The Cost Of Love And Sanity

by Jaye Cheríc

  Alex reached the end of the street and circled around. She finally gave in and reached for her phone to call her mother for the tongue-lashing she knew awaited her. When she clicked on the screen, the missed call symbol popped up. She touched her screen and slid it down to see Nathan’s number. He called her while she was driving.

  She rolled her eyes. I’m glad I didn’t answer. She didn’t have time to talk to him, listen to him or try to decipher his sincerity. With that said, she did wonder what he had to say. What could he say after standing her up? Alex shook her head and dialed her mother’s number.

  “Ma, I’m at Winchester and it dead ends. Where should I go next?”

  “How did you get down there?”

  “It was on the directions.”

  “What directions?”

  “The ones I printed out.”

  “I told you how to get here. You should have written down what I said instead of going to some computer. I told you to turn on Forsyth, not Winchester. I don’t know why you don’t listen to me.”

  Alex sighed and grabbed a pen from her arm rest. “Okay, Ma. So, go back through Kingston Road.” She scribbled on the defunct directions.

  “Go back four streets the way you came. That should lead you to Forsyth. Once you get to Forsyth, turn left.”

  “Okay, okay. Hold on. Let me write this.” Alex wrote down the directions as fast as she could.

  “Got it?” her mother asked.

  “Yes.”

  “After you turn left onto Forsyth, you’re gonna go through three lights. Turn left at the forth light. That will be Peach Street. Go down one block and it’s the house on the right with all the cars and balloons.”

  This time, Alex had a better understanding of the directions.

  “Thanks, Ma.”

  “Um hmm. Hurry up! We’re ready to eat.”

  Alex followed her mother’s directions to the letter. When she finally pulled up to the house, she squinted at the scene in front of her. Like her mother said, there were a lot of cars in the yard and pastel-colored balloons tied to the mailbox but there were also people standing outside. Alex pulled to the side of the curb, grabbed her bag and exited the car. As she got closer, she heard loud talking.

  “Uh uh. She cannot come inside!”

  Alex continued to hear the commotion and moved closer. She saw her cousin standing on the porch, looking down at their other cousin, shaking her head in disapproval.

  “That’s fine. Me and my gift can go elsewhere,” the other woman yelled.

  Alex spotted her mother off to the side of the action. She walked over to her. “What’s this about?”

  “Oh, child. Pinky came in the house sneezing and blowing her nose. When Nikki heard it, she came out of the back like a bat straight out of its cave. Yelling and screaming about whoever is doing all that sneezing has to get out of her house because she can’t get sick while she’s pregnant.”

  Alex looked over at the women who continued to go back and forward with each other.

  “So, how did we get to this?” Alex motioned toward the two women.

  “You know how Pinky is. She refused to leave and they got into this big argument. So, here we are.”

  Alex happened to look backward and noticed that a couple of the neighbors had stuck their heads out the door. Embarrassed, she turned toward the house.

  “Ma, I’ll be in the back. I don’t wanna look like I’m a part of the spectacle.”

  Heading for the backyard, Alex maneuvered through the crowd of people watching the racket. The sound of music began to drown out the yelling in the front yard. She rounded the corner and found her cousin’s husband sitting down with a beer in his hand. He leaned his head back, letting the faint breeze envelope his face. Alex hesitated for a second and then, decided to move forward.

  “Hey,” she said.

  Gerard snapped his head up and opened his eyes. “Hey, Girl! Where you been?” He stood up and reached over to give her a big hug. Alex smiled. Gerard’s friendly demeanor always impressed her. So did his caring and loyal attitude toward Nikki. Their relationship gave her hope. If Nikki could have a husband who loved her and devoted his life to making her happy, surely she could, too.

  “Oh, I’ve been around,” Alex said sheepishly.

  “Have a seat.” Gerard motioned to the chair next to him.

  “Where do you want me to put this?” she asked, holding up the large bag she brought.

