by Dale, Lindy
And he couldn’t? Am I too ugly for that? Too young?
I release a strangled sort of chuckle and guzzle at my wine. “You’re joking right? He’s old enough to be my father!”
Simon looks at me. “Exactly. And you wouldn’t be his type.”
The freaking cheek of him.
“And what type would that be?”
“Shit. I’ve put my foot in it, haven’t I?”
“Let’s say the ice is thin.” Someone hands me the joint again and I take another hit followed by another swig of wine. I’m starting to feel the buzz. It’s mingling with the alcohol in my system. It’s making things a little fuzzy round the edges.
“Sorry,” Simon says. “I wasn’t being rude. You’re hot… in a cutesy sort of way but Nicholas prefers blondes.”
Not anymore, I think.
I blink but say nothing. The hooch is stronger than I realised. It’s taking every inch of my resolve not to slide down the side of the sofa I’m leaning on and curl up in sleep. I focus on Simon’s face. I wonder if I should tell him his beard is crooked.
“Do you have a job after you graduate?” Simon enquires. “You should hit the boy up.”
I begin to giggle uncontrollably. I have no idea why. Maybe it’s the idea of ‘hitting Nicholas up’ or it could be Simon’s name. I’ve never met a Simon before. “Did you know your name is playing a game of Simon Says in my head?”
“Huh?”
I think he thinks I’m talking gobbledygook. Oh, I am.
“You know like Simon says this, Simon says that… That might be a fun game to play later.” I eye him and wink.
He gives me a lurid smile. “No more weed for you. You’re off your trolley.”
“No, shit Sherlock. I’m also hungry. Let’s go raid the fridge.”
Simon and I set off toward the kitchen. It’s a long journey because I keep having to move the furniture that seems to be getting in my way. Simon’s right, I think, as I stagger along on my heels, I am off my trolley. But at least I’m not thinking about Joel anymore. I do, however, seem to have created a new problem.
And its name is Simon.
Simon, who’s hand was in the centre of my back for said journey appears to have the wrong idea about our friendship. He has begun to fondle my arse like it’s a piece of Playdough. I do not want another man touching my bottom. I only want Nicholas or Joel to touch it. I think I am going to be sick if Simon does not desist. In fact, I’m positive I will, but for the life of me I can’t find the words to make him stop. My mouth is so dry, my lips are stuck together.
We reach the fridge and I open the door. The wayward hand moves up my skirt and I straighten. “Simon!”
“Yes, Sadie?”
“Please don’t do that.”
“Do what?” He’s trying to look innocent but seeing he’s the only person in close proximity to my bottom I know it was him.
“You’re feeling me up. Stop it.”
“But I don’t want to. Why did you bend over like that if you didn’t want me to? You’re being a bit of a tease.”
Fair point I guess. The dress is very short.
I am about to apologise when the room begins to spin. My stomach heaves into my throat and I’m pretty sure the blood drains from my body leaving me looking a sad shade of green or grey. Sort of like that joint.
Then I spew. Literally everywhere.
Fucking, fucking hell.
*****
It’s dark when I wake up and the house is quiet. I roll over in bed, stretching my arms out. I’m alone apart from a wet patch on the pillow next to my nose. I’m not going there as to what that might be but the bed is cold, so either the boys are sleeping in their own beds or they’re still up. I lay for a while blinking into the darkness, the patchy memories of what happened earlier in the night beginning to flood back.
Oh. My. God. I made such a dick of myself. I was like a nun let loose from the convent after she’d been given ecstasy. That poor Simon guy.
Slowly, I sit up. My head is pounding. I need paracetamol and water. And sleep. Lots of it. I sigh heavily. How could I have smoked that joint? What the hell was going on in my head? Something definitely snapped tonight. I turned into the very girl I’ve always despised. I don’t like that girl much.
On the other side of the door I hear the sound of someone humming softly, so I get up and pad to the living room in search of whichever of the boys is still awake. The lamp is on but other than that it’s pitch. I reach the kitchen before I even see Nicholas stacking glasses into the dishwasher.
