The Cost Of Love And Sanity

by Jaye Cheríc

  Her heartbeats doubled their normal speed. She shook all over with anticipation and want. The moment of truth had arrived. Nathan was offering her the love that she’d gone so long without. She hadn’t felt this type of intensity since they were together years ago. And she could not allow herself to go another day without it.

  Alex wiggled out of her pants. Nathan followed suit. She could barely wait for him to finish before enveloping his waist with her legs. Although her squeezes to his back sent clear signals she wanted him right then, he insisted on taking his time. Nathan ran his hands back up her stomach, moving her shirt over her head. He paused at her chest to wind his tongue in circles around her jutted pebbles of flesh.

  Unable to wait any longer, Alex clawed at his back until he finally pushed himself inside of her body. She squealed and squeezed him tighter, taking comfort in his long-lost familiarity. He responded by rolling his hips in rhythmic motion, as if he could hear a sensual ballad in the distance. His movement drove her into an irrepressible frenzy. Curling her toes, she finally gave in and rode over the edge. Nathan was not far behind.

  He momentarily collapsed on her before silently lying behind her on the couch and wrapping his arms around her. As they turned back to the TV screen, Alex made no attempt to concentrate on the movie. Instead, she closed her eyes, preferring to focus on how it felt to lie in Nathan’s arms again.

  CHAPTER 26

  The next morning, Alex woke up to her familiar routine. She did all the same things: showered, dressed, made breakfast with a side of tea but, despite the familiarity, something about this day wasn’t familiar at all. Alex walked around the house, to and fro, with a consistent smile on her face. She’d been that way since Nathan left.

  All of a sudden, everything was perfect. She felt certain that Nathan loved her and, for once, she could admit that she loved him, too. Wait until I tell Izzy. As Alex reached into the cabinet for a tea bag, she chuckled, thinking about her friend’s reaction to her revelation. It would be exactly what she wanted to hear.

  While the bag soaked in her go-to travel mug, she reached for her cell phone to check her messages. She immediately saw a text from Nathan. She smiled and opened it to read three simple words. I love you. She hit the reply button and typed that she loved him too. After hitting send, she returned to her main screen and saw a pop up alert that she was supposed to schedule a follow up doctor’s appointment. She hit her contacts button and obeyed her calendar’s reminder.

  A super-friendly medical receptionist answered the phone. “Dr. Nguyen’s office. May I help you?”

  Alex greeted her with the same pleasant attitude. “Morning. I want to schedule a follow-up appointment with the doctor.”

  “Okay. What is your name?”

  “Alexis Carter.”

  “What’s your date of birth?”

  “August 21, 1976.”

  “What are you coming in for?” the receptionist asked.

  “I was having headaches. Dr. Nguyen gave me a prescription and requested that I come back in for a follow up.”

  The receptionist typed for a few seconds. “Which day were you planning to come in?”

  “Can I get an appointment for next Wednesday around ten forty-five?” Alex planned to take that day off, since it’ll be the day after the job fair. She was sure she could use the break.

  “All righty. You’re all set for next Wednesday at ten forty-five.”

  “Thank you.”

  Alex hung up and went to her mug to finish preparing her tea. When she was ready to go, she grabbed her mug, briefcase and headed out the door. She encountered a little bit of traffic on her way to work but it didn’t dampen her spirits. She still rode high from their afternoon together. She strolled into the building, passing Betty.

  “Hello, Betty,” Alex said.

  “Morning. You look really nice today, Alex,” Betty said.

  “Thank you. So do you. I like your haircut.”

  Betty raised her eyebrows. “Thanks. I cut it a few days ago. I didn’t think you noticed.”

  “Of course, I noticed. I think it’s great. Did you add a little bit of color, too?”

  “Yes. There are some highlights in there.” Betty ran her fingers through her hair to draw attention to them.

  Alex nodded. “I knew it.”

