by Dani Hoots
Slowly, I inspected my surroundings. Students went by, not noticing as I stood in the middle of the path. They had places to go and I was just another face to them. I tried to sort through everything around me: voices, laughs, sounds. My mind took it all in. I felt like I stood separate from it all, simply an observer. I took a deep breath, trying not to let the panic overtake me. I had to stay calm and clear my senses. Fear can block the senses and that was never helpful.
That’s when I saw them, two men standing outside Subway staring right at me. I moved out of the middle of the pathway and hurried off in a different direction, my fight-or-flight reflex kicked in, but not before I got a good look at them. Both were dressed head-to-toe in black. Their arms crossed, they leaned against the outside wall and examined me. The one on the left was taller and blonde with a large scar on his right cheek. Stubble covered his chin and jaw. The other had brown hair and was clean shaven with a large brow and muscles so thick I swore they were going to burst. I immediately dubbed them “Scarface” and “Muscleman”. Both looked like something out of James Bond.
That was why I chose flight over fight.
Once I was out of their sight. I was safe now. I kept checking over my shoulder until I reached my apartment, but they weren’t following. Maybe I should call Detective Johnson—the detective that worked on finding who I was and was nice enough to help set up my life here in Portland—and let him know about those men. I pondered on the thought as I stuck my keys in the door. There probably wasn’t anything he could do, since they hadn’t threatened me nor actually followed me, I couldn’t even be sure they were even watching me. No, it was probably all in my head.
“Hello deary, how was your first day of school?”
I jumped, still nervous that someone was following me. I turned around to find my neighbor standing in her doorway stroking her cat Fuzzy Boots, her TV blaring in the background. Wheel of Fortune was apparently on.
“Hi Ms. Collins. It went well.”
She smiled, most of her teeth missing. She must have forgotten to put her dentures in today. “That’s great deary, now don’t go partying all night with all the other students in this building, you are too good for that sort of stuff.”
“I won’t.”
She nodded and went back to watching her show. Although she could barely hear if someone was knocking on her door or when her phone rang, she always seemed to hear me when I was in the hallway.
Opening my door, I threw my backpack down and collapsed on my bed. That and my couch were pretty much the only pieces of furniture I had. My little apartment also had a fridge, microwave, and a computer I could do homework on and watch Netflix. There were a few pictures taped to the wall, one of a map of the world and the others of the universe. The map of the world had ‘x’s’ all over it, representing places I had searched for any record of myself. It was weird, trying to research who you were to only find nothing. I had found other people with the same name, but none of them were me. I must not have been that interesting.
I should have been doing homework, but I really didn’t feel like it. That made me smile, being the opposite of what I always told my students. It was the first day of school and I was already putting it off. I felt so two-faced. It was fantastic.
My next class wasn’t until tomorrow, gladly. I had only three classes, quite an easy schedule. Mondays and Wednesdays I had astrophysics and Tuesdays and Thursdays were quantum physics and history. I did have two labs on Fridays for both physics classes. I still tutored, but I could pick and choose that schedule. And I didn’t have to prepare or do any outside work. Perfect job, really, if you were patient enough to teach high schoolers.
Upside down, I glanced at the clock on my computer. Ten to four. I let out a deep breath and bit my lip, thinking of what I could do for the rest of the afternoon. I had to tutor at six. That left me enough time to watch an episode or two of Grimm.
My stomach grumbled. All I had were some grapes and crackers to snack on. I glanced at the time again. It was still too early for dinner, but I would need something to hold me over until later, and grapes and crackers just didn’t cut it. No, I wanted something sweet.
I jumped up from my bed. I needed a Voodoo Donut. Grabbing my purse, I hurried out the door and onto Twelfth Street.
Nothing made me happier than one of those extraordinary donuts. They had every flavor, from maple bacon to bubble gum—they even had a Neapolitan donut. It was a short walk from my apartment complex, and from there I could catch the MAX, Portland’s light rail, to Lloyd Center where I was to meet Pete, the high school student I tutored on Mondays.
It was a perfect day outside, the sun shining bright and a cool breeze swept through every few moments. The trees swayed, branches clattering as I walked by. Taking a deep breath, the sweet scent of fall filled my lungs. Orange and red leaves peppered the sidewalk, crunching under my white Converse. I looked around and wished I was artistic enough to capture the beauty of it all on a canvas. That was one thing I didn’t excel in, art. I was lucky if I could draw stick figures.
I started humming. No song in particular, just notes that popped into my head. I could never remember the melody of any specific song so I always bunched them together and made my own music. It probably sounded horrible to any passerby but to me it made me feel content.
A car honked as I almost stepped out in front of it. The light was green for me, not them. I waved nicely anyway as they drove off. Rolling my eyes, I returned to my song. This time I think I actually started humming “Not the Villain” by S.J. Tucker.
True names, stopped clocks, wildest dreams
Time’s up, darling; let it be
I loved walking in Portland and watching as other Portlanders went by. Portland encompassed such diversity: from students to hipsters, to Chinese and Scandinavians. It felt almost... otherworldly. As if I could travel anywhere without actually leaving Portland.
