do it for you."
He sighs while rubbing his forehead. He looks confused again - what the bloody hell is wrong with this man?
"Where do we go from here?" He whispers.
"What do you want Elijah? It is a simple question." I say exhausted.
"I do not want pain."
"Neither do I. You were only hurt because I told you to leave - it's not real pain, it's missing someone. I feel it all the time when you leave without so much as one word."
"You do?" He asks frowning, still holding his stupid head.
"Yes Elijah. I thought you would have noticed." I mentally deflate. Boy oh boy he is one damaged cookie.
"You always seem so strong. I know I make you feel off balance but you still always seem strong."
"Do I?" My face is screwed up like an old twenty-pound note. How the hell did he come to that conclusion? Koalemos is definitely in the building. I was strong, before him. I was independent, strong minded, witty; I was everything I am not now.
He doesn't answer me, he just appears to have lost all account of how to speak.
"Elijah, do you want this - us?" I motion my hands between us.
He blinks rapidly, "does it always hurt like this?"
I smile fondly, "no - it doesn't always hurt like this." I lower my head - now I'm confused. "It's strange how you know everything about sex, women, money, games, and nothing of making things function properly. Whereas I know how to make us work; you just have to want it bad enough - want it as much as I do Elijah."
He smiles fondly, his mood rapidly changing. He lowers his hand and places both of them in his pockets.
"That is why we are good for each other. We can help one another," he says soft, "I want you Anile."
"That is all I need to know. Let me carry you Elijah, let me take care of you emotionally."
; "I do not want to hurt you Anile; I do not want to ruin your innocence - and I also do not want to hurt anymore. The pain that's been living in my chest, it's too much." He says decrepit.
"I am not a child." I smile weakly, "a great man once told me that everyone has to suffer in order to achieve. And I will suffer to save you Elijah."
"Who gave you that awful advice?" He smiles tenderly with watery eyes.
"God knows." I try to joke, knowing damn well it was him.
I step towards him - he doesn't move away. I take his hands out of his pockets. I open them fully and kiss his palms, one after the other. "Elijah I know we need to talk... but I'm really tired. I haven't slept properly for so long; can we rest and talk some more later?" I say.
"I would like that, I have not slept for days either." He says while gazing down at our hands.
I take his face in my hands. I move his lips away from mine and for the first time ever, he allows me to touch his face properly. I kiss his cheek, tenderly.
"Come, let's nap on the sofa." I say.
"Don't you want to go upstairs to my bed? It's much more comfy."
"After today, I cannot manage another minute on my feet. The sofa is good."
He sighs while biting down on his lower lip. He peers down at me with soft eyes.
"Okay, the sofa it is."
Holy shit that was easy! Maybe I should maintain my bullish persona to keep him in check!
He wraps his arms around me, squeezing me tightly. He clutches at the hem of my T-shirt. I hold him gently, fitting my face between his shoulder and his cheek. He inhales my scent before pulling me down on top of him. I get comfortable. I don't want to be anywhere else but here. We lay still on the sofa and I listen to his breathing, in softly, out softly. My eyes feel heavy, as does my brain. I become comatose, desperately hoping to wake to a better day with Elijah.
I WAKE TO THE beaming sun shining through the huge windows, penetrating my eyelids carelessly. No Elijah though and I'm gutted, I was looking forward to waking to his beautiful face. He's covered me with a soft fluffy cream blanket. I stretch out, feeling sort of achy.
"Elijah?" I call out in a croaky morning voice. There is no reply.
I still feel mentally comatose; the last few weeks have taken their toll on me. I should have reacted badly to Elijah yesterday - why didn't I? Maybe it was the shock of it all, and my desire to save him from himself. He is seriously dark, I don't think I have ever met anyone as dark as him. The sheer thought of him doing Satanic rituals really gives me a sense of fiendishness. I don't like it at all and if I have anything to do with it, he will get out of being a Freemason - no matter the cost.
After waiting for fifteen minutes with butterflies fluttering around my tummy at his absence, I decide to get up off of the sofa. I hold my head with tenderness once my feet are set on the floor. I feel very hangover - I only drank a few damn shots of vodka! I rub my head, gently. I really need to stop drinking. Before I moved to London I hardly drank. It just goes to show how people are affected by habits in mass amounts. And to top my hangover, I'm so damn sweaty - I need a shower and a change of clothes.
I pull my phone free from my bag. I aim to call Elijah but I find two text's; one from Sophie and shockingly one from Elijah. I frown deeply while reading.
From: Sophie
Hey Honey, I hope you are okay, I haven't heard anything from you. I am on my way back to your place - I need to see you - hopefully you will be there. If you are not there, I'll use your spare key, hope you don't mind. Love you. x
Um Honey! You have not heard from me because I'm still pissed with you! Ugh, she is almost as dense as Elijah!
From: Elijah
Anile, I am sorry but I had to leave early - something important came up. It was intoxicating sleeping next to you, I can still smell you on me. Stay at my place and wait for me, I will be back as soon as I possibly can. Breakfast is prepared for you in the kitchen, make sure you eat it otherwise you will find yourself with a sore arse!
I smile at his sweetness - it was intoxicating sleeping next to you too Darks. I cannot stay here all day though, I have things that I need to do - like find a new place to live!