“What time is it?” My voice is raspy.
Nicholas stops humming. He looks up. “Three.”
I walk around the bench and stand beside him. I take in the grumpy set of his jaw, the dark look in his eyes. He’s angry with me. I suppose I deserve it. From what I remember I didn’t exactly behave like the perfect party guest. Or secret girlfriend.
“Where’s Joel?” I ask.
Please don’t let him say in bed with that blonde girl. Please. I can’t have ruined it with him too.
“In bed.”
“Alone?”
Nicholas turns on me. “What the fuck do you think, Sadie?” he spits.
Right. Okay. Won’t go there again.
We face off for a minute before I see him sag. I don’t want him to hurt and yet I’ve done this. I have no idea how. I move closer, snaking my arms around his waist. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He shrugs me off and steps to the other side of the dishwasher. “You don’t even know what you did. You were so out of it you couldn’t possibly have an idea.”
“You could tell me.” My voice is barely a whisper.
Nicholas closes the dishwasher and turns to face me. He folds his arms across his chest the way he does when he’s cross and leans against the bench. “Shall we begin with you trying to hook up with Simon? The guy thought he was going to get laid for the first time this millennium.”
“It wasn’t quite that bad. We were only talking.” I’m trying to justify this but I know I shouldn’t bother; I’m completely at fault. I was behaving like the worst kind of trollop. “What else did I do?”
“You threw up all over his trousers.”
“Oops.” Despite myself, I giggle a little. Then I have a flash of memory. “He was feeling me up, Nicholas. I asked him to stop and he wouldn’t.”
“So you used spew as a self-defence strategy?”
“Something like that.”
“You told Helena to stay away from me. You told her she was a skanky piece of work and didn’t deserve me.”
I frown, trying to regurgitate the memory. It’s fuzzy but it comes back. I rub my hands over my eyes. Shit, shit, shit.
“What were you even thinking Sadie?”
I bite my lip. “I don’t know. It just sort of popped out.”
“Do you know how immature that sounds?”
I groan. “I was jealous, okay. Are you satisfied? Joel was all over that blonde girl like a freakin” rash and you were pretending like I didn’t exist and I couldn’t handle it. So I did what any self-respecting girl my age would do — I got ripped. That girl deserved everything I said to her. It was bitch-a-palooza in here last night—”
In case you hadn’t noticed, Mr Nicholas Lawson.
Nicholas just stares and I groan loudly before I continue. He just doesn’t get it. Men never get it.
“—She said she was confident she’d get you to propose to her by Christmas if she put her mind to it. When I asked her how, she looked down her nose at me like I was a halfwit. I have more brains in my little finger than she has in her whole head. Damn bitch.”
His lips curve into a reluctant grin. He pulls me to him. I think I’ve vindicated myself. Sort of.
“You know she’s got as much chance as a snowball in hell, right?”
“I didn’t mean to flirt with Simon, honestly I didn’t. I only talked to him because he was in charge of the drugs. Things escalated and before I knew it
he had his hand up my skirt.”
“I was this close to punching him when I saw what he was doing. It’s probably lucky you chucked up on him.”
I kiss the tips of his pinched fingers and lean into his body, putting my head against his chest. I press my palms into the warmth of his skin and his chin lowers to lean to rest on my head. I feel safe being back in his arms. I don’t like the way it feels to fight.
“Forgive me?” I ask.
“I guess.”
“Come on, I wasn’t that bad, was I? I didn’t, like, ruin the party, did I?”
“Everyone thought you were pretty hilarious actually, especially the part where Joel was carrying you to sleep it off in the ‘spare room’ and you were kissing him and telling everyone how much you loved him.”
“Fuuuuuck. Please tell me you’re making that up.”
“Nope. Thank God you were tanked. The guests thought you were a cute little girl who couldn’t handle her drugs.”
“Oh God. I’m so sorry. I was trying so hard to act like an adult. I wanted to impress your friends.”
