by Betsy Haynes
"We've got that," I interjected.
"And a mother and a father," she said slowly.
"But Mom," I started to protest. "A mother and a father?" I asked, not wanting it to be true. Deep down I knew it was. "But you're a super mother," I went on. "Doesn't that count for anything?"
"Of course it does, sweetheart. It counts for a lot. But if there are other families wanting her who are super, too, and have both a mother and a father, we wouldn't stand much of a chance, would we? You've got to realize that the court will look for the best possible family for her."
I sank back against the sofa feeling as if someone were squeezing my heart. "But I LOVE her!" I insisted. Then a wonderful idea occurred to me. "Mom!" I shouted. "You and Pink are going to get married, aren't you? That would mean our family has a mother and a father. And you saw how Pink acted when he saw Ashley at the police station. He loved her, too. I know he did. He would make a wonderful father, and if you got married right away, we could still adopt Ashley. Don't you see? Oh, please!"
The smile disappeared from Mom's face. "You haven't been very enthusiastic about Pink and me getting married until now. In fact, I've had the distinct feeling lately that you didn't like the idea at all anymore."
"It would be okay," I insisted. "It really would. Then you would have Pink and I would . . ." My voice trailed off. I hadn't meant to say it that way.
"You would have Ashley," Mom said, finishing my sentence. "Is that what has been bothering you about Pink and me getting married? That we would have each other and you wouldn't have anyone?"
I buried my head in her arms. I didn't want to talk about that part of it. I only wanted to talk about Ashley.
"Jana, no matter whether Pink and I get married or not, you and I will always have each other. I promise you that. Now let's take a little more time making some of these decisions. Pink and I have plenty of time to get married, and they aren't going to allow Ashley to be adopted as long as there is a chance they can find her mother. No one is sure yet why she abandoned Ashley. Maybe she needs help."
"But, Mom," I said helplessly.
"Let me see your list again."
Reluctantly I handed it to her. I couldn't see what difference it could make.
"Look at what number one says," she said. "It's the most important."
I didn't have to look. I knew it by heart.
"It says you love her. And do you know the only way to prove how much you love someone?"
I shook my head.
"By forgetting about yourself and what will make you happy and doing something unselfish—just for her."
I grabbed my list and raced back to my room, slamming the door behind me. I had to be alone. Mom didn't understand at all. I did want to do something for Ashley. I wanted to be her sister and love her forever. But who was going to get to do that? Probably Taffy Sinclair.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
That night I lay awake for a long time, staring at the ceiling. I couldn't remember when I had been more confused. Taffy Sinclair, the person I have hated all my life, was with me when we found baby Ashley, and for an instant we had almost been friends. But then, most of the time at least, we had gone back to being enemies. She tried to take all the credit for finding Ashley, and now she and her family were trying to adopt her and take her away from me.
And then there was Mom. She had been dating Pink for ages and saying that someday they would get married, but not right away because she didn't want to rush into anything. Suddenly, she decided to marry him without consulting me or considering my feelings. And now, when I wanted them to get married in a hurry so that our family would have a father and we could adopt Ashley instead of the Sinclairs, Mom says she wants to postpone any decisions. "Eeeeek!!!" I squealed. "I think I'm going bonkers."
I also couldn't forget what Mom said about my proving my love for Ashley by doing something just for her. What did she think I was doing when I asked to adopt her? Maybe I wasn't the one going bonkers, I thought. Maybe it was Mom.
I tossed and turned, unable to get Mom's words out of my mind. I tried to figure out what might make a tiny baby happy. If I were going to do something just for her, it would have to be something she would really want. Her bottle. Dry diapers. Me for a sister. I pushed that idea out of my mind. I knew it wasn't what Mom had meant.
What else would she want? Toys to play with. I thought about the teddy bear Taffy had brought Ashley the day of the television interview. Had Taffy been trying to prove to Ashley how much she loved her? Well, I loved her more. I just knew I did, and I would bring her a stuffed toy, only it would be twice as big as that stupid teddy bear. That would show Ashley and Taffy and Mom. It would show the whole world who loved her the most.
