by Susan Lewis
‘Better now I’ve had a sleep,’ Sandy assured her, tearing her eyes from Tom. ‘And thrilled about the Miramax news. I’m wondering if you and Michael have got time for a wedding now, with all that’s going to start coming up?’
Ellen glanced at Michael and, seeing how doubtful he was of her answer, she just wanted to put her arms around him and ask him to take her home. ‘It’s our first priority,’ she said, sitting down again as Matty joined them. ‘This is my cousin, Matty Shelby.’
‘It’s nice to meet you, Matty,’ Sandy said. ‘I expect you’re up to your ears in wedding plans too.’
‘Oh, it went past my ears days ago,’ Matty laughed. ‘Hi, and welcome to LA. This isn’t your first time though, is it?’
‘No,’ Sandy answered, as she sat in the chair Michael was holding out for her. She glanced up to thank him, but his eyes were on Ellen and Sandy watched as he sat down next to her and covered her hand with his. When she looked up again it was straight into Tom Chambers’s eyes and she felt herself colour at what he might have deduced from the way she’d watched Michael and Ellen. But there was no way he could detect the envy in her heart, and as she was still smiling there was a chance she’d shown nothing more than a distracted kind of interest.
‘I read the latest rewrites, coming over on the plane,’ she said, glancing at Ellen then back at Tom. ‘It’s really starting to take shape. I’m intrigued to know how you’re going to end it.’
Ellen was frowning. ‘I didn’t know you’d read the script,’ she said, turning to Michael.
Sandy looked at Michael too. Obviously he hadn’t told her, but she’d thought it was just her producership they were keeping under wraps, had no idea she wasn’t supposed to have read the script either. Still, Ellen had to find out some time, and Sandy was pleased to be here to witness the response.
‘I’m keeping Sandy up to date with it,’ Michael said, ‘so that she’s got some idea what she’s talking about when she goes about raising money in Europe.’
‘But you had the publicity package,’ Ellen protested. ‘It gives a full synopsis, biographies of Tom and Rachel, who’s playing the lead …’
‘It’s not the same as seeing the script,’ he told her, obviously annoyed at being put on the defensive, and desperate to get off the subject.
Ellen looked at Tom.
Tom shrugged. ‘Well, since Sandy likes it so much,’ he said, ‘I guess there’s no harm done.’
Sandy smiled and sensed immediately how furious Ellen was that Tom had taken her side. Then she looked at Michael who was clearly still annoyed. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, ‘I didn’t realize I wasn’t supposed to have read the script.’
‘No, don’t apologize,’ he told her. ‘As one of the executive directors of World Wide, you had every right to. And as one of the movie’s producers it would have been very strange if you hadn’t.’
Sandy’s eyes returned to Ellen who was looking at Michael as though he’d just slapped her. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, ‘but I didn’t know that Sandy was one of the producers.’
‘Since she’s helping to raise the finance,’ Michael responded, ‘I think a producer’s credit is the very least we can give her.’
It was clear that Ellen was having a hard time controlling her temper. ‘Does that mean Mark Bergin in Sydney, and Chris Ruskin in New York are also getting producer credits?’ she asked.
‘Of course,’ he answered. ‘Why would I give it to Sandy and not to them, when they’re bringing in finance too?’
‘Why would you give it to anyone without discussing it with me?’ she retorted.
Michael looked awkwardly around the table. ‘I don’t think now’s the time for this,’ he said.
‘Where’s the waiter?’ Tom said. ‘Is everyone up for champagne, after all, we’re supposed to be celebrating.’
‘Excuse me,’ Ellen said, and got abruptly to her feet.
Matty watched her walk away, then looking across at Michael she felt her heart go out to him, for as angry as he was, she could see how horribly perplexed he was too. And, she had to confess, so was she, for she’d spent the past couple of hours at the wedding arranger’s with Ellen, and it was clear to Matty that Ellen was in a terrible way. There hadn’t really been any opportunity to talk, but after the way she had snapped at the organizer, the emotional state she had worked herself into on the way here, and now seeing how angry she was with Michael, Matty resolved to get to the bottom of what was eating her. Of course, Michael making love to Michelle had to be featuring in there somewhere, so must the way Ellen had hit back with Tom, but if Ellen was having such a hard time holding it in like this, then it seemed they were going to have to find a way of dealing with it, instead of just pretending it hadn’t happened.
