“An intellectual such as myself never backs away from such a challenge,” you say coolly. “Lay it on me, Ancient Greek Baby.”
“I am Zeno of Elea,” he tells you. “I’m known as a Greek philosopher, even though I’m actually an Italian - a situation that’s given me a taste for paradox. Are you interested in paradoxes?”
“If I were to say I was lying, I’d be telling the truth,” you reply paradoxically.
His face breaks into a broad smile. “Excellent!” he exclaims. “You’ve just the sort of mind we need. May I introduce Achilles and Arthur?” He gestures towards his companions. “Arthur’s the tortoise.”
You nod an acknowledgement to them both. They nod back briefly.
“Achilles is the fastest sprinter in the whole of Greece,” Zeno tells you. “Arthur is the slowest tortoise. They’re about to run a race. The question is who will win. To make it fair, we’ll give Arthur one yard of a head start.”
“That’s easy -” you start to say.
But Zeno holds up his hand. “Before you make up your mind, remember Zeno’s Paradox,” he tells you.
You blink. “What’s Zeno’s Paradox?”
But he’s fallen into deep thought and doesn’t answer.
Looks as if you’re going to have to work this one out for yourself. If you think Achilles will win, turn to 31 If you think the tortoise will win, make your way to 46 And I suppose to cover every eventuality you might decide neither will win at 64, or that both will win in a dead heat at 54.
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25
“Well done!” calls a sophisticated voice with an upper-crust accent as you stand gasping among the carnage. “Someone with your fighting abilities will go far in Sparta!”
You turn to discover the fight was witnessed by a distinguished-looking nobleman seated astride a horse.
“Thank you, sir,” you reply a little breathlessly. “But talking of Sparta, can you tell me how to get to that city?”
“I’m afraid ‘city’ is a grandiose term earned because we Spartans beat up anybody who doesn’t use it. Sparta is actually that collection of five villages you may have noticed at the edge of the plain. Your fastest route is via 61 where you can make good use of this map.”
With which he hands you a rolled parchment, a bottle of retsina, salutes and rides off.
So what are you waiting for? Get on down to 61. Although you might like to take a swig of that retsina before you do anything else. Each gulp will restore a double dice roll of Life Points. Throw one die to determine how many gulps are left in the bottle.
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26
“Wrong!” exclaims the guard, neatly lopping your head off with one swing of his sword.
Look up at him from the grass while consciousness dims, then go to 13.
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27
“Wrong!” shouts the huge man, casually hurling you all the way to 61.
So pick yourself up, dust yourself off and select another destination from your 61 map.
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28
You start to argue with the priest and inadvertently breathe in the smoke.
Go to 13.
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29
Zeus glances at the certificate. “Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to make history turn out any other way than the way it’s always turned out?” he asks.
You look at him blankly. “I don’t follow you.”
“The whole Trojan War started because Paris decided Aphrodite was the most beautiful goddess,” he tells you. “I was half hoping you might have got him to pick one of the others. But you didn’t and now Aphrodite has sent him the most beautiful woman in the world who happens to be a young lady called Helen.”
“What’s wrong with that?” you ask.
“She happens to be married,” Zeus says soberly. “To Menelaus, king of Sparta. Now Menelaus will think Paris has abducted her and march on Troy, so the wars starts after all. You’d better get over there and sort it out directly.”
With which he waves a casual hand and sends you forward in time and space to 49.
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30
Swiftly you take out the neat little pocket publication entitled A Brief History of Ancient Greece that was issued to every member of your package tour. You flick through the index until you come across the following entry:
Trojan War
The Trojan War took place in the 12th or 13th Century b.c. between the Greeks and the people of Troy in western Anatolia (now part of modern Turkey.)
It began when Paris, son of the Trojan king, ran off with Helen, a woman unfortunately married to Menelaus the King of Sparta, one of the Greek city-states.
Menelaus’ brother Agamemnon promptly led a Greek expedition against Troy, starting a war that lasted
“Hello,” you mutter, “the rest of this entry seems to be blank.”
“I know,” says Zeus. “I blanked it. In the historical reality the Guide is talking about the war lasted twenty five years, which is far too long. I want you to nip back and cut it short. If you succeed, I’ll see you get a mention in the book.”
“But is this all the information I get?” you complain.
