by Dale, Lindy
I know I’m being all those things but I can’t tell her. I can’t. “Nothing’s wrong.”
“Great. So tomorrow, you’ll be up bright and early ready for a day at the office then? Ring Mason and tell him you need to have an early night.”
“I guess so.”
“It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. You can’t pass it up.”
That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.
*****
Later, as I’m getting ready for bed my phone buzzes on the bedside table. Thinking it’s my nightly bedtime text from Mason, I pick it up. It’s a number I don’t know.
A question like that can only come from one of the two people I’m trying not to think about.
That’s nice. I didn’t expect he’d be so worried about my welfare. He is the non-commitment one, after all. Plus, he was Mr Grumpy Pants earlier.
Stupid question.
I type,
What is it with everyone thinking I’m going to give up at the first sign of trouble? I admit my immediate history might have created the wrong impression but I’m no quitter. Despite what I said earlier, I am going back to work tomorrow. I won’t let them get the better of me. I can finish what I start. I have to finish if I’m going to have any sort of professional integrity. I can behave like a grown up… if they can.
< Not talking myself up, but it would be a waste of an opportunity >
Even in my drunken stupor I knew Emily was right. I might want to run and hide from the awkward personal feelings but professionally, that would make me one big fat idiot. The phone beeps again.
Oh no. He can’t do that. It hurt me way more than him.
Oh my God. He didn’t miss me. He wants to pick up where we left off.
A second message appears quickly after the first.
Smiling to myself, I put the phone down on the table. Then, as I pull back the sheets, it buzzes again.
Shit, shitty, shit shit.
*****
I don’t get much sleep that night. Again. As seems to be becoming my habit, I spend the night rehearsing scenarios in my mind but this time they involve me, Nicholas and Joel and a rather awkward conversation. In my head, I obsess over telling them I want no special treatment because of what we did, that I won’t be starting up again, I’m there to work. Of course, these imaginings seem to end with me having really great office sex on the desk, on the sofa, against the wall.
I am such a hussy.
Who am I trying to kid? The guys simply have to ask, and try as I might; I know I’m going to cave. I may be more outgoing than I’ve ever been but I’m not strong enough to say no.
CHAPTER FIVE
The next morning I arrive at work early. I have covered the dark circles under my eyes with concealer and put on my brightest lipstick, which is slightly at odds with the fact that I’m wearing work overalls and big clomping boots. My plan is to see Nicholas and Joel together and reiterate what I said to Joel on the phone last night. With the door open. The door has to be open or I don’t think I can do this. Not when Joel has access to my phone number and can send me sexy texts at any minute of the day. I have to trust, too, that the guys are professional, that they won’t try anything at work.
After I reach the office, I drop my bag in the locker I’ve been allocated and am about to head to Nicholas’ office when Jill comes in. I don’t know how she can make work pants and boots look stylish but she does. She’s coordinated from top to bottom and looking more like she’s off to a fashion show for gardeners, not a job site.
“Hey, Sadie. Ready for a big day outdoors?”
I smile. “Can’t wait. I’m super excited about this.”
“We’ll work the morning at Highfield, finishing the planting out of the garden. I’ve got a couple of mature trees for the front yard being delivered and they have to be planted exactly right. There’s no taking a three metre birch out once it’s in the ground.”
I know how particular you have to be when planting trees. Like people, every tree has its good side and bad side. It has to be positioned for maximum effect.
“The turf guys will be on site too, so I want to make sure they’re laying it correctly. Last time some fool tried to lay Buffalo when the client specifically asked for Couch grass. Contractors will try and get away with anything if they can. They think we don’t know the difference between a broad leaf and a fine.”
I’m so pumped. I can’t wait to get out there and start helping. But I have two very big problems to deal with first.
“Are Nicholas and Joel around? I’d like to catch up with them before we leave, if I can. I was, um, telling them about some new research when we met yesterday afternoon and I dug out the information last night. It’s to do with new ways to recycle waste water.” I wave a sheath of papers in Jill’s direction. I mean, I can’t say I want to see the bosses without some reason, can I? I can’t say we need to have a private discussion re their wanting to do me on the desk, can I? It wouldn’t look good for any of us.
“You are on the ball,” Jill says. “Trying to impress the boss?”
I can feel my cheeks redden. If it were as simple as that. “I, er.”
“Neither them are in today, Sadie. They’re on site at Iris. But you could leave it on Nick’s desk, where he’ll see it later.”
Damn.
“Maybe I’ll take it with me on the off chance I see them.”
“Sure, but I wouldn’t expect anything sensible from those two today. They’re always fully focused on the job at the beginning of a new project. Jennifer Hawkins could streak by in her undies and they wouldn’t notice.”
I don’t know if I’m happy about that or upset that they won’t know I’m alive.
