by A. J. Cronin
Some semblance of his old complacency seemed to flow into him at this last thought and, flinging off the bedclothes, he got out of bed; but as the cold air of the room struck his body he shivered, frowned, and losing his satisfied look, reached hurriedly for his clothes, which lay in a disordered heap upon a near-by chair. He struggled into these garments with the utmost dispatch, giving his face alone some transient attention with water and soap before assuming his soiled linen collar, knotting his stringy tie and throwing on his baggy coat and waistcoat. The economy in time was considerable, for the whole process of dressing had not taken five minutes, and now he was ready, albeit after a fashion, to descend the stairs and consume his morning meal.
‘Good mornin’ to you, Brodie,’ cried Nancy agreeably, as he entered the kitchen. ‘You’re on time all right to-day! How did ye sleep?’
‘Not so weel as I would have liked,’ he replied heavily. ‘I was cold! Still, I’ve a feeling I’ll be cosier to-night.’
‘You’re not blate so early in the mornin’,’ she answered, with a toss of her head. ‘Sup up your porridge and be quiet.’
He considered the porridge with pursed lips and some show of repugnance as he exclaimed:
‘I don’t feel like them somehow, Nancy. They’re heavy on a man’s stomach at breakfast time. They might do for supper but I can’t think of them the now. Have ye anything else?’
‘I’ve got a nice, sweet kipper in the pan just done to a turn,’ she cried complacently. ‘ Don’t eat the porridge if ye’re not in the mood. I’ll get ye the other this very minute.’
He followed her active figure, observing the skirl of her skirts, the fluent movements of her neat feet and ankles as she rushed to carry out her words, and he was filled by a sudden appreciation of the marked improvement in her attitude towards him. She was coming near to him again, no longer looked at him with that sparkle of animosity in her eyes, was even now running after him in a fashion strangely reminiscent of his wife’s eagerness to serve him. He felt the comfort of being once more looked after with this devotion, especially as it came from his beloved but independent Nancy, and when she returned with the dish, he looked at her from the corner of his eyes and remarked:
‘You’re drawin’ round to me again, I see. I can mind of mornings when some burnt porridge was good enough to fling at a poor man for his breakfast, but this juicy kipper is more to my taste, and your way o’ lookin’ at me is more to my likin’ still. You’re fond of me, Nancy, aren’t ye?’
She gazed down at his tired face, lined, hollowed, disfigured by a two days’ stubble of beard and split by a forced and unbefitting smile, envisaged his bowed and slovenly figure, his tremulous hands and uncared for finger-nails, and with a shrill laugh she cried:
‘True enough, man! I’ve such a feelin’ for ye now that I hardly like to own it. It fair makes my heart loup when I look at ye sometimes.’
His smile was extinguished, his eyes puckered intently, and he answered:
‘It’s a treat for me to hear ye say that, Nancy! I know it’s downright wrong o’ me to tell ye, but I can’t help it, I’ve got to depend on ye now something extraordinar’.’ Then, still disregarding his breakfast, he continued, almost apologetically, as though he defended his conduct: ‘I never would have believed I could draw to anybody so much. I didna think I was that kind o’ man, but ye see, I had to do without for so lang, and when – when we came thegither – weel – ye’ve fair taken hold of me. That’s plain truth. Ye’re not angry at me for tellin’ ye a’ this, are ye now?’
‘No! No!’ she exclaimed hurriedly. ‘Not a bit, Brodie. I should understand ye by this time. But come on now, don’t waste the good kipper I’ve taken the trouble to cook ye. I’m wantin’ to hear how ye like it. And I’m anxious for ye to make a good breakfast, for you’ll have to take your dinner out to-day.’
‘Take my dinner out! What for?’ he exclaimed, in some surprise. ‘Ye were away at Overton only last week – ye’re surely not goin’ to see that aunt o’ yours again?’
‘No, I’m not!’ she cried, with a pert toss of her head, ‘but she’s comin’ to see me! And I’m not wantin’ you runnin’ round after me, with her, that’s a decent unsuspectin’ body – ay and one that’s fond o’ me – starin’ the eyes out of her heid at your palavers. Ye can come home in the evenin’. Then I’ll be ready for ye.’
