Victor nodded. “Always worth it. Good luck in school.”
Avery headed for her bedroom but stopped when she reached the entryway. Maybe Ryan was close by. Something inside her desperately wanted to see him. She still felt shaky, as if her body hadn’t used up all the adrenalin from seeing him again. She quietly opened the front door, grabbing a cardigan off the coat rack before slipping outside.
It was dark and the streetlights shone like little moonbeams down the street. The smell of cigarette smoke drifted to her nose and she looked over to the hedges dividing Chloe’s yard from Jordan’s. On a flat boulder near a tree sat Ryan, smoking.
Avery walked down the steps, shoving her hands in the cardigan’s pockets in an attempt to control her anxiety. It wasn’t as if Ryan had ever hurt her. She had no reason to be nervous.
“Smoking help your stomach?” she asked, smirking.
He shifted a few inches across the boulder to give her room to sit down. She took the invitation and sat next to him. She shivered a little. The cold of the boulder seeped through her jeans.
“Want some?” Ryan held out his half-finished cigarette.
“I don’t smoke,” she laughed. “I didn’t know you did.”
“Habit I picked up a few months ago,” he said, shrugging. “Try it.”
She took the cigarette and put it between her lips, inhaling as lightly as she could. The smoke filled her mouth and she swallowed a bit and coughed deep in her throat. Opening her mouth, she watched the rest of the smoke float away. Ryan watched her, and for some reason she couldn’t explain, she took another drag, and another. Her body started to relax as she got the hang of it.
“Like it?” he asked as she returned the cigarette.
“Not really, but it was worth a try.” She leaned forward and ran her hand through the cold grass. “So, what happened to your lofty goals of photojournalism? What about the Marines?”
“Haven’t decided on anything yet,” he said after a long drag on the cigarette. “I’ve just been living with my mom and Victor in California. It’s nice there and I’ve been able to get by without doing much.”
For the first time that evening she really looked at him. His hair was shaggier now. The scruff on his jaw looked untidy. It made his crooked nose even more apparent. She opened her mouth, a million questions on her tongue. She couldn’t choose just one to ask as she remembered the unapologetic way he’d kissed her. It was clear to her now why he’d let her throw herself at him like that. He’d thought maybe he could get away with stealing a piece of her and Tam. He couldn’t make up his mind, just like he couldn’t make up his mind about his life now. He seemed completely lost, and in that moment she finally realized kissing him hadn’t entirely been her fault. She wanted to hate him for that, but now that so much time had passed, she only felt sorry for him.
“Are you okay?” she asked, turning to face him as he finished his cigarette and stubbed it out on the rock. “I mean, after that whole Tam thing?”
He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes. “Shouldn’t I be asking if you’re okay? I heard about what she did to you.”
She watched him light a new cigarette. The flame flickered through the darkness and lit up his face. He looked so sad. “Yeah, it was pretty bad, but I hope you don’t blame yourself. It was really all my fault.”
“Yeah, I heard about that too.”
She stiffened. “You did?”
“Tam sent me an email about how you forget everything. She told me your side of the story.” He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have understood.”
Avery stared at the glowing end of his cigarette. “You mean she didn’t blame it all on me?”
He shook his head. “She told me about how you forgot our kissing deal, how it made you look like you were trying to steal me away from her. She told me she wanted to forgive you. She said she missed you and she was sorry, but I think she had too much pride to let go. I tried to get back together with her after all of that, but it didn’t work out. There was always the memory of you between us and she couldn’t handle it.”
Avery’s mind reeled. “If she wanted to forgive me, then why did she bully me the whole year? She could have stopped it.”
Ryan blew out a long stream of smoke. “Like I said, it was her pride. Sometimes it’s easier to hold on to what hurts you.”
Avery looked up at the sky as she let that thought sink in. There were no clouds, and some stars twinkled through the city haze. A soft breeze blew through the leaves, whispering like hushed voices. She turned to glance behind her shoulder at Jordan’s house. His bedroom light was off. She imagined what it would be like for him when he could come home, immobilized, reading a magazine or watching his fish or flipping through television stations. She turned away. Even though she was refusing to see him anymore, her heart was still gripped tightly by the memory of him.
