"Is Tora Kia—the one I met—is that your first child?"
"Yes."
"Were my experiences with Tora Kia genuine?"
The new one called Tora Soam laughed. "A fine word: genuine. Yes. I suppose they were; if anything can be considered genuine. Kia was not happy with my game. Its experiences upon Amadeen clouded Kia's sense of talma. I understand that Mitra Quim played my part with true conviction."
"Was Kia's part staged?"
Another laugh. "Partly, but not the part that you mean. I can only speculate about the frustratedness of your, emmmm, love affair."
Nicole felt her face tum red. "How did you know about that meeting?"
"Kia told me. My child is sufficiently versed in talma to know that it might have destroyed my plans with its exercise in self pity. As it turns out, however, no damage was done. Your meeting with Sin Vidak may be another matter, however. We can only see."
"Drac—"
"My proper address is 'Ovjetah,' or 'Tora Soam,'"
"I've been told that before, Drac."
"Emmmm."
"In fact, I have no evidence that you even are a Drac. Your Fanda—if that's its name—played a fairly convincing human."
Nicole heard motion from the other couch, then three footsteps. A hand took hers. "Count the fingers, human."
She felt the three-fingered hand with both of hers; then she stood, moving her hands up the Drac's arm, shoulder, and throat, until her fingertips were touching the creature's face. The smooth skin, the almost absent nose, the prominent brow ... the mouth opened. "Are you satisfied, now?"
Nicole moved her hands down the Drac's chest, then she grabbed its robe with two angry fists. "Your face might be a costume! Perhaps I ought to rip off this robe and check out your piping to be certain!"
Strong hands grabbed her wrists, pulling her hands free from the robe. "Sit down, Joanne Nicole." The hands held her wrists until she lowered herself down upon the couch. The hands released her. There were the sounds of the Drac returning to the other couch. "You are the graduate of a process. You have discovered what the process is intended to serve—which was part of your graduation. You hold a piece of the answer needed to resolve this war." The Drac stood; its footsteps moved across the floor. "In the time that it has taken me to say that, over two hundred Drac and human soldiers have either died or have been wounded." Tora Soam's footsteps moved around for a few moments, then came to a stop. "You had a question."
"What makes me so special in this process? I was told that hundreds were involved."
"Yes." There was a silence. "But two things have happened: your graduation came early—due to the chance circumstance of Vidak's visit; and the United States of Earth and the Dracon Chamber are close to agreeing upon the terms of a cease-fire."
"The cease-fire terms?"
"The terms are similar to those suggested by all of you who were in training, except that the Ninth Quadrant Assembly has requested and has obtained permission to have a committee from the assembly observe the negotiations."
"The Ninth Quadrant?" Nicole frowned as something buzzed in her head. "For what purpose?"
"The stated purpose, Joanne Nicole, is to observe and report back to the Quadrant Assembly."
"Do you suspect another purpose?"
"I suspect everything; don't you?"
Nicole slowly nodded. "Tora Soam, what are the other ceasefire terms?"
"I See I am Tora Soam, now."
"For the time being."
"Emmmm. As to the terms, the human and Drac forces will halt all advancement and will establish fixed positions; a demilitarized zone will be established upon Amadeen; and the zone will be policed by a joint human-Drac force. And, as you know, neither the zone nor its police will be able to halt the fighting upon Amadeen."
Nicole heard the Drac resume its seat upon the opposite couch. "Soon a joint human-Drac commission will be established to supervise the return of captured territories, as well as the colonization of new planets. Of course, as you have pointed out, the cease-fire upon Amadeen cannot turn into a treaty unless a solution is found for Amadeen. But that cannot be done until we discover how we are rulebound."
Nicole settled back upon her couch. "Maybe I'll help you in this. But not if you keep pulling twists on me. I have to have something I can rely upon; some reference points to reality; something to trust."
