by Bess McBride
As Casey watched Fergus kneel down once he reached the river, she was reminded of a Welsh word she had once heard. Hiraeth—a longing or nostalgia for a home that was no longer there, a homesickness and grief for a place that no longer existed, or a yearning for a place that never was. No matter how many ways the word was translated into English, the sentiment was the same. She wondered if the Scots had a Gaelic name for the loss that now saddened Fergus.
With an aching throat, she turned and went inside to register.
The reception area, a gleaming affair of polished wood, led into a quaint Victorian lobby done in glass, oak and a ruby-red carpet. The clerk noted they had one last room for the night, a cancellation.
Casey ignored the implications of sharing a room with Fergus, took her keycard and crossed the lobby to pause before the wide windows that faced the river. Her sad Highlander had risen but now stood on the bank, heartbreakingly alone. She wanted to run to him, but she didn’t know how to help him through his grief.
She too felt loss—loss of vitality, of a secure future, of the promise of good health and a long life. The promise of children and motherhood. There were times no one could console her, times she had to deal with her grief alone. She suspected Fergus was in that lonely place as well.
Giving Fergus time to grieve, Casey sat down in a small easy chair to watch him. He walked up and down the river, occasionally pausing to stare at the water. She loved the way his kilt swished around the back of his calves, a bit like a peacock whose tail feathers swayed as it moved. The setting sun caught the red of his hair, turning it into a bright fiery halo of orange.
He seemed far too vibrant to be a ghost. It just didn’t seem possible that his essence would fade away again...into nothingness. Surely he hadn’t been brought into her life only to be taken away again.
She spoke silently.
Wee witch! If you can hear me, please don’t take Fergus from me. I love him. I ache for his grief, his loss, his young death. And I am so grateful that you gave him life again, even if only for a few days. But look at him! He’s not supposed to be dead. You see what I mean, right? He’s just too beautiful, too charismatic, too alive to be dead.
Help me save him. I know I just begged you not to take him from me, but what I truly want is for Fergus to live out a full life. If there is anything I can do, anything I can say, please tell me what it is.
I don’t even know if you can hear me, Soni. If you can, please tell me what to do.
You probably know that I’ve been ill, that I’m about to undergo some pretty tough treatment to halt my disease. I’ve got a fifty percent chance that the disease will return, and then worse than before.
A young teenaged girl slipped into the chair opposite. Casey barely noticed her, so focused was she on her silent pleading and staring at Fergus.
“Would ye give yer life for him, Casey?”
Casey whipped her head around to look at the girl. Big brown eyes looked at her with a half smile. Brown hair framed a petite face. She wore a dark coat, a cloak actually, and her legs were encased in jeans.
Casey’s heart jumped to her throat. While she had told Fergus she didn’t believe in witches, she had no doubt that she was looking at one. She had never imagined though that Soni would look so young.
“Wee witch? Is that you?”
The girl chuckled. “Ye may call me Soni!”
“Soni,” Casey breathed. “You’re real!”
“Aye, that I am.”
Terrified that Soni would vanish as fast as she came, Casey rushed to speak. Scanning the largely empty lobby, she leaned forward to whisper.
“Soni, what can I do to change Fergus’s fate? Please tell me there’s something I can do!”
“I ask again, would ye give yer life for him, lassie? A stranger that ye just met? A ghostie?”
Casey hesitated.
Soni nodded as if she had her answer.
“Auch, Casey, dinna fash. It isna yer job to save the lad. Fergus struck the bargain. He must complete his task. The question shouldna be what ye would do for him, but what is Fergus willing to do to prove himself.”
Casey shook her head. “I don’t think he knows what that is, Soni. And if he does, you’ll take him anyway, won’t you?”
Soni turned to look out the window toward Fergus.
“Aye, Fergus will earn his reward, and then he will move on to eternal peace.”
Casey swallowed hard. Tears filled her eyes, and she blinked them back. It seemed as if she was going to lose Fergus, no matter what. Maybe she could at least help him with his task.
“What does he have to do, Soni, to earn that eternal peace? What is this task, this heroic deed he has to do?”
Soni turned her beautiful eyes on Casey. She was just so young!
“Only Fergus can ken that, lass.”
“So are you saying there’s nothing I can do to try to save his life?”
“Would ye give yer life for him?” she asked yet again.
While they talked, Casey had given the matter some thought. She looked out the window at the odd man whom she loved.
“Yes, I would, actually. I love him, and I want him to have a chance. I know that sounds silly and overly dramatic, but things aren’t quite normal, are they?”
“Nay.” She had the sweetest voice for a witch.
“Then yes, I would give my life for his.”
Soni rose, and Casey jumped up.
“Wait! Are you leaving? Won’t Fergus want to see you?”
“Fergus has seen plenty of me. I think it is ye he needs to see now. Go to him. Comfort him. I ken ye gave him time to grieve. He has need of ye now.”
I turned to look out the window again. Fergus now faced the hotel, as if looking for me. When I glanced back at the young witch, she was gone.
I went out the lobby entrance and descended the steps leading to the walkway. Fergus waited for me, and I moved toward him on unsteady legs.