To: Elijah
It was not so pleasant waking up alone when I expected company - but I am sure I can replace you in no time ;-)
No to the housebound order - yes to the food. Until tonight. x
I smile knowing he will be annoyed by my firm mind. These kind of games are okay - for me anyway. I will not let him rule me. I have just removed one-hundred and eighty pounds of alpha male from my life - my father - so I do not need a replacement!
My phone pings and I laugh knowing it's Elijah - but I only laugh for a few seconds.
From: Elijah
Anile, Princess, if you do not stay put, I will be forced to tie you up and gag you for the full effect of my promise, and spank you for every hour you spend outside of my house.
Also, if I ever catch you with another man, you and he will feel the full wrath of me.
Stay put, and I mean it - that is an order.
To: Elijah
Bla, bla, bla - see you soon. x
I promise myself that I will not text him back. I grab my converse and slip into them. I start making my way to the kitchen but his reply is instant and I have come to the realization and acceptance that I have zero self-control when it comes to him.
From: Elijah
I invented this game, and also the ending. If you want to play, please continue but do not come crying to me when you lose Princess. x
His quick and firm reply annoys me. What game is he referring to? Hmmm? I stop in his living area and allocate five minutes on setting him straight.
To: Elijah
I will be gone all today and tomorrow. See you Monday; that is if I decide, NOT, to work from home. You cannot order me around, I am not your submissive. Until Monday - MAYBE. x
I cannot contain myself at my response, I burst out laughing, but stop when I think, would he really tie me up and gag me or is he joking? Holy moly! When will you learn your lesson lady? Once you have the scars of his promise? I take a huge gulp, maybe I should get out of here quickly.
I quickly forget breakfast. I leave the house and welcome the warm sun as I step outside of the front door. It's a beautiful day, and about time too!
Elijah's driver is standing beside his car. Does he just wait around all damn day? Jeez that job must be boring as hell. He looks dapper in his totally black suit - even his shirt is black! I never get the chance to see his eye colour, his eyes are too small for his head - I think they are dark brown. He is cute and so young, but extremely tall and built like a horse.
"Good morning Miss Gooden." He says with a warm smile. He's smoking and the smell of the cigarette smoke sparks my temptation.
"Good morning Sir. I don't suppose I could steal a cig could I?"
He frowns with his thin eyebrows. "I don't think Mr. Darks would like that Miss."
"It can be our little secret." I smile fondly. I lean against the car - mirroring him.
He weakly pulls a cigarette free from his Silk Cut Blue box. He passes it to me, along with a petrol lighter. His fingers are trembling, I almost want to laugh. The power of Mr. Darks is potent to us all. I light it up and inhale deeply. Hmmm, the rush of nicotine to my brain feels good, calming. I close my eyes to properly enjoy this. I haven't smoked in such a while, I forgot how good it feels to have something help with my anxiety.
"Does Mr. Darks scare you?" I ask before I even register my words.
He turns to face me. He stares wide-eyed. "No Miss, I just know he has a need for control and I don't like to test him."
"Huh, I see. Sorry, I won't tell him about the cigarette, I promise." I shrug my shoulders angelically.
"That is much appreciated Miss." He turns away from me again, looking extremely uncomfortable. He crosses his arms and oozes army power.
"You are very welcome. If you don't mind, could you take me to my place
please?"
"Um, Miss Gooden, Mr. Darks would like you to stay here for the day, just until he returns."
"How can he return if his driver," I point at him, "you, are here?"
He swallows and looks confused, peering down at me from the side. "He has another driver Miss."
I huff in annoyance, knowing damn well Elijah is doing this on purpose - two can play that game. I stand in front of him, arms crossed just like his. He raises his eyebrows like, 'what on earth are you doing'?
"If you will not take me home I will just call a taxi." I stare him down.
"Miss Gooden, there is no need to call a taxi because your car is here, but Mr. Darks would like you to stay here until he returns."
"I will not take 'his' car," I elongate 'his', "I will call a taxi if you will not offer me a lift, Sir."
I am not allowing Elijah to control my every move - this is just for fun, for today anyway; I will take the damn car tomorrow. I try my very best not to smile because I know his driver is testing me.
He frowns, questioning my prompt decision but thankfully he caves as he opens the back passenger door for me.
I flick my cigarette onto the ground and slide in.
"Thank you, Sir."
He smiles as he shuts the door and I have to admit, I feel triumphant.
"What is your name?" I ask as he seats himself at the steering wheel of the Bentley.
He turns to face me, "my name is Jonathan, Miss."
"An impeccable name for an impeccably dressed man." I try to joke but he is firm and businesslike, giving nothing away.
"Straight home?" He asks in an all too grumpy voice. Jeez, what is it with men today, can they not have a joke? I should have stated 'pun-intended' just to really piss him off.
"Yes, please."
I sit back, enjoying the smell of Elijah lingering in the car and just relax, listening to Rihanna, Hate That I Love You - how ironic.
WE PULL UP at the curb of my apartment and I'm star struck to find Police everywhere - and an Ambulance - all covering the double yellow lines just across from Jonathan and I. The day is stunning and beautiful, sunny and warm. Green city trees, blooming plants hung outside of peoples apartments - the day almost started out so perfectly!