  Betty smiled, looking self-satisfied. “Oh, Dan wants you to call him when you’re ready to go over to the Rockford Center,” Betty said, suddenly remembering her message for Alex.

  “Okay. Thanks.”

  Alex quickened her step toward her office. When she sat down at her desk, she turned on her computer and checked her emails. It wasn’t anything earth shattering—regular updates. She placed her briefcase in her drawer. She then dialed Dan’s extension.

  “Hey, Dan! It’s Alex. Are you ready?”

  “Yeah, I’m ready. I’ll meet you downstairs.”

  Alex grabbed her tablet, purse and keys and walked back out the door. About ten minutes later, Dan came downstairs to join her.

  “Are we going in your car or mine?” Dan asked.

  “What? And miss the opportunity ride in that Jag? Are you kidding?”

  Dan smiled wide. “All right. Let’s go.”

  They pulled out of the agency’s parking lot and glided onto the expressway.

  “Do you want the top back?” Dan asked, hovering a finger over the button.

  Alex shook her head. “No. Not now. Maybe when we’re on the street. Can’t have messy hair when I’m talking to the director at the center.”

  “Right. Right.” Dan nodded in agreement. “So, how is everything?” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

  “Everything is good.” Alex glanced over at him. “I’ll be glad when this job fair is over. It feels like we’ve been working on it forever.”

  “Yes, it does. The good news is it’ll all be over soon and you can spend more time with the guy.”

  “What guy?”

  “You know the one that was in the parking lot.”

  Alex remembered Nathan outside her job. She also thought about their time together after that. Heat rushed to her face as she realized that Dan was looking at her waiting for an answer. I hope he doesn’t read minds.

  “Oh, him,” she said, choosing not to elaborate. “Well, I mean it’ll be good to be able to relax for once.”

  “True but the guy? Uh, what’s his name?”

  Alex sighed. “Nathan.”

  “Nathan. You are dating him, right?” Dan asked.

  Alex squirmed in her seat. The conversation made her uncomfortable. “We’ve known each other for a long time.”

  “If you’re not dating, you should be. You guys look pretty cozy together. Plus, he’s making you happy.”

  “How do you know my happiness has anything to do with him?”

  “The same way I know the sky is blue. I look at it,” Dan said.

  She rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

  Dan paused for a couple of seconds before speaking again. “You’re tough and everything but it’s okay if you love him, Alex.”

  She stared at Dan.

  He continued as if unaware of her. “Sometimes we, ambitious types, work so hard in the office that we forget what’s really important to us. We forget what we really want.” Dan faced her. “I’m saying don’t be afraid to want something else.”

  Alex looked away. It was strange to hear Dan talk this way. Because of their office rivalry, they hadn’t shared many deep conversations. To be honest, she never thought he was a deep person but she was wrong and his insight proved it. His words seemed to come from a deep, dark place, alluding to a few not so fortunate experiences. She felt like his words were for himself, as well as for her.

  She appreciated the advice but, despite his effort to reach out to her on a personal level and her persistent afterglow, Alex had to stay mindful of the fact that she was talking to a coworker. She still felt the need to be professional, even if they were having a comrade moment.
r />   Alex swallowed. “I won’t.”

  A few short minutes later, they arrived at the center, a large, beige structure with four columns at the entrance. They walked into the center and went to the main office to see the director. He pointed Dan and Alex to the area of the center they would be using. They viewed the rooms they would use during the job fair and considered the lay out for the set up.

  “Okay. So, we can put the registration table out front. That way as soon as they walk through the door, the table will be the first thing they see,” Alex said to Dan.

  “That sounds good. We can also put the biggest sponsor’s banner in front of the registration table,” Dan added.

  Alex nodded. “We need to figure out where to put the other banners.”

  “Right. Let’s go ahead and determine which company will get which room and how we’re going to arrange the tables and chairs,” Dan said.