I crept out of bed and switched on my desk lamp. Mom had given me my allowance yesterday, and I hadn't spent any of it. Plus I had a little saved up. I knew I didn't possibly have enough to buy a big toy for Ashley, but I counted it anyway. "Oh, brother," I whispered to myself. "Only seven dollars and twenty-five cents. I can't even buy a little toy for that."
I turned out the light and crawled back into bed, trying to think of something else a baby would want. Babies were so little, and there wasn't much they could do. How could they really want anything?
On the way to school the next morning I was so deep in thought, still trying to figure out what to do for Ashley, that I didn't hear Randy Kirwan come up behind me.
"Hey, Jana. I saw you on TV Saturday night," he said.
I almost jumped out of my skin. Then I blushed when I saw that he was giving me his 1,000-watt smile. I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled back.
"I'll bet it was pretty exciting."
I nodded. "It was, and scary, too."
"You looked really nice," he said, and I blushed again. "Especially your hair. Which was the most exciting? Being on television or finding Ashley?"
"Finding Ashley." I didn't even have to think about that. "She's the most beautiful baby in the whole world, and I really love her."
Randy fell into step with me, and we walked along in silence for a moment. I was thinking about what a kind and sensitive person he is and how some day he would make a wonderful father.
"Do you know anything about babies?" I saw the quizzical look on his face and added quickly, "You know. What they want and what they like best and things like that?"
Randy shrugged. "The usual stuff, I guess. Their bottles and dry diapers." He paused and then he gave a funny little laugh. "And their mothers. My little cousin, Matthew, throws a pure fit when my aunt Chris even leaves the room."
I sighed. Randy was no help, either. When we adopted Ashley, Mom would be her mother, and I would be with her always. I would never leave the room if she didn't want me to. But that wasn't going to help me now.
Randy's voice broke into my thoughts again. "What's going on at school?" He was pointing to a crowd of kids, mostly sixth-graders, clustered near the swings.
"Come on," I said. "Let's go find out."
We trotted across the street and onto the school ground. Just then someone walked away from the crowd, leaving a gap big enough for me to see who it was that was the center of attention. I should have known. It was Taffy Sinclair.
I wanted to turn around, but Randy was still heading toward the crowd, so I kept going. She's probably bragging about being on television, I thought with disgust. I could just hear her telling everyone what a big star she was and how she would probably have her own show any day now. But to my surprise, that wasn't what she was saying, at all. It was worse.
". . . and the people at the police station said they thought we would have a VERY good chance of getting to adopt Ashley. Isn't that super? It's the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me in my whole life!"
I shot a quick sideways glance at Randy. He was staring straight at Taffy and he looked impressed. I thought I'd die.
Just then my four best friends came walking up, and I took them aside and filled them in on what was goi
ng on. "It's the most disgusting thing in the world," I said.
Beth nodded. "I read about it in yesterday's paper. What are you going to do?"
"Are you going to try to adopt her, too?" Melanie asked.
"Mom said we wouldn't stand a chance because they will want her to have a family with a FATHER. I don't see what difference that makes. Mom and I have been alone without a father for ages, and we get along just fine." Then I went on to tell them what Mom had said about the real way to prove that you love someone. "What am I going to do?" I pleaded. "I've just got to prove to Ashley and everybody that I love that baby more than Taffy Sinclair and her parents do. That's the only way Mom and I will stand a chance to adopt her."
My friends all looked at me sympathetically. Christie shook her head. "I don't know, Jana. That's tough."
"It sure is," added Katie.
They were no help. I thought and thought all day long. I almost got into trouble once in social studies class for not paying attention. Wiggins called on me, and I didn't even hear the question, much less know the answer.
