by Blue Saffire
“I guess you’re right.” I shrug. “I mean this thing may not even last that long and no one will find out.” I force a small laugh that I have no doubt my sister picks up on.
Erica cocks up an eyebrow at me. She moves from the counter, standing up straight to stare me down. “You’re doing it again.”
“What?”
“Slipping back into those old ways.”
I avert my attention down to my hands in my lap. I won’t lie and say that I’m not dealing with my self-esteem issues. I mean, I’m nothing like the women Dean usually dates.
My skin color is wrong, my weight is wrong, hell, even my hair is wrong. When he looks at me, I never doubt how much he wants me. I can read his desire in his eyes and in the way he touches my body, but it’s times like this, when I’m alone or without him that I start to doubt myself.
Erica walks around the counter and sits down in the chair beside mine, causing me to turn and face her.
“I’ve always been proud of the changes you made in college. Not the weight loss,” she says waving me off. “I was proud of the confident woman that you had become. You found your worth, and let me tell you something, there’s nothing more gorgeous than a confident woman.
“But I also know that confidence is fickle. You have to remind yourself of your worth every second of everyday because the world is hell bent on making you forget it. Which is why I never liked Quentin for you.” She rolls her eyes and then focuses back on me to continue.
“You’re beautiful, intelligent, successful, kind, thoughtful, and one hell of a mother. Your value is priceless. And if any man happens to be worthy enough to get your attention, then he should feel honored. If he turns out to be a fuck up like your baby daddy, then it’s his fault and he isn’t the man we thought he was.”
I know I’ve been paranoid. Dean hasn’t shown me any signs that he would turn out like Quentin, and it isn’t right for me to hold Quentin’s issues up against Dean. It isn’t fair to him.
“You’re right.”
“I usually am.” Erica winks and climbs to her feet headed toward the refrigerator. “So, now that we’re on the subject, why did baby daddy leave my nephew at practice again?” she asks the question as she hands me a water bottle from the fridge.
I untwist the cap and drink before I reply.
“He forgot.” I suck my teeth at that bullshit excuse. “But I’m done with him. Maddox hasn’t called him in a month. We’re done tracking him down to remind him of his weekend, and I’m done making plans for him to pick him up.”
“How is Maddox dealing with that?”
“Better than I thought. He doesn’t even ask about his dad. And of course, Quentin hasn’t even noticed the change. I’m just waiting for him to get back in town and realize I put him up for child support.”
“You did what?” Erica looks just as shocked as I knew she would.
“Yep, I finally took your advice. I thought that as long as Quentin stayed in Maddox’s life, we didn’t need his money. We still don’t, but it isn’t fair to me or Maddox that he gets to go on with his life without any responsibility for the son he helped create.”
Erica starts to slow clap and we both laugh. “Bravo. It’s about time you made his ass accountable. This deserves wine.” She announces before snatching my bottled water from my hands.
“You can’t have wine. You’re breastfeeding and I have to drive.”
Erica pouts. “Fine, but we can at least pretend.”
She grabs two fancy wine glasses out of her cabinet and heads to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of grape fruit juice. I chortle as my sister pours us both two glasses of juice. She slides one to me and I pick it up and tap it to her glass.
“To good dick and child support,” Erica says.
“Cheers,” I say before taking a sip.
Dean
If I look up in those bleachers one more time people are going to start thinking something is wrong with me. I can’t help it. That sundress Sienna is wearing has me distracted as fuck.
This is exactly why recently she started coming only for the last thirty minutes of practice to pick up Maddox. She tried to stay for the whole practice, but I got so distracted once I almost took a ball to the nuts. Whenever she’s around all I can think about is being inside those wet walls that clench me so fucking tight I want to drown in them.
I’ve never been one to come quick—not since my first time—but the moment I slide into Sienna, I damn near have to hold back the floodgates to not explode inside her. She’s fucking perfection, so responsive and always willing to try new things.
Trisha was always stuck on two fucking positions, either me on top or doggy style. Whatever required her to do the least amount of work. She used to claim she hated getting on top because my dick was too big, but she had no issue getting on top with that fucking asshole, Jason.
Sienna loves on top, on her knees, on her side. Hell, she loves every position I put her in. And I love just being with her. My favorite time, besides lying between those luscious thighs, is holding her in my arms while she falls asleep. I have to force myself to leave her every night.
I want this to work out. I was so sure in the beginning that I could keep our relationship a secret for two years but now I’m having a hard time. I want to wake up to her every day and fall asleep with her every night. I want to touch her in public and let every fucking body know that she’s mine.
Especially these dads who try to pretend they aren’t checking her out. I see how their attention lingers on her thighs and her breasts. One day she wore shorts and I overheard two of the moms saying that she should wear clothes more befitting her figure. I wanted to tell them that she could wear whatever the fuck she wanted to, and if they knew how their husbands were watching my girl’s ass that day, they wouldn’t be so quick to judge her.
I smile as I realize I just called her my girl. The name is fitting, but it doesn’t sound better than my wife.
Wow. Calm down, Dean.
