by Paloma Meir
We went back into the room. I sat down next to Zelda in the chair that was not big enough for two. Serge asked if we wanted another chair. We both said no at the same time. I ran my hand along her back. Such contrasting emotions, devastated by my father’s condition, blissful that she was by my side.
The day went by slowly. Others came and went but Zelda, my Mom and I stayed by his bedside snacking on chips and other junk food that Vanessa would bring back from the gift shop. Zelda fell asleep on my shoulder. A long day she had flying to me. I knew I would have to take her home soon.
It was dark outside when she woke up. I ran my fingers through her hair, brushing it out. She smiled at me, her eyes bright and awake. I took her face in my hands and looked at her still not believing she was real, I kissed her eyes, her nose, a deep kiss holding her tightly. My mother cleared her throat bringing us back into reality.
“Mom we have to get back to Malibu. We’ll be back first thing in the morning. Are you going home tonight?” We stood up to leave.
“I don’t know. I would like to go see my grandchildren.” Zelda tilted her head and looked over at her strangely. “Yes I think I will go home. I’ll be back at 8:30. Zelda I didn’t get to talk to you. We’ll catch up tomorrow.”
She kissed us all good-bye. Zelda whispered something in my Dad’s ear and we left. I searched my pockets for my keys and realized that Serge had taken my car back home already.
We got a cab, which was probably safer for us because everything had a surreal edge around it. The city was better off with me not driving. I wrapped her around me, kissing her all the way down to the beach. I ran my hand across her chest. Her breasts were huge and warm. She had told me she was still nursing in one of our late night phone calls. I hadn’t considered what that meant physically. I rested my head on her chest and almost fell asleep.
The cab pulled up to my house. I threw some money up front and we got out. We stood outside for a minute listening to the ocean. She shivered though it was a warm night. I remembered she didn’t like the beach. I told her it was okay and held her tight against me. I cursed Spider in my head. All these years later and still a thread of fear ran through her. I hoped he had died a painful death.
I opened the door. It wasn’t easy. She had bound herself to me. I wasn’t going to shake her off. It amazed me that we had fallen back into what we had always been. I wanted to pinch myself. It was like no time had gone by. We were kids again.
Serge was awake and sitting on the sofa in the living room strumming his old guitar.
“Thanks for all the airport runs and pizza. I don’t know what I would have done without you man” I would have to stop the dude, bro, mans in front of Zelda. I didn’t want to scare her off with our frat boy existence. It may have been too late. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she didn’t like the way we lived in our shack on the beach.
My house was small, but it was right on the beach. She had forgotten about the L.A. real estate market. I wanted tell her about it but I knew that conversation would put her to sleep. My house was clean. We had a housekeeper in twice a week but our furniture? Serge and I had dropped the ball. Everything was mixed matched and old, but not antique old. It looked like an 80’s rumpus room. It wasn’t important to us. I would have to change it up before she came home for good.
I knew that I would have to move. Where would we put that baby of hers? Not to mention Astrid. I would have to sell the house and some other properties too. We could move up to Broad Beach. Okay, I couldn’t afford that yet. I would find something bigger up the street. I made a note to start looking the following week.
“Danny?” Serge asked, waking me from my stray thoughts.
“Huh? Sorry sleepy.”
“I’ll leave you two to whatever. Zelda call Carolina in the morning, okay?”
“I’ll try. Good night Serge. Thanks again.”
“No phones tonight.” He walked into his room laughing. I was embarrassed but Zelda laughed.
“He’s always been like that with me.” She ran my hand against her cheek as we walked into my room.
“I’m going to text Astrid really quickly, okay Danny? I hate the time change. I’ll be asleep for most of their day.” She sat down on my bed and took the phone out of her oversized purse.
I took off my clothes while she texted. “Really quickly” was a subjective term I learned that night. Whatever she was saying took about a half an hour. I sat in front of her, pushed up her long skirt and massaged her calves and kissed her knees. She would look down at me occasionally, smile and go back to texting.
“Where did Serge put my bag? I need to wash my face and brush my teeth.” I looked around but didn’t see it. I put my robe on and went back to the living room. The bag was by the door. I brought it back to her.
“Thank you my darling.” She kissed me again and went into the bathroom to do her nighttime beauty routine. Another half an hour went by. I forced myself to stay awake. Not easy, it had been a crazy two days.
Finally she walked into my bedroom, nude as she always with me. She had changed, her body was fuller. It was better. I had always thought her looks were my type, but it was her that dictated what my type would be. She would be my last one so my type didn’t matter anymore. She was it.
The night was warm. She lay curled up next to me on top of the covers stroking my chest, relaxing me. I almost fell asleep. Her hand moved lower. I woke up and flipped her onto her back and just looked at her. I kissed her eyebrows, pulled her hair back and stared into her eyes. I was at peace.
