by KP, Miss
When I finally arrived at the jail, I was dreading the conversation with Juan, but knew I had to get it over with. Wondering what Denie told him about me had me a little worried, and I hoped like hell that I was just paranoid. However, I really missed my son, so a part of me needed to see him anyway.
Before walking in to the jail, I took a deep breath to prepare myself for the long, drawn out processing procedure that I had to encounter. However, to my surprise, things ran a little more organized. The correctional officer let me know that in the future I would have to have an appointment to visit Juan, but they would allow me to come in this time.
After going through the metal detector, I caught the elevator to the second floor and waited for my son to come out. After looking around the room, I spotted Juan who was at the front of line. His uniform had gone from bright orange to navy blue, but he still looked handsome. I couldn’t wait to give him a hug. As soon as he walked over to me, I grabbed him and held him tight kissing him all over his cheeks.
“Damn Ma, you miss me, huh?” he laughed.
“You look so handsome, how have you been holding up?”
Juan smiled. “I’ve been maintaining. How you been, woman? You look like you haven’t had sleep in days.”
“Juan, there’s so much going on between me and your father.”
“I talked to him when I hung up with you earlier and he said he’d pulled some strings to move me over here since the visits are conjugal. He said that he would be here to see me by the end of the week.”
“I can’t believe you called him.”
“Yeah and the reason why is because I’m worried about you.” Juan grabbed my hand.
“Worried about me for what?”
“Well, your daughter came to visit me so she could tell me about the bag of powder she found in your vanity drawer.”
My heart almost stopped. I couldn’t believe Denie had gone through my shit. “I don’t know what she’s talking about, Juan.”
“Ma, be real with me. You don’t even look like yourself. What’s going on with you?”
I could no longer hold back my emotions and instantly broke down. The embarrassment I felt hurt so much. I never wanted my son to look down on me, and now he probably was. “Juan, there’s so much going on. I need you to come home. Now that all this stuff is going on between me and your father, I don’t know if he’s still trying to help you get out.”
“What’s going on with y’all?”
“I will let him tell you.”
“Damn Ma, when did we get to this point where you don’t trust me?”
“It’s not that, Juan. It’s just...I can’t say. Just do what you can to get home. I need you now more than ever.”
“Ma, be honest are you using drugs?”
“No, Juan. I’m not.”
“Okay, well I trust that you wouldn’t lie to me, so I’m going to leave it alone. Maybe Denie was lying,” Juan replied. “I’m trying my best to get home to you and Denie.”
“Well, how?”
“I got a visit from the Feds. They offered me a deal to cooperate with them to help them bring Rich and Uncle Carlos in.”
My eyes bulged. Juan obviously had no idea what had happened with Carlos .“Uncle Carlos?”
“Yeah. Speaking of Carlos, Denie said, nobody has heard from him in weeks. What’s up with that? Rich wouldn’t tell me anything.”
“Yeah, umm…he hasn’t been calling anybody back. I’m sure he’s fine though.” I had to get Juan back on track. “So, when did all this with the Feds happen?”
“Last week. I told them I didn’t have any idea what they were talking about and I couldn’t help them.”
“Why not Juan? I need you and if you cooperating with the man who fucked up our lives and got you in this mess will bring you home, then so be it. Fuck Rich!”
Juan looked at me sideways. “Ma, are you tripping? I ain’t no snitch. I chose this life and I’m going to take responsibility for my choices.”
“Juan I need you. Just think about it.”
“Ma, I can’t believe you. What’s going on with you?”
“I need you son. I need you home. Please do whatever it
takes.”
“But Ma, I wasn’t raised to be a snitch. I’m a man, and men handle their business in the streets.”
“So, are the streets more important than your mother? You’re just like your father. You keep putting the streets first!” I yelled. I couldn’t remember the last time, I’d gotten mad with him.
Juan looked around the room, then back at me. “Ma, lower your voice, you too loud.”
“I don’t give a fuck about these people in here.”
“Alright. You need to get yourself together. I’ll call you later.”
Juan got up from the table, gave me a kiss on my cheek and left me sitting there by myself. When I saw the disappointment in his eyes, I knew that I’d fucked up. At that point, I considered telling him about what Rich did to Carlos, hoping then he would possibly reconsider cooperating with the Feds. Watching my son walk through the door, I cried. My heart and my mind were so heavy. I left the jail feeling worse than I felt when I arrived. I should’ve known that he was going to lecture me about something, but I would’ve never guessed that Denie had told him about my drug habit. I couldn’t wait to let Denie have it for going through my shit. How did she even know? I thought.
While I drove home, I thought about Rich and wondered how he was coping with Carlos being gone. I wondered if he felt like I did or was his Spanish bitch keeping him company. I hadn’t talked him since that night and knew that he hated me, but it was nothing I could do to change what happened. As long as he took care of his responsibilities as a father, we didn’t have to speak at all.
When I pulled up to the house, there was a Pepco Energy truck in my driveway, and a man with a hard hat knocking on my door. I got out of the car in slow motion, feeling drained and approached the man to see what he wanted.
“Hello sir, how can I help you?”
