Kim put her hand on my arm and squeezed. “I believe you. And I know you believe me, too.”
We held each other’s gaze. Some of the guilt that had taken up residence in my chest finally started to dissipate—maybe Kim and I hadn’t gotten off on the right foot, but we’d reached an understanding. We’d found some trust that I hadn’t even realized I’d been missing in my life. And as far as I could tell, she’d forgiven me for our rough beginning. Thank God.
Kim drew her hand back and cleared her throat. “So, you said you know Gutiérrez?”
I nodded.
“But you don’t think he’d help me?”
I brushed a few strands of hair out of my face and gazed out at the ocean because I couldn’t look her in the eye anymore. “Up until recently, he’d have been the first person I’d have gone to. But now . . .”
“What happened?”
I chewed the inside of my cheek. “I, um, overheard some things. Apparently he’s friendlier with Stanton than I thought.”
Kim sighed. “I really don’t have any allies, do I?”
I took her hand and met her eyes. “You have me.”
I was afraid she’d scowl and remind me that there wasn’t a damned thing I could do for her. That I was as powerless as she was.
But she squeezed my hand and smiled. “Thank you. You’ve been amazing through all of this.”
I returned the smile and hugged her.
But what I wouldn’t have given for the power to make this whole thing go away.
We went back down to Waikiki that afternoon to relax and unwind. A few blocks from the beach, we wandered through shop after shop of Hawaiian-themed merchandise. Some were quite nice—we spent almost half an hour drooling over amazing hand-carved wooden statues in one shop. Of course we couldn’t have afforded any of them, but they sure were pretty to look at. Some of the other shops, though, were obviously geared toward those who either had horrible taste or still wanted souvenirs after they’d spent most of their money on hotels and maitais.
After checking out some gorgeous seascape paintings, we strolled into another shop full of touristy crap.
I wrinkled my nose and picked up a hideous picture frame made out of plastic hibiscus flowers. “Do people actually put stuff like this out in their houses?”
“I think they buy them for people they don’t like.”
“Oh, that would explain it.” I gestured with the frame. “If I got a gift like this? Message received.”
She snickered. “What about this one?” She held up a cheap sculpture of a colorful tropical fish.
I giggled. “If someone gave me that, I would unfriend the crap out of them.”
“But Kim”—she batted her eyes and pretended to pet the fish—“it’s the thought that counts, right?”
“Mm-hmm. Exactly.”
She laughed and set it back on the shelf. “This looks like the kind of weird shit you can find on Kokusai Street.”
“Really? I’ve never been there.”
“You’ve been on Okinawa for six months, and you’ve never been down to Kokusai Street?” She smiled. “You should check it out. It’s got a lot of touristy stuff, but you can find some really cool pottery and glass there.”
“Really?” I started to speak, hesitated, then decided to hell with it. “When we get back to the island, could you show me around?”
Reese’s smile turned to a grin. “I will show you all the cool places. Including the ones nobody knows about.”
“Promise?”
She held up a fist with her pinky extended. I hooked mine in hers, and we exchanged grins. My God, it had been so long since I’d done this. Goofing around. Shopping. Giggling. Having a few fruity drinks, even if they were virgin. I’d been lonely as hell for the last few years but hadn’t realized just how much I’d missed this.
We continued through the store, past the weird trinkets and into the racks of Hawaiian shirts, bikinis, and brightly colored dresses.
“Hey, Kim. What do you think?” Reese picked up the most hideous flowery dress I’d ever seen and held it up in front of herself. “Should I get this for the Navy Ball?”
I snorted. “I dare you.”
She smothered a laugh. “Really? I totally will.”
“Except then you’d have to actually go to the Navy Ball.”
“Oh. Right.” She hung it up again. “Fuck that. I’d rather—oh my God! Did you see these?” She grabbed a pair of sunglasses that had thick rims made out of cowrie shells and put them on. Striking a pose, she said, “Should I buy them?”
I snickered. “You totally should. They’re so you.”
“Hey!”
“You asked.”
“Okay, I did.” She put them back on the rack. “But I have too many sunglasses as it is, so . . . no.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, darling.”
We both laughed and headed out of the shop and back into the warm afternoon. As we stepped outside, moving from fluorescent light to the bright tropical sun, I glanced at Reese, and my breath caught.
Oh yeah. That was why I’d had a crush on her when I’d first checked into the command, even though our uniforms had never been accused of being particularly flattering. They made the guys look great, but somehow managed to completely flatten our butts and boobs. Even dressed like that, with some of her best features covered up by blue camouflage, she’d been hot.
In a T-shirt and shorts, though? Reese was smoking hot. She had the kind of hips and ass that made my mouth water, and her intense PT sessions definitely showed—with arms like that it was no wonder she could take down belligerent suspects without much trouble.
Out here, out of uniform, away from everybody else’s bullshit, she looked amazing. Dressed down and relaxed with her brown hair pulled back into a messy ponytail instead of the rigid bun she wore to work and that playful smile on her lips, she made my heart stop every time she looked at me.
Like she was doing right now.