“You didn’t answer my question,” Ryan said as he finished the second cigarette and put it out on the rock. “Are you doing okay?”
“I asked you the same thing.”
For the first time, his lips cracked into a smile. “I guess you did, huh?” He leaned a little closer to her, searching her face. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll be fine too,” she answered, dropping her gaze to his mouth. She didn’t really want to kiss him, but for some reason it was an appealing thought. Then she remembered Kent and she backed away and cleared her throat. “Thanks for asking, though.”
“Anytime.”
He lit up another cigarette and she pulled her cardigan closer as he started talking about photography and the things he was looking forward to doing someday. It seemed he knew what he wanted. He just hadn’t grabbed it yet, just like she couldn’t grab what she wanted.
Glancing up at Jordan’s window again, she swallowed a lump in her throat. It was hard to grab what you wanted—especially if it was the same thing hurting you.
* * *
Another week went by in a blur. Avery kept on top of her homework, made it to her classes on time, and clocked in for her full shift at work every day. Heaven was there sometimes, but more often than not she left a note inviting Avery over to the hospital, and then to the house once Jordan was discharged. It was relentless and pointless. Mrs. Meadows, or Professor Meadows, as Avery called her in public now, cornered her every day after class.
“Jordan is improving,” she told Avery on Friday. “I think he’s accepted how long it will take to heal. He’s not as angry.”
“That’s good,” Avery said, forcing a smile.
Karma smiled back. “Do you think you’d like to come over? It should help him, especially now that he’s improving.”
Avery shook her head and hugged her biology book to her chest. “I don’t think so. Not yet … but thanks.”
Karma’s lips twitched and Avery knew she was fighting back a plea. “Only if you want to, of course,” she said softly. “I’ll see you in class on Monday.”
Avery nodded and turned to leave.
“Avery?”
“Yeah?”
Karma gave her a desperate look. “Jordan is planning to move once his casts come off and the doctor okays it. I just thought I’d warn you.”
Avery blinked. “Move? Where?”
“Chicago. I’ve tried to talk him out of it, but I think it’s probably the best thing for him at this point, considering …” She left the rest unsaid, but Avery knew it was along the lines of, “considering the fact that you won’t even make an effort.”
“Thanks for letting me know,” Avery replied. She breathed a sigh of relief once she was outside. Granted, it was raining, but at least it was fresh air. Digging in her bag, she found her umbrella.
With the rain pattering her umbrella, she passed the hot dog truck and tried to ignore the rumbling in her stomach. She had about an hour and a half before her last class of the day, but she was afraid to stop, especially si
nce she’d been avoiding the food trucks for over a week now. Seeing Owen again would just be too weird.
She kept walking. For a long time, she stared at the ground as her mind rolled over her conversation with Ryan. It was good to have closure with him now. It was good to know Tam had told the truth when she said she was sorry for what she’d done, but Avery still didn’t know what Tam was doing with Owen or if she was going to break his heart. If that happened, Avery was sure she’d never be able to forgive her. As for Jordan moving, she couldn’t even let her mind go there. Maybe it was for the best that he was going to leave her life completely. She bit her bottom lip to keep her tears from falling. She couldn’t cry on campus.
Keep it together, Avery.
When she looked up she was at the medicinal gardens. She entered the little gray building and shook the rain off her umbrella. There were a few students waiting for buses, but none of them noticed Avery as she stared out at the gardens dripping in the rain.
“No hot dog today?”
She jumped at the sound of Owen’s voice.
“Nah,” she said, waving her hand. “Just trying to get my thoughts together before my next class.”
He had on a weatherproof parka. He pushed the hood off his head as he entered the building and sat next to her.
“You’re avoiding me, aren’t you?”
She nodded. There was no use lying to him.
