by Neil LaBute
DARRELL
Yeah. Sure.
JENN
Thanks. Love ya—
She kisses him again and goes off. DARRELL, alone now, continues to smoke.
DARRELL
—whatever.
THE DETENTION CENTER
Big, empty space taken up by numerous desks and metal bookshelves. THINK POSITIVE! poster over the drinking fountain. A teacher’s desk and chair are located in the back of the room.
TIM and JENN sit in opposing seats, hanging out; JENN is drawing in her notebook and TIM stares up at the clock.
TIM
—fucking . . . time, huh? Slow.
JENN
Yeah. (laughs) You sound like Darrell.
TIM
Oh. Not trying to . . . just ’cause we hang out, probably.
JENN
Right.
TIM
Whatever. I mean . . . (BEAT) I’m not getting you nothing for your birthday. Just thought I’d tell you.
JENN
Huh. Okay.
TIM
Not ’cause, I mean, anything. Just don’t get paid ’til next week, so—
JENN
No biggie. You gave me that one CD.
TIM
Yeah, but that wasn’t—
JENN
That’s plenty. More than I’ll get at home—
TIM
Right. (BEAT) Darrell’s buying ya some stuff. Don’t say nothing, though, ’cause—
JENN
I know. I won’t.
TIM
Good. Thanks.
JENN
No problem.
TIM
Anyways, I’m not gonna have nothing for you . . . (BEAT) I would, though, if I could. Maybe. Just a little thing.
JENN
Thanks, Tim.
TIM
Sure. What?
JENN studies him, then rips a piece of paper out of her notebook. Hands it and some colored pencils to TIM.
JENN
Here. Make me a card . . .
TIM looks at her, glances around the room, then hurridly takes the materials.
TIM
—’kay.
(TIM starts to draw something quickly, covering it with a hand so JENN can’t see. JENN smiles at this, then goes back to her work. After a moment, DARRELL enters and sneaks up on TIM. He makes a sudden animal roar and grabs TIM around the waist. JENN and DARRELL laugh at this.)
Awww, fucker! Stop!!
DARRELL plops down into another desk. He tries to see what JENN is working on but she pulls it away. TIM folds up his paper and jams it in a coat pocket. JENN notices this.
DARRELL
—fucking hypothalamus, huh?
TIM
Yeah.
DARRELL
What do I care my brain fucks around with my metabolic process . . . give two shits about it?
JENN
Uh-huh.
DARRELL
Come after and “clean the board.” Fuck her! Right? Who’s she think she is, anyway?
TIM
Dunno.
DARRELL
No shit, Tim, I know you “dunno.” Fuck do you know? Certainly not the answer to number three!
TIM
Yeah, I told you I wasn’t so—
DARRELL
God! Like to find her, edge of a park somewheres . . . trying to start her car, bad distributor cap, some shit like that . . . and just beat the fuck outta her, leave ’er for the grounds crew come morning! What I feel for that bitch—
JENN
Darrell, don’t be so—
TIM
—kinda cute, I think. I mean, for a teacher and all.
DARRELL
I can’t even talk to you two . . . like a fucking separate wavelength or something.
TIM
She is, though! Not more than twenty-five, looks like—
DARRELL
Shit! Any chance you’re gonna listen to me, pick up on the fuck I’m saying?! Didn’t question the twat’s look, some two-piece French cut! Not saying she wouldn’t be a primo prom choice, you in a goddamn cummerbund! Said she annoyed me, like to fuck-her-up!! Making me an ass, front of everybody—
TIM
Yeah, you did look kinda stupid up there—
(TIM and JENN giggle at this until DARRELL reacts violently, slapping TIM hard on the head.)
Oww, bastard!
DARRELL
Just watch it, man! Fuck you calling “stupid—”
JENN
Come on, Darrell!
TIM
Kidding around—
DARRELL
Watch your fucking self, that’s all.