Then the Drac spoke the words of Shizumaat: "'Instead, believe this: question everything, accept the wholeness of no truth, nor the absolute rightness of any path. Make this your dogma and in it you will find eventual comfort and security; for in this dogma is your right to rule the lower creatures of the Universe; for in this dogma is your right to choose your talma; for in this dogma stands your right to freedom from dogma.'"
"Tora Soam, that last piece of advice almost killed me."
"Joanne Nicole, talma does not assure immortality; it only improves your chances of achieving goals." Tora Soam's voice seemed to turn away. "You are not required to either like it or approve of it, human. But you must understand it. We will be leaving for Amadeen in a few days, and it will take many more days for us to reach the negotiations before the cease-fire fails. Will you come with me to Amadeen?"
"Who else will be going?"
"Some of my advisors from the Talman Kovah. There will also be Leonid Mitzak and my firstborn Tora Kia."
"Why?"
"Both Mitzak and Kia understand your function in this enterprise. Their task is to help you."
"What function will you serve, Tora Soam?"
I will advise our negotiators."
"And what function will I serve?"
"You will advise me."
Joanne Nicole wiped her hands across her face, letting them fall upon her lap. "I don't have your answers."
The Drac issued a brief laugh. "Events do not allow me to wait for them. The answers are upon Amadeen. Will you come?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"Of course, I cannot force you to find my answers."
"You people have certainly done a fine task of trying."
Your sightlessness and I governed the kind and nature of the information you received. We did not force you. You came to your own conclusions through your own choices. Joanne Nicole, will you come to Amadeen with me?"
"I want to tell you 'No!' Because. " because you have not dealt with me ..."
"I suggest the word 'fairly' to complete your thought. And I also suggest that you already know what that thought is worth Joanne Nicole."
...Maltak Di. Maltak Di and its damned sixteen beads....
"Jetah. that is not fair!"
"Now you answer from stupidity."
Nicole bit her lower lip and slowly nodded. Passion is a creature of rules ....
"I will go with you."
The sound of Tora Soam's footsteps receded from the room, while a new set of footsteps—familiar—entered.
"Mitzak?"
"Yes. I will be going with you to Amadeen."
"I was told. It seems, Mitzak, that Lita is playing games with us."
He laughed. "No rules?"
Nicole leaned the back of her head against the couch. "There are rules, Mitzak. There are always rules. We just don't know what they are yet. Let's just hope to hell we have sense enough to yell 'I win' before everyone else does."
That evening, at the night repast back at the Tora estate, the actor, Fanda, performed a short piece from a modern play. Tora Kia sat silently, while the "brass" giggled and applauded Fanda's performance. "The brass" belonged to the same performance company from which Fanda had come.
Nicole ate very little, and paid little attention to the merriment and conversation.
A desert of questions; only a few grains of answers.
There was a pause, and Nicole called Fanda to her side. "How may I serve you, Joanne Nicole?"
"Benbo. You must have met him, studied him."
"I did, yes."
"How is he?"
"When I left
him, he was Ditaar vemadah. Since the USE captured Ditaar, I do not know."
She nodded. "Thank you."
Fanda returned to its companions and paired up with one of the "brass" named Tioct to perform a Drac love play. Nicole left the room and began feeling her way back to her apartment. In the silence of the corridor, there were footsteps following her. Nicole stopped walking; and the footsteps behind her stopped. She recognized them. "What do you want, Tora Kia? If you are Tora Kia?"
The footsteps moved to her side and stopped. "I am Tora Kia. You must believe that I was not a willing part of this game."
"I see that. What do you want?"
"Joanne Nicole, I am ... confused."
"According to The Talman. that is the Drac's natural state of affairs."
"I suppose that is one interpretation." Tora Kia's breathing seemed uncomfortable. "There is something that ... something that you should know."
"What is that?"
"That night, when I played the tidna and you came to the chamber. We sat together."
"And?"
"You touched my arm, placed your head on my shoulder—listened to my talk. I held you. It was dark."
"What are you trying to say, Kia?"
Kia's boots moved uncomfortably on the stone floor. "It is not easily said. It is no longer dark."
"It is dark for me."
