by Roxanne Lee
Katherine released another sigh and turned her back on Lane. Her eyes lightened again and she opened her arms wide as she moved towards me. I think I froze in place once more, not from dead, headless bodies on pendulums of death, but a stilled shock of impending contact. As her arms continued their intention I flew back on unsteady feet and stared at the woman grasping air where my body had previously been.
Katherine looked at her arms vacant and hugging nothing but the chilled breeze and hurt crossed her features, quickly and devastatingly apparent. For once, I found myself unsure in my actions. Wanting to erase the hurt I caused, perhaps even apologise for moving away from her. It was an ever increasing confusion.
As quickly as the hurt appeared it was gone as a smile so wide it must have ached replaced her frown. "Sweetheart it's so lovely to meet you."
I tilted my head, she seemed an old soul in a young female's figure. She giggled at my expression, an almost childlike laugh that lightened my heart in its song like quality. In that moment it dawned on me who this woman was, that laugh I'd heard in my dreams, that soft black hair covered her face as she'd sung hauntingly beautiful songs to her young son.
"You're Carver's mother." It was a pointless statement that I didn't really need confirmation to. Her smile though only became wider at my words.
"Yes, I birthed that overgrown caveman."
Her lips twitched in amusement but there was nothing but pure pride in her eyes. She turned her head to Lane once more and raised an eyebrow in question.
"I've linked him...already. They're in the...hospital."
She nodded and turned back to me, "Are you coming darling? Seems my son got his father hurt and I'm sure you'd like to see me yell at him."
I snorted, I think she should probably get in line."Sure."
She started walking and I fell into step beside her, Lane bringing up the rear. We walked five feet before she stopped and turned to the blonde shuffling behind us.
"Perhaps you haven’t noticed the mud hiding your clothes Lane?" Her voice was sweet and quiet in its question and yet there was steel beneath it.
"Um." Lane mumbled in response.
She sighed at him in disappointment. "Speak clearly Lane. We'll wait here for you, bring Arya some shoes too."
I looked down and saw the same mud hardened on my feet. I felt the oddest sense of relief at having stopped to wash the blood off my hands.
"Yes ma’am."
I flicked my eyes to Lane and my lips twitched as he rushed off, a flush darkening his neck. I relished in his obvious embarrassment, I was really starting to like Carver's mother.
She shook her head, "My boys would live like animals if I let them.." her head tilted as she followed Lane's retreat, "..that one especially."
I looked at the woman in astonishment. She'd just claimed that crazed blonde as her own and seemed nothing but delighted with the fact. Her eyes caught my look and she giggled easily again.
"Oh he's very much mine, flaws and all. He's been my son since Carver brought him home"
I liked her immensely in that moment. Like the sun she shone bright and pure, rays of honest appreciation for all that made that tortured man and she looked at his darkened, clouded aura as if he were her brightest star.
He returned within minutes, flustered as if he'd run miles in utter fear. He handed shoes my way and grinned at Katherine like a puppy who'd finally learnt a new trick. She graced him with a smile and licked her finger before smoothing his hair down from its wind blown state.
"Come along then." She stalked off and I followed in amusement, peering at Lane's scowl from the corner of my eye. His gruff exterior was forever ruined for me now, I knew his deepest secret; he looked only for approval from this woman.
The hospital was packed with warriors, wall to wall hardened bodies that filled corridors with weeping wounds and laughing, teasing voices; men celebrating the life they still held. Bodies moved and parted, a clear path made for the dark haired female leading the way, heads bowed and voices quietened to a hush. I followed Katherine in awe, she commanded more easily and more effectively then any warrior I'd ever seen. She stopped nearing the door that I knew Carver was behind, his scent seeped from the room, clawing and pulling at my soul, capturing my attention instantly and completely.