  They walked toward the other rooms and decided where they would put each employer. Alex had a good feeling about the job fair. Seeing the center made its success real for her. She felt like the fair would not only save her job but set her head and shoulders above the rest of the managers. After identifying where they would hold lunch for the employers, the two migrated back to the car.

  Once Dan put on his seatbelt, he turned to Alex. “Well, do you think we can pull all this off in a few days?”

  She faced him. “We’d better.”

  CHAPTER 27

  Alex stumbled through her laundry room and dropped her briefcase. She desperately wanted to kick off her shoes but before she could lift one foot, the phone rang. She hobbled over to the cordless and answered.

  “Hello?” She sounded rushed.

  “Hey, Baby. What’s up?” Nathan asked in his usual casual, positive tone. She smiled wide, wondering how he did that. Every time she talked to him, he had a way of sounding as if nothing ever bothered him. Life was smooth sailing. It was an attitude that she secretly envied and one that made her love him even more.

  “Oh. Nothing, really. I walked in the door a couple of minutes ago.”

  “You left a little late today, didn’t you?”

  “A little. My boss decided to come into my office five minutes to five and hold a thirty-minute conversation.” Alex shook her head. “But that’s okay. It’s getting close to time for the fair. He constantly wants details.”

  “Oh. I’ve been thinking about you all day,” Nathan said.

  Alex sat down at the table. “I’ve been thinking about you, too.”

  “I want to see you. Are you up to doing anything tonight or do you want to chill out?” Nathan asked.

  Alex’s pulse quickened at the thought of spending more time with him. “I can stand some distraction. What did you have in mind?”

  “Uh uh. You have to choose, remember?” He laughed.

  She tooted her lips to the side. “Right.” Alex thought for a few seconds. Then, she snapped her fingers. “There’s a local art gallery downtown that holds art shows a few times a week. Why don’t we go there?”

  “Oh, okay,” Nathan said.

  “We don’t have to go there. It’s a suggestion.”

  “No, I’m cool with seeing the art gallery. I’ve never been. When should I pick you up?”

  “Give me an hour,” Alex said.

  “All right. I’ll be there.”

  •••

  Even though the viewing was free and the skyline looked great, Alex was surprised how many people were there. There were a few more cars there than usual. Still, Alex and Nathan managed to find a parking space fairly close to the door.

  As they reached the bright lights and music from the gallery, Alex saw a room of at least thirty-five people inside. They stepped inside and were greeted with a room full of chatter. The white wall and the white floors created the perfect contrast to the art displayed throughout the room. They walked around and listened to the different descriptions of the paintings. When they got to the sixth painting, Alex couldn’t resist running her fingers over the rough exterior. After marveling over the painting, she happened to glance over at Nathan and saw him looking around. To her, he looked bored. She nudged him.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” Nathan asked.

  “I don’t know. You look kinda disinterested. This is a great painting. Look at the colors. Even though there is a roughness to the texture, the blending of the reddishness of the sky and the light blue in the water make it very gentle and beautiful. Don’t you think?” She turned to him.

  He moved closer to her and nuzzled her neck. “I think you’re gentle and beautiful.”

  Alex chuckled and covered her mouth. “C’mon. Focus on the painting.”

  She grabbed his hand and led him toward the next painting. “See, look at this one. Don’t you like it?”

  He put his arms around her. “It’s nice.”

  “Why is it nice?” Alex asked, looking up at him.

  “Because it has nice colors with the textures and paper,” he mumbled.

  Alex shook her head and laughed. “You are pitiful.”

  He hugged her tighter, while burying his face in her neck. Warm and fuzzy feelings rose within her. All of her incessant doubts seemed to be gone but they were still there. They were at rest like a sleeping giant.

  “Nathan! What’s up, man?”

  Alex and Nathan heard the loud greeting. They turned around to see where it was coming from. A man approached wearing jeans, T-shirt and sneakers, a tad bit underdressed for an art gallery.

