He kept swearing under his breath as he leaned over to offer her his hand.
“I wasn’t watching where I was going,” he said once his cursing ceased. “I was running down the stairs and … yeah … there you were.”
“It’s probably my fault,” she answered, laughing. “Really, though, it’s okay. I’m not hurt.” Then she noticed two of her Post-its stuck to his inner right thigh. She wanted to reach out and grab them, but they were dangerously close to his crotch and she doubted he’d appreciate her reaching in that direction. Nice. That meant her hand had been right there on his thigh. Not on purpose, but still.
One Post-it said Find out where Ryan is now and the other said Bio Room 201 (Fifth door on the left—the map is wrong and you keep forgetting to take the time to mark it).
She realized it might look like she was staring at something other than his leg, and she tore her attention away from the Post-its as she took his hand and stood up straight.
“Thanks,” she answered with a heavy breath, sweeping some stray hair out of her face.
“I take it you’re in a hurry?” he asked. He was still holding her hand and it didn’t look like he wanted to let go. In his other hand he held a small potted cactus. The plant was thick and round, like a spikey softball. Avery was glad he hadn’t dropped that when she had run into him.
She looked at her cracked watch. “Yeah, my class starts in a few minutes. Guess I’ll see you around? Maybe at the hot dog food truck?”
He looked confused for a minute and then laughed. “Do you like the ones with the cream cheese?”
“Yeah, it was really good. I wanted to grab another one today, but the rain kept me away.”
She liked the color of his hair. It was dark blond and bleached by the sun on the top layers. He studied her face for a minute, as if he’d never seen her before. She was about to say, “I’ll see you Monday in English,” but stopped when she glanced at his hands.
He had filed, perfectly smooth fingernails.
“You busy tonight?” he asked, making her look back up at his face.
“What?” She froze. Was this Nail Biter? She could have sworn it was him. She remembered the mundane details, at least—blondish hair, blue eyes, nice clothes. Today he was wearing a pair of light slacks and black Oxford shoes. It had to be him … but where were the chewed fingernails?
“I meant, are you free to do something tonight?” he clarified.
Nobody ever asked her out. She let that thought sink in for three seconds before she blurted, “Do you always keep your nails so nice?”
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
“My nails?” He looked down at his hands, one of them still curled around the cactus pot. “Um, yeah, I guess I do.” His cheeks turned a light pink before he looked Avery in the eyes and leaned forward. “Actually, that’s a lie. I bite them all the time, but it bugs the hell out of my dad, so I usually file them on the days I’m going to see him. He’s meeting me for lunch this afternoon.”
So he was Nail Biter. He was in her English class and he liked cream cheese hot dogs. Apparently, he liked plants too, and that made her like him even more.
“So,” he said, drawing out the word as long as possible. “You free? There’s a party over at my house tonight.”
“Is it one of those drink-until-you-pass-out kind of parties?” she asked, pulling her bag onto her shoulder.
He smiled. “I won’t lie—a lot of people get drunk, but I won’t be one of them since it’s my house and I have to make sure nobody does anything too destructive. You up for it? We could get to know each other better. Stairwells and food trucks aren’t the best places to socialize.”
She laughed, and against her better judgment answered, “Yeah, sure.”
“Great! You have a pen? Phone? I’ll give you my number and the address. It’s not too far from campus.”
Avery rummaged through her bag again and pulled out a clean stack of Post-its. He still hadn’t noticed the ones stuck to his pants. Flustered, she handed him a pen and the Post-its and he scribbled down a few things before handing them back. She was more nervous about him finding her strange notes on his leg and discovering her forgetfulness than she was about where they had stuck.
He had written his name on the note. Jordan. Was that the O name?
“Thanks, Jordan,” she answered, smiling. “I’ll try to come.”
“Great.” He paused for a second, the smile on his face still as wide as ever. It looked like he was waiting for something, and she realized he might want her number too.
“Um, here you go.” She ripped off the Post-it he had written on and scribbled down her name and number on a new one.