Katherine entered first and flitted to the bed where Fraser lay, eyes closed and breathing deeply. I frowned at the scars decorating his bare chest, there was something very wrong with the black stripes still so obvious and seeping blood on his torso. This hospital served only one purpose; for those with grievous injuries. Our healing ability so complete it needed medical help only for wounds deep enough or damaging enough that they would compromise health before closing.
I left my gaze on Fraser. I knew exactly where Carver was in the room and yet I refused to move my eyes. I felt tears rush to the surface and in utter horror I willed them to recede. It was betrayal that filled my heart, an organ that had been bruised enough and only wished for a break in the ever present battle, one small moment of peaceful stillness before life and it's aches came rushing forward once more and everything restarted in painful clarity.
Katherine’s face was an expression of love, that perfect moment between two people that was envied world wide. Even sleeping, without full knowledge, Fraser's face relaxed and softened as her hand touched his face and smoothed his dark hair back. A husky voice broke through the moment and I felt his rumble all the way to my toes.
"I'm sorry. I didn't get him out of the chains in time."
Her blue eyes left Fraser's face for a moment to settle on her son. "What have I said about looking after your father Carver?"
I heard the guilt heavy in his voice, "I know, I'm sorry."
She sighed and closed her eyes,"I asked one thing and this is what I come back to."
I tried hard to hide my amusement but my enjoyment of his scolding only grew. I desperately wanted to throw my words at him, jump on his mother's bandwagon and throw his faults in his face. I forced a deep breath through my lungs, this was not the best place to bring everything I'd learnt in the open and I found it rather hard to interrupt Katherine in the middle of her rant. She carried on for a full ten minutes as I felt Carver nod in acceptance to every word she said to him. It was quite enlightening, to see a man brought so heavily to his knees by one steely female.
"He should wake soon mother." I returned to the conversation at his pleading voice.
Katherine sniffed delicately and nodded at her son, "You had better hope so."
I saw Lane wince as he stood to attention behind her, no doubt remembering how it felt to be on the receiving end of her disappointment. She turned to smile at me and gestured to the chair beside her.
"Sit Arya, you look tired."
She was quite correct, I was tired. Weighed down and sunken, drifting on a tide of finalities that I couldn't get my head around. I'd finished my ending, here I was standing free and clear of everything that had seemed to be the very structure that held me up. The building blocks that my tattered soul had been made of, the destruction I'd been built on. And yet, standing in a room with the man supposed to be my pathway to a new life, someone who should have replaced all the damaged, dampened walls with an improved and unspoiled façade, I felt nothing but exhaustion.
"Where's Charlie...and Duncan?"
Lanes voice broke through my heavy eyes.
"With Sam I think."
I perked up at Carver's mention of Sam, maybe I'd sit on that porch for a while, drink some of his whiskey and let his deep voice soothe aches as he told me stories of the battle I'm sure he sat laughing at.
Katherine’s small gasp pulled my gaze to Fraser and I saw his dark eyes land on her and crinkle slightly at the edges. I couldn't help the tip to my lips as I found the same expression of unequivocal love reflected in his face. His eyes swept the room as he smiled at Lane and then Carver and finally me hidden slightly behind Katherine’s taller frame. The blackness he shared so similarly with
Carver deepened for a moment and widened as his lashes fluttered open and shut in effort to remain awake. His head shot to Carver and he coughed clearing his throat thick with sleep.
"Sam." Rough and dry I winced at the word he forced out.
Carvers mouth dropped and he shook his head, an unspoken conversation started between the two, a mind link I was yet to be privy to."No."
Fraser only frowned."I'm sorry...I trusted him, don't let him hurt Sam."
I heard only the last words as my feet slipped on the tiled flooring, sliding through the doorway and pushing past guards crowding the walkway. My heart thumped, blood pouring and thriving, a wolf howling and scratching her release. Men jumped and shoved themselves out of my way to thundering growls breaking through my chest and splitting ribs aching to part and shift and let the animal claw her way out. I heard him shouting, screaming for me to stop.
Nothing could make me stop.
Chapter 41.