“Thanks for coming out.”
“We have real things to talk about.” I assumed she meant the details of moving, what to do with the baby. We could talk about that later.
“We’ll talk life tomorrow. I want to talk about your eyes, the shape of your lips.” I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.
“Okay in the morning.” She tried to kiss me but I held her down and stared into her dark eyes. Having her in my home with me, it was all so unreal.
“I have to ask. This is the great mystery of my family. What goes on with you and my Dad?”
“That’s the great mystery? I want to be a part of your family. My family... ugh. You haven’t figured it out?”
“My mom and I have our theories. Brian just thinks it’s hot.”
“Brian came closest to figuring out something that’s so obvious.”
“You’re hot for my dad?”
“Nobody ever sees what’s in front of them.” She turned her head away. “He looks exactly like you. That’s it. He’s you in forty years. He figured it out pretty easily.” She shook out of my hold and kissed me.
“That’s weirder than anything we had thought of. What did you whisper to him?” She looked surprised by the question.
“That’s between the two of us. All will be revealed in the morning. No more talking, I need this.” She took me in her hand.
“I’m tired Zelda. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t shown up.”
“I’m being so selfish of course you’re tired. Here lay back and I’ll take care of everything.” She went into the bathroom and came back with a bottle of oil. “Let me massage you. I’ll make you feel better.” She poured the oil onto her hands and rubbed them together.
“Tell me a story.”
“I’m here we can make new stories.” Her gentle hands massaged my tired thighs, “Okay, but it’s going to be the emotions behind it not the sex. Good?” Her hands ran down my legs squeezing my calves.
“It was the last time I saw you. I don’t know if you know this but I went to you with a purpose.” She kneaded the muscles, relaxing my legs.
“I figured that out on my own.” I laughed.
“No commentary please. Where was I? You have to know that I was always happy in Madrid. I loved Paolo. I did Danny. I didn’t think about you and if I did I would push it down. Don’t look sad. My story gets better.” Her fingers circled my knees, “I flew home to see my family, b
ut I was lying to myself. I saw my family more than enough in Spain. Even Anthony would come out for the month of June every year. It was you. I wanted to see you. I kept hoping I would run into you. I had lunch with your Mom twice hoping that you would show up. I even dragged Veronica down to the Malibu Country Mart one day hoping to run into you.” She stopped the massage and crawled up to kiss me. “I love you Danny.” I tried to speak, but she covered my mouth.
“I was getting so frustrated. I knew a phone call from me wouldn’t be welcomed. Your mom had told me that she was having an end of summer party. As casually as possible I asked if you would be there. She said she didn’t know. I think she knew why I was home. You know how your mom is that way.” Back to the massage, she rubbed my shoulders.
“It was the night of the party. I had a hole in my chest. I was leaving the next day. I thought I would die if I didn’t see you. I put on my favorite skirt and blouse. I knew you wouldn’t like it, but the outfit had always made me feel attractive. I needed that confidence. I was the first one in the door. You mother gave me a look. She was definitely onto me. I took refuge with your Dad.” She stopped massaging again and looked at me. “He’s going to be okay.” She kissed my neck.
“I love your Dad. Your parents are so strange. I might be a mystery to you but to them I’m an open book. He told me you were watching me. He instructed me to do what I came here to do. His final words to me were “I need a shiksa granddaughter that looks just like” He winked and then swatted my bottom. I went outside to you. I was so scared Danny.” She laid head on my chest and rubbed my fingers, one by one. Strong hands on my girl.
“I didn’t have a plan beyond seeing you. Once I was with you I melted inside. Everything fell away. It was wonderful and horrible. I knew I couldn’t say what I was feeling. I knew I was going back home the next day. Do you remember all the dancing? Do you remember the songs I sang to you? They weren’t songs. They were everything I wanted to say to you in mumbled singsong Spanish. Five years of crushed and bottled emotions poured out of me. You know why I didn’t mind Paolo’s affairs? Because I had my own secret, and it far outweighed any one night stand.” She sat up and laid her hands where I hoped they would end up.
“I know this sounds crazy. You wanted to stop dancing. I was so scared you were just going to talk to me for a moment and then drive home. I pulled you back and kissed you. Do you remember? I knew it was wrong of me to be so bold, but you know what? It worked. What you said next was the sexiest thing I had ever heard anywhere, such simple words. “I’m taking you upstairs when this song is over.” It was your tone. It was like you felt the same way.”
“I did.”
“Did I say you could speak? Where was I? Then you took me in your room. We couldn’t even get our clothes off. You were with me on the floor, everywhere. You were so strong, so forceful. I’m going to have to stop the massage for a moment. It’s too much.” She climbed on top of me and put me inside of her slowly, the opposite of what she was talking about. She closed her eyes moving up and down on me. I held her heavy breasts in my hands. If she ever left me again I would die.