As Ellen came back Sandy happened to glance over at Chambers. The tears in Ellen’s eyes hadn’t escaped her when she’d first arrived, and now, unless she was imagining things, Tom’s concern went some way beyond mere politeness. In fact, for a moment there, he seemed genuinely worried, and given how pale and exhausted Ellen looked, Sandy wasn’t having too much trouble coming to a conclusion that was pleasing her immensely. Something was going on between those two, and with any luck it was of a pretty serious nature.
By the time their food was ordered and brought Ellen was feeling much calmer and was actually starting to enjoy herself. The talk now was mainly of the wedding, and finding herself able, if only briefly, to let go of her nerves, she was making them all laugh with the chaos that had taken over her days. As she talked she entwined her fingers through Michael’s, probably drank a little too much wine, and avoided eating any real amount of food. Her appetite had been erratic for a couple of weeks now, which she knew was normal before a wedding, and she’d certainly had no objection to her dress being taken in another inch earlier that day. She just knew how much Michael would love the dress, and what she was planning to wear underneath, and the thought of how much pleasure she was going to give him suddenly filled up her heart and pushed tears to her eyes.
‘Oh God, I’ve been like this for days,’ she laughed, using a napkin to dab her cheeks.
‘Weeks,’ Michael corrected.
‘It just suddenly comes over me,’ she said, turning to kiss him. ‘It’s not that I’m depressed, I’m just … emotional, I guess.’ Then lowering her voice she said, ‘I can’t wait till we’re on honeymoon.’
‘Then don’t let’s,’ he murmured.
Smiling, she leaned against him and turned back to the others, listening as Sandy and Matty questioned Tom about his work as a journalist, wanting to know all about the different wars he had covered, the hardships, massacres, tyrannies and famines. She guessed that he was embroidering some of his tales to make for better listening, and then she started to think of how terribly sad it was that he had lost Rachel and never loved again since. But after watching Sandy for a while, she could at least be sure that he wasn’t going to be short of a bed partner for the next couple of weeks.
Though the thought of that didn’t make Ellen jealous exactly, she wasn’t as happy about it as she might have been, for she didn’t like Sandy, and certainly didn’t think she was good enough for Tom. But if it kept her out of Michael’s way, then Ellen guessed that was fine by her. And Tom could look after himself. He’d soon see through Sandy, if he hadn’t already, for she was just a scheming little bitch who would screw anyone in an effort to get what she wanted. And, unless Ellen was greatly mistaken, she was about to make Tom her next target in order to gain more control of the movie. Well, that was going to happen over Ellen’s dead body.
Turning back to Michael she looked up at him, scanning his face and squeezing harder on his hand. There seemed to be so much going round in her head at the moment that she couldn’t cope with all the added stress Sandy was bringing, and suddenly wanting desperately to be alone with Michael she quietly suggested they leave.
They weren’t far from the Four Seasons when Ellen asked him to pull over.
He glanced at her in surprise. ‘Are you OK?’ he asked.
‘I just want you to hold me,’ she answered.
Immediately he steered the car over to the kerb and pulled her into his arms. ‘Are you sure you’re OK?’ he said, holding her tight.
‘Sure.’ Her eyes were closed and once again she could feel her heart flooding with emotion. ‘Do you love me?’ she whispered. ‘I mean really, really love me?’
‘Oh God, you know I do,’ he told her.
‘You won’t let anything come between us?’
‘Never,’ he swore.
She pulled back to look into his eyes. ‘Are you sure you want to marry me?’
‘Sure,’ he smiled, stroking her hair back from her face.
‘You don’t love anyone else?’
‘No. Only you.’
‘Not Michelle?’
‘Not Michelle.’
‘Or Sandy?’
He laughed. ‘Or Sandy.’
She gazed at him anxiously, as though searching for something she was unable to find. In the end he lifted her mouth to his and kissed her deeply.
‘In less than a fortnight this circus’ll be over,’ he said, ‘and then for two whole weeks it’ll be just us.’
