Calder rests his hand on the wall next to me at the same time he lifts his dog tags from my chest.
“Oh, sorry.” When I move to take it off, Calder captures the chain in his hand so I can’t touch it.
“It looks good on you,” he says in a low tone. Stepping closer, he wraps the chain around his fist, tightening it. Stroking his thumb along my collarbone, he continues, his voice thick with tension. “You have no idea how seeing my dog tags around your neck jacks me up.” He twists his hand until it’s taut and I’m forced even closer. “Today should never have happened…ever!”
His whole body is tense with simmering anger, but as much as Celeste deserves it, I don’t. I blink back the emotion rising to the surface, then lift my gaze to his. “Then why didn’t you fight for me, Calder?”
He smirks and slides his thumb along my quivering bottom lip. “I did. Hammer wasn’t going to give you up.”
I shake my head. “I’m not talking about the fight.”
Capturing my chin in a firm hold, his amused expression disappears. “Why would you agree to marry Ben right after you told me how you felt about us in the garden?” He slides his fingers down the side of my throat, then presses them against my pulse. “Your pulse is racing, angel. Everything else out of your mouth might be a lie, but your reaction when I touch you isn’t. You still want me.”
Everything else? What is he talking about? I’m desperate to spill my guts about who I really am. Celeste doesn’t deserve my loyalty. I could care less about mending her relationship with Calder, but I made this stupid deal, not just for my father’s sake, but for my sister’s. I promised and I don’t go back on my word. Ever.
I have to see it through no matter how much I hate that Calder is getting the brunt of Celeste’s selfishness. I’m sure if he ever learns about me when this is all over, he’ll never forgive me, but I can at least apologize to him the way Celeste should have already. She owes him that much.
“My marriage to Ben is purely a business arrangement. It’s something the Carvers and the Hemming family agreed on a long time ago. As CEO of Carver Enterprises, I’m obligated to follow through. I had no idea my father would decide to make the announcement tonight. I’m sorry you had to find out like that. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.”
He tilts my chin up, his gaze narrowed. “I meant what I said earlier. You’re mine. I’m no longer a better man, angel. I have every intention of fucking you into sheer exhaustion until you come to your senses and break off this goddamn sham of an engagement.”
The determined ruthlessness in his gaze knots my stomach with both desire and apprehension. As much as I want to let him fulfill every erotic promise he just made—God, I so want him to—I refuse to have sex with him as Celeste. What happened between us at the party four years ago was the last thing I expected, but it became a memory I’ve never been able to let go.
Calder is an even more intriguing and multifaceted man than I ever imagined. He means something to me, but he doesn’t even freaking know the real me exists. Fury rips through me at my untenable situation. I need to get the hell out of here. If Calder starts to follow through on his plans, I’m too emotionally connected and I’ll just complicate things even further than I already have.
I need to take back the reins of this conversation and steer it to more even ground.
I glance toward the duffle bag he dropped near the door. “For someone who demands full disclosure, it appears you had your own secrets. I remember you saying once that there would be no more costumes, no masks, and no fake names between us, Steel.”
He puts his other hand on the wall and lowers his handsome face close to mine. His light brown hair is a mess, and the sight of his overnight beard makes my stomach clench in excitement despite my vow to remain unaffected. “I was referring to us, and you damn well know it.”
“You’re the last person I expected to see. Beth brought me. Does she know you’re Steel?”
“No,” he murmurs as he inhales in a slow, tantalizing circle around my mouth. “You smell so fucking good.”
His comment clenches my insides, reminding me of our brief time together. I hate that he can’t tell that I smell different. It’s not like he’s an animal with keen olfactory senses, but still it would be nice if he could somehow know that I’m me and not her. I sigh inwardly as I take in his masculine scent of soap and sweat. My heart ramps when his lips stop just in front of mine. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t stop myself from wanting him to kiss me.
“In the interest of full disclosure,” he begins in a low, husky rasp, his mouth brushing torturously close to mine.