I cleared my throat as heat rushed into my cheeks. “Sorry, what?”
She cocked her head but didn’t press. “I was just asking if you wanted to keep going through shops or maybe go down to the beach?”
“Uh.” I glanced around. The sidewalks were getting crowded as the sun was starting to go down. “How about the beach?”
She grinned. “Want to get some more sand in your shoes?”
“No, ma’am. I plan to take them off this time. Before that happens.”
Reese winked. “Smart.”
We both laughed and headed toward the strip of high-rise hotels that stood along the beach. As we did, I stole a few more glances at her.
This was the woman I’d thought was a complete and total bitch?
After spending time with this side of Reese, I felt like a jerk for ever thinking what I had about her. Truth was, she was exactly the way I’d been at my last command. And what had I done? Stopped just short of calling her Razor Wire.
But that wasn’t her. Not even close. She was completely different here. Hell, we both were. Half an ocean away from our fucked-up command, for the first time since I’d joined the Navy, I got to have a normal evening with a girl. I’d almost forgotten what that was like.
And I’d definitely forgotten what it was like to lose my breath every time that girl looked my way.
Question was, did she feel the same?
I quickly banished that thought. Reese had come here to help me when I’d been about to lose my mind. That didn’t mean there was any more to this.
At least I had a friend now.
But did I dare imagine she could be something more?
We stopped for a couple of virgin daiquiris on the way down to the beach, which staved off the lingering heat of the day. At the edge of the sand, we finished our drinks, then took off our sandals and made our way out onto the beach. The sand was hot but not enough to burn, and the tourists were steadily wandering back to the hotels, so everything was perfect. Not too crowded, not too ho
t—perfect.
Part of me was still reeling from finally telling someone what had happened to me in Afghanistan, but I also felt . . . freer. As if talking about it—or more to the point, having someone I could trust with it—was the key to letting it go. Obviously it would never go away completely, but I’d shaken it off enough that I could embrace this relaxing day out. Especially since I was spending it with . . .
Her.
The woman who’d let me unload my story even while she carried the weight of her own assault. In spite of the rocky start, we’d gotten to this place—trusting, comfortable—and I was so, so grateful. I was also keenly aware of my responsibility to support her emotionally right now.
A ways down the beach, Kim exhaled. “God, I needed this tonight.”
“I’ll bet you did.”
She tilted her head to one side, then the other. “You’d think I would’ve thought to get out and relax a bit.”
“Glad it’s helping now.”
“It is.” She inhaled deeply, and as she let that breath go, a smile slowly formed on her lips. “So much.”
“Good. How, um, how are you feeling? About everything?”
“You mean about bailing this morning?”
I shrugged. “Sure.”
“I don’t know. Part of me still wants to get it over with. Part of me doesn’t know, well, anything.”
“Well, at least now you have some time to catch your breath and think things over.”
“Thank God.” She turned to me. “Or, well, I guess I should say thank you.”
I smiled. “No, it was your decision.”
“Yeah, but I think I needed someone to talk me off the ledge and tell me that decision was okay.” She rolled her eyes, her cheeks coloring. “Fuck. I sound like such an idiot. I swear, I can make my own decisions and think for myself, I’ve just been such a damned mess lately.”
“Kim.” I stopped, and when she did, too, I squeezed her shoulder. “Nobody expects you to have a completely clear head right now. Anyone who does is either clueless or an asshole. It’s okay to lean on people.”
“That’s a tough thing to do when you’re not used to being able to lean on anybody.”
“Well, get used to it.”
She hesitated but then returned the smile, and some of the tightness in her neck and shoulders seemed to disappear.
I didn’t know what else to say. All I knew was I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Fatigue and stress still made themselves known in the dark circles under her eyes, but the fading daylight played on her skin, filling in the color that exhaustion had taken away. Her blue eyes shone with more life than they had before. She still had a long way to go, but it was like she had her spark back, even if it was only for tonight.
Why would you do this to her, Stanton? Who in his right mind would break this girl?
Twin crevices deepened between her eyebrows. “What?”
“Hmm?”
“You were looking at me kind of, I don’t know . . .”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just . . .” I hesitated. “Okay, can I be totally honest about something?”
She shrugged. “Sure. Yeah.”
“You’ve been different ever since I got here.”
Kim scowled. “Wouldn’t you be?”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I don’t mean it as a bad thing.” I swept my tongue across my lips, catching the taste of my daiquiri and caught myself wondering if hers tasted the same. “I mean, you’re dressed differently. Less”—I gestured at my face—“makeup.”
“Oh.” Her cheeks colored, and she turned toward the water. “Just didn’t . . . didn’t feel the need—”
“I like it.”
Kim straightened, her lips parting. “What?”
“You’re so much prettier like this. The real you.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “I mean, I’m not saying you’re not pretty the rest of the time, but like this, you’re . . .” I exhaled. “Kim, you’re stunning like this.”
She smiled shyly. “Thanks.” She gestured at herself. “It’s funny. This is how I prefer to dress, but the other way, I thought that’s how the guys liked girls.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Fuck those guys. You don’t need to please them.”