(A momentary standoff. TIM blinks first, looking up at the clock again. DARRELL smacks his hand down loudly on the desk. He looks around.)
—fucking punitive, huh?
JENN
Yeah.
DARRELL
That’s what this is. Some kinda piece a shit police action.
JENN
It’s okay.
DARRELL
No, it isn’t! Detention is bullshit, and I don’t buy into any of that, alright, so don’t “it’s okay” me, ’cause I feel you’ve been wronged. Fucking flexing their muscles—
JENN
Darrell, ’s no big thing. (BEAT) You probably shouldn’t be in here, though—
DARRELL
—and who gave it to you? Dickers, I s’ppose.
JENN
Uh-huh. Caught me in the bathroom yesterday. Lightin’ up.
DARRELL
Yeah, taking her two o’clock dump. Like fucking clockwork, right?
TIM
Yep.
The three of them share a laugh.
DARRELL
Cunt.
JENN
Darrell—
DARRELL
What?
JENN
Don’t.
DARRELL
Huh?
JENN
I hate that word.
DARRELL
’S what she is, though. Rich called her that, and she is—
JENN
Doesn’t mean you have to say it.
DARRELL
No, it doesn’t. Don’t mean I can’t, though—
JENN
Not around me, then, ’kay? (BEAT) ’S the kinda thing my Dad’d say, you know, say it and screaming and shit . . . so don’t.
DARRELL
Whatever.
An uncomfortable moment passes. TIM clear his throat as a bell rings in the distance.
TIM
She’s gonna be back—
DARRELL
Fuck. (thinks about it) Come on, Jenn, let’s get outta here, go do something—
JENN
What, I got ‘til 3:30.
DARRELL
So? Let’s bolt—
JENN
Nah.
DARRELL
Why?
JENN
’S my fifth. Kicked out if I don’t take it—
DARRELL
Who cares?
JENN
Don’t stay if you don’t wanna.
TIM (to DARRELL)
I’ll go—
DARRELL
I mean, shit . . . ’s like I’m taking it, too, I hang out the library or whatnot, waiting for you guys.
JENN
I know.
DARRELL
Right?
TIM
—go outside with ya and smoke or something, if you wanna. ’S an idea.
DARRELL
Hey, Mr. Ideas, why don’t you go study up on your periodic tables, shit ’a that nature, ’stead of dishing advice, okay?
DARRELL kicks TIM in the leg then turns back to JENN. TIM plays with a colored pencil.
JENN
So . . . you gonna hang or not?
DARRELL
Ummm, nah. I mean, no sense dragging us all down—
JENN
Whatever.
<
br /> DARRELL
That’d just be stupid. Right, Timmie?
DARRELL looks at TIM for emphasis. TIM shakes his head and moves over to the door.
JENN
Just gotta keep it going, don’t ya?
(DARRELL nods and smiles, then moves over to the wooden desk. He tests the drawers and then forces one open. A snap! of wood.)
Darrell—
TIM (glancing outside)
Come on, man . . . I think she’s coming!
DARRELL
Hold it.
(DARRELL moves quickly through the compartment, rummaging and pocketing some change as he digs. He suddenly produces a half pack of cigarettes and tosses them to JENN. He closes the drawer and saunters back.)
There’s those smokes I promised you—
JENN
Great. That’s great—
DARRELL
See ya.
He touches JENN’s face briefly, then exits. TIM hovers at the door for an uncomfortable moment.
TIM
—’bye.
JENN
Yeah.
At the last second, TIM moves back inside and hands JENN his folded up “card.”
TIM
Here’s your . . . thing. I didn’t get to finish, but, you know—
JENN
Thanks, Tim. Thanks a lot.
He starts to say something but heads for the door. At the last second, JENN mimes for TIM to call her. He nods and disappears into the hall.
JENN sits back in her seat and quickly hides the package of smokes in her coat. After a moment, she opens the card and reads it. Reads it again. Her eyes well up with tears.