“You did that alright. Not in the way you were hoping for though.”
Nicholas shifts and I look up into his eyes. I can see he’s struggling with something and I hope I didn’t say anything else incriminating in my intoxicated state.
“Do you love him?” he asks, at last.
“Who, Simon?”
“Funny. Joel.”
“Yes. A lot.”
“More than me?”
“Never more than you, Nicholas. Never. This is the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me and if you asked me how it could possibly happen I couldn’t explain. I love you both equally. I think of you the same amount. When I’m with you, it’s only you and when I’m alone with Joel it’s the same for him and me. I could never choose between you and I don’t want to. You’re everything I need and more. You two are like my fantasy come true. Joel fulfills my needs in one-way and you in another. You make a pretty irresistible team.”
“So you’ve no intention of leaving?”
What is he on about? I cast him a quizzical look.
“You told Simon you couldn’t go on a date with him because you were going on a study sabbatical after graduation.”
Oh. Yeah. That. Guess I should have told the guys about my plans if I didn’t get a job. I have such a big mouth when I’m drunk, or high or whatever it was I was last night.
“Um, well, I sort of put my name down to do a study tour of the gardens of France. It’s only for a month.”
If you don’t count the extra month of travel I want to do after the tour. Having bitten the bullet and decided I’m going to travel like I always dreamed of doing, I want to see as much as I can.
“The university will give me a two thousand dollar grant if I get picked,” I continue.
“You’ve thought about this pretty carefully.”
“Well, yeah.” Nicholas should know how I like things to be organised. If I don’t get a job the tour will give me extra experience and I’ve worked my butt off for four years. Don’t I deserve a break? I can’t understand why he’s so upset about this.
“Does Joel know?”
“Nobody knows. I wasn’t going to say anything until I was sure.”
Nicholas eyes me. “I thought you were happy here with us.”
“I am but I want to see the world, Nicholas. I’m not leaving you. I just want to see things I’ve never seen. I want to eat croissants in a patisserie in Paris. I want to have authentic Italian pizza, not the westernised type. I want to go to the Gaudi Cathedral in Barcelona and the Picasso Museum in Malaga. I don’t want to be here the rest of my life wondering what I’ve missed.” My voice is getting higher and whinier with every word. Tears are pricking the corners of my eyes. How can he not see this isn’t about us? I love him and Joel more than the universe but I want other things in my life too.
At this point, Joel comes into the kitchen rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He looks dazed, yet adorable with his track pants slung so low he might as well not be wearing them and his hair sticking up all over the place. He frowns at Nicholas and I. “Is it impossible to ask that a guy can get some sleep on his birthday? Seeing he didn’t get any sex?”
“Sorry buddy, Sadie was just telling me about her plans after graduation. The discussion must’ve got a tad loud.”
“Ya reckon?” Joel pads to where we’re standing at the sink. Grabbing a glass from the shelf, he fills a huge glass of water and drinks it in one go. “Right. I’m awake now. What the fuck is going on with you two lovebirds? And why did I need to be woken from my slumber to hear it?”
Lovebirds? Despite the fact that this is our first real fight, I laugh at that.
“Sadie’s leaving.”
Joel stares me down. “What?”
“If she doesn’t get a job after graduation, she’s leaving to travel. Apparently, a bunch of gardens in France are more important than us.”
Now, he’s twisting my words. I never said that. “Nothing is more important than you. You know that. I just want to have a life.”
“We can give you a life like you never imagined, baby. You don’t need to leave,” Joel says. “I like having you here. I don’t want you to go.”
Oh for Pete’s sake. They’re never going to understand.
“It’s not forever. It’s for, like, two freaking months.”
Nicholas cocks his head. “I thought you said it was a month?”
“It is. But I was going to extend my stay after the tour.” I’m getting angry now. I don’t have to justify myself. We’re not married or anything. Geez. “And anyway, none of this will be happening if I get a job. If that happens, I’ll do it when I get some holidays.”
