by Roxanne Lee
I tried hiding my smile but I think I failed miserably. That old man just digging in deeper, settling in my soul.
The Alpha's body had been removed. I didn't ask where he put it, I didn't want to give my wolf any more reason to put a claim on dead things. The blood mopped up from the floor. Stains still evident permeated into the boards. Blood was hard to get out of wooden flooring, seems to seep into those cracks leaving documentation of what's come before.
I sit in my solid oak chair, sinking into memories of life gone by. Stains on the floor, stains on my person.
I'd spent few short days in this house, a week or so and yet I'd grown so different from what I was. Such warmth seeping in, it shut out the cold that seemed to numb. But in that realisation I found what had been icy and stiff, hardened to all around me, had turned brutal in heat. A torrid flow of sweltering fury, no longer contained in restraints of cowardice.
I thought to that man in his hospital bed. Probably reliving those years he had me locked in. Probably enjoying his sick satisfactions. Wondering when I was returning for that letter on his chest.
I'll take the knife and carve his deeds on his skin, so those that find him read well what he did.
And when it's all over and I see that red end, I'll lay my sins out on a mirrored floor for all to see what they created in me.
Chapter 11.
I didn't sleep that night. I don't think it was fear of the unknown, more some sort of anticipation. A new player in the game, someone I hadn't accounted for.
Trying to plan ahead proved pointless. I had no idea of the guards intentions, could only guess at their hidden strategy. My only option was to wait, a long torturous submission.
In the hour before dawn I hardened my resolve. The only thing that mattered was not the force of the guard, not the man that brought fear and awe in equal parts, not even the blossoming of solidarity between two weathered souls. The only thing that mattered was getting to that end, to show the scars I chose to, not the ones that slipped through the cracks like unwanted defects.
Sam’s movements pulled me from my thoughts. I suppose we both had the same idea of being ready early today. Remy’s head lifted at the creak of floorboards. He'd apparently taken to sneaking in at night, creeping onto my bed and shuffling me over until he was comfortable. As if I didn't know he was there; the mastiff was nowhere near as stealthy as what he thought he was.
I followed Remy to the kitchen, a glorious smell of frying bacon already permeating the cabin. I decided to make the coffee myself this morning and made sure to get to that pot first. Sam’s little grin was a testament to my similar lack of stealth.
"Got lots o' meat this mornin', feed ya up, put sum meat on them bones."
"I'm actually really hungry this morning, it's kind of odd."
Sam smiled my way as I put two cups on the table.
"Nuthin' odd 'bout it. Dun 'spose ya felt tha wolf's hunger befo', it a never-endin' thing. Can be fightin' a war, runnin' tha forest, on ya death bed, dun matter; you always hungry." He chuckled, bringing plates piled high with bacon and sausages, and so much toast he had to bring a separate plate.
"Eat up, have sum time till death come callin'....we eat our feelin's here."
I rolled my eyes at his bad humour. I've yet to see a situation that truly seems to bother him. I hoped in time I could learn his secret, I would give anything to never be bothered again.
Dawn came too soon. That rising reddish glow such a portent for the coming hurricane.
They came by land, a marching troop of discipline. A mercenary parade of barely contained violence.
We heard them advancing from a mile away. I guess it didn't matter if they announced themselves, it's not like it was an invitation to meet. Some offer you could politely decline. Here or somewhere else they would see us, willingly or not.
Their approach was slow and steady, displaying an ease of movement and confidence of ability that was almost vanity. They moved surprisingly silent through the last barrier of woodland to stand facing the cabin, a wall of stationed warriors.
Sam took my hand, a gentle squeeze in his grip. I appreciated the touch, a firming show of alliance between two such opposite continents.
A bated breath was held in my chest. Not so much fear or unease, I'd lived through both of those previously but that feeling of stepping out, crossing the threshold, becoming something new in the wake of consequences yet lived.
We showed no hesitation on stepping through the door to our uncertain future. In the conflicting world of shifters such confidence in the face of adversity could go one of two ways and I very much hoped it ended without the prevailing brutality.