“Yes?” I breathe out, completely under his seductive spell.
He suddenly straightens and lifts his muscular arms behind him, tugging his T-shirt off in one swift movement. I’m so mesmerized by the wing tattoo curving around the left half of his body that I don’t protest as he drags me over to the bathroom door.
When he walks into the bathroom, rips back the curtain and turns on the shower, I shake my head. “I’m not taking a shower with you.”
“I didn’t ask you to,” he says, kicking off his shoes.
I furrow my brow, confused. “Then why—” I start to ask, but instantly turn away when he yanks down his shorts, stripping completely naked. “Wh—what are you doing?”
He touches my jaw and forces me to face the bathroom once more. “I’m giving you what you asked for. But you’ll have to look to understand.”
I meet his steady gaze and wish the bathroom light wasn’t so bright. He has to see how red my cheeks are. I’m not usually embarrassed by the sight of a naked man. I’ve seen my fair share, but for some reason Calder seems to be able to ferret out the weakest sides of me, those insecure parts that want to remain hidden away. Even though I’m fully clothed, I feel like I’m the one exposed right now.
The sound of the water turning on draws my gaze. Once I get a full view of his back as he leans in to check the water’s temperature, I can’t look away. His body is truly a breathtaking work of art; powerful, sinuous back muscles add realistic dimension to the skull. The dark-themed tattoo gives him a dangerously mysterious and edgy vibe, and I was right—the skull ends right at the top of his ass, drawing my gaze to the two perfectly formed globes of muscle. God I wish I had my camera. I’d put it on black and white mode and drink him in through the lens. But these pictures would only be for Raven’s personal collection.
“Have you got your fill yet?”
The arrogant amusement in his voice draws my attention. As heat rides my cheeks once more, I lean against the doorjamb and gesture to the shower, letting my sarcasm fly. “Other than a blatant show of exhibitionism, I fail to see how me watching you take a shower answers anything.”
“Other than a blatant act of voyeurism on your part, full disclosure is coming, angel.” Smirking, he picks up a bottle of body soap then starts to drizzle it over his shoulders and down his back. The second the water hits the strong herbal smelling soap on his inked skin, a streak of flesh shows through.
It’s not real? I instantly straighten and blink to make sure I’m not seeing things. Holy shit! I want to ask tons of questions, but I can’t bring myself to break the spell as Calder washes away the massive tattoo from his back. While a part of me is glad he won’t be carrying around such darkness inked on his skin for the rest of his life, another slightly selfish part of me wishes he would’ve kept at least some of the wing across his upper back. What does it mean to him?
As the black ink sloughs off his skin and swirls into the drain, I can’t help but fancifully hope it’s his symbolic way of shedding the loner persona that has kept him from his family. I truly wish that for him.
Calder turns and faces me as he continues to wash away the massive tattoo on his muscular left shoulder and hard pectoral. My gaze greedily follows his fingers massaging the suds down his arm and along his waist and flexing ab muscles.
My skin prickles with heat and my belly clenches a
s I follow his hand brushing over his skin. I want to be the one washing the dirty water away. I would revel in touching him so freely and intimately. I force myself to breathe slowly to keep from panting, but the pull he has over me is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. The desperate need to step forward and touch him is so strong, I grab the doorjamb and take several deep breaths to keep me in place.
As my libido settles, I realize that some of the ink on his shoulder and arm isn’t disappearing. Instead, amid the suds and streaming water, I see ink starting to darken against newly revealed skin, forming some kind of distinct pattern. While I hold my breath in anticipation, a memory of panning for gold with my family suddenly comes to me. When I was ten, Dad took us to Colorado. Sophie and I stood in that cool water sifting through dirt for what felt like hours, but when a few glimmers of gold appeared against the screen in my hand, I’d never been more excited.
That same sense of discovering something special flows through me now as a unique Celtic tribal design appears on Calder, curving around his left shoulder and halfway down his forearm. The pattern continues along his rib cage where the word “Solus” stands against his skin in perfect clarity.