I glanced over to find a Wesen on a park bench. At least, he looked like a Wesen, his hair wiry and long, face scruffy, and his eyes even madder than a hatter. Not that Wesen actually existed, but I still had a fear of them. Wesen were creatures that appeared human but once you knew the truth, you could see the creature inside. Since living in Portland, I had watched a few shows that took place in the city, Grimm being one of them. Now I was always looking over my shoulder, making sure no weird creature was about to attack. I hurried away from the man sitting on the bench. You could never be too careful.
As for the show Portlandia, I found that every person I met fit in one episode or another. I’ve watched people ask their waitress where their chicken was from, seen people play hide-and-seek in libraries, and don’t get me started on putting a bird on things. There are birds everywhere in Portland, you would think this city was an aviary. I actually thought the show was a documentary until someone told me otherwise. I still thought they were wrong, the show had to be real, even the mayor was in it.
A young man with a green mohawk walked by, his leather jacket studded with silver spikes and his baggy jeans hanging off his hips. Young stubble covered some of his acne scars and a cut ran down the side of his cheek. He pointed ahead, showing something to his friend, his knuckles spelling out ‘REBL’ in black ink. The girl nodded, running her fingers through her short blue hair. Her clothes were similar, a leather jacket and jeans. She giggled, her piercings looked as if they would split her lip. I never understood lip rings, it seemed like they would always get in the way, not to mention hurt like hell.
The girl grabbed him by the arm and pulled him down the street. He pulled her close and kissed her. How did he not cut his lip on that piercing? She glanced over, seeing that I was staring.
“Take a picture, it lasts longer!” she yelled and flipped me off.
I looked down and hurried off in the direction I needed to go. I hated when I did that, my mind carrying me off in a different world and I just kept staring at someone. I felt like such an idiot.
After I got out of their
sight, I stretched my arms and thought about the couple again. I wished I could find someone like that, someone I connected with. I had acquaintances, sure, but most of them were just my students. I got to talk about gossip with some of them but that’s not what I was paid for. I had no true friends. No one to stay up all night talking. No one to hold my hand as I stumbled through my life.
I grew to love this city for all its zany quirks. It never did feel like my home, but I did feel that it was a place that I could eventually call home.
I had gone through picture after picture of different cities, none of them triggering any sort of memory. There were still a lot of places I needed to search but it still worried me. Would I never remember my home? Was I destined to never go back? I wouldn’t give up trying though. Maybe I would start searching in Arizona next. I heard it never rains there.
The screeching wheels of a railcar made me jump about five feet into the air. The sound got me every time. I swore they should have warning signs: “Danger, high pitch screeching. Mind your ears”, just like London had “Mind the Gap”. But nevertheless they had no sign and I would forever hurt my ears every time I passed by.
I glanced over at the trolley as it came to a halt. Passengers got on and off to be carried across town. I always preferred walking but if I had to travel across town I took the MAX. It was rare, though, that I would need to. Usually only for tutoring, such as today.
I turned down Burnside. I was almost there, my mouth watered with impatience, even though I knew that the line would be long and it would take another ten minutes before I actually got a donut. Nevertheless, at least I could breathe in the sugary air that emanated from the bakery.
As I walked down the street, three men were coming straight at me. I felt my hands begin to shake. They weren’t the same men I had seen at Subway but the exact feeling of fear spread throughout my body. All three of them wore identical dark clothing as the others. But unlike them, these three wore sunglasses. I couldn’t tell if they were looking at me.
They were mixed in with others of the crowded street, each with the same stature—that of some kind of secret agent or body guard like on the TV. Two of them had black hair and high cheekbones indicating to me that they could be related. The third was a bit larger and had a beard. I could see each of their coats had a bulge on the side, revealing that they had some type of gun underneath. I gulped.
As they moved in, I tried to keep my eyes off of them. Maybe if I walked quickly by, they wouldn’t notice me. Maybe they weren’t looking for me, maybe they were part of some secret mission to take down some Wesen. Yes, I was going to go with that.
Then why did I have a feeling that I had been in this situation before?
I rushed past The Brothers and Beardy. They didn’t stop walking forward or turn to see where I was going. I took a deep breath and released it slowly. Imagination was getting the better of me, maybe I should stop watching television.
Like that was ever going to happen.
I didn’t see the men again. I needed to stop freaking myself out, and a donut was the perfect cure.
I got in line after an elderly woman with her two grandsons and waited. Good thing I still had an hour and a half before I had to tutor.
“Hey Angela.”
I turned to find Detective Johnson in line right behind me, his suit and tie looking as straight as ever. His brown hair was cut close to his head and I had never seen his face anything but clean shaven. Detective Lang, his partner, was right there beside him, her blonde hair pulled back in a bun and her lady suit as crisp as Johnson’s.
I greeted him with a hug. “Detective Johnson, Detective Lang,” I didn’t dare hug her, I learned my lesson the first time. “It’s great to see you!”
“Likewise,” he straightened his tie. “Didn’t you just have your first day of school? How was that?”