“Ma’am, do you live here?”
“Yes, I’m Lisa Sanchez, what do you need?”
“Well, Mrs. Sanchez, you have an outstanding bill of $1,875.62 and I’m here to disconnect service if you’re not prepared to pay.”
I shook my head. “My bills should have been paid. There must be a mistake.”
“There’s no mistake. We’ve sent numerous notices, and haven’t received a response.”
“Let me give you a credit card to take care of the balance. Wait one second.”
I walked back to my car, grabbed my purse, then grabbed one of my Visa’s. After giving the guy my credit card, he called it into the office to obtain payment on the spot, but it was declined. I tried giving him two more cards, but they all declined as well. Completely humiliated, I pulled out my check book and wrote a check for the amount owed and prayed that the money was in the bank. I’d never experienced such embarrassment in my entire life. Rich had always made sure the bills were paid, so I didn’t understand what was going on.
Once the guy left, I went straight to the bathroom because I had to pee. However, as I attempted to flush the toilet, nothing happened. After going over to the sink and turning on a dry faucet, it was obvious that the water had been turned off.
“Shit!” I yelled out. I was positive that Rich was to blame. I called him immediately.
“What do you want, Lisa?” he asked obviously irritated.
“Rich, what have you done? The water is cut off and the electric was about to get off, until I wrote a check. What’s going on?”
“You and that house are no longer my concern. Whatever money you got left, you better make that shit work. I’m done with taking care of you.”
“What about your daughter? She lives here too.”
“Oh, I’ve got that covered. I’m gonna come back and get her, so she can stay wit’ me at my mother’s house.”
“What? How am I supposed to survive?”
“Like every
body else. Go get a fuckin’ job.”
“I can’t believe you. Wait until that divorce is final. I’m gonna…”
Rich cut me off. “See bitch, that’s where you fucked up. I’m not givin’ you a divorce. Ain’t no judge gonna make me give you shit either. I’m not gonna take care of you anymore, but you’re pretty much stuck to me for the rest of your miserable-ass life. You think you’re gonna be able to leave and turn on me? I don’t think so.”
“Why are you doing this? All of the bullshit that I had to put up with. It’s not my fault things turned out the way they did.”
“Lisa, I’m not tryin’ to hear that shit. Figure out how you’re gonna pay your shit on your own. Maybe if you stop fuckin’ wit’ that powder you would have money to pay your bills. Don’t call me anymore!”
After he hung up on me, my thoughts on cursing Denie out changed fast. I had to get her on my side so she could get Rich to pay the bills until I came up with a better plan.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Rich
I was surprised when Denie declined the invitation to stay wit’ me at my mother’s house, especially since I had no intentions on takin’ care of Lisa anymore. I’m sure she was still mad at me about Nelson, but I was determined to build our relationship back up. That meant me payin’ the bills since Denie decided to stay at home. I didn’t give a shit about Lisa, but there was no way I could have my daughter goin’ without.
Bein’ at my mother’s house alone was a bit eerie, but I made the best out of it. Not havin’ Jade anymore made me turn to Honey even more for sexual pleasure, but there was still a part of me missin’. It seemed as if everyone I loved had either left me or betrayed me. This was a time I definitely wished Juan and I had a better relationship. I’d paid my son a visit a few days ago after he called me worried about Lisa. Obviously, Denie had told him about her drug problem and he wanted answers.
I pretty much let him know that his mother fucked my man without tellin’ him it was Carlos. I also didn’t tell him that Carlos was probably the one who’d started her doin’ the shit. He kept askin’ me who the dude was, but I let him know that wasn’t important. It was the principle of the matter. Of course he defended Lisa and got upset wit’ me for disrespectin’ her, but little did he know, she was the one who’d crossed the line. I promised Juan that I would try and visit him every week, but I’d been so busy wit’ tryin’ to get my money back in order, I hadn’t been able to keep that promise. Six weeks had passed since I murdered Carlos, and my life had gone down hill.
“Damn, I miss Los,” I said to myself.
It was a known fact by now that Carlos was officially missin’ and I let Uncle Renzo know that I was doing all that I could to get to the bottom of it. His birthday was today, April 17th which made it hard to even think that he wasn’t around to celebrate. Feelin’ down and out, I got up to get my day started when the doorbell rung. When I looked out the upstairs window, to my surprise it was Uncle Renzo.
Oh shit what is he doin’ here, I thought as I scrambled to get myself together, I had no idea he was comin’, and he damn sure hadn’t given me any type of warnin’.
I ran downstairs, opened the door, and greeted him wit’ a big hug and a fake smile.
However, he seemed a bit uncomfortable when he walked inside. I tried my best to read his body language.
“Uncle Renzo, I didn’t know you were comin’. How long have you been in town?” I asked. I tried my best to conceal my nervousness.
“I just got in this morning. I’ve been in contact with any and everybody I know on the East Coast. No one has had any problems with Carlos. I don’t know what could be the reason why he’s nowhere to be found.