I honestly can’t even believe I’m saying that. I mean, I’m not even fully divorced from my fucked-up marriage and here I am thinking about marrying again. Despite the doubt and the sense trying to creep into my brain, another part of me still whispers it will be different with her.
I shake my head at that thought. I’m not getting married again.
“Way to go, Maddox,” I shout as he dives to catch a pop fly. I rush out to the field to give him a high five.
I am so fucking proud of this kid. He was already an incredible player, but all the time we’ve been putting in together has improved him.
“Did you see, coach? I did it. I caught it in a slide,” he says excitedly.
“Yeah, I saw it, that was awesome! I’m proud of you, son.” The label just slipped out, and for a moment I want to take it back.
Clearly, I have overstepped. The brightest smile I have ever seen spreads across his face. In that moment, I wouldn’t take back what I said for anything.
“Head to the dugout and get your batting gear,” I say. Maddox nods, then rushes off to join his other teammates in the dugout.
I have a great team. A lot of these kids are pretty damn good, but none stand out as much as Maddox. That kid is phenomenal. He’s better than I was at his age. And I’m not just saying that because I’m starting to bond with him.
Ever since Sienna agreed to not send him back to his dad’s, I’ve stepped in to spend time with him. After every Saturday practice, on the days he was supposed to go to his father’s, I take him out to eat and hang with him either at the arcade, movies, or just at the park playing catch. The more time I spend with him, the more I notice how smart and funny he is.
I never thought much about how I would be as a dad, but after spending time with Maddox, I think about it more and more. I enjoy my time with him just as much as with his mother.
Movement out of the corner of my eye draws my attention. A large light-brown skinned Black guy marches toward the practice field. The
way his body is tensed and the scowl on his face lets me know he’s pissed about something.
I get a feeling of déjà vu the closer the guy gets. I can’t tell where I know him from. It doesn’t hit me until he yells her name. He’s the guy in the picture with Sienna and Maddox. This is Maddox’s father.
Everyone turns to the angry man calling her name. She steps down off the bleachers heading for him. Before I can rationalize my actions, I’m already headed toward the two of them. Maddox steps out of the dugout as I near. He notices his father too.
“Stay in there,” I tell him, holding up a hand.
The way his dad is carrying on, I don’t want him to witness this. Thankfully he obeys me. I rush to Sienna, getting there just in time to figure out what this is about.
“Child support?” The guy—Quentin, is what she told me his name is—holds up a crumbled envelope as he glares down at Sienna. “Are you out of your fucking mind?”
“Lower your voice. This isn’t the time or place.”
“Who the fuck are you talking to like that?” He takes a step forward, and though Sienna has never mentioned him being abusive, I don’t like what his posture suggests.
“Is everything all right?” I ask stepping closer to her.
“This doesn’t have shit to do with you,” he says without looking in my direction. “You’re going to take your fat ass back up to that courthouse and call this bullshit off.”
My hands are clenching at my sides. I’m ready to lay this motherfucker out. His disrespect for Sienna has me wanting to fuck him up, and the name-calling might cause me to put him in an early grave.
I take a step toward him, but her delicate hand touches my arm ever so lightly. That simple gesture calms me down, slightly.
“No,” she boldly tells him. “I told you that as long as you stayed in your son’s life, I would never ask you to pay anything.”
“I am in his life,” Quentin yells again and I’m once again ready to knock his ass out.
“Do you even realize that it has been a month since you’ve seen or heard from Maddox?”
This seems to cut into his anger. He actually looks a little taken aback by this. “It hasn’t been a month,” he argues weakly.
Sienna shakes her head. “You’re right, it’s been over a month because the last two times you were supposed to get him, you cancelled and the very last time, you forgot to pick him up. I’m done allowing you to jerk him around. I played nice with you because I thought you were what was best for him, but I see now that you aren’t.”
“Played nice?” he mocks. “You’ve been on my dick since I dropped your ass. You’re doing this bullshit because you realize that I’ll never take you back. I don’t want you. This bullshit child support thing isn’t going to make me change my mind.”
Sienna scoffs. “Despite what you think, everything isn’t about you. Pay the fucking child support and stay out of our lives.” She turns to walk away and everything happens so fast.
He grabs her arm and yanks her back around, causing her to cry out. In the same breath, I have my hands on his chest knocking his ass into the dirt. The letter in his hand drops to the ground and gets carried off with the breeze. When he looks at me with rage filled eyes, I know this is going to end badly.
“Get back, Sienna.” Is the only warning I can give before he springs to his feet and charges at me. He wraps his arms around my mid-section, making me stumble back, but I don’t lose my balance. I use my elbow and drop it to the back of his head, causing him to release me. As soon as he lets go, he swings at me catching me in the ear.
“Quentin, stop it,” Sienna screams trying to break in between us.
I guess to most people, this would feel like an unfair fight. Clearly Quentin had the upper hand. We’re about the same height, but where my lean frame is perfect for baseball, his bulky build would dominate a football field.