The detectives had helped me out a lot since the accident. Both were called to the scene when I was found and assigned to my case. I learned that Detective Johnson had a daughter about my age, which explained why he wanted to assist on my case so much. I don’t think he could imagine his own daughter going through the same things I was going through.
“It was great, other than having to correct the professor on an equation. Pretty sure he hates me now.”
Detective Johnson let out a deep laugh. “Now that’s funny. It’s great that you are doing so well.”
“And I wouldn’t worry about the professor, you will like some and hate others,” Detective Lang added. “Is everything else going okay?”
I debated telling them about the men I had seen that day. There wasn’t really anything they could do, but I knew I would regret it if I didn’t. And they would be really pissed if they found out the hard way. I scratched my arm. “I sorta feel like I’m being followed. I’m not sure why. There are a couple of men in black that I keep running into that make me feel nervous. I don’t know if it’s my imagination...”
He furrowed his eyebrows. “Have they done anything to make you feel like they want to hurt you?”
I shook my head. “No, truthfully I don’t know if they were looking at me or something behind me. Really, I’m probably imagining things.”
“Don’t let your guard down, Angela, if anything that seems suspicious, let us know right away,” she added.
Detective Johnson pulled out a card. “I will have some of our men keep an eye out around your apartment for the next week. I know you all ready have my card, but here is another in case you lost it. If you notice them again, don’t be afraid to call.”
Taking the card, I thanked both of them for their help. “Do you have any new leads?”
Detective Lang answered. “Regretfully, no. We haven’t found anything. But keep your chin up, we’ll find something, eventually.”
I tried to smile for him but my heart ached inside. They’d been saying that for the past year and still they had found nothing. How was that even possible? How was it possible to not find someone?
The line shifted and we made it into the little shop at last. Rows and rows of donuts filled the racks. It always astounded me how many types of donuts they offered everyday. There were so many choices, but I had come for one particular donut and I wasn’t going to settle for anything less. I went up on my tiptoes to check the front. Pink scribbles on the chalkboard told me my favorite, the Captain My Captain donut was still available. A donut with vanilla frosting and Captain Crunch on the top. I could feel diabetes coming for me.
Detective Johnson pulled out his wallet. “Which one do you want?”
I blushed. “No, it’s fine, you don’t need to buy me a donut.”
“Please, it’s my treat. Just pick one. I’m already getting a dozen for a quick celebration at work, it’s no problem.”
I told the man at the register what I wanted and Detective Johnson paid for it. I hated it when people bought me things, it was embarrassing. After we were shoved back out onto the street, I thanked him for everything again.
“Remember to call if you need anything,” he and Detective Lang waved as they went off in the other direction. I hoped I wouldn’t need to.
I headed towards the MAX and took a deep whiff of the sugary goodness that was the Captain, My Captain donut. I chomped down on it, the Captain Crunch topping spilling everywhere. I really should have been more careful. I kicked the pieces off the sidewalk and crossed the street. I ignored the grumpy old lady that frowned at me. Wasn’t my fault they didn’t provide enough napkins and besides, it was biodegradable.
A couple of minutes went by when the MAX approached, making it’s beeping sound as it approached the station. I waited for passengers to get off before I jumped in and wrapped my arm around one of the poles. I needed both hands for my donut that I tried to savor by taking small bird-like bites. It was probably why I had been making such a big mess.
As more people gathered on the train, I caught sight of the three men; The Brothers and Beardy. They stood across the street, staring
at me as I rode off towards Lloyd Center. I thought about getting out the card Detective Johnson gave me and calling him, but I realized I had no way to do that. I didn’t have a cellphone and, for the first time in a year, I regretted it. I would pick one up this weekend, just in case.
Coincidentally, I had a strange feeling come over me, a feeling that everything was going to change. Whether or not that was for the better or worse, I didn’t know. I just felt like something was going to change. I took the last bite of my donut. There was no point in worrying about it now, I had a student to tutor.
I arrived to Lloyd Center ten minutes before I was to meet with my student, Pete. He was a tenth grader who needed help with Chemistry and Algebra II. He was a smart kid, he just needed to learn to focus on his schoolwork and not spend his time playing video games or on Facebook. I had a feeling that he tried to do his work on time only to impress me, which I didn’t mind. At least he was doing it.
Although I didn’t have enough time to go shopping, I did have enough time to get a seat and watch some ice skating. That was the one great thing about Lloyd Center, it had an all-year round ice rink in the middle of the mall. Unless a parent wanted me to meet here, I didn’t get to come to this mall often. I was practically broke after I paid for rent and food and didn’t have much money to spend on stuff I really didn’t need. So I tried not to come here and be tempted by all the stuff in the mall, especially at the pirate store.
I found a place to sit and waited for my student. We met here since his sister took lessons at the same time I tutored him. She was cute to watch too, just now starting elementary school. They would practice routines for different holidays to show the parents what they were learning, even though most of the parents watched them practice. It was the thought that counted.
Their mother was glad that I could meet at the same time, that way she didn’t have to make two trips for her children, and I was glad to do that for her. Pete said she was scary when she didn’t get her way and I didn’t want to get on her bad side.