by Angel Hunter
“Welcome. Praise the Lord. God Bless you.” People approached her left and right. All this attention brought tears to Susan’s eyes.
Damn, she thought. Here I am getting all emotional. She glanced around and found a seat in the back of the church. She sat down and closed her eyes while she listened to the choir. Susan started to cry because she found herself moved by the emotion and the depth of the lead singer’s voice.
“Are you okay?” the man next to her asked. “Do you need a fan or some water?”
“No, no thank you. I’m fine. I’m just, I’m just . . .” She couldn’t finish.
He took her hand in his and told her, “The Lord knows and understands all. You heard what the preacher said. Cast all your cares upon him.”
Susan removed her hand from his and thanked him. She looked up at the preacher as he said, “Be not anxious for anything, but by prayer and persistence . . .” Prayer and persistence, Susan repeated to herself. She was going to put prayer in her life and be persistent about becoming whole again.
When church was over, she was headed toward her car when someone called out her name. She turned around and saw that it was Crystal.
“What are you doing here?” they both asked at the same time.
“I don’t know,” Susan told her. “Heck, with all that’s been going on in my life, who better to turn to than God?”
“I know that’s right. Do you want to go get something to eat?” Crystal asked.
“Your mother is in town, right?”
Crystal rolled her eyes.
“It’s like that?” Susan asked.
“It’s worse. Let’s talk about it over lunch.”
Susan could feel Crystal’s despair. “Let me call my house and let Timothy know I won’t be right home.”
She pulled out her cell phone and dialed the number. “Hey baby, me and Crystal are going to grab a bite to eat. Yeah . . . yeah . . . love you too.” Susan hung up. “Where to?”
“Perkins?” Crystal suggested.
“Perkins it is.”
When they arrived at the restaurant, Crystal proceeded to tell Susan about her mother’s visit.
She should have known something was up when her mom told her she would catch a cab from the airport.
“Are you sure?” Crystal asked, silently thanking her because it gave her time to clean up and run to the gym.
“Yeah, baby, Mommy’s sure.”
That should have been the second clue. Her mother was never one to be overly sweet, calling her baby and all. That definitely wasn’t her style.
When her mother arrived, she didn’t have any bags.
“Where are your bags?” Crystal wanted to know.
“At the hotel.”
“At the hotel? What are you talking about? You’re staying here with me. Why would you want to stay at a hotel?”
Mrs. Gem didn’t answer her.
Standing back, Crystal said, “Okay, Mom. What’s up?”
“What do you mean what’s up?”
“Something’s not right,” Crystal told her.
“Let’s go inside,” Mrs. Gem said. “We need to talk.”
They walked through the door and Mrs. Gem glanced around. “I see you made some changes with your décor. How about you give me a tour?”
“Mom, what do you want to talk about? What’s going on?” Crystal had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Her mother moved toward the couch. “Let’s have a seat,” she said.
They did.
“I’m staying at a hotel because I brought someone with me,” Mrs. Gem revealed.
“A man?”
“Yes, a man, and not just any man. He’s someone I care for very deeply.”
This wasn’t as bad as Crystal thought.
“Mom, that’s wonderful. Why didn’t you bring him with you?” Her mother had been alone for as long as she could remember. “When can I meet him?”
Clearing her throat, Mrs. Gem said, “You already know him.”
“I already know him? What do you mean I already know him? Who—” Crystal stopped speaking when she saw the look on her mother’s face.
Mrs. Gem folded her hands in her lap. “I’m tired of hiding this from you. I wanted to tell you for quite some time.”
“Spill it, Mother. You’re scaring me.”
“Trevor Newton.”
“Trevor Newton.” Crystal repeated the name. “Trevor Newton.” Then suddenly it hit her. It hit her so hard that she started to hyperventilate.
“Bags, bags, where are they?” Mrs. Gem asked in a panic.
Crystal pointed to the kitchen.
Mrs. Gem came back and assisted Crystal in putting a paper bag over her mouth. When she was finally able to speak, she looked at her mother in disbelief. “How could you do this to me?” she gave a pathetic laugh and shook her head. “I can’t believe this. How long has this been going on?” The words couldn’t come out quick enough.
“Hear me out, Crystal.”
Crystal stood up in a rage. “Hear you out? Hear you out? You’re dating the father of the boy who raped me! I can’t believe this shit. How long has this been going on? Oh my God! Is this why we didn’t sign a complaint?” She looked at her mother with disgust. “You are seeing the father of the boy who raped me. I can’t believe this. No, I don’t want to believe this.”
“Crystal, please sit down and let me talk to you about this.”
Crystal felt like her whole world was falling apart. She collapsed onto the couch.
“What could you possibly say to me that’s going to make this any better?” Crystal asked.
“This wasn’t going on back then.”
“Then when, mother? Tell me when. And why did we let Jake get away with what he did to me, if it wasn’t to screw his father?”
Mrs. Gem pointed her finger in Crystal’s face and told her, “You will not talk to me that way. I am still your mother.”
