by Craig, Emma
“Aye, lass, it looks to be Mr. Noah, all right. And it ‘pears to me as he might just have that reed organ you were talking about in the back of his wagon there.”
A reed organ? Grace pressed her other hand against the door jamb opposite. Otherwise, she feared she’d slither into a lump on the floor.
“I wasn’t sure he’d be finished in time,” Gus said, sounding not altogether happy that Noah had succeeded in whatever it was he’d finished.
Grace couldn’t move from the doorway. She gaped at the three people standing at the open front door and peering out into the gloomy yard.
“Reckon I’d better go help him. He ain’t gonna get that thing in here by himself.”
“I’ll help ye, too, Gus m’lad.”
And while Gus and Mac went outside to help Noah Partridge carry Susan Blackworth’s old reed organ into Mac’s parlor, and Maddie skipped at their heels, Grace stood in the doorway, quivering like her great-aunt Myrtle’s cranberry jelly.
Chapter Nineteen
Noah still wasn’t sure this was a good idea, even when he and Gus Spalding and Mac carried the beautiful old, resuscitated reed organ into Mac’s parlor, and he saw that Mac had cleared a place for it before Noah’d even arrived. He wondered how Mac had known, but didn’t dwell on it. He’d learned a long time ago that Mac just knew things.
When they’d settled the organ gently into its place, Noah stood back and gazed at it. “It looks pretty good there, don’t you think?”
“Aye, lad. It’s looks right lovely there next to the Christmas tree and all.”
Noah squinted at Mac and wondered if the old man knew how much Noah hated Christmas. Mac’s countenance was as cherubic as ever, and Noah decided he did know.
Maddie bounced around like an India-rubber ball, clapping her hands and making joyful noises. Noah grinned at her. At least Maddie seemed pleased to see him. “You like that organ, Miss Maddie?”
“Oh, Mr. Noah, I love it.”
“I’m glad. I fixed it all up for your mommy.”
“I knew that’s what you’d do!” she cried. “Din’t I say so, Mac?”
“Aye, lass, ye did.”
Now was the time. Noah hadn’t dared do more than locate Grace’s position in the room when they’d carried the organ into the house. He was frightened to death of what her reaction would be to what he had to propose to her. Holding his breath, he turned. She still stood there in the doorway, holding onto the jamb as if she needed to in order to keep herself upright. She looked awfully pale; too pale. Noah wondered if she’d been ill. He whipped his Stetson from his head and cleared his throat.
“Grace?” His voice sounded strange. Strained. Hoarse.
Her eyes looked huge and dark against the pallor of her face. She didn’t answer, but remained silently clinging to the door. Crap, now what? Well, he reckoned he’d just better blunder on. Then he could get the hell out of there if that’s what she wanted. He expected that’s what she’d want.
He took a step in her direction and held out his hand. “I—ah—have an offer for you.”
She blinked and said nothing. Good Lord, was his presence that unwelcome to her? Noah’s heart, which had been behaving very unlike its old, cold self in recent days, plunged violently.
“Um, may I talk to you for a minute?”
Grace stared at him as if he were some odd and unseemly thing that had suddenly sprung up from the atmosphere to haunt her. Noah found the sensation most unpleasant, and he wished she’d say something. He glanced at the other people in the room. Shit, they didn’t seem to be going away. They looked damned curious, in fact. He guessed he’d have to do this in public.
Grace still said nothing. He licked his lips.
“Listen, Grace, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past three weeks.”
Finally she spoke. She said, “Three weeks.” Her voice sounded as strained as his.
He waved the hand holding his Stetson. “I know, it’s a long time. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone away like that. I reckon I haven’t been, um, altogether sound these past few years. I’ve gotten out of the habit of thinking about other folks and their needs.”
Damn, this was hard. He wished Mac and Gus would leave the room, at least for a minute or two. Noah didn’t expect little Maddie would know what the hell he was talking about.
“I didn’t mean to run off and leave you. I had—a lot of thinking to do and a lot of decisions to make.”
She jerked a nod. To Noah it looked like she were a puppet being yanked around on strings by a drunken puppet master. Her movements were short and choppy. She still hung onto that blasted door.
“Um, I guess you know I was pretty crazy when I got out of Andersonville.”