I quickly co-signed. “Yeah, especially wit’ Mia bein’ sick wit’ Lukemia. I can’t believe they diagnosed her wit’ that shit. Carlos wouldn’t just leave without lettin’ me know anything. Are you sure Carlos and Marisol weren’t goin’ through anything?”
He shook his head back and forth. “No, not to my knowledge. Why do you say that?”
“Well, I know Carlos thought at one point Marisol was fuckin’ around on him. Man, Unc, I’m just tryin’ to look at it from all angles. I’m worried sick about him.”
“No, and you should. I don’t put anything passed anybody. No one has contacted me for ransom, so I’m confused on why someone would target him.”
“Me, too. I’m hurtin’ because I don’t know what to think.”
“Well Rich, there’s something that I want to talk to you about. I couldn’t do it over the phone, so I thought I would come here and talk to you in person.”
Immediately, I saw my life flash before me. I was definitely slippin’ because I didn’t position my gun before I let Uncle Renzo in. Even at the age of sixty-two, I couldn’t sleep on him.
“There are a lot of things that have gone on in this family even before you and Carlos were born that I need to talk to you about.”
“Okay, well let’s go into the livin’ room.” After sittin’ on the couch, I gave my uncle a serious expression. “What’s up, Unc?”
“Well, when you were a little under a year old, I went to jail and I sent your Aunt Celeste to go live with your mother and father. During that time, Celeste discovered she was pregnant with Carlos after I’d been in jail for a few months. I was released and my charges were dropped before Carlos was born.” He suddenly stopped. “Are you listening to me, Rich?”
“Yeah, of course I’m listenin’.”
“Well, a month or two later I got a call from your mother and she was in tears. She told me that she had caught Celeste and your father in bed together while I was in prison. She thought when I came home from prison that Celeste would go on her way and she wouldn’t have to worry. What upset your mother the most was the resemblance in looks that you and Carlos possessed. She thought that I should get a blood test.”
I was stunned at the news that my uncle was tellin’ me and I knew exactly where he was goin’ wit’ everything. “So, what happened?”
“I ended up getting a test. That’s when I found out that Carlos wasn’t my son. I never said a word to anyone, but your mother. This was a secret that we kept all of these years.”
I began to scratch my head. “So, are you sayin’ that Los was really my brother?”
Uncle Renzo gave me a funny look. “What the fuck do you mean was? You’re talking like he’s no longer here.”
I needed a quick comeback. “I didn’t mean anything by that Unc.’ I guess all this shit you’re tellin’ me, got me all fucked up.”
“I hate that we kept this from you and Carlos all these years, but yes, Carlos is your only brother. I’m sterile, Rich. I’d been that way for years, and I don’t think your Aunt Celeste could handle that.”
“Why didn’t you all tell me?” My voice was a little shaky. Killin’ Carlos hurt even worse now. It felt like my heart had been ripped out my chest.
“There were so many times that I wanted to say something to you. Why do you think I stayed at odds with your father all the time? He betrayed me, so my punishment to him, was to raise both his boys to be just like me, the brother that he hated so much for choosing this life.”
“So, Aunt Celeste never knew that you found out before she passed away?”
“No, she never knew that I was aware. I’m sure that she always had doubts. I’m just sorry that I never gave you all the chance at a life. I was so caught up in my own insecurities and selfishness that I deprived you and your brother of a real life. Now, look at you both. Carlos is missing, and you’re so deep in the game, there’s no turning back. I’m sorry.”
“This can’t be true. Uncle Renzo, this can’t be true. No…my only brother. He wasn’t my brother!”
“Yes, Rich, he’s your brother. That’s why you have to find him. He needs to know.”
“My mother didn’t tell me I had a brother. Now he’s dead and I can’t tell him how much I love him.”
“What do you mean dead? Rich, is there
something that you aren’t telling me?”
“No, I mean…he’s probably dead,” I quickly said. “Are there any more family secrets I don’t know about? I can’t believe you introduced me to this life because of a vendetta you had against my father.”
“Rich, dammit, I’m sorry. I want to make things right. I would do anything for you boys. Carlos is still my son no matter what.”
I was stunned. Couldn’t say anything else at the moment.
“Well, I’m leaving, but I do expect you back in L.A. by the weekend. Marisol needs us both by her side until we figure out what’s going on with your brother.”
When he said my brother, the sounds of that made my heart bleed. I let Uncle Renzo out and decided that I needed my daughter by my side. I didn’t plan on tellin’ her the news I learned. I felt so alone, so I decided to give her a call.
“Yes, Daddy.” She didn’t sound excited to hear from me.
“How are you, Baby Girl?”
“Busy, how are you?”
“Wishin’ my daughter wasn’t still mad at me and wasn’t puttin’ another nigga in front of her father.”
“Oh, like you’ve put your way of life in front of me all these years.”
Her comment hurt. “Denie, I just need you right now.”
“I have an exam in the morning and I’m studying right now. I’ll come to see you tomorrow.”
“Okay, that’s all I ask.”
“Bye, Dad.”
I sat on the sofa and stared at my phone. Tryin’ so hard to be strong and not call Jade, I called Marisol instead to check on Mia.
“Hello Rich, any news on my husband.”