Joel looks to Nicholas. “Then give the girl a job, man.”
“I can’t.”
“Why the hell not? It’s our bloody company. We can employ the Easter Bunny if we want to.”
“Because firstly, we have no vacant spots in Landscaping — which Sadie already knows — and secondly, the three of us will never be able to have an open relationship if she’s working at Hardwick & Lawson. It’ll smack of nepotism of the worst kind.”
“Then use your contacts and get her a job elsewhere.”
“No!” I scream at them this time, my arms flailing in frustration. “Stop! I will not have you ‘getting’ me jobs that I’m perfectly capable of getting myself. And if you intend to do that I won’t even put you down as a referee, let alone take any jobs I’m offered. I’ll just go away. I want to stand on my own two feet. I don’t want your help.” I glare at Joel. “Either of you.”
There’s silence.
Then Joel says, “Does that mean I don’t get birthday sex, then?”
Oh geez. He’s incorrigible.
CHAPTER SIX
The remaining hours of darkness are few but we make the most of them. This time the sex is different to any I’ve experienced with my boys. It’s as if they’re trying to convince me that leaving — even for a short time — is not an option; that they can’t be without me for a minute, let alone a month. Sweeping my feet from the kitchen floor, Nicholas carries me to the bedroom where he tosses me onto the bed. I lean back on my elbows, backing up the bed, watching as he and Joel step from their track pants as if they are one hard male entity. Two pairs of eyes glued to mine, they crawl across the bed like predatory animals about to take their fill of me and I love it. I ache for it.
“I think she needs to see we mean it,” Joel says, tracing a finger along the side of my body. He doesn’t look me in the eye. He’s too busy playing his little game of lust.
“I think she needs a fucking so good she’ll never want to leave,” Nicholas replies.
I quiver at the delicious anticipation the idea sparks in my body.
“And we both know what she likes.”
“But long and slow or hard and rough?”
Just give me both, I think. I’m whimpering inside already.
“Uh, uh,” he says. “You’re going to have to beg for it this time, Ariel.”
He tears the condom wrapper with his teeth and rolls the condom on. He leans forward and kisses me, a long deep kiss that sends ripples of desire through me. Then he pulls back and slides his tongue down my neck, over my shoulder. He grazes the skin along my collarbone before his lips find their goal, locking on my breast. A hand skitters around my flesh, down my side and back again. He sucks harder. Between us, his erection throbs on my belly.
I hate that he knows what that does to me.
Somewhere at the bottom of the bed, I feel Nicholas parting my legs. A hot breath tickles my skin and I wriggle. Fingers play in the space between my legs, sliding along, teasing but not entering, making me gasp in pleasure. It’s good. Really good.
“Lay still.”
“Don’t be so bossy.” I pant. He’s, like, asking the impossible. He should know that.
“I thought you liked bossy?”
“I do. I, um—”
He doesn’t wait for my reply, which is fortunate. As his head disappears between my legs, sending me into oblivion, my brain can’t register words let alone have a conversation.
Following Nicholas’ lead, Joel sits up. Still straddling me, he shuffles closer to my ribs. He spreads my arms out and locks them to the bed under his knees. His body has me trapped but I don’t care, the pressure of him crushing me is intoxicating, even if it is hard to breathe. He fondles my breasts with both hands, tugging at each nipple in turn. He bends forward sucking so hard at my neck I know there’ll be a mark in the morning. Then his lips move further around, stopping at the pounding vein below my jaw. I feel his knowing grin against my skin and I close my eyes, biting on my lip. He has me. He’s completely aware of everything he does that makes me quiver.
Joel rubs himself against me, pushing his erection against my cleavage. I hear him moan softly and I imagine the look of lust on his face but I don’t open my eyes. I can’t. Nicholas is using his tongue and his fingers now. His fingers are inside me, fucking me. His tongue is lashing. I am writhing in ecstasy. There’s not a hope in hell my eyes are going to respond to a call to open.