by Dale, Lindy
“I’ll think about it,” I say, kissing him. I mean, it sounds wonderful and Mason is wonderful in his own way. But I’m not ready for this. I’m not sure this is how I planned my life to be.
*****
Sleep is hard to come by that night. It’s becoming something of a habit; my head is spinning in circles from the things that have happened earlier in the day. On one hand, I know Mason is in love with me and wants us to be together. There are so many things to love about him, so many things I want to learn more about. On the other, I feel like we’re going too fast. I feel like he’s thrown me in at the deep end and I’ve had no time to plan for the swim. After a while, my mind inevitably switches to thoughts of my prac. I formulate different scenarios and plan the things I might say when I start the job at Hardwick & Lawson. I want to sound like I know what I’m on about, that I’m up with the latest developments, not that I’m some clueless university student with stars in her eyes. I know it sounds anal but this is how I like to organise. I visualise things.
The dramatic overthinking well and truly taken root, I decide it’s pointless staring at the ceiling so I get up and head to our tiny kitchen to make myself a mug of warm milk.
I stand at the window with my mug in my hand, looking out at the city. It’s a clear night, but cold, and I watch the stars twinkling around the moon. A satellite streaks across the sky and for some reason I’m reminded of Nicholas and the morning on the boat. He told me how he loved to watch the stars and how when he was little he always tried to count them but he couldn’t count to big enough numbers to count them all. I wonder what he’s doing now? Probably found some other girl that Joel doesn’t care for. A good-looking man like him would never be single for long. I ponder, too, at what might have become of us if I hadn’t left that morning. Would I have been able to continue the relationship with him and Joel or would my conscience have gotten the better of me? I know the aim was for me to never know who I was having sex with but I loved the way Nicholas held me. It always felt so right. He made me feel so safe. And despite the fact that Joel was the most annoying man on the planet, I couldn’t imagine my life never having met him. In his own non-committal way he cared. I know he did. You can’t fake that kind of thing.
After my drink is finished, I put the mug into the sink and head back to bed. I’m tired now, so I curl up under the covers. I sleep well despite the fact that my night is filled with dreams… and all of them seem to revolve around one solitary kiss. When I wake the next morning, I remember the dream briefly as I’m straightening my hair and putting on the eyeliner Emily suggested. Stupid, but it’s like that dream is trying to tell me I shouldn’t live with Mason, that there is more to life than settling for second best at the age of twenty-one because a guy who loves you asked you to. And I’m not harbouring some secret longing that Nicholas, Joel and I will meet again and live happily ever after either. The city is a big place and two surfer guys like them would never be in the same place at the same time as me because I never intend to go skinny-dipping again for the rest of my life.
CHAPTER TWO
At precisely 8.27am on Monday morning, I find myself standing at the entrance of Hardwick & Lawson in Davey Street. The building is Georgian, like really old Georgian, not that hideous fake knock off stuff. It’s sandstone and three storeys high with a further storey in the attic delineated by curved dormer windows. It’s immaculately maintained and has rows of symmetrical Georgian small paned glass with symmetrically placed topiary-balled trees growing on either side of a glossy black front door. Nobody would expect anything less from the biggest building and design firm in the city.
I take a deep breath, smooth my skirt — well, Emily’s skirt. I turn the knob on the front door and as I do, my mind turns to Mum. I know she’d be proud of me today and I feel her with me, urging me to stay calm, not to be nervous, to do the very best I can. My knees won’t be shaking like this once I get in there but this is like any new thing I try in this grown-up life of mine. Beginning is the hardest part — the uncertainty of what lies behind that door will fall away once I’ve made the first move.
Inside the building, I stop for a second taking in the space surrounding me. Wow. It’s beautiful. I mean, like uber beautiful. The Blackwood floor is so hard and shiny I feel like I could actually take off my shoes and skate in my stockings to the reception. The walls are painted in soft ivory tones that remind me of a milky cup of tea. Vivid white trim decorates the architraves and skirtings. In a small sitting area to my left, a gilt mirror the size of the chimneybreast dominates the space. A coffee table is piled with home and design magazines and though these are the only adornments apart from sofas, it feels homey and somehow right. If this is any indication of the level of work and expectation this firm has, I’m up for the challenge. I walk to a large reception desk and put on my bravest smile.