God, he’s a beautiful man. He might not think he’s the family’s Golden Boy any longer, but he’s mine. And this tattoo means something to him, every part of it.
With another round of soap, Calder runs his hand over his skin and along his ribs. When his movements slow and his hand travels past his hip to fist his full erection, in that split second I can’t look away. My heart rate hikes as he slides his hand up and down his cock with measured, deliberate purpose. I’m sure if I look up and meet his heated gaze, he’ll tell me to join him, but I can’t force my eyes upward. I want him too much. Swallowing hard, I step out of the bathroom.
As the shower shuts off, I lean against the wall and close my eyes. When I feel the heat of Calder’s presence in front of me a few seconds later, I finally open my eyes. “Though it’s nice to know you won’t have a skull on your back indefinitely, what was the point of that,” I say in a tight voice.
Calder’s sporting a pair of soft gray jersey pants. They sit low on his hips, drawing attention to his rock-hard abs and the slabs of muscle that disappear beneath the waistband. When my attention zeroes in on the bruising along his ribcage and the welt curving over the top of his left hipbone, my heart constricts. I shift my gaze to his face to keep from thinking about him getting really hurt. Water still drips from his tousled hair, streaking down the sides of his face and into his overnight beard.
Sliding his fingers under my hair, he rests his hand on the back of my neck. “This is full disclosure time, angel.”
I hate that he calls Celeste angel. Hearing him say it to her stirs swift fury in my chest despite the heat of his fingers sliding into my hair. I want to ask him about his real tattoo, but Celeste would already know of its existence, so I hold back. I need to keep our conversation away from intimate issues.
I lift my gaze, intending to ask why he kept his fighting a secret, but he steps close and presses his mouth to mine in a heart-stopping kiss.
When you want something bad enough, not even a Mac truck carrying a full load of well-intended principles can pull you away. I’ve wanted to feel his mouth on mine again after all this time that, for a moment, my lips part and I let him in.
The sensation of his tongue twining with mine is so deliciously perfect and enticingly seductive, I whimper against his mouth. When his knuckles brush against my breast as he begins to unbutton the top button on my shirt, my adrenaline spikes. I ache to feel his hot skin and muscular chest pressed against mine. He makes fast work of the buttons and my shirt quickly falls open. Powerful hands grip my upper back and I’m lifted completely off the ground as his hot mouth connects with the curve of my breast above my bra.
Calder sets me against the wall and glides his tongue around the chain on my neck and down my cleavage before slowly tasting me all the way up my neck. Once he reaches my ear, he boldly bites the soft lobe, then rumbles against my jaw, “I hope you’re all caught up on your sleep, because I’m going to devour every fucking inch of your sweet body. Wrap those gorgeous legs around me and hold on.”
As he steps into me and trails his tongue back down my chest, I fold my legs around his hips and slide my fingers into his hair. He nips at the fleshy curve of my breast, then does the same to the other before sliding his tongue past my bra and flicking it against my nipple. I squeeze my thighs around his waist as his erection presses against me, the thin material of his pants doing little to keep his hard cock from nudging past my skimpy underwear. My channel floods with want and my fingers twist in the wet locks, pulling him even closer.
Calder groans his approval just before he sucks my nipple into his mouth. Clamping down on me hard, he takes me deep into his mouth with no hesitation. I gasp in sheer bliss and lock my ankles around his muscular backside, allowing myself to just feel.
When he begins to slide my bra strap and shirt down my shoulder, my conscience slams back to reality and my heart suddenly feels like it’s breaking apart. Half is being tugged toward him, while the other half resents that he’s pressing his magnificent body against Celeste so intimately. I never wanted to know this much about their sex life. I push on his shoulders. “We have to stop, Calder. This can’t happen.”
Calder lifts his head, his brow furrowed. Setting me down, he frowns past his elevated breathing. “Why not?”