He took it. “Thanks, Avery.”
“And, uh, can I get my Post-its back?” She pointed at his thigh.
Looking down, he laughed as he pulled the papers off his pants. “Of course! Sorry.”
He handed them back without looking at them, and she said goodbye and rushed around him when she realized she was late for class.
“See you around, Avery!” Jordan called after her.
Jordan. Jordan. Jordan.
At least she wouldn’t forget his name now that she had it in writing. And his address. And phone number. She looked down at his handwriting, wondering how close his house was to Chloe’s, when her shoulder banged into another person. Again. She managed to stay upright this time, and looked into a pair of deep brown eyes framed with perfectly curled lashes.
An apology was halfway up Avery’s throat, but it lodged there as she took in the rest of the face—a very familiar face.
“Tam,” Avery whispered. It came out forced and croaky, making its way past the apology.
Tam’s thick lips pulled into a frown when she turned to face Avery head-on, as if they were in some sort of standoff. All Avery needed was a weapon. She wished she had Jordan’s cactus. She’d push it right into Tam’s face.
4
Even though Tam’s hair was the same as Avery remembered—an unruly mess of black curls—everything else about her was different. Her lime green glasses were gone, replaced by contacts, her clothes a different style, her makeup heavier, her eyes rimmed with smoky black eyeliner. She was no longer Miss Innocent Hawaiian Beauty. She was harder, rebellious. Angry.
Tam looked Avery up and down as if inspecting a piece of merchandise, and then everything about her softened: the steeliness in her eyes, the tensed muscles in her jaw. Her lips curved into a smile that almost knocked Avery down the steps again.
“Avery,” she said in a tender voice, clearly unsurprised.
Avery wasn’t quite as prepared and stumbled over a thousand words on the tip of her tongue. Her flash of anger melted and slid to the floor in a puddle of guilt. What could she say after everything that had happened? Sorry I stole your chance with the one true love of your life? Sorry you couldn’t forgive me and decided to turn me into a pariah? Sorry that I feel guilty and pissed off at the same time?
“Tam,” Avery finally managed to whisper again. She couldn’t say any of the stuff floating around her head. “I thought—”
“They offered me a scholarship here,” Tam cut in with a bubbly voice. “Isn’t that great? I did get offers from a few bigger schools, but this one is giving me a full ride. I couldn’t turn it down.”
Avery studied her impossibly long eyelashes—much longer than Avery remembered them. Probably extensions. Tam blinked and the smile stayed on her lips. It looked genuine, but Avery wasn’t sure if she could trust it. In fact, she was sure she couldn’t.
“It’s nice to see you, Ave.” Tam looked down at her phone and sucked in her breath. “I’m so late for my next class, but hey, let’s get together. Let’s … do you think we can … maybe start over? I’m going to a party tonight. You want to come?”
Party. Tonight. Avery’s memory whirred for a second and then it finally clicked as she looked down at the Post-it in her hand. Jordan’s party. She looked back up. “Did a guy named Jordan invite you?�
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Tam’s smile widened. “Yeah, he did. You’re already going?”
“I was thinking about it.”
“Well, great!” Tam leaned forward and gave Avery a loose hug. She smelled like mint. That hadn’t changed. Avery stood as still as a statue, too shocked to do anything else. “So glad you’re going here too, Ave. I’ll see you tonight.” She pulled away and looked Avery in the eyes. “And don’t worry—I’m not attached to anyone this time.” She skipped down the steps and disappeared around the corner.
When Avery finally made it up to her class, she was ten minutes late. The professor didn’t say anything and she couldn’t remember if tardiness affected her grade in the class or not. It probably did, but she didn’t care.