*****
About half an hour later we arrive at Highfield. It’s a grand old house on the outskirts of the city. Being heritage, such houses are always tricky to renovate so Nicholas was called in. He’s a specialist in sensitive remodels and can make even the oldest, most decrepit houses into works of art. Jill’s been updating the century old garden too and I’m keen to see what she’s done with it.
As we approach I notice a long, circular gravel drive has been laid in front of the house. There’s a garden bed in the middle, which I gather is the spot Jill’s going to plant the mature tree today.
“You can start on the urns on the terrace, Sadie. There’s a topiary bush for the centre of each and a heap of annuals for under-planting. Don’t worry about the colours. Mix them in randomly.”
I nod and pull my gardening gloves out of my back pocket. Then I rummage around in the little wooden basket I keep my tools in for a trowel. This is so exciting. So, so exciting. My dream is coming true. For a moment, I think of Mum and a smile comes to my face. I can almost hear her voice telling me how proud she is of me for not giving up, for sticking it out despite the fact that Ni
cholas and Joel are my bosses. She would have loved this garden too.
I’ve finished four of the urns and am about to start on the fifth when a semi-trailer swings into the drive and pulls up. On the back of it is a massive tree, its branches carefully tied so they wouldn’t be damaged in the move from the tree nursery to its new home. It’s so big, the upper leaves are hanging over the cabin of the trailer like a long green wig. A man hops from the driver’s side of the truck and stands for a second looking around the garden. He spots Jill and heads towards her.
“Jill, glad to see you again. Looks like you’ve got a big one for us today.”
“Hi, Ed. I’m glad they sent you to help out. You know what a bitch these trees can be to get in. I’ll call the team in and we’ll get started.”
Suddenly, Jill, despite the makeup and hair sounds more like a man than all of the men on site. She’s become commanding and authoritative. She knows exactly what she wants and how to get it. She motions to three men on the other side of the garden and they quickly finish the border they’ve been planting out. I stick my trowel into the soil and head over too, keen to do what I can.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Get us both a bottle of water from the Eski in the van and then come and take a seat. We deserve a few minutes off. It’s not every day you get to watch a tree of this size being planted.”
Glad for the break, I do as she asks. I find a spot on the gravel and sit myself down. I’m there for forty minutes or so while Jill directs the gigantic tree into its new home. From a spot in the centre of the gateway looking up the drive, Jill instructs the men to turn the tree this way and that as a crane driver lowers it slowly into place in the enormous hole. She has him lift it in and out and the men reposition it three times before she’s satisfied with the look. Then one of the men rushes over with a spirit level. I can’t believe he’s actually going to check that the trunk is positioned straight. He gives Jill the thumbs up. We walk back up to the spot where the tree is now proudly filling the garden bed.
Jill walks around the site one last time. “Great boys. We’re good to fill the hole in.”
She hands me a shovel and we begin to scoop the soil in, taking care to let it fill the areas around the roots and not create air pockets. It’s arduous but I’m having the time of my life. As we work, Jill chats to me about the finishing touches required before handover of the completed project. Our conversation is casual, she feels more like a big sister than a boss or colleague and we discover we have a shared love of Asian food and books, especially beautiful coffee table tomes featuring formal gardens. But it’s as we’re putting the last shovel of soil into the hole and not looking at each other, that Jill says the thing that causes me to almost end up three feet down with the dirt.
“You looked flummoxed when you met the bosses yesterday. I thought you were going to pass out when Nick walked in the room.”
I pause. Okay. How do I approach this one?
“Total fangirl moment,” I answer. “Nicholas Lawson has literally been my idol for the past three years. To meet him in person—”
“You looked like you’d seen a ghost. Do you know him?”
“I, um. I was shocked; I couldn’t believe how good-looking he is. And I didn’t want to stare because that would make me seem very rude. I mean, I’ve read his bio but I’ve never seen photos of him so it was a bit of a shock to see this good looking guy when I expected a forty year old grandad.”
I hope I’ve appeased her by admitting I think he’s hot.
“A grandad he definitely isn’t.”
And I have no idea what has happened to the link between my brain and my mouth but I reply, “He’s so cute, though, isn’t he? I don’t know how you can work with him and not want to stare at him all day.”
Jill nods. “You get desensitised to it. I don’t notice Nick’s looks anymore. I see him for the talented man he is.”
“Can I ask a personal question?”
“I thought we were getting pretty personal already.” Jill smiles. “Look Sadie, if you want to know if Nick has a girlfriend, the answer is no, and even if he did, the staff would be unlikely to meet her. Nick guards his personal life closer to his chest than a poker hand. Joel on the other hand, has a revolving door of women in and out of his bed. It’s a wonder Google images hasn’t reached it’s limit sorting the photos of him and his latest women. Though that seems to have petered off in the last few months. Maybe he’s finally settling down. He’s never been into dating the staff though. No matter what they do outside the office, Nick and Joel are one hundred per cent professional at work. Even when we had a potential scandal with another student they kept their cool.”