“So I’ve learned,” she whispered.
“I’m serious. What they think doesn’t matter.” As I spoke, I couldn’t resist touching her face. She closed her eyes and released a breath but didn’t recoil from my fingertips, so I gently rested my entire hand against her cheek. She pressed into it, her soft skin warm beneath mine.
I swallowed. “Is this okay?”
“Yeah.” She put her hand over mine and looked up at me. “To be honest, aside from this trip, I haven’t been touched by another girl since before I came to Okinawa.”
“Neither have I.”
Kim held my gaze. “How long ago was that?”
“Almost two years.”
“Wow. That’s a long time.”
“Yeah. It is.”
She ran her fingers through my hair. Gazing into her eyes, I wondered if her heart was beating as fast as mine.
The silence lingered. I kept searching for some way to fill it, but I couldn’t think. Not when her gaze kept flicking back and forth from my eyes to my lips. Or when mine kept doing the same, alternating between her beautiful eyes and her parted lips.
Kim took a breath. Then she lifted her chin, and as if drawn by some unseen force, my body reacted to hers, moving in closer and leaning down until our lips almost brushed.
“Are you sure about this?” I whispered.
“I’m not sure about anything.”
But she kissed me anyway.
Neither of us moved at first. My heart was beating out of control, but otherwise, I was as still as she was. Then she nudged my lower lip with hers, and I tilted my head slightly as I did the same to her.
My sandals slipped from my fingers and fell, forgotten, to the sand. A second later, hers fell, too. She parted her lips, and I parted mine, and as we wrapped our arms around each other, the kiss deepened.
Electricity shot right through me, and at the same time a lump rose in my throat. Jesus Christ, had I really gone so long without tasting another woman like this? Without feeling another woman?
I slid my hands down her sides, tracing the delicious curve of her waist as I drew her body closer to mine. Some people just fit together, every curve and angle fitting like they were made to, and Kim and I fit perfectly.
I ran my hand up again, but as I started over the swell of her breast, I pulled back.
She grabbed my wrist. “Don’t.”
“But I—”
She gently laid my hand back on her breast. “Please.”
Then her lips were over mine again and we were kissing, and when I ran my thumb over her nipple, she moaned into my kiss and pressed against me.
“You sure this is okay?” I whispered.
“I feel like it shouldn’t be.” She drew back so we could see each other. “Seems like I shouldn’t want to go any further.” She ran her tongue across her lower lip. “But it’s been so long since anything’s felt good . . .”
I trailed my fingertips down the side of her face. “We can always stop.”
“I don’t want to.” Swallowing hard, she met my eyes. “M-maybe we should go back to the room.”
I shivered. “Yeah. Maybe we should.”
The drive back from Waikiki to our shithole motel took forever. After a red light lasted way longer than it should have, and the subsequent green light went by way too fast, I was tempted to suggest a beach or another hotel or something before I went out of my mind.
But finally, we made it, and my heart sped up as Reese pulled into a parking spot in front of the motel. We hurried from the car out into the hot evening air and through the door into the cool room.
Reese closed the door behind us and leaned against it. I fa
ced her. Neither of us moved. Neither of us spoke. For what felt like hours, I couldn’t look anywhere but right into her eyes.
She swallowed. So did I.
“You, um . . .” She cleared her throat. “You having any second thoughts?”
“No. You?”
She shook her head.
Knees shaking and heart pounding, I crossed the strip of space between us, but just before we touched, I lost my nerve. We were so close, not even an inch apart. If one of us leaned in even a little, we’d be kissing, but I . . . and she . . .
“I thought you weren’t having second thoughts,” she whispered unsteadily.
“Not second thoughts.” I licked my lips. “Just nerves.”
“That makes two of us.” She lowered her gaze for a second. “How about this? If either of us is awkward or slow on the uptake, we’ll just run with it. No judging, no laughing.” She grinned cautiously. “What do you think?”
I held up my fist with my pinky extended. “Promise?”
Reese laughed and hooked her pinky in mine. “Promise.”
We giggled, and some of the tension in the room dissipated. The moment passed, though, and our humor faded. We hadn’t let go of each other’s hand yet.
Holding her gaze, I touched her face, and we both shivered. She ran the backs of her fingers down my cheek.
“No judging,” she whispered, still holding on to my pinky with her other hand. “We’re both new to each other. I don’t care if we’re perfect.”
“I don’t, either.” I’m just scared of . . .
To hell with it. Everything I was afraid of existed outside of this room, and everything I wanted was standing right in front of me, so I used my grip on her pinky to pull us together and I kissed her.
Reese let go of my hand, and we wrapped our arms around each other. Forget nerves. Forget second thoughts. Up until tonight, I’d gotten used to a lack of human contact, but now that I’d crossed a line and let myself kiss and touch her, I wanted more. I wanted to touch her all over. To be touched all over. I didn’t care where this was going as long as we didn’t stop.
I pressed against her, and she pulled me closer. The damned AC in this room kept the air way too cold, but that only made the warmth of Reese’s body that much more addictive.
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