“Hi. I’m Sadie Cooper. I’m to be an intern here for the next month. Can you point me in the direction of Jill O’Halloran please?”
Wow. I sound so confident I almost fooled myself.
Jill is my new boss. She’s in charge of the landscaping arm of Hardwick and Lawson. Even before she joined them she’d won awards for city and park design. She’s a genius and I’m super stoked about having the chance to be in her presence, let alone watch the way she works. Hopefully, some of her brilliance will rub off.
The woman behind the desk smiles at me. I note she’s wearing a white business shirt and a tight dark skirt. I’m happy I seem to have made a good fashion choice for my first day. It relieves one tiny stress.
“Hello, Sadie. I’m Laura, Mr Hardwick and Mr Lawson’s PA. We’ve been so excited to meet you. The placement officer from the Uni has told us about your awards last year. I know Mr Lawson, in particular, wants to have a chat when you’ve found your way around and settled in a little. He’s always keen to support new talent and he wants to hear about new developments in the industry.”
Nicholas Lawson wants to hear my ideas? I have died and gone to heaven.
“Um. Yeah.”
“Jill’s office is on the first floor, first door at the top of the stairs. I’ll let her know you’ve arrived so you can go straight on up.” Laura presses an intercom button and speaks into it. She motions for me to go up the stairs.
Oh god. I’m going to crap myself.
The rest of the morning flies by in a blur. I meet the small team of landscape designers, including Jill, and am shown around the office. I learn how they like their coffee and how to operate the photocopier, which is as I expected. Then I’m sent to the local sandwich bar to place the orders for lunch for everyone. I’m glad I wrote them down, I’d never be able to remember the various combinations of bread and rolls and fillings everyone likes.
As we sit eating our sandwiches, Jill fills me in on what’s happening for the rest of the day. “So we’ve got a full team meeting after this. Everyone, right down to the plumber will be there as we’re about to start construction on the new Iris project the guys have been setting up for about six months now.”
This is exciting. I’ve read about this online. I’d hoped to see something of it.
“That’s the rebuild of the old Art Deco apartment building up the street, right? The one that got burnt out by fire a few years back?”
I hope I’m impressing her with my knowledge of this. Plenty of the people I go to school with would have no clue about the latest architecture in the city.
“That’s the one. Very ambitious, even for us. You’re welcome to come and blend into the background. In fact, Nick specifically requested that you come.”
I’m yet to meet the mysterious Nick Lawson but I know how he likes his sandwiches. He sounds slightly dictatorial and I hope he’s not. I hope he lets me do something while I’m here other than traipse to the shops and back ‘cause I’ve been honing that skill since I was fourteen. I just never bought anything.
“What’s he like? Mr Lawson?”
“Lovely. A great boss and such a tale
nted guy. I shouldn’t be saying this because he’d totally have me for being unprofessional but Nick’s adorable. They both are. Nick’s about the design process and the creation whereas Joel likes to be hands on, like me. He loves bringing the design to life, doing the little tweaks to perfect it. He spends most of his time on site but he’s in the office today. Everyone’s here when we have a team meeting. It keeps us on the same page.”
I don’t know why, maybe it’s the excitement of being here, but my mind actually glosses over the fact that she just mentioned the names Joel and Nicholas in one sentence. It’s as if I blotted those names from my memory the morning I walked out on them. Or maybe I’m simply too dim to connect the dots.
“My supervisor emailed you a copy of the assignment I have to submit after the prac, right?” I ask.
“She did, and we’re happy to help you with it where we can. Feel free to pick anyone’s brain when they’re not up to their armpits in work. You can learn a lot by sitting and listening too and by asking questions about current projects.”