“I kept saying I love you because that was all there was to say.” She threw her head back and moaned loudly. “I was in the moment. It was a dream. This is amazing. I love you so much, it’s not going to stop this time.” Louder moans. I may have heard Serge laughing.
“Can I speak now?” I asked. She was lost in her own world.
“Something so beautiful came from that night. I love you.” She fell off of me curled up and went to sleep.
…
I woke up before her and laid beside her watching her sleep. I made big money plans in my head. I would work hard and have an army of Astrid’s following her making sure she never had to even open a door. I was going to put her in the biggest house on Broad Beach and fill it with shiksa babies that looked just like her. Dad always knew best. She opened the most beautiful eyes I would ever see.
“Kiss me.” She said, and I did.
“Let’s get up beauty. I’ll make you breakfast and we can head back to the hospital.” I pulled the blanket back to look at her body. Her presence still didn’t feel real to me.
“I’ll help. Do you have an extra robe?” She sat up and stretched her arms over her head.
“It’s in the bathroom. I’ll get it for you.” I draped the robe over her shoulders and kissed her tender neck.
“I forgot that I was in your love cave. You have to tell me about all the women that have passed through here." And I had forgotten how she loved my stories. Lucky for her there were enough for years to come.
In the kitchen she looked into the refrigerator and the cupboards. She seemed disappointed by what she didn’t see.
“Don’t you two ever eat at home?” She took a box of cereal from the cabinet.
“No” Serge sauntered into the kitchen with a giddy smile.
Zelda brought bowls, the cereal and milk that she sniffed at before bringing it to the table.
“You two sleep well?” He broke up laughing.
“Stop it Serge. Could you put the coffee on?” She said as she sat down at the small kitchen table.
I pulled her chair closer to mine and put my arm around her. Serge brought her a cup of coffee. She took a sip and made a face. I loved how spoiled she could be. Everything about her was perfect. I would get her a dream of a coffee machine, all the beans from wherever she wanted.
“Sorry you two. Astrid has pampered me. I’ll have her make us the perfect breakfast when you come out.” She rubbed her nose against mine.
“I love you.” I kissed her nose.
“I love you too. Do we have time before we have to go?” She kissed me again.
“Enough already.” Serge said in a mock-aggravated way.
“Sorry Serge. Could you take me to the airport around 4:00 my flight leaves at 7:15. I splurged on first class so I think I only have to be there two hours early.”
“What do you mean? You’re not leaving.”
“Didn’t I tell you? I’m only here for one day. I have to get back to Louisa. I need to text Astrid. You distract me my love.” She leaned into kiss me. I pulled away.
“You’re not leaving Zelda. You’re here. Have Astrid bring the baby out.” I dropped my arm from around her and felt a crack in my head. I wondered if they could hear it.
“I can’t do that. Paolo and I would have to give her notarized permission. It would be a nightmare to try to arrange from here. It would take days and days. Anyway I’m not ready to come back to Los Angeles. You’ll come out in a two weeks. Your second plan, remember?”
“Then we’ll wait the days and days for the paperwork.”
“Danny Louisa’s a baby. It’s crazy I even came out for a day. Do you know how much travel time that is? I’ve lost three days of her life. She just turned one.” Her eyes that had never looked larger filled with tears.
“You’re not leaving. You’re staying with me.”
“I appreciate the thoughts behind what you’re saying but I’m leaving. You’ll be with me in two weeks. We can go back and forth. Danny I haven’t even told my family or anyone what’s happened. Don’t do this to me.” She started crying.
“We’re not going back and forth. You’re home. You’re staying with me.” The crack in my head felt like it was going to break open.
“Danny you’re repeating yourself. Give her some space.”
“Stay out of it Serge. Zelda go take a shower.”
“You aren’t going to shower with me?”
“No. Start getting ready. You take forever.” She got up and tried to kiss me on the cheek. I moved away.
“Dude what is wrong with you?” Serge barked at me when she shut the door to my room.
“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with her? You should have heard her last night. Was that all a lie? I can’t believe that she’s doing this to me again.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with you but you need to know that everyt
hing you’re thinking is wrong. She’s a mother, she has a baby. All she wants is time. You can’t give that to her? Yes I heard her, she was really loud.”
“You don’t get it.”
“I do get it. It seems I know her better than you do. I thought you had made up this whole fantasy of her wanting to be with you. You didn’t. She loves you. You won. Isn’t that enough? Give her some time. While we’ve been out living for ourselves she built a life, a life that suddenly ended for some reason. Let her figure it out. You know she’s going to end up with you.”
“I’m not waiting another seven years.”
“You’ve lost it. You’re stressed out from your Dad. Don’t take it out on her. You’re both fragile right now. Don’t turn on her. Go in there and apologize. Get in the fucking shower with her. Wash her back whatever she wants.”