THE LIVING ROOM
The same again, TV trays still out. Dishes on them. TV blasting with a rerun of Walker: Texas Ranger.
DARRELL stands in the kitchen archway, eating a banana. He looks down at RICH, who lies on the couch, eyes closed. RICH is still wearing his workpants but without a shirt.
DARRELL
—fucking bed, huh?
RICH
Yeah.
DARRELL
You sleep in the thing, like, twice, and she’s gotta strip it down, bleach the shit outta it.
RICH
Uh-huh. Works hard, though.
DARRELL
She does, yeah, you’re right—
RICH (looking up at this)
Cammie back yet?
DARRELL
Nah. Getting us some KFC . . . ’s always packed in there.
RICH
Oh. (BEAT) Anyway, don’t mind resting out here, better’n a bare mattress.
DARRELL
Yeah. (BEAT) . . . so, fuck, sorry about the tickets, Rich.
RICH
No big deal, We’re seeing ’em tonight, anyway. Go with one ’a the guys from work tomorrow, sell ’em if not . . . worry about it. (BEAT) Tim still wanna go?
DARRELL
Ahh, I think he’s gonna do the birthday thing with us.
RICH
Figured. Thought I’d ask.
DARRELL
I ’ppreciate it. Would’ve been cool—
RICH
Yep. Should be some good heats, sounds like. (BEAT) Your mom says I should take Shari, get ’er away from the kid for a couple hours . . . I dunno.
DARRELL
She gonna do with ’em, though? Dump ’em here, I s’pppose, fucking Friday night?!
RICH
Cammie don’t mind .’Nother night of toddlers, fuck’s the difference, right?
DARRELL
I guess. Still sucks—
RICH
Yep, but I got the tickets, now.
DARRELL
Sorry. Fuck! I am sorry—
RICH
She wanna come with us? Her birthday, do a little cake some restaurant if you wanna—
DARRELL
Umm, well, you know . . . doesn’t know you.
RICH
Forget it. An idea.
DARRELL
Shit.
RICH
Work it out. Got ’em for thirty bucks, not like I’m out a bundle . . .
(RICH lays his head back on the armrest, rubbing his eyes.)
I gonna relax now. Fucking headache, like the Concorde taking off ’side my skull—
DARRELL
’Kay.
DARRELL doesn’t move. After a moment, RICH looks up.
RICH
Darrell, I’m laying down, alright? Nice chatting with ya—
DARRELL
Listen, Rich, you got any . . . ummmm, oh, fuck. (BEAT) Hey, you have a little money I could borrow?
RICH
Huh?
DARRELL
Need to get a present. Just a tiny sort ’a something—
RICH
You come in here for this?
DARRELL
No, I just—
RICH
’Cause that’s shitty, engage in some conversation, you just need to bilk me, my paycheck. Scam like that—
DARRELL
I remembered, just now, swear to God! I was gonna—
RICH
Forget it.
DARRELL
I don’t need it if it’s—
RICH
Just yanking you around. I’m kidding . . . Check my wallet, over by the keys there.
RICH sits up as DARRELL moves to a counter and looks through the billfold. As he does, DARRELL secretly pockets a set of car keys; RICH misses this.
DARRELL
—nothing.
RICH
Shit. Sorry.
DARRELL stands for a long minute, staring into the empty pockets. Finally, he closes it and tosses it to RICH.
DARRELL
’S no prob’. Really.
RICH
Gotta check with your mom.
DARRELL nods and starts to leave; he stops short, looking at the edge of RICH’s hip that is exposed.
DARRELL
The fuck’s that?
RICH
What?
DARRELL
That! Side ’a your hip there—
RICH
This? (looks for a moment) Body count.
DARRELL
Huh?
RICH
Fucking Saddam & Co. I never showed you this?