Each one of the men we stood facing was an example of creations most accomplished form. A perfect predator inside a perfect cage. An air of humming power emanating from every single one. Quiet voices of toughened men whispered short orders to lower ranks, watchers in the woods, eyes in the trees, some escaping behind the cabin only to melt into the scenery....catchers of the fleeing judged I imagine.
A hush fell over the twenty strong guard. It amused me somewhat, all those wolves for one small girl, it seemed slightly excessive.
I felt the power radiating long before he came into view. It seemed impossible that one body held so much without exploding at the seams. Heads lowered slightly in the wave of that influence, I looked across at Sam and saw his head as high as ever. I narrowed my eyes his way and he responded with a smile, that old man had secrets hidden deep, not yet ready to be released.
A horrifying roar resounded through the woods beyond the guard. More animal than man, more resounding than nature. The booms that followed were heavy footfalls. Each one a mini earthquake destroying it's path. I felt a quiver in my stomach; perhaps I was not as unaffected as I’d thought. As those tremendous steps came closer my beast inside, that deranged creature, stirred in her sleep. I held on tightly preventing any escape, I didn't want to think about my fate should I attempt to take the Captain's head. I couldn't imagine an outcome that would allow me to keep mine.
A break in the trees cleared a path for a swiftly moving giant. Dark wolf skin covering hardened steel in bulging arms. Thighs wide and cut in ice, a steely muzzle hidden behind rapidly moving branches. I looked at the guard, a movement in their ranks. Human faces full of confusion and curiosity.
Was this not the Captain?
I furrowed my brow at the men standing in formation, they looked at each other, quizzical eyebrows raised, some quiet murmuring between close quarters before taking a knee in preparation. The second moved to the front of the line, awaiting his leaders command.
So this is the Captain?
I don't think I've ever been so confused in such a short space of time.
Autumns cool wind blew a path behind me, buffeting my hair around my face, nudging me unwillingly towards his oncoming storm. Another roar sent closer birds flying from the trees, vibrating the ground at my feet, sending tremors through my limbs.
My wolf woke up.
Blurry eyes narrowed at the barbarian forcing and crashing his way through the last of the trees. That face came into view. Sat high on shoulders of brick. A snarling wolf atop eight and a half feet of annihilation. He stopped cold. His sudden halt sending up puffs of dirt a foot in the air. His gaze locked on me, those charcoal eyes burning through my hesitant acknowledgement. Faltering my straight face, my mask of calm.
He rumbled a call. A deep cracking of thunder to my ears. My mouth opened slightly, a breath caught in my throat.
My wolf forced her way upwards. Pushing at my control, swiping at my unwillingness. An answering angry snarl came from deep in my chest, drowning out that throaty call.
For a moment I froze.
There's that certifiable showing itself. Only a madman would challenge this Captain.
His guards from their bended knees, still that curious expression on their faces, looked quickly in my direction, a wince evident from some. The Captain's massive head cocked to th
e side, staring at me from thirty feet away, deep rumbling grunts escaping from between his fangs, narrowed eyes preying on his victim. It seemed to me like he was trying to talk; a ridiculous observation when those teeth were gleaming at you.
My wolf decided to let out a long ominous growl. The kind that warned and promised fulfilment of morbid threats.
A low panic started in my stomach, a flutter that steadily grew, a slightly off beat to my heart that became a pounding of dread. I think maybe she was trying to get me killed, maybe her obsession with blood had evolved to include the human she inhabited.
His huge thighs tensed in preparation. That pounding grew louder, a heavy base in my head.
His hands with claws extended, clenched until blood dripped from his palms. My stomach dropped to my knees.
Every breath from his chest was a snarl on exhalation. I felt that warning tingle, that moment that comes before fangs and claws and fur.
I saw his legs stretch and release. A push off the ground in a wild man's leap. The panic that started so small grew to consume my control until all that was left was that burning and searing of shift.