“Unless you want to skim through the Odyssey and the Iliad,” Zeus says benignly. “That Roman poet Virgil wrote about it in the Aeneid as well. I’m sure I can find you copies somewhere.”
“No, thanks,” you tell him hurriedly. “I think if this is to be the start of an adventure, the sooner I get going the better.”
“Well said!” exclaims Zeus heartily. “In that case get yourself to 80 and we’ll set the wheels in motion.”
What are you waiting for? Turn to 80.
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31
“Think so?” asks Zeno. “But surely since Arthur is a yard ahead to begin with, by the time Achilles runs half that distance, Arthur will have moved on, however slowly, even if it’s only an inch or two. And by the time Achilles has covered half the remaining distance, Arthur will have moved on again. And by the time Achilles has covered half that distance, Arthur will again have moves a little further. So logically, Achilles will never be able to catch up with Arthur. Would you like to reconsider your answer?”
If it isn’t Achilles, then maybe Arthur wins at 46 or neither wins at 64, or both win at 54.
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32
There is a sudden volcanic eruption from the crack beneath the Pythia. Lava flows across the floor and melts you (with a particularly disgusting scorching smell) from the feet up.
Go to 13.
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33
There’s a small temple in this clearing, rather delicately rendered in pinkish marble. The door is partly open.
Which means you can probably go inside at 53. But if you don’t there are paths leading north to 99, south east to 10 and south west to 58.
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34
“Okay,” says the guard, waving you inside. “But before you can get through the second gate, you have to tell me whether our King’s wife is called Leda, Diana or Hecuba - barbarians never get that one right. Same rules as before.”
If you think it’s Leda, go to 41. If you think it’s Diana, go to 52. If you think it’s Hecuba, go to 68 If you think you’d rather not risk your life again, go to the army camp at 86.
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35
You’ve found it! This huge building is the Temple of Zeus! There’s no doubt about it. The statue outside is of the old geek you met on Mount Olympus. What luck. Now you can tell Zeus you’ve had all the training you need and get out of this dreadful place.
With a brief but admiring glimpse at the colonnade of pillars that surrounds the building, you race round to the main entrance doors ... Only to be stopped by a burly priest.
“Pass, please!” he demands. “You need one signed by Zeus to get in.”
An irritating development. Perhaps Zeus meant to give you a pass before he sent you to Sparta, but if so he forgot. If you’ve managed to find one from some other source, you can hand it to the burly priest and go inside at 154. If not, you’d better get back to your map at 61 and pick another destination.
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36
“I’ll do what I can,” you say soberly. “But what’s this all about?”
The young man speaks quickly and quietly. “My name is Paris - Alexander to my friends - and my parents are King Priam and Queen Hecuba of Troy.”
You look at him suspiciously. “If you’re a royal prince, what are you doing herding sheep?”
“Long story,” says Paris. “When I was a baby, some loony soothsayer predicted I’d be the ruination of Troy, so my father left me out on the side of Mount Ida to die - that’s the sort of thing they do round here.”
You nod. “I know. I came across something similar in Sparta.”
“Anyway,” says Paris, “I was found and brought up by shepherds. Does that answer your question?”
“Yes, but I’ve another one: what’s going on over there?” You nod towards the voices.
Paris sighs. “What’s going on over there is trouble. Three goddesses - Hera, Athena and Aphrodite. You know what it’s like when goddesses get together: argue, argue, argue! They’re trying to decide which of them is the most beautiful and now they want me to make the decision for them.”
“What’s wrong with that?” you ask. “You go over, pick the one you fancy, then get offside sharpish. Simple.”
“You don’t know them,” Paris says sourly.
“I think I know Hera - that’s Mrs Zeus, isn’t it?”
Paris ignores you. “Come with me,” he begs. “Help me make the choice that won’t kill us both!”
Kill you? This is getting hairy. But you can still change your mind and refuse forcefully at 56, or creep away sneakily to 153. Otherwise it sounds as if you’ll have to risk your life (again) at 139.
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37
“Go with you? You must be out of your mind!” you exclaim as you hurl yourself upon them.
And in so doing, earn yourself an automatic first strike. Each guard has 40 Life Points , a +3 sword and -3 armour. If they kill you, you can bleed your way to 13. Survival will take you to 70.
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38
“You’ve done it!” gasps one of the spectators in amazement. “You’ve killed our paidonomos!”
“Yes, I’m sorry about that,” you tell him, “but he didn’t give me much choice, did he? Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll be on my way back to 61.”