Her head went down. ‘I wish it could be over now,’ she whispered.
Putting his fingers under her chin he raised her eyes back to his. ‘We can get on a plane and go to Vegas right now,’ he said. ‘Or I guess we should wait until we’ve signed with Miramax tomorrow, but after that we can get married right away, if that’s what you want, and let everyone have a party next Saturday while we’re a thousand miles away.’
She looked at him and he could see she was tempted, but in the end she sighed and shook her head. ‘We can’t disappoint our mothers now,’ she said, ‘especially not mine when I’m the only daughter she has.’
‘Ellen, this is about us,’ he reminded her. ‘Not about anyone else.’
‘I know, but whichever way we do this we’re still going to have each other, so perhaps we should do it their way, if only to keep the peace.’
‘Then keep that in mind,’ he said. ‘We’re going to have each other no matter what. OK?’
‘Do you promise?’ she said, thinking of Robbie and Michelle and Tom – and so many other things that would take too many words and too much heartache to tell. ‘No matter what?’
‘It’s what I said, and it’s what I mean,’ he vowed, but as he kissed her again she knew in her heart that she was asking too much.
This was Sandy’s fourth day in Los Angeles, and though the schedule wasn’t really any more hectic than she was used to, she was exhausted, and appeared to be coming down with a cold, if not flu. She felt so dreadful it was all she could do to drag herself through the meeting she and Michael were at with Warners, and the minute it was over, sensing how much she was struggling Michael ignored her protests and insisted on taking her back to the hotel.
As he drove she tried hard to concentrate on what he was saying, but her throat was horribly sore, and she was so groggy and tired she could barely keep her eyes open. Breathing was difficult too, and it was only when he brought the car to a standstill and gently shook her awake that she realized she’d dozed off with her mouth open.
She tried to remember what he’d been saying, but it was escaping her, and though there were a hundred things she wanted to say to him they were such a jumble inside her head she just couldn’t grasp them. Except there was something she wanted to tell him about the dinner she’d had with Tom Chambers last night. He’d taken her to the Chaya Brasserie in West Hollywood, which apparently was one of the places to be seen at – or was it something she wanted to tell Tom about Michael? For a fleeting moment she remembered that last night had felt a bit like a date, which had been wonderful at the time. It was ages since anyone had teased and flirted with her like that, and she had to admit she really quite fancied Tom, though today the effort it took even to think of it was simply beyond her.
‘You’ll feel better after you’ve had a sleep,’ Michael told her as he helped her from the car. ‘It’s so damned hot out, and with all this air-conditioning – it takes some getting used to.’
Sandy looked around, blinked a couple of times and felt vaguely bemused. The sun was like a white-hot fire on her skin, even though she could feel herself shivering. ‘Where are we?’ she said.
‘At my house. I hope you don’t mind, but by the time I get you back to the hotel, I’ll be late for the lawyers.’
‘No, that’s fine,’ she said, wanting only to put her head on a pillow and tug the sheet around her like a child. And minutes later, after slipping out of her dress while Michael waited outside, that was exactly what she did.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked, putting his head round the door.
‘Mmm,’ she murmured, snuggling in deeper.
‘I’m sorry it has to be Robbie’s room, but Ellen’s parents are in one of the guest-rooms, and my mother’s in the other. I don’t know where everyone is right now, but no-one should disturb you. Here,’ he said, leaning over her and flicking off the intercom, ‘you won’t want your snores echoing all over the house.’
She smiled, and watched as he went to pull the curtains.
‘I’ll come back for you in a couple of hours,’ he said, and as he closed the door gently behind him she could already feel herself drifting into sleep.
It was late afternoon when Matty pulled into the driveway of Ellen and Michael’s house. There were no other cars around, not even the Geo Ellen’s parents had rented. But the garage doors were closed, so there was no telling who was at home without going to check.
Though everything looked locked-up and deserted, to Matty’s surprise, when she knocked on the front door it came open. This unnerved her a little, as the last thing she wanted was to walk in on burglars, but since Ellen wasn’t at the office, the dressmaker’s, the caterer’s, or any other meeting Maggie knew about, there was a chance she was here at home. If she was, she wasn’t answering the phone, but maybe she’d only just got here.