He flew across the rusty grass, a living, breathing creature of lore commanding an avenue on the dying terrain.
He did not heed my wolf's deafening roar, did not stop at her ferocious face. He kept coming until all I could see was this great beast dominating my view.
It seemed my wolf was all out of options. He wasn't listening and she had, had enough. As his great feet came within touching distance, a large dark hand reaching for her fur, she bent those lion like limbs low to ground and sprung quickly to the side, a twist in her spine mid air.
She ran, an Olympic sprint that no other wolf had a hope of catching as long as she still had breath in her lungs and will in her legs. The trees were passing faster than light, those rabbits throwing themselves out of the devil's way. I was locked down behind a storm of confusion, watching from my glass encased box, examining the commotion inside her mind.
When the guards and the Captain and the mess was far behind, a bellowing roar in my wake. I had just one thought remaining.
I left Sam.
Chapter 12.
The process of calming down my bristling other half took a good couple of hours. I wasn’t entirely sure what had gotten her so conflicted in the first place. The best I could work out from the feelings swirling through her was that she couldn't quite make up her mind on whether or not to kill that Captain. I personally think she might be slightly overestimating her abilities.
There seemed to be a block between us that interrupted the synergy between human and wolf; that perfect bond of two entities of conscious thought within one ever shifting package.
By the time we'd run close to twenty miles we were somewhat at an impasse. She couldn't keep running forever and I kept pushing at her to go back for Sam. I didn't expect to save us both, but maybe they would let Sam go if I returned, and that, would be good enough for me.
In the end, that was all it took. The idea of losing Sam, a big part of her slowly forming, unconventional pack. As hot-headed as she was, neither of us were willing to sacrifice him. That sneaky old-timer seemed to of taken a little bit of her heart too.
When she finally turned back it was with great irritation and uneasiness, she ambled more than ran but at least it was in the right direction. I was concerned about what I would find when I got there, for a centuries old wolf, born and fashioned in discipline and order, that Captain had the worst control I'd ever seen.
Our whole existence had been made to be suffocated in control. Endless training of shifting at will, management of emotion, manipulation of thought until the wildness slowly departed the wolf, leaving a muzzled house pet in place of raw, unbridled pride and repletion. Such abject waste.
I would not be controlled ever again. I revelled in that uncivilised, uncultivated, vicious animal. We were wolves; we were not meant to be tamed.
On reaching the clearing just before the cabin, I was immensely surprised to find it wolf free. Although, those guards had many years experience on me; I could very well have been completely surrounded.
My wolf gave a high pitched howl, a call to a member of her pack. I had a moment of utter fear that it would go unanswered.
The cabin door opened and a robe appeared first, attached to a rough, marginally wrinkled hand.
A breath escaped in a puff of air. A little bit of relief from both the human and the animal. His wide grin appeared next and I leapt at the robe he carried, my wolf finally anxious to release my body back to me.
"You alrigh' there, girlie?"
The shift was sort of exhilarating, a seamless transition from one form to another, a harmony of spirit.
"Me? Am I alright? God Sam, I'm sorry, I couldn't stop her. What happened?"
"Now dun you worry, figured she took ova'....."He raised a hand and scrubbed at the back of his neck, a rather suspicious sheepish look if ever I saw one. ".... We should talk a while, on tha porch. Sit, I get sum whisky, think ya goin' need it."
I narrowed my eyes at his retreating back, broad shoulders stiff and uncomfortable. I sat in one of the rickety old chairs and waited for the inevitable drop, a sinking feeling filling my gut, the man looked bothered. I was obviously in trouble.
I stared at the surrounding forest, a maze of old, wizened, beaten down hardwood. Trying to find evidence of hidden wolves between the dancing leaves. The clink of glasses preceded Sam’s soft footsteps. A burst of light through the crystal tumblers, pouring gold coloured glitter over the mid morning vista.
He sat beside me and handed me a large measure. Things were already looking worse. He sighed in pleasure as he took a long draught, I sipped at mine saving the mouthfuls for when I needed it.