He glared at her for a moment with a dark countenance, then, suddenly relaxing, he shook his head slowly: ‘Damnation, woman! but ye have the cheek on ye. To think that you’ve got the length o’ entertainin’ your friends in my house! Gad! it makes me see how far ye can go with me. I should have warmed the backside o’ ye for doin’ a thing like that without first askin’ me – but ye know I canna be angry with ye. It seems there’s no end to the liberties you’ll take with me.’
‘What’s the harm,’ she demanded primly. ‘Can an honest housekeeper body not see her relations if she wants to? It’ll do ye good to have a snack outside, then I’ll have a surprise all ready for ye when ye come.’
He looked at her doubtfully.
‘Surprise is the right word, after the way you’ve been treatin’ me.’ He paused and added, grimly: ‘I’m damned if I know what makes me so soft wi’ ye.’
‘Don’t talk like that, Brodie,’ she reprimanded mildly. ‘ Your language is like a heathen Chinaman’s sometimes.’
‘What do you know about Chinamen?’ he retorted moodily, at last turning his attention towards the kipper, and beginning to consume it in slow, large mouthfuls. After a moment he remarked, in an altered tone: ‘This has a relish in it, Nancy – it’s the sort of thing I can fancy in the mornin’s now.’
She continued to look at him in an oddly restrained fashion as he conveyed the food to his lowered mouth, then suddenly a thought seemed to strike her, and she cried:
‘Guidsakes, what am I dreamin’ about! There’s a letter for ye this mornin’ that I forgot a’ about.’
‘What!’ he retorted, arresting his movements and glancing up in surprise from under his thick, greying eyebrows. ‘A letter for me!’
‘Ay! I clean forgot in the hurry to get your breakfast. Here it is.’ And she took a letter from the corner of the dresser and handed it to him. He held the letter for a moment in his outstretched hand, drew it near to him with a puzzled look in his eyes, observed that it was stamped by the postmark of London, then, carelessly inserting his thick thumb, ripped the envelope open and drew out the sheet within. Watching him with some slight interest as he read the written words Nancy observed the expressions of bewilderment, amazement, enlightenment, and triumph sweep across his face with the rapidity of clouds traversing a dark and windy sky. Finally his expression assumed a strange satisfaction as he turned the letter, again read it slowly through, and, lifting his eyes, fixed them upon the distance.
‘Would ye believe it,’ he muttered, ‘and after all this time!’
‘What?’ she cried. ‘What is it about?’
‘She has climbed down and wants to come crawlin’ back!’ He paused, absorbed in his own considerations, as though his words had been sufficient to enlighten her fully.
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ she exclaimed sharply. ‘Who are ye talkin’ about?’
‘My daughter – Mary,’ he replied slowly; ‘ the one that I kicked out of my house. I swore she would never get back until she had licked my boots, ay, and she said she never would come back, and here she is, in this very letter, cadging to win home and keep house for me. God! it’s a rich recompense for me after a’ these years!’ He held up the letter between his tense fingers as though his eyes would never cease to gloat upon it, sneering as he read: ‘“Let the past be forgotten! I want you to forgive me.” If that doesna justify me my name’s not Brodie. “Since Mamma has gone I would like to come home. I am not unhappy here but sometimes lonely,”’ he continued with a snarl. ‘– Lonely! By God, it’s what she deserves. Lonely! Long may it continue. If she thinks she’ll get back here as easy as
that she’s far mistaken. I’ll not have her. No! Never!’ He turned his eyes to Nancy as though to demand her approval and, with twisted lips, resumed, ‘Don’t ye see how this puts me in the right, woman! She was proud, proud as ye make them, but I can see she’s broken now. Why else should she want home? God! What a come down for her to have to whine to get taken back like this and – what a triumph for me to refuse her. She wants to be my housekeeper!’ He laughed harshly. ‘That’s a good one, is it no’, Nancy? She doesna know that I’ve got you – she’s wantin’ your job!’
She had picked the letter from his hand and was reading it.
‘I don’t see much of a whine here,’ she replied slowly. ‘It’s a decent enough written letter.’