‘Ellen!’ she called, looking through the huge sliding picture windows to the garden as she crossed to the study. ‘Ellen!’
After checking the kitchen and den she walked back across the sitting-room and opened the door that led to the master suite. ‘Ellen!’ she called again.
Still no reply.
She glanced up the stairs to the guest suite. Ellen’s parents were staying there until after the wedding, but there were no sounds to say anyone was around, so Matty continued along the narrow hall and into the vast muslin-draped bedroom that overlooked the garden and pool. She felt a quick jolt of unease as she noticed Ellen’s purse on the bed – if she was here, why wasn’t she answering?
‘Ellen? Are you there?’ she said, going to the bathroom. Her heart was starting to thud as she pushed open the door, then she gasped as she saw Ellen standing in front of the mirror.
‘Oh God, there you are,’ she said with a laugh of relief. ‘You had me worried. What are …’ She stopped as she realized Ellen hadn’t moved, then, following Ellen’s eyes to the narrow white tube lying on the marble counter in front of her, she felt her heart turn inside out.
‘Oh my God,’ she murmured. ‘Please tell me that’s not what I think it is.’
Ellen didn’t answer, and for a moment Matty could only stare at her. It was true she’d had her suspicions, but she guessed, like Ellen, she hadn’t wanted even to think them. But now here was the evidence, staring them right in the face, and even Matty could feel the world starting to fold.
Going to Ellen she turned her round and held her fiercely in her arms. ‘It’s all right,’ she said. ‘It’s going to be all right. We’ll work it out.’
Ellen didn’t move. Her arms hung limply at her sides, her eyes stared vacantly ahead.
‘Ellen, listen to me. Listen,’ Matty said, shaking her gently. ‘We’re going to work this out, OK? It’s going to be all right.’
Ellen’s eyes drew focus, but as she looked at Matty she smiled the saddest smile Matty had ever seen. Matty wrapped her in her arms again and as she felt her body shake with sobs, she looked at the pregnancy test and felt the whole horrible nightmare of what it meant start to engulf her. Of course, it explained why Ellen had been the way she had these past few weeks – she’d suspected this, but hadn’t had the courage to face it. And who could blame her for that, when she was just days away from getting married and had no way of knowing whether the father was Michael or Tom.
‘Matty, what am I going to do?’ she choked. ‘Oh God, what am I going to do?’
‘Come and sit down,’ Matty said, leading her towards the bed. ‘Come on. You’re going to be OK. We’re going to figure this out.’
‘I can’t get married now,’ Ellen said, her voice racked with pain. ‘I love Michael too much to …’ She took a breath. ‘Oh God, maybe this … this is God’s way of making me let him go so he can be with Michelle and Robbie and I won’t be in the way any more.’
‘Sssh,’ Matty said. ‘That’s not true. For all we know the baby’s his, and if it is that doesn’t make any sense. When were you ovulating? Do you know?’
Ellen nodded and bit down hard on her lips as fresh tears filled her eyes. ‘It was right around the time I slept with Tom,’ she answered, her voice high-pitched with misery. ‘I slept with Michael the Sunday before, then again the Sunday after. And the Friday in between was when I slept with Tom.’
‘It would be foolish to ask if you used contraception,’ Matty said.
Ellen closed her eyes. ‘Do you think I’d be in this state if I had?’ she said. ‘Oh God, what am I going to do? It’s going to break his heart. He’ll never forgive me, I know he won’t. But it’s not fair, Matty. It’s just not fair. He sleeps with Michelle and gets away with it. And I only slept with Tom out of some ridiculous fit of pique and look what a mess I’m in now. It’s just not fair.’
‘I know,’ Matty soothed. ‘But there are ways out of it, Ellen. I mean, you could always …’ Her eyes dropped to Ellen’s stomach.
‘Have an abortion?’ Ellen finished. ‘Matty, I’m getting married in five days. How the hell am I going to get an abortion between now and then without Michael finding out? And besides, it’s just not an option. It can’t be. The baby could be his and …’ She started to shake her head. ‘No, I couldn’t do it, Matty. I just couldn’t.’