"So, seems ya goin' back wit' them guards when they leave."
I snapped my head to look at him. "What?"
He rubbed that neck again and my stomach got lower and lower. "Uh well, good thing is you dun got no problems wit' tha Alpha no more. Pack won't say much bout' it now."
"What, they called the guards off?"
I think I saw him start to sweat. "Well no, no' exactly."
"Dammit, Sam what's going on?"
"Bugga'," he exclaimed and turned to face me. I cringed at his expression, it was probably the first time I'd ever seen him without a little smile on his face. "Captain won' let them say nuthin' no more. He protect wha' his ya see..."
No I didn't see, I didn't see at all. I started breathing harder, my lungs working to take that precious oxygen inside. "Sam? What are you....shit....what the hell are you saying?"
He blew out his cheeks and put a large hand on my arm. "You his, girlie. And he ain't leavin' withou' ya."
I wasn't aware until that moment that hyperventilating was still possible as a wolf. I had thought that all human weakness, all inadequacies, all those emotional problems that manifest so tragically as physical disabilities would just cease to exist. I was so very wrong.
I began to laugh. A rather maniacal, hysterical laugh that produced unwanted tears falling freely and unobstructed.
I sat in a rickety old chair, denying it to my very soul, falsely accusing my new found friend of lies and misconceptions. I hoped, more than ever before, that someone was playing a rather cruel, inappropriate joke.
Fate was twisted, I knew that well. She laughed at me regularly, I seemed to be her favourite game. But this, this was too far.
"No."
"Huh? Watcha mean no?"
'I mean no, Sam. I can't do this, he's wrong. He has to be wrong." I heard a cracking from inside the cabin, the sound of wood breaking under force.
"Sam...where is he right now?" I asked quietly, my hysteria grounding to a halt.
I'm pretty sure the old man blushed a little. "Uh...he um....he inside." He immediately took a large swallow of his whiskey.
"What. Is. He. Doing. Inside?"I hissed back.
"Well, he waitin'. Sent his guards on ahead ta get t
ha vehicles, figured ya may be a tad tired afta' all tha runnin'." He glanced to the cabin and lowered his voice, "We dun got a whole lotta choice righ' now. Tha' man ain't moving. He been waitin' all mornin', can' even get ta my gun 'cos he in tha damn way all tha time.'
I felt that stirring in my gut again. Yes, she might be tired, but she was no happier than I right now. Her eyes flared bright inside my head, a glaring stare of fierce disagreement. A rumble of displeasure in my chest enforced her opinion. We had no time for such childish notions.
"Could you do something for me, Sam?"
"Uhuh, sure can."
"Will you please tell that over grown ape that I will not be going anywhere with him, and he's severely delusional if he believes otherwise."
Sam let out a bellowing chuckle, it sounded like a symphony when more of that cracking sound came from inside.
"Girlie you crazy, ya can tell him ya damn self."
I huffed into my glass and rolled my eyes. "Don’t even know why I came back for you."
His chuckle was a soothing balm to my nerves."Yeah, yeah. I knew you was comin', never had a doubt."
We sat in silence for several moments, each one contemplating the inevitable change to what had quickly been turning into a crutch. A support system more unique and varied than anything a professional could have imagined.
"I can't do it Sam," I whispered. "I'm just not made that way. I'd crumble beneath him, it's the one thing me and my wolf are in complete agreement about; we have nothing left to give."
Sam put a long arm over the back of the chair and I lent back to rest against that quiet strength.
"Dun need ta be nuthin' righ' now. The man can wait, he been waitin' a long time already, centuries even, ya think he can' wait no more?" His rough hand passed a couple of times over my hair, a soothing touch I found I'd missed. "You got lots ta give, I know, I seen it. Ya jus' lost it somewhere along tha way, when ya done all ya need ta, you find it jus' fine."
A stray tear wound it's way down my cheek. A part of me wished that were true, that Sam’s faith would be rewarded. I couldn't force the same belief, it seemed so far away I couldn't even catch a glimpse on the horizon.