“Just so you know, Tam isn’t trying to get back at you. When she found out you’re a friend of mine, she was surprised.”
“I find that hard to believe, but I trust you, so … okay.”
He laughed and leaned forward to look at her. Finally, she stopped staring at the garden to meet his eyes.
“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he apologized.
She wrinkled her brow. “You didn’t hurt me. I just thought I’d lost you.”
He shrugged. “There’s a lot of history between you and Tam, and I respect that.” He leaned back on his hands and looked up at the ceiling. “But before we decide to call off our whole friendship because of Tam, there’s something I need you to see.” There was an almost gleeful bounce in his voice. “Do you think you could skip your next class?”
She looked at him closely, wondering what he could be talking about. “I suppose I could. I haven’t missed much of that one.”
“Good, then let’s go.” He stood and held out his hand. “We can hop on the next bus up to my neighborhood.”
“O-okay.” She took his hand and rainwater from his parka dripped onto her sleeves as she stood up. “What is it you’re going to show me?”
He grinned and pushed back some of his wet hair. “Something I’ll bet you’ve waited a long time to see.”
27
Avery couldn’t stop jiggling her knee on the bus ride. Owen, sitting next to her, clapped a hand on her thigh and squeezed. She stared down at his hand and stopped.
“Calm down,” he laughed. “You’d think I was taking you to your execution.” He lifted his hand and she let out a nervous giggle.
“Would you please tell me what’s going on? Does this have anything to do with Jordan?”
Fiddling with the zipper on his parka, he looked out the window. “In a way, I guess.”
“Oh, great. You do realize there’s no way to make him remember me, right?”
Owen turned back to her, his eyes filled with worry. “That’s not what this is about. This is something you’ve pushed aside that needs to be fixed.”
“Just tell me, please,” she whispered.
“Too late. We’re here.”
The bus pulled to a stop and Avery followed Owen down the aisle and out the doors. Her heart pounded in her throat, harder and harder as they reached his house and she forced herself up the front steps. This had something to do with Tam, she was sure of it. But if Owen thought he was going to force them to forgive each other, he was dead wrong.
“Owen, if this is about Tam,” she began as he opened the door and stood aside for her to enter, “I think you should know …”
She stepped inside and her thudding heart screeched to a halt. It took her a full thirty seconds to take in the scene in front of her. Her knees nearly bucked. This really wasn’t about Tam. Or Jordan.
A dining chair sat in the middle of the cleared living room. Sitting in it was Kent, his mouth gagged, his hands tied behind the chair. His face was purpled with bruises and cuts, some of them still bleeding. His bottom lip was split, oozing red. He looked up at her through the swollen, puffy flesh around his eyes.
“Owen, what is this?” her voice cracked. “What have you done?”
Surrounding Kent were Owen’s three housemates.
“Spencer, David, and Levi,” Owen said, pointing out each one. “I know how you forget names.”
She nodded, almost in a trance as she looked at their balled fists. Their knuckles were red. They all looked at her with triumphant expressions.
“We decided to give Kent some payback,” Owen said softly. “And if you want to give him some of your own payback, please be our guest. Kent Russell, correct? I hope we got the right guy.”
Avery nodded, even though she couldn’t remember if Russell was his last name or not. “How did you find him? I never told you his last name.”
“I tracked him down for you.”
Avery spun around to see Tam standing in the hallway, her arms folded as she leaned her hip against the wall. She stifled a yawn.
“How?” Avery asked. She wasn’t sure how to feel facing Tam at such a vulnerable moment. If she’d tracked Kent down, then she knew what had happened. All of them knew what had happened. Her face reddened.
“It wasn’t too hard,” Tam explained, unruffled. “You told Owen it was a friend of Jordan’s named Kent, so I talked to Professor Meadows after class. She told me his last name and his parents’ names. It wasn’t too hard to find him after that.”
Avery’s face reddened even more. “You didn’t tell her about …”
Tam shook her head. “Of course not. Your secret’s safe with us, Ave … until, of course, you press charges against the bastard.” She slid her eyes to Kent and contorted her face into a menacing glare.