"My emotions were not in control. I ... lost control."
"Control of what?"
More nervous movements. "Joanne Nicole, I ... I have conceived."
"Conceived? You mean ... Ha!" And then Nicole laughed so hard it hurt her ribs. It was a release of so many things.
"This humor, Joanne Nicole. I do not understand it. I have just told you that I will have a child. This is not amusing."
"Pregnant!"
"Yes!"
"I'd make ... I'd make an honest Drac out of you, Kia; but ... what would your parent say!?" She felt the remainder of her way into her apartment, tears of laughter running down her cheeks.
"I am honest!"
"Take no offense at my laughter, Kia. You would have to be a human to understand it.... Congratulations. Congratulations, and all the—ah, hah!"
She closed the door to the corridor and collapsed upon the floor in laughter.
SIXTEEN
Passion is a creature of rules. This does not mean do not love, do not hate. It means that where your passion limits talma, you must step outside of the rules of your love and hate to allow talma to serve you.
—The Story of Cohneret, Koda Tarmeda, The Talman
Enroute to Hell. Human and Drac corpses roasting over the pit that was Amadeen. Could there be a war in which no one wants peace? On Earth ancient hates still burned the Semites. The United Kingdom and Northern Ireland had long ago been absorbed by the United States of Earth. Yet the night still brought the crack of guns, screams, tears—
"Joanne Nicole, the Ovjetah would speak to you."
She softened her meditation, let the feelings of her body reach her mind and the soft hum of the Dracon Fleet Ship Cueh reach her ears. She pushed up from the cushion and turned toward the voice. "Aal Thaya, where is the Ovjetah?"
"Tora Soam is in the ship's screen display room with Mitzak and Tora Kia."
"I am coming."
She felt her way toward the door and pondered the absolute trust in Tora Soam, Kia, and Mitzak that she had built upon her absolute mistrust in everything. Truth is always a closely held variable to be tested against the constants of rules. And the rules are always creatures of some group's or individual's choice; again to be tested against more rules.
Maltak Di had said it: "Truth is an elastic to be measured against elastic rules of understanding and procedure."
And faith is a form of mental blockage founded in the belief that either the truths, the measures, or both are inflexible—givens.
There was an instrument of Drac invention that could have been placed upon her back. It would have pressed dull needles against her back, letting her feel the diagrams that others could see with their eyes. She had refused it. Without her eyes, she was seeing more than she ever had seen before. Nicole could not risk something that would interfere with her vision.
She entered the screen room and sensed the others in the room with her. No one spoke. She felt her way to a couch and sat down. In a few moments a door opened and she heard Tora Soam's familiar footsteps enter the room. Tora Soam spoke, Its voice evidencing passion by its cold lack of emotion. "I have this to tell you. The Dracon Chamber has cleared our mission to Amadeen. We are officially attached to the Amadeen negotiations. You will be appraised of the details in a few moments. But I want you to understand this: The principle Drac negotiator at Amadeen was named Heliot Vant—"
"No!" Tora Kia's footsteps moved across the compartment. "It is not true—"
"Heliot Vant has been murdered, and the negotiations are in shambles." There was a silence, then Kia moved back to its couch and sat down. Tora Soam spoke to them all. "Your task is to find the path we need to find peace. But if you should find it within your power to discover who murdered my dear friend, Heliot Vant, you will find my gratitude to be without limit. We shall arrive at the orbiter in less than three days. Prepare yourselves."
Mitzak spoke: "Ovjetah, your desire to find this murderer—if murder is the fact—is beside the talma to resolve this war; and might contradict it."
"Perhaps, Mitzak. None of us knows. If this murderer's reckoning serves a part of this talma, it will serve us all. If it does not, I would know the murderer's name. I am more than qualified to construct my own talma—one that will not limit the talma of peace."
Tora Soam's footsteps left the compartment. Mitzak stood and spoke. "In the space of a few seconds, the Ovjetah's view has been narrowed from the universe to a single victim. Kia, you must talk to your parent."