After school, Taffy Sinclair just happened to stop by my locker. I tried to ignore her, but she stood there with that icky sweet smile on her face until I thought I would explode.
"What do you want?"
"I just wondered if you had heard the news about how my parents will probably adopt Ashley and she'll be MY little sister."
I snickered. "No, she won't. Not if Mom and I have anything to say about it."
I slammed my locker door and got out of there, leaving her standing alone, smiling her icky sweet smile at the back of my head. All I wanted to do was get home and talk to Mom.
I threw my books on the sofa and went into the kitchen to fix myself a snack. Mom wouldn't be home for half an hour. I still hadn't solved the problem of what to do for Ashley to prove I loved her. I smiled when I remembered asking Randy what babies like. As if a boy would know, I thought. The usual stuff, I guess, he had said. Their bottles and dry diapers. And their mothers. My little cousin, Matthew, throws a pure fit when my aunt Chris even leaves the room. AND THEIR MOTHERS. Why hadn't I thought of that?
Of course, that was it. What Ashley probably wanted most of all was her mother. In some ways it was the same as my wanting my father all these years. Or even if Ashley didn't want her mother as much as I thought she did, there was only one way to know for sure. I had to find her. That was the only way I would ever know if she had hurt Ashley or why she had abandoned her. And if she really loved her. I had to know that or it would worry me the rest of my life. But most of all, I had to do it for Ashley.
Just then I realized that I was still standing in the middle of the kitchen, but I hadn't fixed myself a snack. I hadn't even opened the refrigerator door. I didn't want a snack. I wasn't the least bit hungry anymore. I had an idea. It was a way to find Ashley's mother that just might work. I smiled to myself. But to do it, I needed my mother.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Mom sighed when I told her my plan, and I could tell that she didn't hold out much hope for its working. But she said, yes, she would put a classified advertisement in the Bridgeport Post for me. After all, she is the classified ad manager in charge of all the ads that go into the paper.
"I'll write it myself," I said. "In fact, I've already been working on it. How does this sound?
"Dear Baby Ashley's Mother: You probably know that Ashley is okay. That's been on TV. But do you know how much she misses you? I can tell you all about it if you want to call me. My name is Jana, and I'm one of the girls who found her. My number is five five five, oh two five oh."
"That's beautiful, Jana. I'll put it in tomorrow's paper in the personals column and let it run for three days. How's that?"
"Super." Three whole days, I thought happily. Surely Ashley's mother would see it in that time.
"I'll pay for it with my own money," I offered. "I have seven dollars and twenty-five cents. If that's not enough, I'll take the rest out of my next allowance."
"Sure, honey. You won't be billed for a few days anyway. We'll work it out then." She paused, and her expression got serious. "I don't want to upset you, but I hope you won't be too disappointed if you don't hear from her."
I started to answer, but she held up her hand. "Ashley's mother may have left Bridgeport right after she abandoned her baby. The authorities don't think Ashley was born here, so maybe her mother was just passing through. And even if she is here, there's no guarantee that she'll read your ad or call you if she does." Then Mom took both my hands in hers and said in a very soft voice, "I think what you're doing is wonderful, Jana. It's sweet and unselfish. It certainly proves how much you really do love Ashley. I just don't want you to be hurt if it doesn't work out."
I nodded. I was afraid I would cry if I said anything. Ashley's mother had to read my ad. She just had to. That's all there was to it. Besides, Mom was always bragging about how many people read the Bridgeport Post classified ads and what good results the people who placed them always got. It would work out for me. I knew it would.
The next day was Tuesday. It was not only the day that my ad would be in the paper, but it was also the one-week anniversary of our finding Ashley. I couldn't believe that it had only been a week. It seemed as if that baby had been a part of my life forever. At school, everybody had pretty much forgotten about Ashley, and so Taffy and I weren't celebrities anymore. In fact, Clarence Marshall was getting most of the attention. His father had had a spectacular one-car accident on the Merritt Parkway and walked away without a scratch, and Clarence was telling anyone who would listen all the details, complete with sound effects.