DARRELL
No! Cool—
RICH
Yep. (BEAT) We’d get a mark—drink a little something, ever the fuck we had on hand—one ’a your buddies’d make a quick cut, edge ’a your ass for the day’s kill. Lot ’a guys had ’em.
DARRELL
That is, like, fucking neat! Can I see?
(RICH rolls over slightly, exposing his side as he pulls his pants down a touch.)
No way . . . thirteen?!
RICH
Right.
DARRELL
Holy shit—
RICH
And that’s not villagers, any mistakes we made. All those are confirmed kills. Bona fide sandniggers.
DARRELL
Man, my dad doesn’t have any stuff like that! Maybe he was in another part of the desert or something—
RICH
Not all the guys got these. And he was not in Airborne. Lot ’a shit went down, you’re in fucking Airborne—
(DARRELL marvels at this, sitting on the sofa for a moment.)
Touch ’em if ya wanna—
DARRELL (running a finger along)
Fuck . . . ’s totally badass. Serious.
RICH
Yep.
DARRELL
You like it over there?
RICH
Like?
DARRELL
You know—
RICH
I dunno “like.” What’s to fucking like, guys shooting rockets at your ass.
DARRELL
Right, but . . . they give you a fucking gun. That’s pretty hot.
RICH
It was nice. Yeah, the gun was nice.
DARRELL
Thirteen. That’s incredible—
RICH
Got two, my last day.
DARRELL
Wwoooahh!
RICH
—you know what I did like, though? I mean this, I liked one thing.
DARRELL
What?
RICH
The toys. (BEAT) I really got into the kinds ’a toys they make in that place—
DARRELL
Yeah?
RICH
I’m serious . . . crazy war, I know, but they really had some great gifts and shit, all over that country. (BEAT) R&R, I’m in Riyadh, two, a couple weeks before we’re outta there, standing outside this store, little sorta mud-type joint, I’m talking to a girl. Maybe ten, eleven years old. Trying to get me in bed, her and her mother, imagine what I’m telling you! The pair for, maybe, six bucks. Everybody thinks they’re, like, so religious and all that nonsense, but believe me, they pull some pretty incredible shit over there. Did with us anyhow . . . (BEAT) So, like I say, I’m heading off with her, right, this kid, heading out but I just stop in front of this place I’m talking about, I mean literally come to a dead halt the colors are, like, so fucking overwhelming! I give the girl a buck or so—more money she’s seen, her entire life—say I’ll be along in a minute, and I stand there and just gotta squint to take it all in. Really. (BEAT) Gadgets, novelties, these whirly things buzzing all over hell . . . handmade shit like you’ve never seen! I’m inside, haggling with some guy, a hundred years old or whatnot—crazy fucker, spoke not a word ’a English—but he takes me out in the street, gets me to put one of his newest kites up in the air . . . it was this beautiful birdlike thing, I never known anything like it. Huge white wings just all out, must’ve had a span of, maybe, twenty feet or so, I shit you not . . . long graceful neck and this head, if you could’ve seen the head! This is what I’m talking about, this ingenious little fuck had made, I don’t know how, but the head was like almost a separate kite that opened up when you got the thing high enough . . . Christ, it was just stunning! I’m telling you, the likes of it I don’t imagine to see again, I don’t care I live forever, nothing will be as miraculous as that fucking kite.
DARRELL
Wow—
RICH
Yeah. I must’ve had it up there, oh, at least a good couple hundred feet . . . the ol’ guy ran inside, screaming his ass off, chattering away and just beaming with pride. He got a huge spool ’a string and we tied it on near the end and we just kept going with it . . . up over the old part a’ the city, you know, where they got all the mosques and shit, we were way above that! Me and that bastard, trading off, circle ’a people around . . . Goddamn. It was something, I gotta tell you . . . (BEAT) Anyway, bought a couple things to send to my brother—he was twelve then, he used to get into all that exotic shit—and that was a hell of a good time for an R&R. (BEAT) Never did find that girl and her mom, though—