All she could think about was Tam. They had met each other when Tam was sixteen and Avery was seventeen. They may not have known each other their whole lives, but sometimes it felt like they had. Their birthdays were two weeks apart, although Avery was a year older. They used to have sleepovers every weekend, share each other’s clothes and shoes, and do each other’s hair. They both loved mint-flavored anything. Tam was the first friend of Avery’s who’d lasted longer than six months, the one who tirelessly tried to set Avery up with guys and always failed, the one who taught Avery that people are never what they seem, no matter how well you think you know them.
* * *
Avery’s history with Tam and Ryan was so fresh in her mind because she had written it all down in her journal in great detail. She’d read that journal entry over a hundred times.
It was Homecoming week of their senior year when they met Ryan. Avery was already eighteen and the autumn air was heavy with the promise of football games and Halloween and colder weather.
Whenever she thought back to that day, from beginning to end, it was like a deck of cards in her hand. She flipped through each one in her memory, pausing on the same ones over and over. Some were blacked out, impossible to see, but others, like the pressure and the smell in the air that day as a storm moved in, were unforgettable. Those were the solid memories that ended up in her journal.
There was a party that night at Stacy Edisson’s house. She lived with her much older brother and was known to host the best parties in the whole school. The only reason Avery was invited was because she was Tam’s best friend. On her own, Avery was nobody. That was how it had always been until she’d met Tam.
Avery couldn’t remember anything about school that day until the moment she and Tam walked out the doors and got into Tam’s old Volkswagen painted green and gold in the school colors. Tam took her Student Body President title a little too seriously. “Every little bit helps,” she’d say, adjusting her signature lime green glasses. “People remembered this car when they voted. They’ll continue to remember who owns it, and that gives me a leg up in everything. You have to stand out.”
Tam was not a geek, a snob, or an overachiever. Avery had no idea if she was any of these things now, but back then she wanted to be the student body president because she actually cared about the school and her fellow students, from the awkward bookworms in the library to people like Stacy Edisson who dated the captain of the football team. It had nothing to do with wanting popularity or being in charge. She wanted to be involved and make a positive difference, and that was all. That’s why Avery had liked Tam so much, because of her genuine desire to help. Avery liked her green-and-gold Volkswagen and the string of shiny brown kukui nuts hanging from the review mirror, a constant reminder to everyone that she was half Hawaiian and proud of it. Avery liked her lime green glasses and the way she never went anywhere without a pack of spearmint gum. Avery especially liked that Tam never got angry or offended with her when she forgot something important.
The Gold Bug wouldn’t start that day. Tam turned the key in the ignition twenty times, but the engine refused to turn over. By then, the parking lot was empty, buses gone.
“We’re screwed,” Tam said, lowering her forehead to the steering wheel. The car was hot from the warm October day. Avery rolled down her window and took a deep breath. The sky was blue, but on the horizon she could see a line of black clouds rolling in.
“Maybe we can call your brother,” Avery suggested. “Didn’t he bring this thing back from the dead in the first place?”
“Yes, but he’s in California this week, remember?” Tam lifted her head from the steering wheel and smirked at Avery. “Never mind. Stupid question.”
She was right. Avery couldn’t even remember why he was in California. She pulled out her phone and looked at her calendar. “Well, my mom’s at her illustrator’s conference until five.”
“And mine’s asleep because she has a shift at the hospital tonight. She’d kill me if I woke her up. My dad’s at work, but maybe he could leave.” She pulled her phone from her bag and tried to call him, but he didn’t answer.
Avery wondered why Tam didn’t call one of her dozens of friends with cars, but she didn’t say anything.
Of course, they weren’t as screwed as Tam let on since the walk home was only two miles, but getting stranded ruined their plans of shopping and hanging out all afternoon. They had a Big Important Party to attend and they needed to look fantastic. Not that Avery expected much out of the party, but she could at least try.
“I really need to get a car,” Avery said as they climbed out and locked the doors. “Mom keeps promising, but it just hasn’t happened.”
“They’re more trouble than they’re worth,” Tam grumbled.
Avery gave her a sideways glance. “And that is why Gold Bug will not start for us. Where’s the love? The respect?”
They laughed as they started their trek home.