I raced home after school to wait for Mom to get there with the paper. I hadn't told anyone about it. Not even my best friends. I can't exactly explain why I kept it a secret. It was just too private, I guess. I slipped into the apartment and went straight to my room. I had planned to do my homework early so that I could sit by the phone all evening. I also needed time to rehearse what I would say when Ashley's mother called. I went over some possibilities in my mind.
Hello, Jana. This is Ashley's mother, a voice would say. It would be a nice voice. Full of kindness and love. I'm so glad that someone like you found her. I know you'll always take good care of her. Good-bye.
At first I felt really good about that voice, but then my feeling of contentment faded. If Ashley's mother turned out to be that nice, why did she abandon her baby in the first place?
Then I heard another voice. I'm glad you have that little brat, it said angrily. She did nothing but cry and wet her pants. I slammed down the phone in my imagination. I couldn't talk to someone like that. Besides, it hurt too much to think that Ashley's mother might be that kind of person.
I decided to get my homework done and out of the way, and I was almost finished when Mom got home.
"Jana," she called from the living room. "I have the paper."
I dashed to meet her and took the paper out of her hand. She already had it opened to the page where my ad appeared and had circled it in red. I read it through at least six times. She had put it in exactly the way I wrote it. Now all I had to do was wait for the phone to ring.
Mom made meat loaf for supper, and even though it's one of my favorites, I couldn't eat. I mostly just pushed it around my plate. Mom didn't say anything. I guess she knew that my mind was on other things.
I kept imagining Ashley's mother was picking up the paper at that very moment. I could almost see her as she opened it to the classified ads. She would look casually down the page and then stop as the word "Ashley" would practically jump out at her. She would read the ad, and slowly a smile would spread across her face. She would gaze off into the distance for a moment as if she were seeing her baby again. Then she would race to the phone and punch in the number in the ad. I looked sharply at the phone. I knew that any second it was going to ring. But it didn't.
It didn't ring while I was drying dishes for Mom, either. Once, a little while later, I even double-che
cked the ad to make sure they had gotten the telephone number right.
Later, something else began to worry me. What if our phone was out of order? It hadn't rung all evening. Maybe the line was dead or something like that? If I picked it up and listened and there was a dial tone, I would know that it was not out of order. But if I picked it up and listened at the wrong moment, I could miss the call from Ashley's mother. Of course, if she got a busy signal, she could always call back later. But what if she didn't? What if she chickened out? Or changed her mind? Or lost her quarter for the pay phone? A million things could happen to keep her from calling back. I didn't dare pick up that receiver, no matter how much I wanted to. It could be a terrible mistake.
I tried to watch television with Mom, but I didn't even know what shows were on. Mom kept trying to cheer me up. "Why don't we make some popcorn?" she suggested.
Normally I would volunteer to jump through fiery hoops for popcorn, or stand on my head while juggling teacups with my feet, but not tonight. "No, thanks," I said. "I'm still not hungry."
Mom allowed me to stay up an hour past my bedtime, and then she promised that she would wake me if anyone called. I crawled into bed, feeling awfully depressed. I had been so sure that Ashley's mother would call by now.
Mom stuck her head in the door to tell me goodnight. "There's always tomorrow," she said. "Some people don't have time to read the evening paper until the next day. Don't give up, sweetheart. It's too early for that."
I couldn't stand keeping my ad a secret anymore, so I tore it out of the paper, and as soon as I got to school the next morning, I showed it to my friends.
"Gosh, Jana," said Katie. "That's a great idea."
"I think so, too," said Christie. "My parents sold our old car through the classified ads. We had forty-seven calls. I think just about everybody reads the ads in the Post."
"I don't know," said Beth, shaking her head. "Why would Ashley's mother be reading them in the first place? There's no reason for her to think that anyone would put in an ad about Ashley. Sorry, Jana, I really don't think it will work."