However, I’ve always been able to hold my own. He swings at me again and I dodge his blow. Sienna tries to grab his arm to pull him back. Before I can once again warn her to get back, he spins around and shoves her off him, making her hit the ground, hard. I see red.
I shove him as hard as I can. When he turns to me, I plant my fist in his face and don’t stop until I hear Maddox calling my name. When I come to, Quentin isn’t even holding himself up anymore. The moment I let go of the front of his shirt, he falls to the ground at my feet. His face is bloody and already swelling.
Suddenly, disgust for losing my shit like this comes. I can’t even look anyone in the eye.
“Practice is over,” I mumble as I head toward the parking lot. I ignore Maddox calling my name as I hop into my car. I slam my hand on the steering wheel. Starting the engine, I back out of my parking space and speed away from the field.
I’m pretty sure that not only did I just fuck up the job I was truly enjoying, my divorce case, but now it’s possible I’ve even risked going to jail. I’m pretty damn sure Sienna will never want me around her or Maddox again. And that, more than the divorce or the threat of going to jail, bothers me the most.
Chapter 10
Love Me
Dean
I sit in silence in my living room clutching an untouched beer bottle in my hand. Since the day Sienna and Maddox found me passed out drunk in my office, I haven’t hit the hard stuff again. I have a beer on occasion, but no longer do I have the desire to get passed out drunk.
Although I feel like it today, I still haven’t touched the beer. I’m pretty sure any moment now the cops will be here to haul me off to jail, and jail is the last place I want to be while intoxicated.
When the knock finally comes on my door, I look up from my seat and exhale. “Took you long enough.”
It’s been about an hour since I left the ball field. I place my untouched beer down on the coffee table and make my way over to the door and yank it open.
“I already know….” My words die on my tongue when I spot Sienna standing on my steps.
She still has on the beautiful orange sundress with the sunflowers on it. The long skirt covers her feet and drags the ground. It cinches in right beneath the deep v-cut of the breasts, showing off her hourglass figure. I’m once again struck with just how fucking beautiful this woman is.
“Sienna,” I say her name as if she doesn’t already know who she is. “Um, come in.”
I step back from the door letting her enter. She runs her gaze all over my body, stopping momentarily at my bruised knuckles before coming back to my face. She steps into my house and I close the door behind her.
“I wasn’t expecting you,” I admit.
“Why?” she questions before walking toward my kitchen. She stops only for a second to place her purse down on the couch.
I follow her like an obedient puppy, watching the way her glorious ass moves underneath the dress.
“How’s your ex?” I ask instead of answering her question.
She only glances over her shoulder at me before looking through my freezer. “He’s fine. A busted lip and nose, a small cut under his left eye, and some pretty bad swelling in his right eye. All of which will heal, it’s the blow to the ego that will forever be damaged.”
She stops her search to look over to me with a smirk before going back to it. I’m not sure what to think. I wasn’t expecting her to act like this. I expected her to be mad, disappointed even. I even figured she wouldn’t want to see me, but she almost seems happy.
“The police still want to get your statement,” she says moving things around in my freezer. She must finally find what she’s looking for because her smile grows and she pulls out a pack of frozen peas.
I have no idea where the hell those came from and God only knows how long they’ve been back there. She shuts the freezer door and heads over to me. “Sit,” she demands, and I obey sitting down at the kitchen island.
She steps between my legs. Her scent of vanilla and cocoa butter surrounds me. Grabbing my right hand, she looks at the knuckles, then places the
cold peas over them.
“Are they going to arrest me?”
Surprise covers her face as she looks down at me. “No, why would they do that? You were protecting me and technically he threw the first punch. I, seven other adults, and eleven little boys all vouched for that.”
For a moment, I’m completely struck mute. “The parents aren’t calling for me to step down?” I didn’t realize how much I wanted and loved my little volunteer coaching gig until almost having it taken away from me.
“No. They were all glad you were there to handle the situation, and the boys think you’re the greatest thing ever.”
She steps away and I miss her warmth and that scent that I know her for. She walks over to the sink and grabs one of the extra dish towels before walking back to the fridge to grab an ice cube. She wraps the ice cube up in the dishrag and comes back to stand between my legs.
“What about Maddox, how does he feel?” As soon as the question is out of my mouth, I realize how much it matters to me. I don’t want to lose Sienna, but I also don’t want to ruin what I have with her son.
She sighs as she places the new wrapped ice cube against my ear where it has been throbbing. “Embarrassed. Angry. Disappointed.”
I grab her hand, wrapping mine around her wrist. The sadness in her eyes haunts me. “I’m so sorry.” The only words I can find to say.
“Why should you be sorry?” she says stepping away from me, heading to the sink. I place the bag of peas on the counter and follow behind her.
“It’s me and Quentin that’s screwing up his life.” She tosses the ice cube in the sink and place the rag down beside her.
I place her back to my front, rubbing my hands from her shoulders down to her elbows.
“Everything I do,” she goes on to say. “I do for him. And yet it’s like I keep making these stupid decisions. My dad was right, I was stupid to think I could do this.”