“What happened?”
“Joel had to ask her to leave after she became somewhat obsessive. An office crush is one thing but she was stalking poor Nick. To make matters worse she got upset when they asked her to leave. She accused Nick of inappropriate behaviour, saying he came on to her and told her she’d fail the unit if she didn’t sleep with him.”
“Gosh.”
“That’s why I was so surprised when Nick told me you were coming. He got burnt pretty bad. Hasn’t had a student in over three years.”
After we’ve finished and I’ve packed the tools away, Jill sprinkles a large tub of fertiliser granules around the tree along with an entire bag of sheep poo. “Now for the fun part,” she says to me. “You get to slowly water this in. We don’t want to overload the tree, so keep the water on a gentle spray for about ten minutes. I’m going to check on the laying of the turf while you do that. When you finish come find me, but don’t step on the newly laid grass, whatever you do.”
“Sure,” I say, and head off to get the hose.
I spend some time watering the tree in. It’s enjoyable watching the activity around me and the way Jill manages the different projects that need to be completed. I’m learning so much by osmosis. At last I’m finished so I turn the hose off and roll it up. Then I go to find Jill, who’s disappeared into the back garden.
She’s washing her hands under the tap when I arrive. “I think we’re about done here,” she says. “How did you go with the tree?”
“All finished. Do you want to check everything’s okay?”
“You’re the top student in your class, Sadie. I’m pretty sure you know how to water a tree in.”
“Well, yes but…”
“No buts. Now get your gear and we’ll hop in the van and head over to Iris. I’m dying to see what the boys are up to. I can come back here on the way back to the office to check progress.”
We wash up and hop in the van. And I’m sitting beside Jill and thinking, I’m about to see Nicholas and Joel and I’m beside myself with excitement.
*****
Things are busy when we reach the Iris building. There are men in hard hats everywhere and scaffold being erected. In the corner of the block a mobile site office has been delivered and it’s there that Jill and I head first. As we reach the office, Joel and Nicholas emerge. They’re looking pumped; clearly the start of a new project is exciting. They look like two big kids who’ve discovered they’re allowed to play with supremely huge toys and will get paid to do it.
“Hey,” Joel says. “Welcome to the madhouse.”
I smile at him but say nothing. His grin has me staring at his lips again which is not good, considering I promised myself I wouldn’t stare at any part of him.
“Looks the usual ordered chaos but on a bigger scale,” Jill says. “Do you mind if I poke around so I can get a feel for how the grounds might look? Not that you’re going to need landscaping for a long while yet, but I’d love to start putting a few ideas together.”
“Sure,” Joel replies. He reaches back inside the door and hands her a hardhat. “Keep safe.”
Then Nicholas speaks. “Joel and I were about to do a walk through of the inside of the building to see what we want to update on the project job sheet. The plans are pretty much set in stone but there
are always minor tweaks to improve a layout or a detail we didn’t notice before. Do you want to come and have a look, Sadie? Or would you prefer to go with Jill?”
I want to see the ‘before’ of this project and hear what Nicholas has in mind but I know my main focus is the outdoors. I look to Jill.
“Go,” she says, seeing what must be the anticipation on my face. “You can meet me round the back after you finish the tour.”
I practically skip after the boys, not caring how stupid I must look with the big orange pumpkin hat perched on top of my red hair. This is so exciting. So exciting.
The three of us wander around the interior of the building. Joel is giving me an overview of the plans for every room, the colour scheme, the flooring. Everything. Nicholas is carrying a clipboard. He’s making notes as he goes and marking things off on a list. He’s talking to himself, lost in his own little architect world as if Joel and I don’t exist. I like seeing him like this, absorbed in his work. It’s a side of him I never thought I’d see. And Joel — he’s like a kid in a candy store, he’s so animated and clearly passionate about what they’re doing.
We stop on the landing of the large Art Deco staircase and I turn a full circle taking in everything around me. I’m visualising the plans Joel has told me about. “This is breathtaking already,” I say. “I hope I can come and see what it looks like when you’ve finished. It’s going to be awesome.”
Joel grins. “I was hoping you’d say that. Nick and I would both be happy for you to come and look around any time you like, even after your placement’s complete. Right, Nick?”
Nicholas mumbles something in reply and I can see what Jill meant. You’d need to be more than Jennifer Hawkins to pull him away from that level of concentration.
Joel sees it too and shifts slightly out of earshot. “Look, I apologise for what I said in the office, yesterday. I was out of line.”
“I don’t think there was any reason to be so mean. I’m not a child, Joel. I can be professional too.”