So this is how it ends. Submersed in tempestuous waters, thrown at cliffs eroding into shores, sediment settling in sea beds of riotous shifting. I'd had my moment, a single glance at what could have been. Fate gave me a vision and took it away without remorse, dangled a peaceful future close enough to grab only to snatch it away so quickly.
I'd not forgive her this. How quickly I fall.
I ran with purpose, a heavy weight settled in my chest. It hurt to breathe so panicked and unsure. Tears ripped my throat, clogged my vision and threatened oxygen I gulped while pushing the animal away. I didn’t want to shift, I needed the human and her speech not the animal who'd no doubt claw her way through anyone to get to that old man. Carver would follow but I'd left him behind, him and Lane dealing with guards I'd clawed, possibly killed, those trying to stop my forceful run as their Captain shouted for me to stop. I found myself wishing he was beside me, just this once, just for Sam.
She lent me her speed, gave my legs the power of preternatural grace and agility. It felt like miles, grounds blurring beneath my feet, buildings fuzzy as they passed my eye. Like a recurring dream of running without gaining ground, the harder you pump those arms the slower your pace. I was full of promises...to never kill again. To never follow revenge and forget what mattered most. To never be so self assured in my own worth. Words that haunted.
I'd lost nothing.
Blood surrounded me. The smell of it, the taste hitting the back of my throat. I had yet to be able to decipher between stale and fresh, it covered the courtyard and every building in the vicinity to a degree that made it impossible to tell where the smell began and ended. So embedded into every grain and particle, saturated the dirt until it breathed life in a parody of animation, exhaled in gusts of clotted air that turned the encampment into a city of dead.
I stepped gingerly over desecrated grounds, my feet faltering as the farmhouse loomed high, touching the amber sky in the rising morning. My cheeks wet with tears I couldn't stop, my heart aching as it pumped it's broken chambers in repetitive beats.
I already knew.
I'd been wallowing in fantasy, this was the man I loved. Why did I continue to be so blind?
Mournful howls from terrified dogs kicked my heart in my chest. I heard two solid skulls battering holes into wooden doors as they raged and fought against their containment. I left them behind the kitchen door as I flew through the entry way, they were safe for now and they would remain so, I owed him that much. I screamed through the house, echoes rebounded from silent walls.
"SAM!"
I continued unanswered in my frantic searching.
I stilled as I came to the second floor, two steps passed the staircase I found his body sprawled on the carpet. Red staining the luxurious fabric, pooled and spreading, searching crimson fingers grabbing for the carpeted edges. His sword entered his back, high on his ribs, the hilt catching light steaming through the hallway window. His hands remained half shifted as if he'd been surprised and only reacted before falling to the floor. I blew out a breath and whispered apologies to him for my ignorance.
"I'm sorry Charlie."
I removed the sword, it seemed useless with the amount of blood seeping from his body, his pierced heart leaking every pint his huge size contained, yet I needed to give him the chance. I dropped the sword by his side, not willing to take what he obviously prized. The steps I took towards Sam’s bedroom seemed the longest of my life, silent in imagined horrors, a hush of shaking limbs that preceded a crash.
I let the door swing open and bang against the holding wall. The windows were open and morning birds awoken sang songs of life as death filled my soul.
I crumpled.
Folded into my own skin.
Sank to the floor as my lungs deflated in agonising moans. The wolf howled within, screaming that filled my head and begged my heart to stop, to die with the man so limp and lifeless on the floor. This is the man I loved.
I stared through a waterfall of tears, so heavy only a blurred shape remained of the old man I'd pinned my future on. I wiped away salted water, stinging cuts I hadn't known I'd had. I crawled the carpet on hands and knees, following a trail in velvet red that made me cringe as it met my skin. I found the hole in his chest, wide and blackened, death reaching and pasting it's colour on his heart. I touched his face, wrinkled and soft, losing its healthy vigour as his body lost its blood. Heavy eyes flicked open, pained and worried and serene in his finale. His weakened gaze locked on mine and I fell into the grief that engulfed me.