Behind him, Noah heard Gus breathe, “Andersonville?” He spoke the name with shock and revulsion, which made sense to Noah.
“And I reckon I’m still crazy, Grace. I still have times when I wake up hollering with nightmares, and I still have times when I feel like there are devils running me from the inside, and I have to go away and be by myself or explode. These past three weeks have been pretty rough.” Guilt whapped him upside the head, and he swallowed audibly. “I guess they have been for you, too.”
Another jerky nod.
“And me, too,” Noah heard in a high, piping voice at his right elbow.
He glanced down at Maddie. “I’m sorry, Miss Maddie. I didn’t mean to make anyone feel bad.”
She nodded. Her expression was sober, judicious, much too old for a six-year-old. “I know it, Mr. Noah. That’s all right.”
“Thank you, Miss Maddie.” He felt properly humbled by the little girl’s forgiveness. He turned back to Grace and took a deep breath.
“I reckon what I’m trying to say is that I’m no great shakes as a fellow. I used to be all right, I guess, but the war—the war—well, I expect I didn’t handle being locked up very well.” He had to look away. Her eyes looked too pained, and he couldn’t stand staring into them any longer. “Anyway, I know I’m no bargain. I’ve got a lot of problems, in other words.”
He heard a movement behind him, but didn’t dare turn to see what it was because he was afraid if he moved he’d run away, and he had to say this. He had to say it now, or he’d never drum up the courage again.
Grace didn’t even nod this time; she only stared at him as if she thought he was a dangerous lunatic, and she was afraid he’d suddenly pick up his gun and shoot her. As if he could ever hurt her. He might be crazy, but he couldn’t hurt her.
He drew in another audible breath. “Anyway—aw, hell, I’m not doing this right.”176 176¬ Criminy, what was the matter with him? Just because he wasn’t used to proposing to females didn’t mean he had to go and be a total idiot in front of this one, did it?
“Anyway, I guess you already know I’m kind of crazy sometimes. And I’ll understand if you don’t want anything to do with me, because—well, who would?”
This time, Noah was almost sure he heard a soft chuckle from behind him. It was Mac, damn his eyes. He frowned, but didn’t waver or turn around. He had to get through this.
“Aw, hell, I know you think I’m crazy. I think so too, for even asking, but—well—damn it all, I love you. And if you’d marry me, I’d be the happiest man on earth. And the luckiest.” Jeeze that sounded trite. Noah couldn’t believe he’d said it, no matter how true it was. “And the most surprised,” he added because it was true.
Grace’s mouth fell open, but she still didn’t say anything. Noah thought he heard Gus Spalding utter a soft, “Drat,” behind him, but he didn’t dare break eye contact with Grace. He took another step toward her. At least she didn’t shrink away from him. Of course, that might be because she was hanging for her life onto that damned door.
“I, ah, bought up your land, Grace. And I have the papers here. I figure I’d sign ‘em over to you. That way, if you’ll consent to marry me, you’ll still own the land. It’s yours free and clear.” He waved in the direction of th
e organ. “That’s for you, too, because I know you don’t have much by way of music in your life, and I reckon you love music as much as I do.”
Damn it, he was babbling like a drunken sailor on shore leave. What the devil was the matter with him? Nerves. Only this time, for the first time in years, Noah figured he deserved to be nervous.
He took one last deep breath and said in a rush. “If you’ll have me, I’d love to marry you. And adopt Maddie, if you’ll consent to me being her daddy. I don’t reckon I’m much of a replacement for your Frank, but I’ll try. And if you don’t want me, I’ll just go away again, and leave you with the land.” He ran out of breath, but managed to gasp, “And the organ.”
Then he could only stand there, his Stetson in his hand and heart in his mouth, and wait.
He heard Grace’s teeth clink together when she finally pried her mouth shut. Then she licked her lips. Noah held his breath.
“You—you love me?” she asked as if that were the most astonishing piece of news she’d ever heard.
Noah wondered why she seemed so surprised. Shoot, any man would love her. He nodded and squeezed a raspy, “Yes, ma’am,” out of his lumpy throat. He swallowed, and added, “Very much.”