‘Bah!’ he cried, ‘it’s not the way it’s written I’m thinkin’ of! It’s the meanin’ of it all that concerns me. There’s no other explanation possible, and the very thought of it lifts me like a dram o’ rare spirits.’
‘You’re not goin’ to let her come back, then?’ she queried, tentatively.
‘No!’ he shouted, ‘I’m not! I’ve got you to look after me now. Does she think I want the likes o’ her? She can stop in this place in London that she’s in, and rot there, for all I care.’
‘Ye mustna decide in a hurry,’ she admonished him; ‘after all she’s your own daughter. Think it over well before ye do anything rash.’
He looked at her sulkily.
‘Rash or not rash, I’ll never forgive her,’ he growled, ‘and that’s all there is to it.’ Then his eye suddenly lighted as he exclaimed: ‘I tell ye what might be a bawr though, Nancy – and something that would cut her to the quick. Supposin’ ye were to write back and tell her that the post she applied for was filled. That would make her feel pretty small, would it not? Will ye do’t, woman?’
‘No, I will not,’ she cried immediately; ‘the very idea. Ye maun do it yoursel’ when you’re about it.’
‘Well, at least ye’ll help me to write my answer,’ he protested. ‘Suppose you and me do it thegether to-night when I come home. That smart head o’ yours is sure to think on something clever for me to put in.’
‘Wait till to-night, then,’ she replied after some consideration, ‘and I’ll think about it in the meantime.’
‘That’s grand,’ he cried, playing in his mind with the idea of collaborating with her in the evening over this delightful task of composing a cutting reply to his daughter. ‘We’ll lay our heads together. I know what you can do when you try.’
As he spoke a faint horn sounded in the distance, swelling and falling at times, but always audible, entering the room with gentle though relentless persistency.
‘Gracious,’ cried Nancy quickly, ‘there’s the nine o’clock horn and you not out of the house yet. Ye’ll be late as can be if ye don’t hurry. Come on now, away with ye!’
‘I’m not carin’ for their blasted horns,’ he replied sullenly. ‘I’ll be late if I like. You would think I was the slave of that damned whistle the way it draws me away from ye just when I’m not wantin’ to go.’
‘I don’t want ye to get the sack though, man! What would ye do if ye lost your job?’
‘I would get a better one. I’ve just been thinkin’ about that lately myself. What I’ve got is not near good enough for me.’
‘Wheesht! now, Brodie,’ she conciliated him, ‘you’re well enough as ye are. Ye might look further and fare worse. Come on and I’ll see ye to the door!’
His expression softened as he looked at her and rose obediently, exclaiming:
‘Don’t you worry anyway, Nancy. I’ll always have enough to keep you.’ At the front door he turned to her and said, in a voice which sounded almost pathetic: ‘It’ll be a’ day until I see you again.’
She drew back a little and half shut the door as she replied, irrelevantly:
‘What a mornin’, too. Ye should take an umbrella instead o’ that auld stick. Are you minding about gettin’ your dinner out, today?’
‘I’m mindin’ about it,’ he answered submissively. ‘ You know I heed what you tell me. Come on now – give us a kiss before I go.’
She was about to shut the door in his face when, at his attitude, something seemed to melt within her and, raising herself on toes, inclining her head upwards she touched with her lips the deep furrow that marked the centre of his forehead.
‘There,’ she whispered under her breath, ‘that’s for the man that ye were.’
He stared at her uncomprehendingly with eyes that gazed at her appealingly, inquiringly, like the eyes of a devoted dog.
‘What were ye sayin’?’ he muttered, stupidly.
‘Nothing,’ she cried lightly, withdrawing herself again. ‘ I was just biddin’ ye good-bye.’
He hesitated, stammered uncomfortably:
‘If it was – if ye were thinkin’ about – about the drink, I want to tell ye that I’m going to cut it down to something reasonable. I know ye don’t like me to take so much and I want to please ye, woman.’
She shook her head slowly, looking at him curiously, intently.
‘’Twasna that at all. If ye feel ye need a dram, I suppose ye maun have it. It’s the only – it’s a comfort to ye, I suppose. Now away with ye, man.’