"Oh, dun worry girlie.." rough and deep, whispered in its hoarseness. "I be fine, get ta see my woman...been missin' her."
My tears fell and dripped, staining his face with sorrow I couldn't contain.
"Please don't Sam, I can't do this without you."
His smile was a ghost of all he'd been, wrenching my heart from my broken chest.
"Dun nobody wanta live fo'eva'...I done my job righ' girlie, it's time you finish on ya own."
"No!" I was far from ready, I'm lost without him.
His hand tried a shaky touch to my face, rubbing tears that fell without restraint.
"Ssh...you give tha' Captain a chance ya hear? He an ass...bu' he dun know no better."
I only cried harder. It was like I couldn't stop, the animal cried with me and the force of both our sorrow seemed a never ending torrent.
"I love you Sam." And I did, so much it hurt.
"Ah me too girlie, even tho' ya crazy...love every bit of ya."
His breaths ended in gasps of pain and I felt worthless as they rocked his frame, more worthless then I'd ever felt.
So this is how I break. Not by force of some others deficiency. Not by lies and misconceptions. Not by a beast so consumed and a human so tainted, but one man wrapped up in all I'd come to cherish, one old man I found my heart in.
His soft brown eyes closed on a smile. Everything I'd become died with him. Everything I'd found in this new life seemed irrelevant without this man. I broke piece by piece, fractured in the morning's startling light, cracked like porcelain under the weight of a soul so bright it outshone the sun piercing the room and highlighting all my failures.
I'd lost everything.
My sorrow grew and morphed, expanded and invaded, became all encompassing in its entirety. The beast raged in her distress, clawed long lines on my ribs, sank painful talons into a heart already clenched in anguish. We were one in our misery and it was desolation doubled. I clung to his withered frame, strong even in death, even without the wolf that could have saved him. I raged at the old man who'd let his wolf die, screamed at the fate that wanted to destroy me. In this...she had won.
Heavy tread walked the carpeted hallway, large feet blocked the doorway. I stayed laying over Sam, protecting his soul in its release. I followed the feet with unfocused eyes as they walked the room and stood parted in a watchers stance.
"Hello lass."
I gave him nothing but stillness. Lost inside my head and dead in the very centre of my eyes.
He tsked as I
refused to look at him, "Seems I broke ya, come on now get up I need ta finish this quickly."
I flicked my eyes to his, following the madness as it consumed him.
He smiled, one that stretched that rugged face."I played a good game didn't I?"
I nodded, he had outplayed us all.
"Why?" I didn't care about his motives, I only cared why he'd had to involve Sam.
He grinned wider, rabid in its humour. "Control," He shrugged wide shoulders, "I want it."
He shuffled a little and sat his large frame on the chair by the open doorway."Played the governors at their own game, forced their hand to start a war they'd never win. They killed themselves off."
"And Daniel?"
He laughed loudly and I cringed at the sound, "was going ta hand him over ta Lane, found a better use for him." His smile was a permanent fixture on his pale face, "you got rid of him for me didn't you?"
Yes I'd certainly helped him get rid of his own witnesses. "Charlie was your friend."
He shrugged once more,"He was in my way."
I needed his answer more then I needed to breathe."Why Sam?"
He blew out a breath and fire burned inside me at his unaffected expression. "Old man was too smart, figured me out even before today. Saw it in his eyes as he looked at me and then he told me exactly what he thought; was too easy he said, like they were bait. Fraser should have died too, then I'd have been free and clear to take over," His voice became irritated and I fell harder into the flames that burnt and overwhelmed. "Seems my plans must change."
I whispered past torches that scratched and seared my throat,"And Lane?"
He sighed and gritted his teeth, "He'll understand."
I shook my head sadly,"No he won't. You used what tortured him and betrayed those that gave him a home. He'll never forgive that."
Duncan stared at me, sanity reaching through the lunacy."Seven hundred years lass, I'm owed this."