Chapter Ten
Fergus saw the distress on Casey’s face.
“What has happened, lass? Did they no have a room? Shall we sleep on the riverbank then? It willna be the first time for me.” He chuckled to bring a smile to her face.
“No, we have a room. Just one though. That’s all they had left.”
“Auch, lass, we will make do. I can sleep on the floor. I am well used to such.”
“We’ll figure something out,” she said.
She chewed on her lower lip for a moment, and Fergus reached for her hand. He loved the warmth of her smooth skin, the blood coursing her veins, the sweetness of her delicate fingers.
“What ails ye, lass?”
“I just saw Soni.”
Fergus hissed and turned to scan the hotel.
“She is here? Where? Is it time then?”
He pulled Casey against his chest and bound her to him as tightly as he could.
“Auch, lass, I am so sorry, so sorry. I ken she has come to take me. I didna honor my end of the bargain, but I found ye. I am so sorry that I canna spend more time with ye.”
Casey lifted her head. “No, I don’t think you’re going anywhere yet. You still have to do your deed. She says that you have to figure out what it is.”
He looked down at her face, afeared to hope. “Truthfully? We still have time?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Did she say how much time? Do I still have until midnight tomorrow?”
“She didn’t say.”
“What are ye no saying, Casey?”
“Before Soni appeared, I was pleading with her silently, asking her to let you live. I guess that’s why she came. I said I would do anything to keep you alive.”
“Auch, lass, dinna say such things. She might have taken ye seriously.”
“She asked if I would give my life for you.”
Fergus dropped his hands and stepped back, shaking his head.
“Nooo!” he shouted. “Ye didna tell her that! I dinna want that! She couldna have meant
it.”
He looked up at the darkening sky and spoke silently. Soni! Please tell me that ye didna ask the lass to give her life for mine.
He heard no answer from her.
Soni!
“Calm down, Fergus. Calm down,” Casey said, placing her hands on his shoulders. “I’m not sure she really meant it. I think she was just asking what I would do for you. But I don’t think it will make a difference.”
He pulled her to him again, his racing heart slowing.
“Nay, ye’re right. Soni would never consider taking a life.”
“No, I don’t think so. She’s so young!”
“Aye, she is a young lass, but verra powerful and wise.”
Casey turned to face the river. He kept his arm around her, unwilling to let go.
“Has the river changed much since you lived here?”
“Aye, a fair bit. The trees are thicker, as I mentioned. I canna even see the hills from here. I see no boats crossing the river, though the hour is late.”
“The GPS showed there was a bridge in Dunkeld that spans the river. It leads to a town called Birnam.”
“There was no bridge across the river in my time.”
Flashes of light twinkled across the river, and Fergus blinked. They didn’t flit away but stayed to play across the water.
“What are those? We had no such fairies when I lived here!”
Casey laughed. “It’s the lights from the walkway. They turned the lights on! See? They’re reflected in the water!”
Fergus looked over his shoulder at the lamplights now glowing on the path leading from the hotel. Bright lights glowed from the windows, dispelling some of the darkness. It was a wondrous sight!
“Electricity is so bonny!”
“It is. It’s a beautiful hotel.”
“Aye, my mother would have been pleased.”
“I’m so glad,” she said.
He fell silent and returned to watching the “fairy” lights on the water. His mother and sisters would have loved to see such!
“Are you hungry?” Casey asked. “Should we have some dinner?”
“Aye, ye ken I enjoy a good meal.”
They turned for the hotel. Fergus was hungry, it was true, but more importantly, he fretted about Soni’s visit to Casey. He supposed the witch to be weary of the constant entreaties, and that was why she showed herself to Casey. He fashed about Soni’s question to Casey though. He didna like the sound of it.
He had thought that when Soni brought him back to life, he would ken what he must do, but still naethin presented itself. The hours passed quickly, and he hadna proved himself worthy.
His only thought was for Casey. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted to help her through her illness. He wanted to save her life. But such wasna what Soni had bargained for. It wasna heroic to wish the woman one loved could live a long life. He held his lass’s hand and kent that he would give his life for hers, if he had one to give.
They ate dinner in the hotel, studying each other. Fergus memorized the sweet lines of Casey’s face, the turn of her nose, the warmth of her brown eyes, the rose tint of her lips.
He thought once again that she could not be ill. She was too alive to die. It did not seem right.
Soni! Did ye truly ask the lass if she would give her life for me? I dinna want that. I think I am failing ye. Naethin presents itself as needing my attention. I have nane to rescue who might drown in the river or fall in the fireplace or choke on food. I can think of naethin but the lass. I would give my life for her, and if ye have a way of fixing her so that she can live, I would gladly ask ye to take me now.
Casey closed her hand over his. “I love you,” she said.
“I love ye too,” Fergus breathed. “I would give my life for yers if it were possible. I am so verra sorry that I canna help ye in yer time of need. It is what I want above all things.”
“I know,” she said, her voice soft and sweet. “I know.”
Fergus, his throat tight, searched the room for any sign of Soni, but she had vanished. A notion tugged at his mind, and he drew in a sharp breath. Aye! Perhaps he could do something for Casey.