  “Here. I’ll take it.” He reached over for it. “Whew! What is this? The baby’s a little young for a car, isn’t he?”

  Alex laughed. “It’s not a car.”

  She sat down and, for the first time, she got a good look at the decorations. Three white tents were set up outside. Yellow, blue and green pastel balloons aligned the poles and baby-inspired centerpieces were set in the center of the tables. The gifts sat on a table across from them in front of the blaring stereo.

  She suddenly found herself envisioning her own baby shower. The only way she would hold it under white tents is if she had rented a country club with super green grass. Otherwise, she would probably hold it at a hotel like the Rico Marco in Amelia Island or the Carloto Hotel in Sawgrass. The tables and the chairs would be covered in lavender and cream. She’d have a three-tier cake with butter cream icing and a silver shaker at the top. She’d also make all the guests wear cream. Alex couldn’t help smiling as she thought about her dream baby shower.

  Before her dream could linger too long, Alex shook it away and turned her attention back to Gerard.

  “So, are you excited about the new addition to your family?” she asked, tapping him on the knee.

  “Oh, yeah. I mean, this is like old hat to us but we’re always happy to have another one.”

  “Have you thought of any names?”

  “I like Michael.”

  Alex nodded. “Nice. Stick with the traditional. I respect that.”

  “Um hmm but I had to fight for it.” Gerard leaned over and put his beer on the ground.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Originally, Nikki wanted to try and be creative. I told her this was not the time to experiment. It’s our child’s name. Why give them one they’ll be embarrassed about later?”

  Alex nodded and smiled. “I agree. No child should have unusual names, like Tree. It’s like naming your child Tuesday.”

  Gerard laughed.

  “Tuesday, come back here. Uh, Wednesday, where are you going?” Alex mocked.

  Gerard bent over in laughter and held his side, trying to regain his composure. “Oh my gosh. I know exactly what you mean.”

  Alex took a deep breath. “Seriously, I admire you guys. You’re doing what you want to do. You’re raising a family. I think it’s great.”

  Gerard raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you doing what you want to do?”

  Caught off guard, Alex hesitated. “Yes but…”

  Gerard continued to stare at her. “What?”

  She contemplated her next words. She’d always kept much of the personal details of her life away from her family. Alex didn’t want to be gossiped about or given unsolicited advice and she knew that’s all they would do but she thought maybe it was time to confide in Gerard. He’d always been encouraging toward her.

  “I would like to have a family, too, someday,” Alex said.

  His eyebrows shot to his scalp. “Really?”

  “Yes. Surprised?”

  “A little. You never expressed this before.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t like putting my whole life out there for public commentary.”

  “Okay. Do you have anybody in mind now?”

  Nathan popped into her mind. Alex looked downward.

  “Uh oh. Is everything okay?” Gerard asked.

  She hesitated. “Can you keep it to yourself?”

  He nodded. “Whatever you say won’t go any further than me.”

  She sighed. “I broke up with someone recently and I find myself a little concerned about m
y chances of having a child.”

  “Well, Alex. You still have time.”

  “I won’t always have time. I need to get this together now.”

  “Don’t rush. When it’s supposed to happen for you, it will happen for you.”

  “That sounds good but what if it’s not going to happen. What if I have to make it happen?”

  His eyes widened. “How are you going to do that? Adopt or something?”

  She shrugged. Alex had shared some of her fears and concerns but she felt the need to stop short of telling him her thoughts about artificial insemination and other fertility options. That would probably be too much for him to handle. “I’m stressed over breaking up with Phillip and running into my ex.”

  “Your ex? Who?”

  “His name is Nathan.”

  “Nathan. Where did you run into Nathan?” Gerard asked, picking up his beer and taking a quick sip.

  “The gas station but we initially met several years ago through friends. We dated for about a year.”

  “Um. So, why did you break up?”