Up until that day, Avery had loved high school. She was comfortable there. She had a best friend who understood her. Her grades were good and she was making plans for college. Most importantly, she was finally accepting her father’s death and moving on with her life.
Then Ryan happened.
He pulled up beside them in his car, slowing to a crawl as they kept walking. Tam sucked in her breath as she caught a glimpse of him through the window.
“He’s hot,” she whispered to Avery. “What do you think he wants?”
Avery looked up at the gathering clouds. Sweat rolled down her back, but she knew in a few minutes it would be rain drenching her instead.
“Probably wants to be our knight in shining armor,” Avery answered, nodding at the clouds. “I don’t have an umbrella. Do you?”
“Nope.”
5
Heaven handed Avery a bag of peanuts as soon as she walked into the book repair room. Avery was used to the smell of the place, and for a brief moment she wondered if the chemicals in the glue were addictive and got her high every time she was there. Maybe that was why Heaven liked it down here.
Book repair seemed to suit Avery more than any other job she’d ever had, including the one in a downtown flower shop. The flowers were fun, but having to remember so many things with money and discounts and employees’ names and positions was too stressful for her. At least with book repair nobody was telling her she’d shortchanged them on purpose.
“You overwhelmed yet?” Heaven asked as she handed her a book with a torn dust jacket. It might have looked like a simple repair, but Avery knew it would probably take her full shift to complete, if not longer. She opened the bag of peanuts and poured some into her hand. They were slightly sticky, and sugar and salt clung to her fingers.
“With my classes?” Avery asked, wiping her hands on her pants and reaching out to touch a plant she’d brought in a few days ago. It was a vine with big, bright green leaves. The color alone cheered up the drab room, but Avery would have to get a sun lamp soon or the poor thing would die. She stroked a leaf as Heaven answered.
“Yeah, your classes.” Heaven opened a bag of peanuts and dumped a few into her mouth. Just like every day, her clothes were black. Instead of Victorian lace stockings, she wore a pair of leather lace-up boots that
reached clear to her knees. Her red dreadlocks were pulled back into a ponytail, and Avery studied them for a moment, smiling at how they were wild but precise at the same time.
Mulling over her answer to Heaven’s question, she thought about all the notes she had taken in her classes and the endless lists of homework—all in the first week! School had never been easy for her. That was one of the reasons she’d agreed with her mom that living with Chloe was a good idea. No stress over dorm mates. No drama to distract her. Then again, drama didn’t seem entirely absent in Chloe’s house, either. Despite that, Avery had a quiet room where she could study any time she wanted. So far, she had managed to keep up with her classes.
“It’s all right,” she said as she gently pulled off the dust jacket to lay it out straight. Heaven handed her a piece of mending tissue and Avery set it aside while she inspected the damage to the jacket. “In all honesty, my classes aren’t the problem. I mean, high school was hard because …”
Avery’s voice trailed off as she realized Heaven knew nothing about her forgetfulness. Luckily, Avery had no problem remembering Heaven. The steps to mending a book were easy for her to recall, so that hadn’t been an issue either. It was like this room was the best place for her brain to work.
“Because …?” Heaven didn’t look at Avery as she asked the question. She was busy creasing a piece of paper with a bone folder. Her mouth always pursed when she did this, creating little pleats above her top lip as tight as the crease in the paper. But Avery knew she was waiting for an answer.
“It’s hard for me to remember things, that’s all. It makes passing tests almost impossible if I don’t cram at the last second—even if I studied hard before.”
“That sounds normal,” Heaven said, inspecting her piece of paper before she set it aside. “Lots of people have a hard time with tests.”
Not like I do.
Avery nodded and arranged the mulberry tissue in front of her so she could cut up a strip. She liked Heaven’s mellow nature, the way she was passionate about things, like book repair, but in a completely laid-back way, as if she’d absorbed it so completely it was as natural to her as breathing. Realizing this, Avery let out a long stream of air.
If I Forget You Page 3