“A mother is someone who truly loves her daughter, and someone who truly loves her daughter wouldn’t betray her this way. Do you have any idea how this makes me feel? Did you think about that?”
“Crystal, you know that all my life I’ve put you first. I wasn’t seeing Trevor back then. It didn’t start until three years ago. We didn’t press charges because Trevor offered me money, a large sum, to keep quiet. I know how that may sound, but being a single parent and all, it helped us to live just a little bit better, and you never had to set eyes on Jake again. They sent him away.”
“I never had to set eyes on him again until recently,” Crystal informed her.
“What do mean, until recently? What are you talking about?”
“Never mind.”
“It’s been fourteen years, Crystal.”
“I know that, mother, but it still doesn’t excuse the fact that you’re seeing his father.”
“That’s another thing. He’s not Jake’s father. About seven years ago, Jake got into an accident and lost a lot of blood. When Trevor went to donate his, he found out Jake wasn’t his son. He divorced Jake’s mother and moved to North Carolina.”
“And that’s supposed to make it better?” Crystal couldn’t believe her mother was telling her this. “Is that why you moved to North Carolina?”
“No, no, that was a coincidence.”
Thinking of Tina, Crystal said, “A lot of coincidences have been happening lately.”
“Why do you say that?”
“It doesn’t matter. Go on.”
“Anyway, one day I went out to dinner with some friends and Trevor walked into the restaurant. We spotted each other at the same time and he came over to the table.”
Crystal interrupted. “That’s when you should have left.”
Mrs. Gem ignored her. “We spoke briefly and he gave me his card.”
“You should have thrown it out.”
“I did.”
“Well, how did you end up together?” Crystal wanted to know.
“He knew one of the
people at my table and tracked me down that way.”
“Mother, how could you not tell me this? How could you keep it a secret for so long?”
“I was afraid of your reaction, of how you would feel.”
“And rightfully so,” Crystal told her.
Mrs. Gem sat down. Neither of them said a word. They were both exhausted from the news, telling it and receiving it.
“And that’s when I stood up and told her I needed to lay down,” Crystal told Susan. “I just couldn’t deal with her at that moment. I needed some time to process what she’d told me.”
“Wow! That’s messed up,” Susan said.
“I know,” Crystal told her. “She thinks that just because he’s not Jake’s real father it makes it okay, but it doesn’t. I still feel betrayed because he was the one who paid us off.”
Susan didn’t know what to say because the points Crystal was making were valid and legit. Crystal continued, “So the end result was, my mother left and went back to the hotel, but not before trying to make me feel guilty. She actually had the nerve to say that instead of me being selfish and thinking of myself, I needed to realize how lonely she’s been and for how long, and that I could at least give him a chance, hear him out. You know what? I ain’t giving him shit.”
Crystal waited for Susan’s response. When there was none, she asked her, “Do you think I’m being selfish?”
“No.”
“Good, because I don’t want to see her or him right now, much less talk to them.”
Susan didn’t reply because she knew that she wouldn’t handle news like this well either. Heck, it would probably cause her to get high.
“We don’t see each other for months at a time and she pops up with this, and on top of that, I’ve got Lange to worry about.”
This caught Susan’s attention. “Lange?”
Crystal leaned across the table and spoke in a whisper. “I’m a ho.”
Susan laughed. “What are you talking about?”
“Remember that night at the club when we ran into Jake?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, Lange came over and well . . .”
Susan looked at Crystal in disbelief. “Y’all did it?”
Crystal nodded.
“Girl, do you know what you’re getting into? He’s married. Shit, you know that. I don’t know what to say other than be careful. In the end, you may be the one hurt.”
“I know. I can’t believe I did something so stupid. Then I keep trying to justify it by saying his wife is cheating on him. I don’t know.” Crystal shook her head. “Let’s talk about something else. What’s going on with you?”
“Well, I went to a NA meeting yesterday.”
Crystal was surprised to hear this. “Really? Wow, that’s big.”
Susan said, “I know, I know. I can’t believe I did it either.”
“Well, how did it go?”
“All I can say is I don’t know if I’ll be returning. Standing up, introducing myself as an addict, that’s not my cup of tea. But I am going to try to start counseling next week. I think I’ll do better one on one.”
“I’m happy for you. Proud of you too.”
They finished eating their meals and stood up to leave. Susan reached over to hug Crystal and told her, “Listen, I know you’re going through a lot mentally. We both are. Let’s just be there for one another.”
Crystal teared up and responded, “I like how that sounds.”
SURPRISE, SURPRISE
Elsie and Summer were cuddled up on the couch, watching a movie when in walked Winter, returning from church. She’d gone with one of her classmates. Since she moved in, she’d had no problems making friends, and this made things a little easier on Summer.
“I’m home,” Winter said as she stood behind the couch.
Summer and Elsie jumped apart.
“Hi, Ms. Elsie,” Winter said.
Elsie felt like she was busted. “Hey, sweetie. How was church?”