  Alex inhaled, wondering if she should tell the truth. She would be so aggravated if all this spread around the family. She imagined herself having to field questions that weren’t her family’s business anyway. But then she remembered that Gerard had always been a stand-up guy. He’d agreed to keep her admissions to himself and she believed he would do that. “He cheated on me.”

  “With who? Your friend?”

  She shook her head. “No. With some girl at a friend’s party.”

  Gerard leaned back in his chair. “Do you think you can trust him now?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “But you have doubts, right?” His eyes bore into hers.

  “Yes. I mean, I don’t know if he’s changed or not. I only ran into him recently.” She frowned at him.

  “Well, be careful. Follow your gut on this guy.”

  So far, Nathan had proven unreliable. Maybe she should let any thoughts of reconnecting with him go. Yet, Alex thought about her missed call from him. She again wondered what he wanted from her.

  “Sure,” Alex said.

  As if sensing that she needed to be saved, the “party” migrated toward the back yard. Several of the guests, including Alex’s mother, joined her and Gerard, picking right up where they left off.

  “Chile, you should have seen that foolishness,” her mother said, stopping in front of Alex. “Those two would still be going on and on had the neighbor not threatened to call the police.”

  “Well, I’m glad it’s over,” Alex said, distracted.

  Alex’s aunt, Martha, walked through the sliding door carrying a tin pan. A few others followed her carrying similar pans.

  “Okay, everybody!” Aunt Martha chirped.

  By the time the pans reached the picnic table, the smell of fried chicken, potato salad, greens and sweet potato pie took her nose hostage. She almost forgot about Gerard’s skepticism but not quite.

  Alex excused herself to the bathroom. Once she locked the door behind her, she washed her hands and tried to clear her mind so that she could rejoin her family in good spirits. She stared at herself in the mirror and shook her head. She willed herself to stop thinking about Phillip, Nathan or anything else that had to do with her failing romantic life. After a few deep breaths, she stepped back outside, where she tried to focus on the delicious food her aunt had cooked.

  CHAPTER 13

  The cell phone vibrated. Alex reached into her desk drawer to look at it and saw Nathan’s number again. She quickly silenced it and slid the phone back into the desk. Alex sat in her executive chair, bouncing her knees under the desk. While Mr. Edward Allen, talent manager at PharmScope, read over her proposal, she thought about every word she’d written. She wondered if all her words were spelled correctly and even if she’d practiced proper grammar. So far, she’d secured two possible companies for the job fair. She desperately needed a confirmed participant. She never thought it would be this hard.

  As Mr. Allen flipped through the pages, he fluctuated between expressions. At one point, he would furrow his eyebrows. At another point, he would nod. Watching him do this over and over nearly drove Alex wild.

  “Do you have any questions, Mr. Allen?”

  He sighed. “Yes. What do you expect the return on this to be?”

  “As I stated in the proposal, we should be able to find at least twenty-five great candidates for your company. Even more than that.”

  Mr. Allen sat back in his chair. “It’s a nice idea but we can’t afford to send our staff out to an event that may not prove successful. We need them back at the office.”

  “I understand your point of view, Mr. Allen, and my point is that attending this job fair may cut your staff’s work in half, freeing them up to concentrate on other tasks, develop other programs.”

  Mr. Allen cocked his head to the side. “That sounds good but how can you assure me that I will get the most out of this?”

  Before Alex could respond her cell phone vibrated. I thought I silenced that thing. She frowned and swiftly reached into her desk drawer to silence it without missing a beat. “I’ll tell you what. We will get you at least fifty prospective candidates at this job fair. If by some strange event we are not able to deliver on that, I will personally screen and host another site event just for you. With no additional cost.”

  Mr. Allen pushed his two pointer fingers together and pressed them to his lips. “I like the idea.”

  “You’ll like the results even better,” Alex said, leaning forward.

  He nodded. “Okay. Here’s what I’ll do. Let me have a little powwow with the rest of the staff and I’ll get back to you by noon Thursday. Does that sound fair?”