‘Nancy, dear, ye understand a man weel,’ he murmured in a moved voice. ‘There’s nothing I couldna do for ye when you’re like this.’ He shifted his feet heavily, in some embarrassment at his own outburst, then in a gruff voice full of his suppressed feeling exclaimed: ‘I’ll – I’ll away, then, woman. Good-bye just now.’
‘Good-bye,’ she replied evenly.
With a last look at her eyes he turned, faced the grey and melancholy morning, and moved off into the rain, a strange figure, coatless, crowned extravagantly by the large, square hat, from under which thick tufts of uncut hair protruded fantastically, his arms behind his back, his heavy ash plant trailing grotesquely behind him in the mud.
He walked down the road, his brain confused by conflicting thoughts amongst which mingled a sense of abashment at the unexpected exhibition of his own emotion; but, as he progressed, there emerged from this confusion a single perception – the worth to him of Nancy. She was human clay like himself, and she understood him, knew the needs of a man, appreciated, as she had just remarked, that he required sometimes the comfort of a glass. He did not feel the rain as it soaked into his clothing, so enwrapped was he in the contemplation of her, and into the dullness of his set face small gleams of light from time to time appeared. As he approached the shipyard, however, his reflection grew less agreeable, evidenced by the unrelieved harshness of his countenance, and he was concerned by his lateness, by the possibility of a reprimand, and affected by a depressing realisation, which time had not eradicated, of the very humiliating nature of his employment. He thought, too, in a different light of the letter that he had just received, which appeared to him as an intolerable presumption on the part of her who had once been his daughter, and which now reminded him bitterly of the past. An acrid taste came into his mouth at his own recollection whilst the salt, smoked fish which he had eaten for breakfast made him feel parched and thirsty, outside the ‘Fitter’s Bar’ he deliberately paused and, fortified by Nancy’s parting remark, muttered: ‘Gad, but I’m dry, and I’m half an hour late as it is. I may as weel make a job o’ it while I’m about it.’
He went in with a half-defiant glance over his shoulder at the block of offices that lay opposite and, when he emerged, a quarter of an hour later, his bearing had regained something of its old challenging assertion. In this manner he entered the main swing doors of the offices and, threading the corridors, now with the facility of habit, entered his own room with his head well in the air, surveying in turn the two young clerks who looked up from their work to greet him.
‘Has that auld, nosey pig been round yet?’ he demanded; ‘because if he has I don’t give a tinker’s curse about it.’
‘Mr Blair?’ replied one of the pair. ‘ No! he hasna been ro
und yet!’
‘Humph!’ cried Brodie, fiercely annoyed at the sudden feeling of relief which had swept involuntarily over him. ‘I suppose ye think I’m lucky. Well! let me tell ye both that I don’t give a damn whether he knows I’ve been late or not. Tell him if ye like! It’s all one to me,’ and, flinging his hat upon a peg and his stick into a corner, he sat heavily down upon his stool. The other clerks exchanged a glance, and after a slight pause, the spokesman of the two remarked diffidently:
‘We wouldn’t say a word, Mr Brodie. You surely know that. But look here, you’re wringing wet – will you not take your jacket off and dry it?’
‘No! I’ll not take it off!’ he replied roughly, opening his ledger, lifting his pen, and beginning to work; but after a moment he raised his head and said in a different tone: ‘ But thank ye all the same. You’re good lads both, and I know you’ve lent me a hand in the past. The truth is I’ve had some news that upset me, so I’m just not quite my usual this mornin’.’
They knew something of his affairs from certain bouts of rambling dissertations during the past months, and the one who had not yet spoken remarked:
‘Not Nessie, I hope, Mr Brodie?’
‘No!’ he answered, ‘not my Nessie! She’s as right as the mail, thank God, workin’ like a trooper and headin’ straight for the Latta! She’s never given me a moment’s trouble. It was just something else, but I know what to do. I can win through it like I’ve done with all the rest.’
They forbore to question him further, and the three resumed work in a silence broken only by the scratching of pens on paper, the rustle of a turning page, the restless scrape of a stool, and the mutter from Brodie’s lips as he strove to concentrate his fogged brain in the effort to contend with the figures before him.