“It was okay.” Winter turned to leave the room, but Summer patted the seat next to her. Winter took the hint, sat down and crossed her legs like a little lady. She looked from Summer to Elsie and asked, “Are you two best friends?”
“Yes, honey, we are,” Summer told her. “Why do you ask?”
“Because she’s always here.”
Elsie shifted in her seat.
“Ms. Elsie might be moving in with us. What do you think about that?”
Elsie looked at Summer with a question in her eyes. They hadn’t discussed talking to Winter about it.
“Well, I’ll have to think about it,” Winter told them.
Caught off guard, Summer said, “Okay, you do that.”
Standing up, Winter asked, “Can I have a snack?”
“Of course.”
Winter went toward the kitchen. The second she was out of sight, Elsie tore into Summer. “Why would you do that?”
“Do what?”
Elsie rolled her eyes. “Tell Winter that I was moving in.”
“You are, aren’t you?”
“Once again, I think we need to wait until things are smoother with Winter.”
“I’m the mother, she’s the child.”
“I understand all that, but just the other day you were complaining that this is harder than you thought it would be.”
“I’m not going to front. It is. Sometimes I feel like she’s not responding to me at all. She will stay in her room, and barely says a word.”
“I know you didn’t think this would be easy,” Elsie said.
“No, I didn’t think it would be easy, but I thought we’d at least bond with one another.”
“You have to give it time,” Elsie told her.
Summer looked into Elsie’s eyes and asked, “Like I’m giving us time?”
Elsie didn’t reply.
“I want more than what we have. I feel like we’re fall ing apart. If something is wrong, you need to tell me. If I didn’t do something or if there’s something I can do, you need to tell me. I want us to be more like the couple we were up until a month ago.”
Elsie knew what Summer wanted, knew what she needed. She just couldn’t give it to her.
“Please, Elsie, be honest with me. Are you doing this because you no longer love me? Do you not want to be with me anymore?”
“Of course I want to be with you. What are you talking about? I’m just thinking about your child. She just moved in, and you two barely know one another.”
“I know all that, but this is my life also. And if you’re going to be in it, I think we should go ahead and make this move.”
Elsie felt caught between a rock and a hard place.
“Please, Elsie,” Summer begged. “She’s going to find out about us sooner or later. It might as well be sooner. That way this little drama thing that’s going on right now can happen all at once and be done with. I need you and your support.”
Summer was winning her over. She always did. Summer did have a point. If she moved in now, everything could be handled at once. “But what if it got to be overwhelming? What if it didn’t work out? What if—” Elsie had to stop right there, because she could “what if” all night and it would get her nowhere but frustrated.
“Okay,” she found herself saying against her better judgment. “I’ll move in. I just need a couple of weeks. I have to talk to my landlord and get a few things situated.”
Summer gave Elsie a tight hug and told her, “I love you, and you won’t regret this. I know you’re worried and all, but it’ll work out. I know it will.”
Summer initiated a kiss, but Elsie wasn’t into it. Her mind was wandering and wondering.
On the way home, Elsie decided to stop off for a drink at a nearby gay bar. She was at the point where hiding her sexuality was no longer an option. She pulled into the parking lot and saw that it was full. She parked down the street, and as she walked up to the bar, a car with a bunch of teenagers rode by. They slowed down and yelled “Dyke!
” out the window. She knew she should ignore them, but chose not to. Elsie turned around and stuck her middle finger up at them.
“Use it on yourself,” they yelled back.
Kitty Kats was the name of the place. There was a small dance floor and two bars, love seats positioned strategically around the room. There was also a pool table. She glanced around to see if there was anyone that she knew.
She walked up to the bar. The bartender’s back was turned. “Excuse me,” Elsie called out.
When the bartender turned around, they were both surprised. It was Janay, Elsie’s first female love. They hadn’t seen each other since their breakup over two years ago.
“What are you doing here?” Elsie asked, shocked.
“Is that all I get?” Janay came from behind the counter and gave Elsie a hug, which went unreturned.
“What are you doing here?” Elsie asked again. The last she heard, Janay had moved to California to pursue acting.
“This is my bar,” she told Elsie. “I just bought it a month ago.”
Elsie took in Janay’s appearance. She was still beautiful—a little thin, but the curves were noticeable in the jeans, white “Fetish By Eve” T-shirt that was cut in all the right places, and stiletto boots.
Janay called someone over from the dance floor to handle the bar and asked Elsie, “You want something to drink?”
Elsie needed something strong. “Yes. A martini on the rocks.”
After getting her drink, Elsie allowed Janay to take her hand and pull her toward a table, where they sat across from one another. Elsie asked for the third time, “So, what are you doing here?”
“Is that all you can say? How about I’m happy to see you?”
“I am happy to see. I’m just surprised. Very surprised.” Elsie was also nervous. Seeing Janay stirred up emotions that she thought were gone. “What happened to California? Last I heard you moved there to pursue an acting career. As a matter of fact, isn’t that why you left me? We wanted different things. We were going in different directions is what you said, if I remember correctly.”
“Now, why do you have to go there?” Janay asked.