Oh, shit, she was going to cry. Noah saw the glitter in her eyes and felt like a brute. Then he saw her begin to slide down the wall as if her legs wouldn’t support her a single second longer, and he dropped his hat, surged forward, and caught her before she hit the floor. She was as light as a feather pillow. He figured he should, as a gentleman, carry her to the sofa or something, but she felt too good in his arms, and he didn’t.
So he stood half in and half out of the parlor doorway, staring into her drowning blue eyes, and couldn’t think of a thing to say. I’m sorry sprang to mind, but he wasn’t sure an apology was appropriate in these circumstances. Hell, he’d just handed her Frank’s damned dream, free and clear.
Her fingers dug into his arms and she clung to him now much as she’d clung to the door jamb. Noah guessed he and a piece of nailed carpentry had as much in common as any other two things he could think of.
The air around him almost crackled with tension, and he wished someone would say something. He was resigned, but not surprised, when he saw the parlor suddenly swimming with those blasted sparkling dots. He felt a tug on his shirt sleeve and looked down to see Maddie gazing up at him. Her eyes were as big as her mother’s, but they weren’t filled with tears. Instead, they looked to be filled with awe. That seemed promising to him.
“Mr. Noah?”
“Yes, Miss Maddie?”
“Did you just ask my mommy to marry you?”
He had to swallow again. “Yes, ma’am. I did.”
“Did she say yes?”
“Not yet.”
Maddie’s eyebrows dipped. “How come?”
Noah couldn’t quite make himself laugh because the truth hurt too much. “I suspect she has lots of reasons, Miss Maddie. And I’m sure they’re all real good ones, too.”
“No.”
That was Grace, and it made him transfer his attention from Maddie to her. No? Had she said no? What did that mean?
“Um, I beg your pardon?”
She ducked her head and wiped her eyes on his shirt sleeve. That was all right with him. She could use him as a towel any old time she wanted to.
“I mean no, I didn’t refuse your offer of marriage.”
She didn’t? Noah didn’t allow himself to hope, because his hopes had been dashed to often in his life already. He didn’t allow himself to ask her to elaborate, either, because he wasn’t sure he could stand it if she made it plain that she was going to refuse him.
“So,” little Maddie said, sounding extremely curious, “does that mean you’re going to marry him, Mommy?”
Grace nodded. Noah didn’t believe his eyes. Then she whispered, “Yes,” and he didn’t believe his ears. He stared at her hard, trying to decipher her veiled refusal in the set of her countenance. This was some kind of cruel joke; he knew it. Noah was past believing anything good could ever happen to him.
“I’m glad,” Maddie said.
Noah peered down at her. She looked as if she’d meant it. How very strange.
“So then,” the little girl continued, “that means you’ll be my daddy, doesn’t it, Mr. Noah?” She gave him a huge smile.
Tongue-tied didn’t half describe Noah’s condition. Dumb-struck came close.
It was Grace who finally answered her daughter’s question. “Yes, Maddie. If he’ll have us, Noah will be my husband and your daddy from now on.” Her voice shook as if the wind outside was blowing it.
If he’d have them? Noah’s own knees were beginning to feel rubbery. He staggered back a pace, and then thought he’d better sit down before he fell and killed the both of them.
With an enormous, mischievous grin on his wrinkled old face, Mac swept his hand aside as if ushering Noah into the parlor. Noah blinked through another swarm of sparkles and finally made it to the rocking chair Grace always sat in beside the fire, directly across from the Christmas tree. And the reed organ. His knees gave out at the last instant, and he fell rather than sat in the chair. Grace bounced on his lap. He tightened his arms around her and finally found his voice.
“You mean it? You mean you really want to marry me?” No, that was stupid; of course she didn’t want to marry him. He amended, “I mean, you’ll have me? Me?”
She smiled at him, sending rays of heat burrowing more deeply into his heart and melting the last few remaining stubborn icicles lodged there. When she reached up and pressed a palm to his cheek, he leaned into it and felt Grace’s warmth and softness steal into his body. He felt as though her touch were healing him at last.
“Yes, Noah. I’ll have you. I want to marry you. I love you.”
He stared at her, unbelieving.
She repeated, “I love you. I’ve loved you for weeks and weeks now.”
He opened his mouth and shut it again.
“You’re a good man, Noah Partridge, no matter what you think you are. You’re an honorable man; a noble man.”