I can’t look him in the eye while I pull my bra strap and shirt back into place, but he hooks his thumb on my jaw and forces me to face him. “I’ve wanted you for four years. I think I’ve waited long enough.”
I’m focused on his jawline, my heart racing crazily, but his comment instantly pulls my gaze to his. “What? But we’ve already…”
He slowly trails his knuckles along my cheekbone. “Already what?”
“You know,” I say, gesturing awkwardly between us. His eyebrow hikes, as if he’s waiting for me to continue. “Been intimate,” I breathe out uncomfortably.
He shakes his head as he begins to unravel the tape from his dog tags around my neck. Once both tags are tape free, he tosses the balled up black tape over his shoulder and says, “No, we haven’t and right now it’s one of my biggest regrets.”
They never had sex? I’m going to kill Celeste for letting me believe more had gone on between them. More importantly, I don’t want him to be with her now, but ugh…I can’t be with him as me. I want to scream my frustration. This right here is definitely Celeste’s vengeance on me.
I quickly tug my shirt closed over my chest. “We can’t, Calder.”
He scowls, clearly annoyed. “Why are you running from us?”
I press my lips together, then exhale, looking away. “I just…can’t.”
“I’ve never stopped wanting you, Raven,” he says in a fierce tone, his thumb sliding behind my ear.
The fact he used the name I gave him at the party for the first time snags my attention. When my gaze jerks back to his, Calder’s harsh expression settles as he cups my jaw. “I know you’re not Celeste.”
He knows? Even though my heart soars, a part of me panics. What if Celeste finds out? I can’t let her back out of our deal. I need to buy myself time to think through what this means. “I—I don’t understand.”
His green gaze drills into me. “You could play her, but Celeste could never play you. I knew when I went to the Carver estate to apologize for not contacting you, that she wasn’t the woman I was with at that party.” His hold tightens slightly on my jaw. “Who is marrying Ben?”
I swallow the lump of anxiety trying to crowd my throat. “Celeste is.”
He visibly relaxes and his assessing gaze slowly slides over my face, taking in every facet. “I’ll admit the resemblance is scary close, but her eyes don’t sparkle like yours do. The moment you turned around at the party today, I instantly recognized you. What is your real name? Are you Celeste’s secret twin that no one knows about
, and why are you going around pretending to be her?”
I shake my head. “We’re not related. I’ve only pretended to be Celeste twice. The night I met you and today.”
“Why?”
I shrug. “The first time was a bit of payback for something from the past.”
“And today,” he asks, eyebrows raised.
“I can’t say.”
His gaze narrows. “You can’t or you won’t?”
I can’t chance Celeste not following through for my father, so I take the offensive against his determined line of questioning. “If you knew Celeste wasn’t the person you were with at the party four years ago, then why did you date her?”
When he doesn’t immediately answer, I realize that we both have things we don’t want to talk about. I should leave while my emotions are only slightly trampled. Shrugging out of his hold, I tug my shirt fully closed. “I—I need to go.” I quickly button it back up and head in the direction of my cell phone.
Calder grabs my hand before I take three steps and turns me around. “Celeste and I never dated. I had my reasons for sticking around when I realized she wasn’t you, but our friendship was just that.”
I don’t like that he doesn’t elaborate on what those reasons were. Plus, if he really wanted to find me, he could’ve contacted Sebastian at any time to find out my real identity through Talia, but he didn’t. Maybe he started to have feelings for Celeste and doesn’t want to admit it. I pull my hand free. “If Celeste didn’t mean anything to you, then why did you look so upset when she got engaged? Why did you leave without saying anything?”
“I left because it was you up there agreeing to marry someone else, not her.” Touching my cheek, his tone softens. “You’re the one I want; a girl I only know as Raven.”
My heart melts and I cup my hand over his. “Will you be okay with just knowing that about me for today?” When he starts to shake his head, I say, “I gave my word, Calder. And if there’s one thing you need to know about me, it’s that I wouldn’t exist without it.”
Gold Shimmer Page 15