From what Jill’s saying, it sounds like a lot of time is going to be spent in the office. I’d hoped for more outdoors, but hey, I’m at Hardwick & Lawson. Who’s going to complain?
“Do you go out into the field much?” I ask. “You know, help with the practical side of the hard and soft landscaping? I’d like to experience that aspect of the work, if I can. I’m happy to tag along with anyone who’ll have me if I can’t go with you.”
“Digging about in the dirt is what I love most, Sadie. And that cute little officey outfit you’ve got on today is fine when we’re working here, but your going to need some overalls and work boots for site visits. I like to help with the building and planting. It’s satisfying to know you had a hand in actually making the thing you’ve designed. It’s a form of closure seeing it through to completion. Well, for me anyway. I’m expecting you to get in and get your hands dirty as well.”
I grin. This is exactly what I was hoping to hear. “I can’t wait. I love being in the garden. When my mum was alive we used to spend every weekend doing a couple of hours in her garden. She had such a green thumb.”
“And you garden now?”
“Not so much but I want to have my own garden one day, build it from scratch. At the moment, I live in a tiny flat with my best friend. Our outdoor space is a metre wide balcony with a few pots of herbs I planted and two chairs.”
Jill nods. “I started out the same way. Still don’t have that garden though. I’m too busy building outdoor spaces for other people.”
While we chat, I finish my lunch. Jill gives me a description of the new project along with the plans for the landscaping she’s going to present at today’s meeting. She also has a slide show of current jobs she’s going to seek input on. Then, she glances at her watch and tells me it’s time to go. I don’t know why but my heart speeds up as we walk along the hall to a large back room flooded with sunlight. It’s probably nerves. I mean, I’m about to be in the presence of two of my idols.
We enter the room and Jill sits at the back of a long mahogany table. I find a chair and sit behind her against the wall, trying to make like a curtain. Not knowing the protocol, I don’t want to overstep my place — I’m an intern — even if they did ask me to come to the meeting. Then Jill drags out the chair beside her. “While you’re with us you’re part of the family. You sit at the table with the rest of the staff.” She pats the seat beside her and gives me a smile.
I’m about to move when I’m stopped in my tracks by a deep, familiar voice. “Couldn’t agree more.”
Suddenly, I’m physically incapable of moving. My heart has jumped into my throat. My pulse is racing like I’ve downed a dozen energy drinks in a row. It can’t be. It can’t.
Slowly, disbelievingly, I raise my eyes to see the man that matches that voice. He’s standing in the doorway, his broad shoulders filling the space like he owns it. Which he does, of course. He’s wearing a pale blue business shirt, open at the neck with the sleeves rolled halfway up his forearm. His black pants are clearly tailored to fit his body because as he crosses one foot casually in front of the other and leans on the doorjamb, my heart literally explodes in my mouth cutting off my airway. He looks that good.
Nicholas. Nicholas Lawson.
How could I not have put two and two together? Well, obviously because there’s a million Nicholas’ in the world and I am a complete idiot.
What do I do now? Do I say ‘hi’ like he’s my friend? Do I look away like it’s that awkward see-a-guy-you’ve-slept-with moment? Or do I pretend I don’t even know him? It would be so much easier if I didn’t.
Unable to make a choice, I keep staring and he stares back. He blinks slowly and there’s a hint of recognition he’s trying to hide, a faint devilish smile sent in my direction. I’m swallowing but my lungs can’t get air because of my heart in my mouth. I try to move but my feet are glued annoyingly to the floor, which is almost as bad as the fact that my eyes are glued to his handsome face. I’m sure I’m making a bad impression here but it’s impossible for me to know how I should react.
Nicholas.
I’m breathing his name in my head. I’m trying not to smile or quiver or something. Hell, I don’t know what I’m trying not to do. This was one scenario I did not map out in my sleepless hours last night.
Then I feel a hand on my arm.
“Sadie? This is Nicholas Lawson.” Jill’s eyes are on me and I know she knows what I’m thinking because I’m pretty sure she’s thought it too on more than one occasion. How could she manage to work with him all day and not think it? He is one of the most talented architects in the country and he’s hot. Soooo hot. “Nick, this is Sadie Cooper, the intern.”