“I-I don’t know,” Avery stuttered as she turned back to Kent. “I want to talk to him.”
“Sure thing,” Levi said. He grabbed the gag tied around Kent’s head and yanked it out of his mouth. Kent groaned as it rubbed against his split lip.
“Want us to leave you two alone?” Owen asked, touching her shoulder. “We’ll just be in the next room.”
“Yeah,” she replied as she stepped forward. “Yeah, that would be good.”
When they had all cleared the room, Avery stepped around the couch and stood in front of Kent. She saw that his feet were tied too. He wasn’t going anywhere.
“So,” she said in a trembling voice, “I really want to kill you right now.” She tried to look him confidently in the eyes, but she couldn’t do it. The memory of him on top of her, pushing her down on the bed, spun around her in circles. But she had to look in his eyes. He’d hurt her in so many ways and she needed to do something about it. If it hadn’t been for what he’d done, Jordan would be fine. If it hadn’t been for what he’d done, she wouldn’t feel so violated, so broken.
Finally, she met his eyes. He blinked. “I’m sorry, Avery,” he muttered. His voice was raspy, as if he’d gone hoarse from yelling.
“That’s all you have to say? That you’re sorry? Why did you do it, Kent? I trusted you. You were my friend.”
His eyes turned glassy with tears and he looked away, his expression filling with disgust. “When I took you home and your aunt wasn’t there and you kept talking about Jordan and I realized you were in love with him, I couldn’t … I … this guy at the party gave me something. He told me the drug messes with your memory. I guess I didn’t give you enough to make you forget. I’m sorry.”
She balled her fists at her sides. “You’re apologizing for not drugging me enough?
Are you joking?”
He finally looked her in the eyes again. “No, that’s not what I meant.”
“Then what the hell did you mean? You’re just upset you got caught!” She gritted her teeth as she looked down at him. She didn’t know how long it would take her to get over what he’d done to her, but she was certain that it was possible now. No more pushing it aside. She nudged his foot with her toe, and he looked up at her again.
Without a second thought, she smashed a fist into his already bruised cheek. A short cry escaped her throat as pain flooded through her hand and up her arm.
Kent spit out some blood and looked up at her with a wounded expression as she rubbed her knuckles and took a step back.
“You’re going to turn yourself in,” she said in a gritty voice. “Say it.”
He choked on his words, and she kicked him in the shin, making him wince.
“Yes, I am,” he gasped. “I’m going to turn myself in.”
“I’ll make sure of it. In the meantime, I don’t think it will hurt you to sit here for a bit longer with my friends. I don’t think they’re quite finished.” She turned and walked out of the room, rushing into Owen’s open arms in the kitchen. He patted her on the back.
“Good job, Avery.”
“We’ll let him squirm for a while,” David said, chuckling as he shoved a fist into his palm. “Then we’ll finish up and take him to the police as soon as you’re ready.”
Avery nodded as Levi and Spencer followed David out.
“Sorry, Tam,” Avery muttered, stepping away from Owen. “Don’t mean to be hugging your boyfriend.”
Tam smiled. “Friends hug each other,” she said softly. “Don’t they?”
“I guess so.”
“Listen, Avery,” she said, stepping closer. “I’m really sorry about everything. If you don’t want to forgive me, I’m okay with that. You don’t have to. I’ve forgiven you and that’s what matters.”
Avery blinked. Her hand was throbbing and she wished someone would get her a bag of ice. Tam seemed different somehow. It wasn’t just that she was dressed in a pair of Owen’s sweats and one of his T-shirts that didn’t match, with her hair a mess and no makeup on. It was something else. Was it possible Avery hadn’t lost all her friends? She glanced at Owen, who was smiling at her, and then Tam who was waiting for a response. She looked so nervous, so worried. Her eyes were filled with tears, and as one rolled down her cheek Avery realized it was the first time she’d ever seen her cry.
If I Forget You Page 24