"I can tell my parent nothing that it does not already know, Mitzak."
"Can Tora Soam see how its view cripples talma?"
Tora Kia sat silently for a few moments. "Mitzak, your records show that you used to belong to a celibate religious sect."
"And?"
"Perhaps you do not understand the ties between those who cause and make family lines. Heliot Vant and my parent joined to conceive me."
"I did not know." Nicole could hear Mitzak take a step toward the door, and turn. "However, Tora Kia, perhaps that is why I can see how this event limits the goals and paths visible to your parent If someone wanted to cripple your parent's usefulness by manipulating its rules of passion, that someone could do worse than to kill Heliot Vant." Mitzak turned and left the compartment.
Kia let escape a breath. "Mitzak is correct. But he does not know my parent's ability to overcome adversity." There were the sounds of Kia moving about on its couch. "Joanne Nicole, your records show that you gave birth to a child."
She could feel her face beginning to flush. "It is no concern of yours."
"How did you feel?"
"What do you mean, Kia?"
"Carrying your child, being a parent. How did you feel?"
"I spent a lot of time throwing up, a lot of time being ugly, a lot of time feeling guilty. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
"No. And I do not think you tell the whole truth. When the male, Mallik, was living; what was it like then?"
"It..." Joanne Nicole felt the tears come to her eyes. "It's none of your business."
"Joanne, I find it difficult to imagine how a man regards a woman; how a woman regards a man; how they both regard a child; how a human child regards its parents." Kia was silent for a moment. "I am to be a parent. Sin Vidak was composed completely from my parent's own fluids. But Heliot Vant and Tora Soam mixed fluids to conceive me. It took two beings to bring me into existence."
"And?"
"My child, in a manner of speaking, will be the same. Our fluids did not mix—"
Nicole sat upright. "Just what are you saying?"
"—but if it were not for you, I woul
d not be carrying my child. The act of conception wreaks violence upon the parent. If I were only a few years older, the act would have killed me. My child, if it lives, will owe its life to you."
Nicole snorted out a laugh. "Kia, you owe as much to the dark and to your drugs. Perhaps more. Would you make them your child's parents, as well?"
The Drac stood and moved to Nicole's couch. Kia took her hand in its, and held it. "Joanne Nicole, what has become of your own child? The child of Mallik and Joanne Nicole?"
"I don't know." She pulled her hand free of Kia's grasp. She sat, trying to swallow her tears; then she turned her face up toward the Drac. "When Mallik was alive, it was a wonderful thing. But have you ever had a close friend die? Have you?"
"Several. Upon Amadeen."
"And what did you do, Kia?"
"Do?"
"Didn't you remove from yourself everything that reminded you of them? Even thoughts? Just to reduce the pain? Didn't you?"
Kia was silent. Then it spoke. "It is true. But a child is different than a gift, a letter, or a memory. It has a life of its own. The pain of the parent is the price to achieve the child."
Joanne Nicole pushed herself to her feet. "I don't even call it—think of it—as my child, Kia. That part of my life is history—dead!"
She felt her way toward the door of the compartment, but Kia's words made her pause. "You wish that it were dead, Joanne. But it is not so. Your child lives."
Nicole moved into the corridor and felt her way to her compartment.
As the ship approached Amadeen, Joanne Nicole sat and stared with her sightless eyes at the forward wardroom's unshielded viewport. She reached out her right hand and placed it upon Leonid Mitzak's arm.
"Describe it to me, Mitzak."
He remained silent for a moment. "Joanne Nicole, it should not be so, but ... I find it strange."
"What do you find strange?"
"At a certain distance Amadeen looks like Earth, Akkujah, Draco—deep blue oceans mantled with wisps and whorls of white clouds. Only now have the images of the land formations become distinct enough to tell the difference. We are facing the full light, and I can see most of the Dorado and Shorda continents. They are enormous, the Dorado filling most of the upper left quadrant and the Shorda filling most of the lower right. Between them, the Iron Channel is under clear skies."
The Enemy Papers Page 34