“I must go to the...” Fergus nodded toward the exit, hoping that Casey understood his message.
“Yes, okay.” She let go of his hand and sat back.
Fergus rose and hurried out of the restaurant. He looked over his shoulder to see Casey drinking her after-dinner tea. He strode from the hotel and down to the riverbank. Deserted at this time of night, only the lights from the hotel lit the walkway, still twinkling on the river. The dining room faced another direction, and he hoped no to be gone long.
“Soni!” he called out softly. “Soni!”
Soni appeared out of the darkness in her green mist. Her ancestors swirled about her, chanting silently. She looked a bit cross.
“Aye, Fergus, what is it now? Ye and yer lady are verra demanding. The pair of ye have been nagging and nagging at me. Ye are not my only ghostie, ye ken?”
“There ye are, lass! I heard ye spoke with Casey today.”
“Aye, she begged for yer life. I didna ken what to say.”
“Ye asked her if she would give her life for me. I dinna want that, Soni. Please dinna ask that of her!”
“Of course not, Fergus. It was no more than a question. Still, I canna simply give ye to her. I dinna have such unlimited powers!”
“But ye do have powers, Soni. And I have been thinking. Let me take her disease for her. I will die anyway. It disna matter about me. I ken death, and I am no afeared of it. But I can save her life if ye give me her disease.”
Soni smiled, the same wide sweet smile he had seen on her face as a bairn.
“Auch, Fergus, how sweet of ye to offer. But her disease is the disease of a woman. Ye cannot take it for her. Ye dinna have the right body parts.”
Fergus stared at Soni, his heart breaking into a million pieces.
“Soni! Please.”
“It isna possible, Fergus. I am sorry for ye and for what she must endure.”
His shoulders sagged, and he struggled to breathe.
“Is there naethin I can do for her?”
“Ye can support her throughout her illness, Fergus. That is all ye can do.”
Fergus blew out an air of frustration. “I do that now! It isna enough!”
“I dinna think ye heard me. Ye can support her throughout her illness, Fergus.”
He lifted his head and eyed the wee witch.
“Throughout?”
“Aye, that is the word I used.”
“What are ye saying? How is that possible?”
“Ye have earned your reward, laddie. Ye offered yer life for hers. Ye offered to take her illness upon ye.”
“But ye said that I couldna take that illness from her because it is a woman’s disease.”
“Aye, there is the rub. Ye can only support her and love her, but ye canna save her. If she survives, then ye shall have each other. If she disna survive, then ye must live a mortal life without her.”
“Do ye mean to say that ye are giving me my life back? That the lass and I willna be parted on the morrow?”
“Aye, that is what I am saying.”
“This was no act of heroism, Soni.”
“Heroism comes in many forms, Fergus. To offer one’s life for another, to suffer the disease of another, to love someone that ye canna help—all involve great courage. It is important ye understand that yer ladylove offered her life for yers so that ye may live to grow old. There is no greater love than sacrificing one’s life for another.”
Fergus blinked at the moisture forming in his eyes. Nay a bairn, he had no business crying like one. He cleared his throat.
“Thank ye, wee witch. Will I see ye again?”
“Nay, Fergus. Take care of yer lady and hold her close to yer heart. Be strong, and dinna fear her death should it come.”
Fergus stared at Soni, tiny in her dark robe. For once, he was without words.
&nb
sp; “Do ye wish yer boon? Do ye wish to say yer piece to the prince?”
“I havena time for such, Soni. Life is much too short to hold such grudges. He is dead, and I am not.”
Soni nodded.
“Goodbye, Fergus.”
She lifted a hand in farewell as the mist swirled around her. Then she was gone.
“She gave you your life,” a voice breathed behind him.
Fergus whirled around to see Casey. “Lass! Ye startled me. How long were ye there?”
“Long enough to hear that she gave you your life back.”
“Aye! But no due to anything I said or did. I ken it was yer sacrifice that changed my fate.”
“According to her, it was both of us. Love really does conquer all.”
She moved into Fergus’s arms and held him against her.
“Even death?”
“Especially death.”
Epilogue
Casey grabbed her daughter’s hand and headed out the door of Culloden’s Visitor Center.
“Let’s find your dad, and then we can get something to eat. He loves the food here. It’s a thing with him.”
“Why can’t we eat now, and he can join us when he’s done out there...doing whatever he’s doing?”
“I’d rather wait for him, honey. Culloden is special to him.”
“It looks like a big field to me, like Gettysburg. Remember you guys dragged me around to all those battlefields too last year? I thought when we came to Scotland that I’d be seeing some bagpiping and kilts and castles.”
“Well, you’ve seen plenty of that at the Highland Games at home...every summer come rain or sunshine.”
“Except the castles!”
Fergie’s voice held that whiney note that many preadolescents perfected, but Casey loved it. Only five years before, surgery had ensured she would never have a child of her own. Now, she and Fergus were the proud parents of a beautiful girl whose caramel-colored curls occasionally shone red in the sun. Big amber eyes looked at her imploringly, but Casey stood fast.