  Nathan broke from his embrace with Alex. “Hey, Eric. How you doing?” He shook hands with him.

  “Man, I’m cool. Whatchu doing out here?”

  “Ah. Hanging out with my lady.” Nathan pointed at Alex. “Eric, this is Alex.” He turned back to her. “Alex, this is Eric. We used to work together.”

  Well, there’s something he did different. He included her name in the introduction. She didn’t remember him doing that when he introduced her to A.J. She supposed he’d learned his lesson but, as she observed the difference in each man’s wardrobe—Eric’s outside casual choice opposed to Nathan’s business casual attire—she wondered about Nathan’s friends. From A.J. to Eric, how could they be so different from him?

  When she thought about A.J., her good mood started to deteriorate. She wondered if he’d talked to him since the incident. Were they still close friends? How would that impact her and Nathan’s relationship?

  “Hello.” Alex nodded a greeting to Eric.

  “Hey. How’s it going?” Eric said.

  “Good,” Alex responded.

  “All right, man. I won’t keep you long. I’ll let you two be,” Eric said, shaking hands with Nathan.

  “Cool. See ya later,” Nathan said.

  Eric waved and walked off. Nathan turned his attention back to Alex. “Now where were we? Oh, you were telling me how pitiful I was for not knowing the first thing about art.”

  “Um. What are the odds of us running into people we know here, huh? I don’t know anybody else that likes art enough to go to a gallery,” Alex pondered out loud, while staring at the painting.

  He shrugged. “Eh, I don’t think Eric likes art. He happened to be here. That’s all. Plus he knows a lot of people in this area.”

  “Do you know a lot of people here? Have a lot of friends?” Alex asked. She faced him, her once pleasant demeanor giving way to the sleeping giant inside of her.

  “I guess. I mean, I’ve been here for most of my life, minus college. It’s hard not to get to know different people all over the city. Don’t you?” he asked.

  “What?”

  “Have a lot of friends?”

  “Not really. I keep my friend circle small and tight. That way I can avoid drama and confusion.” She eyed Nathan.

  He nodded. “I suppose with women that’s a bigger issue.”

  Alex placed her hands on her hips. “With women? And men don’t have similar issues?”


  “No.”

  “So, how do you describe what happened with A.J.?” she asked.

  “That was an unfortunate situation, which I’ve talked to him about.”

  “And what did he say?” Alex crossed her arms.

  “He said it was a misunderstanding.”

  She scowled. “You believe him?”

  Nathan sighed and ran his hand over his head. “Listen. Don’t worry about that situation. It’s not gonna happen again.”

  “But you’re still friends with him?” Alex asked. She shouldn’t have been surprised but she was disappointed. Trusting him would be difficult knowing that the two men were still thick as thieves.

  “Yeah. What’s the problem?” Nathan asked, sensing her distress.

  “The problem is that we’re going to have a hard time building this relationship when there is someone around intent on sabotaging it. Why don’t you see that? Why can’t you see that you’re going to have to cut him loose?” While this may have been a bold statement, Alex felt justified in saying it. It was necessary to address it because she didn’t want a repeat of ten years ago.

  “Wait a minute, Alex. You can’t tell me who I can and can’t be friends with.”

  “But your ‘friend’ tried to cause problems for us.”

  “And I said I dealt with it.”

  Alex shook her head. He still didn’t get it. “What if it happens again? Are you gonna deal with it again?”

  “Yes,” Nathan said, staring her in the eyes.

  She turned back to the painting and pursed her lips. “Well, given our history, that’s not good enough.”

  “What about our history?”

  Reluctant to go there, Alex hesitated in answering him. “We have a history of friends getting in the way.”

  Nathan stepped beside her. “That was a long time ago. You said you forgave me.”

  “I do but I don’t want history to repeat itself,” Alex said.

  Nathan’s tone and demeanor changed. He lowered his voice. “Then, you’re gonna have to trust me.”