  Alex smiled big but inside she wanted to scream. On one hand, she knew he would end up participating in the job fair but, on the other hand, she would rather have had him sign on now, especially since she had a meeting with the VPs Thursday morning. Yet, Alex knew if she pressed the issue she risked losing his cooperation altogether. So, she let up.

  “Sure. Absolutely. Noon Thursday it is.” She leaned forward to shake his hand. When he walked out of her office, Alex slid down in her chair. Great. I wanted this one so badly. She racked her brain for a solution to this problem. She desperately needed employers to sign on as soon as possible. Lost in thought, she jumped when her extension ring.

  Flustered, she grappled with the receiver.

  “Yes.”

  “Ms. Carter? You have a delivery downstairs,” the receptionist, Betty, said.

  Alex jerked her head back. “Oh, okay.”

  She walked out of her office and headed for the elevator. When she saw Courtney, she rolled around to the other elevator. She stepped into the vacant elevator with her mind wondering. What kind of delivery did she have? She hadn’t ordered anything.

  When the elevator opened up on the first floor, Alex walked toward the front desk. The closer she came to the receptionist’s desk, she could see a massive object setting on it. Sticking out of an elegant Couture vase, Alex saw two dozen long-stemmed red and pink roses mixed with smaller white and light pink spray roses and fresh green bupleurum.

  Alex crept up to the desk, looking around. “Uh, hey, Betty. You said you have a delivery for me?”

  “Right here.” Betty motioned toward the large display of flowers.

  Alex rounded the flowers and saw the card with her name on it. She started to open it but happened to glance up and see Betty sitting with her hands folded, waiting for Alex to open the card. Suddenly feeling uncomfortable, she tucked the card back into the bouquet and grabbed the vase.

  “Thank you, Betty,” Alex said, moving away from the desk.

  “Sure thing.” Betty watched her round the corner.

  Alex’s palms were getting sweaty. She darted her eyes back and forth, looking to see if anyone noticed the large display of flowers eclipsing her. So far, people in the building seemed to be minding their own busine
ss. She relaxed a little and relaxed even more when she pushed the elevator button and it opened right away. It looks like I’ll get this upstairs without any fuss.

  She stepped on and pressed the fifth floor. Right before the door closed, Romero put his hand in the way and strode on in. He smiled when he saw Alex but his smile dimmed a little when he saw the flowers.

  “Hey. What you got there?” he asked.

  Alex shrugged. “Flowers.”

  He nodded. “They’re beautiful. From someone special, eh?”

  “Well, I don’t know about that. Someone decided to surprise me.” She nodded. “I’m surprised.”

  They both laughed a nervous laugh. C’mon, floor five.

  “So, have you been seeing this friend for awhile?”

  “Uh, no.”

  The elevator door finally opened up on her floor. Grateful for an escape from this uncomfortable conversation, she hopped at the opportunity to leave it behind. She always hoped that Romero got the hint—that they would never be a couple but, moments like these, she wasn’t sure. She really didn’t like to hurt anybody’s feelings. She also couldn’t lie. Handling her interactions with Romero poorly could lead to real problems for her at work, something she wouldn’t tolerate.

  “Have a good day, Romero.” Alex stepped off the elevator.

  “You too, Alex.”

  Alex rushed to her office before anyone else asked her about the flowers. She bolted through the door and bumped it closed behind her. After leaning against the door for a few seconds to catch her breath, she carefully escorted the vase over to her desk. She sat it down and parked herself in the chair to read the card.

  I hope you accept these flowers as an apology. I kick myself for not catching up with you and I would like for us to try again. I accept responsibility for my part in destroying our first attempt. Please let me make up for it with a date (yeah, I said it). Promise you won’t be sorry.

  Sincerely, Nathan

  Alex leaned back in her chair, as the card dropped to her lap. Nathan had never sent her flowers before and he’d certainly never written anything like this to her. Before she could think about the card any deeper, someone knocked on her door. Alex rushed the card in her desk drawer.