Honorable? Good? Noble? Him? Noah blinked because his eyes had begun to burn. When Grace reached up and brushed his hair gently away from his forehead, he realized with acute embarrassment that he’d begun to cry.
Then she kissed him, and all his surviving barriers broke apart at once. Crying and laughing, in a state alternating between absolute ecstasy and perfect disbelief, he kissed her back, and kept kissing her until Maddie’s high voice finally penetrated his befuddlement.
“So you will by my daddy, Mr. Noah?”
He sat up and stopped devouring Grace’s lips. Panting, he held out an arm and Maddie obligingly walked into it. He lifted her up onto his lap too. What the hell, he might as well get used to it. His two females sat there hugging each other and looking so happy, he could hardly believe his eyes. They were happy to have him. They were happy to have him.
When he finally managed to tear his gaze away from Grace and Maddie, he saw Mac leaning against the new-old organ, his pipe in his mouth, his arms crossed over his chest, and looking as satisfied as if he’d arranged this whole affair himself. With something of a shock, Noah wondered if perhaps he had.
No. That was crazy thinking, and Noah was finished with craziness if he could help it. Then his gaze slid over to Gus Spalding, who nodded and half grinned at him as if acknowledging a fair win on Noah’s part. Noah nodded back and silently thanked Gus for taking his defeat with such good grace. He couldn’t tell, but it looked to him as if the cowboy’s puppy-dog eyes held sadness.
Noah understood. But Gus Spalding was a young man, and a whole, undamaged one. He’d find another woman someday, one closer to his age and temperament. Noah had thought for several weeks now that Grace Richardson had been made for him, that she was some sort of balm sent to heal his devastated soul. He hadn’t allowed himself to hope that Grace would ever think so.
Yet she evidently did. She loved h
im. He still couldn’t quite take it in. He gave her and Maddie another squeeze and cleared his throat.
“I’d, ah, like to adopt Maddie, Grace, if that’s all right with you. I mean,” he hurried to explain before she could object, “I don’t want to take her father’s place or anything, but legally, I’d like to adopt her so that if anything happens to me, both of you will be protected under the law.”
“Oh, Noah.” Grace stroked his cheek again. When she did that, he wanted to purr like a cat. “It took me a long time to realize it, but there’s an abundance of love in the world. There’s plenty to go around, you know. Maddie and I loved Frank. And we love you now, too. We’ll never stop loving Frank, and we’ll never stop loving you.”
“I do love you, Mr. Noah,” Maddie confirmed, sounding rather shy about admitting it out loud.
Damn, he was going to cry again. Noah swallowed resolutely and said, “I love you too, Miss Maddie. And I love your mama.” Then he decided to quit before he started blubbering.
Shoot, this was getting maudlin. Noah was as grateful as he was startled when someone pounded on the front door. Grace and Maddie turned in alarm and stared at Mac, who shoved himself away from the organ.
“My, my,” Mac said, sounding not at all surprised. “Now, I wonder who that could be on Christmas Eve and all.” He left them with a wink and walked to the door. Gus appeared ill at ease and as if he felt left out, and guilt pummeled Noah. He caught Grace’s eye. She nodded and stood up. He was sorry about that, but guessed it couldn’t be helped. He set Maddie on her feet too, and got out of the rocking chair. Thank God, his legs held him upright.
“Well, I’ll be blessed,” said Mac. “It looks like we have ourselves a preacher come to sup with us on Christmas Eve, children.”
Noah, Grace, and Maddie held hands and gaped at the door. Gus stood up straight and tugged at his bandanna, tidying up, Noah figured, in reaction to the word “preacher.”
Grace whispered, “A preacher?”
“Thank you kindly, sir. My name is Joshua Horgan, and I am a minister of God, although I don’t know how you guessed. I was attempting to find my way to my sister’s ranch, but my horse came up lame. It was just luck that brought me to this little village. I slept last night at the ranch of Mr. Grover Baldridge, and set out early this morning.” The Reverend Mr. Horgan held his black hat nervously in his gloved hands as he peered past Mac into the parlor. He looked as if he expected one of them to grab up a gun and shoot him. Noah figured he’d been reading yellow-back novels. “Er, I hate to interrupt you, especially on this, one of the holiest nights of the year.”