“No you won’t,” says the spectator. “Anybody who kills our paidonomos has to take his place.”
It never stops, does it? If you’ve ambitions to turn brats into louts, you can accept the job at 14. But if you’ve better things to do with your time, you can try turning it down at 147.
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39
“Wrong!” exclaims the guard, neatly lopping your head off with one swing of his sword.
Look up at him from the grass while consciousness dims, then go to 13.
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40
“As a matter of fact I did,” you tell her matter-of-factly. “It’s lying up near the top of the hill, waiting to get sunstroke or be eaten by wolves.”
“You swine!” screams the mother angrily. “You’ve left my poor dear sweet little Heracles to the mercy of the Fates!” She turns to the four strapping boys. “Avenge your little brother, my sons! Slaughter this uncivilised barbarian!”
“Yus, Mum,” reply the boys in unison, drawing wicked looking short swords from the belts of their thin tunics.
The good news is you may be able to fight your way out of this. The bad news is you’re very unlikely to succeed. Each of those swords gives the boys +4 on a successful hit. Since their mother’s bringing them up to be gentlemen, they’ll attack one at a time, but the fact remains you’ll have to dispatch all four to get out of this with a whole skin. As you’ve no weapons, you’ll fight the first one empty-handed, but if miraculously you succeed, you can use his sword for subsequent fights. Each lad has a strapping 50 Life Points.
If the boys succeed in doing what their mother told them, go to 13. If you manage, against all odds, to make it through this early punch-up, you can turn triumphantly to 69.
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41
“Wrong!” exclaims the guard, neatly lopping your head off with one swing of his sword.
Look up at him from the cobbles while consciousness dims, then go to 13.
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42
You can hear music as you approach this clearing and as you reach it, you can see a group of dancers, men and women both, gambolling merrily accompanied by lyre, flute and drum.
They’re too busy to notice you yet, but you have the option of joining them at 62. If you’d prefer to stay miserable, you can sneak away without their even noticing by taking paths north to 10, north east to 84, west to 18 and north west to 58.
Please select an option from the previous page.
43
“Sorry,” you say with an apologetic smile, “I’m afraid I’m on a mission for Zeus and I’ve no time for intellectual challenges.”
The old boy sighs deeply. “I don’t know what’s wrong with the younger generation,” he says.
And to your absolute amazement he, the athletic looking man and the tortoise shimmer for a moment then disappear as if they’d just been beamed up to the Enterprise.
Leaving you standing like a twit at 153.
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44
“Special offer! Passes to the Temple! Get your passes to the Temple. Each one signed by Zeus himself! Roll up! Roll up! Special offer!”
Even from a distance you can hear the raucous call, although as you get closer you notice nobody seems to be taking up this special offer. You sidle up to the little man with the blue braiding on the thin, short tunic everybody seems to wear in Sparta.
“How much are your passes?” you ask cautiously.
“Small sacrifice on Zeus’s Altar,” he tells you, nodding to the broad, low, hexagonal platform behind him, covered in what look suspiciously like old bloodstains.
“I hope you don’t want me to sacrifice an animal,” you warn him. “I’m a member of the Animal Rights Movement and the Anti-Vivisection League.”
“No animal sacrifice, I assure you,” he assures you. “Now, do you want to give me your Sacrifice Cup, or are you going to waste my time all day?”
Sacrifice Cup? This clown wants something called a Sacrifice Cup before you can perform the sacrifice that will get you the pass that will get you into Zeus’s Temple that will (hopefully) get you out of here. If you happen to have one about your person, give it to him at once and go to 17. If not, your only hope is to get back to your map at 61 and start looking for one.
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45
“Look at me!” you call gaily as you fling your clothing to the winds and perform a spectacular backwards double flip and corkscrew into the pool.
Which is so brutally cold one of your Life Points drops off.
If this kills you, go to 13. If it doesn’t, take a deep breath and come up at 60.
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46
“Think so?” asks Zeno. “But surely there must be a time when Arthur’s run half way, then a time when he’s run half the remaining distance, then a time when he’s run half the remaining distance after that. So however far he runs, he will always have half the remaining distance still to run, which means logically he can never actually finish the race. And since Arthur has to run the entire one hundred yards to win, he can never be the winner, even with a head start. Would you like to reconsider your answer?”
GreekQuest Page 3