Gathering himself, Nicholas strides the length of the table, stopping in front of me. He holds out his hand and I take it, almost collapsing at the familiar memory that surges into my brain and dances around unbidden. God, how can I sit through a staff meeting when I’ve seen this man naked? He’s been inside me! They must be able to see it.
Oh, this is hectic. My mind is spinning and nothing is making sense.
“Sadie.”
“Yes?” I stammer and promptly drop my pen on the floor, which I follow by unglamorously banging my head on the table while attempting to retrieve it. “I, uh, I…”
Now I’m tongue-tied. The entire office must be wondering what the hell they’ve gotten into by taking me on. I’m going to be relegated to coffee duty for the whole month. Assuming I last the month. After this little performance, they might ask me not to come back at the end of the day.
“I understand you won an innovation award last year?” he continues. He’s trying to ease this awkwardness; I know he is. Did he know I was coming? Is that how I got to be here?
“Um yes.” Thank God. My tongue has found its muscles. “It’s not usually awarded to third year students.” I’m pretty proud of that fact.
“So I heard. Glad to have you on board.” He moves past me to a seat and I’m forced to sit between him and Jill which is utterly mortifying, but only for me, of course. No one else seems to care. In fact, from the way they’re tuned into their phones and iPads, I don’t think anyone even knows I’m alive. Which is one small mercy.
Nicholas plonks a large file of documents onto the table. He sorts them into piles and squares each one off like he’s ordering the meeting in his head. He places his pen on the table in front of him, the smile still on his face. A leather knotted bracelet slides to the edge of his wrist and his fingers linger for a moment as he adjusts it. I totally forget where I am; I’m so lost in the movement. His hands are lovely. Sooo lovely. I want them to touch me again. No, I need them to.
He looks about. “Anyone seen Wonder Boy this afternoon?”
Someone answers from the other end of the table. “He’s on his way. Traffic.”
“Amend that statement. He’s here,” says a second voice from the doorway. This time I don’t need to look to know it�
�s Joel. I can smell the distinctive smell of the soap he uses from where I’m sitting. It’s sending messages to my brain to retrieve those dirty memories I have packed away for lonely nights. Parts of my body have begun to tighten in ecstatic recognition. I may have an orgasm right here in my seat… if I don’t die of embarrassment first.
Joel’s smile is wide. He steps into the room bidding a cheeky good afternoon to the assembled group. Then, he pauses. His eyes glance briefly in my direction, a small crinkle forming between his eyebrows. He’s seen me sitting next to Nicholas and he’s not happy.
“Nick.” Joel nods. “Jill.”
“This is Sadie Cooper,” Nicholas says. I instantly deflate because he hasn’t acknowledged that he knows me. I mean, I can totally understand why but it still hurts. At least I know where I stand now, that we’re playing the ‘I don’t know you’ game. I mean, what else could he do in a situation like this. It’s so weird.
Nicholas finishes his sentence. “She’s interning with us for the month.”
“Right.” There’s a faint look of displeasure on Joel’s face. I’ve seen that look before. I know that look. Clearly, this was all on Nicholas. Joel knew as much about my arrival as I did.
The meeting begins and plans and 3D mock-ups are projected onto a screen at the end of the room. There’s discussion about time lines and contractors and heritage listings. It’s impressive. Seriously. I’m in awe of these people and their skill. I can’t believe my luck at being here.
If you discount the fact that this is the most awkward situation on Earth, that is.
On my right, Nicholas is calmly informing the staff about the beginning stages of demolition and construction. He’s pretending I don’t exist. Across the table Joel looks like a sulky five year old. I’m torn between wanting to run and hide and wanting to stay and listen because this is, by far, the most exciting day of my short professional life. Which makes me sort of sad because I have this sinking feeling that I might not be here tomorrow. I think Joel might be going to kill me. And it’s not my fault. If anyone needs murdering here, it’s obviously Mr Lawson.